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18 signs a married man is in love with you (and 3 reasons why)

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Wondering if a married man cares for you?

While men appear simple on the surface, it can actually be hard to gauge how they really feel about you at the best times.

After all, is this married man just being nice to you because he’s a nice person?

Or is he being nice to you because he actually cares for you? And he is considering taking it further?

I’m not here to judge, but if you’re wondering how this married man feels about you, there are a few clear signs you can look out for.

Here are 17 signs a married man is falling in love with you.

1. He makes an effort to see you

Look, this might sound simple, but it’s true. If he is going out of his way to see you then it might be because he has feelings for you.

When someone is already married, there’s really no reason to make continued efforts to see someone else unless it’s to do with work.

If he is using most of his free time to see you rather than his wife (or husband) then it might mean that he truly cares for you.

2. He’s acting differently around you

If you’ve known him for a while and you’ve recently noticed that he is behaving differently around you, then it may be because he has feelings for you.

This is especially the case if he is acting differently with you, and he’s acting his normal self with other people.

So, what do I mean by differently?

I’m really referring to nervous or hyper-type behavior.

Let’s face it, when a man has feelings for someone else, they’re more likely to act nervous around them.

Why?

Because they want to make a good impression and they don’t want to screw it up.

Even though the guy is married, he still can’t control his feelings.

And his feelings are causing butterflies and emotions that might cause him to act a little weird (we’ve all been there, right?”)

What constitutes “nervous type behavior?”

According to Health Line, these are the physical symptoms of anxiety:

– A feeling of restlessness, or feeling “keyed up”
– Sweaty palms
– A racing heart
– Trembling or shaking

3. He can’t help but notice he is always looking at you

One of the biggest giveaways that someone has feelings for you?

They can’t help but stare at you!

After all, when you have romantic feelings for someone, you can’t help but watch and admire them whenever they are nearby.

What happens when you return his gaze?

If he looks away straight away, it may indicate that he is embarrassed about his feelings for you, (perhaps because he is married).

However, if he slowly looks away, or he is actually staring at something else, then that may indicate that he doesn’t have feelings for you.

4. He feels like he is your hero

When you’ve had an argument with a co-worker, he’ll naturally take your side.

When you cross the road, he’ll put his body on the side of the traffic.

He can’t help it.

Even if he is afraid to admit that he loves you because he is married, he won’t be able to control his actions of wanting to protect you and be your hero.

study published in the Physiology & Behavior journal shows that male’s testosterone makes them feel protective over a woman they attracted to.

So naturally, if this married man loves you, he would want to protect you.

There’s actually a fascinating new concept in relationship psychology that’s getting a lot of buzz at the moment. It goes to the heart of the riddle about why men fall in love—and who they fall in love with.

The theory claims that men want to be your hero. That they want to step up to the plate for the woman in their lives and provide and protect her.

This is deeply rooted in male biology.

People are calling it the hero instinct. I wrote a detailed primer about the concept which you can read here.

The kicker is that a man won’t fall in love with you when he doesn’t feel like your hero.

He wants to see himself as a protector. As someone you genuinely want and need to have around. Not as an accessory, ‘best friend’, or ‘partner in crime’.

I know this might sound a bit silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.

And I couldn’t agree more.

But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still need to be a hero. Because it’s built into our DNA to seek out relationships that allow us to feel like a protector.

If you would like to learn more about the hero instinct, check out this free online video by the relationship psychologist who coined the term. He provides a fascinating insight into this new concept.

5. He makes jokes about liking you

Let’s be honest: Not many married man are willing to make a joke about liking someone.

But if he’ll telling jokes about liking you, then it might be the case that he cares for you.

You see, there’s a reason he’s doing this.

If he decides to make a move, he’ll absolutely want to figure out how you feel about him beforehand.

Guys will often do this making some kind of funny comment about liking you…but they do it in a way that if you react badly, they can just laugh it off.

He can pretend he didn’t mean anything by it and spare his ego some damage.

This is important for a married man because if he cares for you and makes a move on you, but you reject him, not only is he losing his chance with you but he’ll probably lose his wife as well.

On the other hand, if your reaction is positive after his jokes about liking you, then he might feel confident enough to make some more moves down the track.

6. He is keeping tabs on your love life

Look, it’s not exactly normal for a guy to be incredibly curious about another woman’s love life.

A normal question like “You dating any at the moment?” is fine when you’re friends, but if he keeps asking you who you’re dating and it seems to be his favorite topic to talk about, then there might be something more sinister going on.

If he cares you then it’s likely he’ll react negatively to anyone you mention you’re dating. This is a sign he is jealous, and as we know, jealously is a sign of romantic attraction.

He will also keep a tab on your love life so he can figure out when he can a make move on you (if he is planning to).

7. He doesn’t share details about his love life

Find him hardly ever talking about his marriage?

Look, this isn’t necessarily a sign that he cares for you, but it is a sign that he might not be happy in his marriage.

Maybe he likes you. Maybe he wants you to forget that he is married.

Whatever the reason, you’ll agree with me when I say:

It isn’t normal for a guy to not talk about his marriage at all. There must be a reason for it, and if you relate to some of the other signs we mention in this article, it must be because he cares for you.

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8. He smiles and gestures at you

One of the easiest ways to determine if a guy likes you is to pay attention to the way his body moves.

If he is sending you some classic signals, he could be interested. Is he looking at you a lot? Is there something on your face?

Check, and if you are clear, it might be that he thinks you are cute. Is he licking his lips and swaying his hips? You know what that means: men always have sex on the brain.

Does he smile at you and gesture at you? Could be the real thing.

If you are standing near a guy and he is interested, he’ll lean into you, want to be near you, and make eye contact on the regular to try to let you know he is interested.

He could also just come right out and say it, but that is highly unlikely considering he is married.

He’ll want to make sure you’re keen on him before he makes any moves.

So stick with deciphering body language and some of these other tricks to tell if a guy likes you for sure.

9. He compliments you

Compliments are a great way to gauge a guy’s interest. Of course, many guys can give compliments when they don’t really mean it because they want to make a good impression.

But if they truly like you, they’ll probably start complimenting you on subtle things that you may not be aware of.

It could be unique tidbits about your personality, or they could notice subtle changes in your hairstyle.

In fact, sometimes it may not even be a compliment, but the fact that they’ve noticed that you’ve changed your hairstyle or used different make-up.

If they notice, it means they’re paying attention to you, and this married man probably cares for you.

Also, not many guys are great at giving compliments, so keep your ears out and notice when he says something that could even be remotely viewed as a compliment.

If you’ve noticed that he doesn’t really compliment others, then he probably likes you.

10. He playfully punches your arm

This may be a surprising one, but it’s actually a common signal that a guy likes you.

It’s a guy’s “manly way” of building rapport with you without being too forward.

If you laugh with him when he punches you, it’ll give him a signal that you’re interested as well (if you don’t mind that he is married, that is).

If you don’t like him punching you, but you like him, then playfully laugh and say “ow that hurt!” He likely won’t do it again, but your smile and playfulness will indicate that you like him.

If you enjoy the banter, playfully punch him back. That could really assist in building sexual tension.

11. He is imitating your actions

Imitating one’s actions is generally a sign that he respects and admires you. It’s also something that happens subconsciously.

Here’s what to look out for:

– Is his energy level mirroring yours? This can include things like speaking at a similar pace to you or leaning back on the chair when you’re leaning back.

– Is he starting to use similar language to you? This can include the same shortened words or slang.

– Is he copying some your mannerisms like touching your hair or using your hands when speaking?

If you can say yes to one of these, then this married man probably cares for you.

12. He is leaning in

When someone is interested in what you have to say, they’ll move closer and lean in. This is another subconscious action that tells the onlooker (you) that the person likes you.

They may lower their head, lean in while you talk, and even move their body closer to yours – all without even realizing they are doing it.

People are funny like that.

It’s interesting to watch people who aren’t together, but whom like one another, interact: they do a lot of the same things and are leaning in so much it looks like they might fall over.

13. Their feet point at yours

One of the strangest ways to tell someone likes you is if you look at their feet and they are pointed in your direction.

Even if they are turned to talk to someone else and their attention is occupied, if their feet are in your direction, you might have a crush on your hands.

Again, our bodies like to give us subtle ways of letting us know that we like someone.

You might feel anxious or uptight about something and later realize that it’s because you find yourself attracted to someone and didn’t know what to do with that information in your body.

14. He’s finding excuses to touch you all the time

There’s no getting around it: Guys love to touch ladies, particularly ones they’re crushing on.

However, a lot of weird and sexist guys (even when they’re married) love to touch ladies as well, so you need to know the difference.

What you’re really looking for here is a guy that gives you little innocent touches like on your shoulder or hand.

This probably means that he genuinely cares for you.

What are some examples?

He might gently touch your arm when he is talking to you. Or he might squeeze your arm and ask you if you’ve been working out.

He might even tell you that he loves your hair and subsequently stroke it.

The key for a guy is that touching you not only makes them feel good but like they’re building rapport with you, too.

15. He starts grooming himself

If you notice that he readjusts his clothes, or he runs his hands through his hair in an attempt to tidy himself up and make himself better, he probably likes you.

Male birds preen up their feathers before trying to attract a love interest.

Of course, make sure that he’s actually doing it for you, and not for someone else, before you start accusing this married man of something that’s not the case.

If you’re the only girl in the vicinity or he was just looking at you, and then he tidies himself up, that’s obviously a sign that he cares for you.

16. He’s using “alpha” body language

If he stands taller, pulls his stomach in and his shoulders back, then that’s a sign that this married guy is into you.

He may also try to use up as much room as possible with his arms and legs.

After all, he wants to show that he’s the leader of the pack that can take care of you.

You can watch out for these signs by:

– Seeing if he changes his walking style when he walks past you. Are his shoulders and chest pushed back more than usual?
– How is he sitting when he’s around you? Is laying out his arms, trying to look relaxed and comfortable? Is he trying to use a lot of space?

Keep in mind that some guys will be nervous when they’re around you because they like you. For those guys, using alpha body language will be difficult.

17. When you’re feeling down, he tries to make you feel better

When life gives you lemons, this man shows up and helps you make lemonade. He works hard to help you stop worrying about the little things and focus on what matters.

This is because he cares about how you’re experiencing life, and most importantly, how you’re feeling.

According to Dr. Suzana E. Flores, when someone is in love, they tend to show strong empathy:

“Someone in love will care about your feelings and your well-being…If he or she is able to show empathy or is upset when you are, not only do they have your back but they also probably have strong feelings for you.”

If he is always there for you, helping you get over what you need to get over, then you can bet your bottom dollar this married man is actually in love with you.

18. He wants to know your future plans

If he is truly in love with you, then he’ll want to know what you’re planning for the future.

He might even hint to you that he is thinking of leaving his wife (if he thinks you like him too and there might be a future for the two of you).

If you mention that you’re thinking of moving away or getting a job overseas, he’ll be visibly devasted at the thought of it.

Why is he in love with you when he’s married? 3 reasons why

We all dream of meeting someone and living happily ever after. A married man is no different.

But relationships are rarely perfect. The divorce rate in the United States has reached 40 to 50 percent, according to the American Psychological Association.

And while we don’t condone a married man falling for someone outside their marriage, there are reasons why it seems to happen regularly.

There’s no judgment here. It may be wrong, it may be understandable, but this is not our concern.

Instead, if you’re wondering why this married man has fallen for you, let’s explore why that is the case and you can decide how you feel about it.

1. Dissatisfaction with their marriage

It doesn’t take a genius to figure this out. If he is dissatisfied with his marriage, then he’ll seek to find satisfaction elsewhere.

This is just one of the reasons a married man can develop feelings outside his relationship.

For example, if sex with his partner has become tiresome, and the partner is showing no signs to improve or make it better, then he may search for sexual satisfaction elsewhere.

It may have nothing to do with sex, either. Perhaps his wife is neglecting him emotionally, making him feel empty and hollow.

Subconsciously he has worked out that he needs to fill that emotional void somewhere else.

Getting to a point where you want to cheat can be an incredibly difficult and hopeless path, and for many people, the dissatisfaction forces one to travel down this path must be long-term and immense.

We all have needs, and keeping those needs satisfied is an important part of keeping a happy relationship.

2. Excitement

When you’ve been involved in a marriage for years, your life tends to migrate into a routine.

If he is becoming frustrated with his routine and needs something else to keep the spark going, he may see an affair as helping him achieve that.

Or maybe he is the type who loves to live the moment and doesn’t think the consequences of cheating or having feelings for another woman is that bad.

We often see infidelity as a sign of dissatisfaction in a marriage, but this isn’t always the case.

It doesn’t always have to a negative reflection of the current relationship, but rather a positive reflection of an active movement within the person committing adultery.

In other words, he wants something more for himself than he is currently getting. It’s a need his wife can’t possibly fulfill.

3. Resentment

Maybe his wife cheated on him. Maybe his wife flirts with other men whenever they go to a party together.

As a result, maybe he wants to even it out and get her back.

Perhaps his wife cheated on him many years ago, and even though they settled the problem, he still feels permanently inferior to his wife because of the pain he experienced.

Whatever it is, it gives him a sense of power and evens out his current marriage.

Does he love you? Or doesn’t he?

The truth is that he may not even know the answer…

Men are wired differently to women. We’re driven by different things when it comes to relationships. And most of the time, we’re not even consciously aware of the things that drive us.

I’ve recently been introduced to a fascinating new concept in relationship psychology that explains so much about men: the hero instinct.

What is it?

As I touched upon earlier in this article, the hero instinct is the basic biological urge men have to provide for and protect women.

Simply put, men want to be your hero. Not necessarily an action hero like Thor, but he does want to step up to the plate for the woman in his life. And to be appreciated for his efforts.

For many women, learning about the hero instinct was their “aha moment”. It was for Hack Spirit writer Pearl Nash.

And the most important thing for you to know is this:

Most men won’t fall in love with a woman until this instinct is triggered.

How do you trigger the instinct?

I was introduced to the hero instinct by James Bauer in his new book, His Secret Obsession.

In this book, he provides a ‘blueprint’ for how a woman can trigger the hero instinct in her man. You can read my full review of His Secret Obsession here.

As I learned, the hero instinct is a subconscious drive we have to gravitate toward people who make us feel like a hero. But it’s amplified in our romantic relationships.

Some ideas really are life-changing. And for romantic relationships, this is one of them. That’s why I highly recommend this free online video where James Bauer explains in simple terms what the hero instinct is really about.

Making your man feel like a hero isn’t about paying silly mind games or pretending to be someone you’re not.

It’s about fulfilling a basic biological urge in men that will only lead to a better relationship between the two of you because he will passionate desire you like you wouldn’t believe.

What else do you need to know?

James Bauer is the real deal when it comes to relationship advice.

As a trained psychologist and 12-year relationship therapist, James knows his stuff. He’s smart, insightful and straightforward—and he tells it like it is.

Check out his video introduction here where he gives a unique insight into the hero instinct as well as free tips for triggering it in your guy.

If you want to understand what really makes men tickand who they fall in love withI recommend watching this video.

 

New Free eBook: Attraction Triggers

Want to learn how to make a man fall in love with you and commit over the long-haul?

Then check out our free eBook Attraction Triggers.

This eBook has everything you need to know about the predictable patterns that make a man fall in love.

Most importantly, it will teach you practical techniques to activate those triggers in your man so you can build a successful long-lasting relationship.

Check it out here.

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Lachlan Brown

Written by Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 6 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

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