Wondering if a married man cares for you?
While men appear simple on the surface, it can actually be hard to gauge how they really feel about you at the best times.
After all, is this married man just being nice to you because he’s a nice person?
Or is he being nice to you because he actually cares for you? And he is considering taking it further?
I’m not here to judge, but if you’re wondering how this married man feels about you, there are a few clear signs you can look out for.
Here are 17 signs a married man is falling in love with you.
1. He makes an effort to see you
Look, this might sound simple, but it’s true. If he is going out of his way to see you then it might be because he has feelings for you.
When someone is already married, there’s really no reason to make continued efforts to see someone else unless it’s to do with work.
If he is using most of his free time to see you rather than his wife (or husband) then it might mean that he truly cares for you.
2. He’s acting differently around you
If you’ve known him for a while and you’ve recently noticed that he is behaving differently around you, then it may be because he has feelings for you.
This is especially the case if he is acting differently with you, and he’s acting his normal self with other people.
So, what do I mean by differently?
I’m really referring to nervous or hyper-type behavior.
Let’s face it, when a man has feelings for someone else, they’re more likely to act nervous around them.
Because they want to make a good impression and they don’t want to screw it up.
Even though the guy is married, he still can’t control his feelings.
And his feelings are causing butterflies and emotions that might cause him to act a little weird (we’ve all been there, right?”)
What constitutes “nervous type behavior?”
According to Health Line, these are the physical symptoms of anxiety:
– A feeling of restlessness, or feeling “keyed up”
– Sweaty palms
– A racing heart
– Trembling or shaking
3. He can’t help but notice he is always looking at you
One of the biggest giveaways that someone has feelings for you?
They can’t help but stare at you!
After all, when you have romantic feelings for someone, you can’t help but watch and admire them whenever they are nearby.
What happens when you return his gaze?
If he looks away straight away, it may indicate that he is embarrassed about his feelings for you, (perhaps because he is married).
However, if he slowly looks away, or he is actually staring at something else, then that may indicate that he doesn’t have feelings for you.
4. He feels like he is your hero
When you’ve had an argument with a co-worker, he’ll naturally take your side.
When you cross the road, he’ll put his body on the side of the traffic.
He can’t help it.
Even if he is afraid to admit that he loves you because he is married, he won’t be able to control his actions of wanting to protect you and be your hero.
A study published in the Physiology & Behavior journal shows that male’s testosterone makes them feel protective over a woman they attracted to.
So naturally, if this married man loves you, he would want to protect you.
There’s actually a fascinating new concept in relationship psychology that’s getting a lot of buzz at the moment. It goes to the heart of the riddle about why men fall in love—and who they fall in love with.
The theory claims that men want to be your hero. That they want to step up to the plate for the woman in their lives and provide and protect her.
This is deeply rooted in male biology.
People are calling it the hero instinct. I wrote a detailed primer about the concept which you can read here.
The kicker is that a man won’t fall in love with you when he doesn’t feel like your hero.
He wants to see himself as a protector. As someone you genuinely want and need to have around. Not as an accessory, ‘best friend’, or ‘partner in crime’.
I know this might sound a bit silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.
And I couldn’t agree more.
But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still need to be a hero. Because it’s built into our DNA to seek out relationships that allow us to feel like a protector.
If you would like to learn more about the hero instinct, check out this free online video by the relationship psychologist who coined the term. He provides a fascinating insight into this new concept.
5. He makes jokes about liking you
Let’s be honest: Not many married man are willing to make a joke about liking someone.
But if he’ll telling jokes about liking you, then it might be the case that he cares for you.
You see, there’s a reason he’s doing this.
If he decides to make a move, he’ll absolutely want to figure out how you feel about him beforehand.
Guys will often do this making some kind of funny comment about liking you…but they do it in a way that if you react badly, they can just laugh it off.
He can pretend he didn’t mean anything by it and spare his ego some damage.
This is important for a married man because if he cares for you and makes a move on you, but you reject him, not only is he losing his chance with you but he’ll probably lose his wife as well.
On the other hand, if your reaction is positive after his jokes about liking you, then he might feel confident enough to make some more moves down the track.
6. He is keeping tabs on your love life
Look, it’s not exactly normal for a guy to be incredibly curious about another woman’s love life.
A normal question like “You dating any at the moment?” is fine when you’re friends, but if he keeps asking you who you’re dating and it seems to be his favorite topic to talk about, then there might be something more sinister going on.
If he cares you then it’s likely he’ll react negatively to anyone you mention you’re dating. This is a sign he is jealous, and as we know, jealously is a sign of romantic attraction.
He will also keep a tab on your love life so he can figure out when he can a make move on you (if he is planning to).
7. He doesn’t share details about his love life
Find him hardly ever talking about his marriage?
Look, this isn’t necessarily a sign that he cares for you, but it is a sign that he might not be happy in his marriage.
Maybe he likes you. Maybe he wants you to forget that he is married.
Whatever the reason, you’ll agree with me when I say:
It isn’t normal for a guy to not talk about his marriage at all. There must be a reason for it, and if you relate to some of the other signs we mention in this article, it must be because he cares for you.
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8. He smiles and gestures at you
One of the easiest ways to determine if a guy likes you is to pay attention to the way his body moves.
If he is sending you some classic signals, he could be interested. Is he looking at you a lot? Is there something on your face?
Check, and if you are clear, it might be that he thinks you are cute. Is he licking his lips and swaying his hips? You know what that means: men always have sex on the brain.
Does he smile at you and gesture at you? Could be the real thing.
If you are standing near a guy and he is interested, he’ll lean into you, want to be near you, and make eye contact on the regular to try to let you know he is interested.
He could also just come right out and say it, but that is highly unlikely considering he is married.
He’ll want to make sure you’re keen on him before he makes any moves.
So stick with deciphering body language and some of these other tricks to tell if a guy likes you for sure.
9. He compliments you
Compliments are a great way to gauge a guy’s interest. Of course, many guys can give compliments when they don’t really mean it because they want to make a good impression.
But if they truly like you, they’ll probably start complimenting you on subtle things that you may not be aware of.
It could be unique tidbits about your personality, or they could notice subtle changes in your hairstyle.
In fact, sometimes it may not even be a compliment, but the fact that they’ve noticed that you’ve changed your hairstyle or used different make-up.
If they notice, it means they’re paying attention to you, and this married man probably cares for you.
Also, not many guys are great at giving compliments, so keep your ears out and notice when he says something that could even be remotely viewed as a compliment.
If you’ve noticed that he doesn’t really compliment others, then he probably likes you.
10. He playfully punches your arm
This may be a surprising one, but it’s actually a common signal that a guy likes you.
It’s a guy’s “manly way” of building rapport with you without being too forward.
If you laugh with him when he punches you, it’ll give him a signal that you’re interested as well (if you don’t mind that he is married, that is).
If you don’t like him punching you, but you like him, then playfully laugh and say “ow that hurt!” He likely won’t do it again, but your smile and playfulness will indicate that you like him.
If you enjoy the banter, playfully punch him back. That could really assist in building sexual tension.
11. He is imitating your actions
Imitating one’s actions is generally a sign that he respects and admires you. It’s also something that happens subconsciously.
Here’s what to look out for:
– Is his energy level mirroring yours? This can include things like speaking at a similar pace to you or leaning back on the chair when you’re leaning back.
– Is he starting to use similar language to you? This can include the same shortened words or slang.
– Is he copying some your mannerisms like touching your hair or using your hands when speaking?
If you can say yes to one of these, then this married man probably cares for you.
12. He is leaning in
When someone is interested in what you have to say, they’ll move closer and lean in. This is another subconscious action that tells the onlooker (you) that the person likes you.
They may lower their head, lean in while you talk, and even move their body closer to yours – all without even realizing they are doing it.
People are funny like that.
It’s interesting to watch people who aren’t together, but whom like one another, interact: they do a lot of the same things and are leaning in so much it looks like they might fall over.
13. Their feet point at yours
One of the strangest ways to tell someone likes you is if you look at their feet and they are pointed in your direction.
Even if they are turned to talk to someone else and their attention is occupied, if their feet are in your direction, you might have a crush on your hands.
Again, our bodies like to give us subtle ways of letting us know that we like someone.
You might feel anxious or uptight about something and later realize that it’s because you find yourself attracted to someone and didn’t know what to do with that information in your body.
14. He’s finding excuses to touch you all the time
There’s no getting around it: Guys love to touch ladies, particularly ones they’re crushing on.
However, a lot of weird and sexist guys (even when they’re married) love to touch ladies as well, so you need to know the difference.
What you’re really looking for here is a guy that gives you little innocent touches like on your shoulder or hand.
This probably means that he genuinely cares for you.
What are some examples?
He might gently touch your arm when he is talking to you. Or he might squeeze your arm and ask you if you’ve been working out.
He might even tell you that he loves your hair and subsequently stroke it.
The key for a guy is that touching you not only makes them feel good but like they’re building rapport with you, too.
15. He starts grooming himself
If you notice that he readjusts his clothes, or he runs his hands through his hair in an attempt to tidy himself up and make himself better, he probably likes you.
Male birds preen up their feathers before trying to attract a love interest.
Of course, make sure that he’s actually doing it for you, and not for someone else, before you start accusing this married man of something that’s not the case.
If you’re the only girl in the vicinity or he was just looking at you, and then he tidies himself up, that’s obviously a sign that he cares for you.
16. He’s using “alpha” body language
If he stands taller, pulls his stomach in and his shoulders back, then that’s a sign that this married guy is into you.
He may also try to use up as much room as possible with his arms and legs.
After all, he wants to show that he’s the leader of the pack that can take care of you.
You can watch out for these signs by:
– Seeing if he changes his walking style when he walks past you. Are his shoulders and chest pushed back more than usual?
– How is he sitting when he’s around you? Is laying out his arms, trying to look relaxed and comfortable? Is he trying to use a lot of space?
Keep in mind that some guys will be nervous when they’re around you because they like you. For those guys, using alpha body language will be difficult.
17. When you’re feeling down, he tries to make you feel better
When life gives you lemons, this man shows up and helps you make lemonade. He works hard to help you stop worrying about the little things and focus on what matters.
This is because he cares about how you’re experiencing life, and most importantly, how you’re feeling.
According to Dr. Suzana E. Flores, when someone is in love, they tend to show strong empathy:
“Someone in love will care about your feelings and your well-being…If he or she is able to show empathy or is upset when you are, not only do they have your back but they also probably have strong feelings for you.”
If he is always there for you, helping you get over what you need to get over, then you can bet your bottom dollar this married man is actually in love with you.
18. He wants to know your future plans
If he is truly in love with you, then he’ll want to know what you’re planning for the future.
He might even hint to you that he is thinking of leaving his wife (if he thinks you like him too and there might be a future for the two of you).
If you mention that you’re thinking of moving away or getting a job overseas, he’ll be visibly devasted at the thought of it.
Why is he in love with you when he’s married? 3 reasons why
We all dream of meeting someone and living happily ever after. A married man is no different.
But relationships are rarely perfect. The divorce rate in the United States has reached 40 to 50 percent, according to the American Psychological Association.
And while we don’t condone a married man falling for someone outside their marriage, there are reasons why it seems to happen regularly.
There’s no judgment here. It may be wrong, it may be understandable, but this is not our concern.
Instead, if you’re wondering why this married man has fallen for you, let’s explore why that is the case and you can decide how you feel about it.
1. Dissatisfaction with their marriage
It doesn’t take a genius to figure this out. If he is dissatisfied with his marriage, then he’ll seek to find satisfaction elsewhere.
This is just one of the reasons a married man can develop feelings outside his relationship.
For example, if sex with his partner has become tiresome, and the partner is showing no signs to improve or make it better, then he may search for sexual satisfaction elsewhere.
It may have nothing to do with sex, either. Perhaps his wife is neglecting him emotionally, making him feel empty and hollow.
Subconsciously he has worked out that he needs to fill that emotional void somewhere else.
Getting to a point where you want to cheat can be an incredibly difficult and hopeless path, and for many people, the dissatisfaction forces one to travel down this path must be long-term and immense.
We all have needs, and keeping those needs satisfied is an important part of keeping a happy relationship.
When you’ve been involved in a marriage for years, your life tends to migrate into a routine.
If he is becoming frustrated with his routine and needs something else to keep the spark going, he may see an affair as helping him achieve that.
Or maybe he is the type who loves to live the moment and doesn’t think the consequences of cheating or having feelings for another woman is that bad.
We often see infidelity as a sign of dissatisfaction in a marriage, but this isn’t always the case.
It doesn’t always have to a negative reflection of the current relationship, but rather a positive reflection of an active movement within the person committing adultery.
In other words, he wants something more for himself than he is currently getting. It’s a need his wife can’t possibly fulfill.
Maybe his wife cheated on him. Maybe his wife flirts with other men whenever they go to a party together.
As a result, maybe he wants to even it out and get her back.
Perhaps his wife cheated on him many years ago, and even though they settled the problem, he still feels permanently inferior to his wife because of the pain he experienced.
Whatever it is, it gives him a sense of power and evens out his current marriage.
Now depending how you feel about this married man, you might be either flattered that he likes you, or you’re a little scared that he might make a move on you.
So below we’re going to talk about what to do if this married man is constantly flirting with you.
How to deal with a married man flirting with you: 10 tips to consider
When you’ve got a married man flirting with you, it can be hard to figure out his intentions. Is he actually flirting or just being friendly?
When a married man flirts with a married woman, it could be he wants a no-strings-attached fling.
But the real question is how do you feel about him? Do you want to see if it will develop into a substantial relationship or do you only see him as a friend?
Let’s take a look at the different ways you could respond.
1. Return his feelings
This option can bring serious challenges. You’ll quite possibly deal with guilt over the affair and may have to play second fiddle to his wife.
If she finds out, she may trash your reputation or otherwise cause problems for you. You may find yourself being judged by friends and family, even losing some relationships you cherish over the affair.
The relationship will come with baggage, which can cause you to have doubts about your relationship with him in the future.
In many cases, looking back, you may decide the relationship just wasn’t worth all of the heartache and loss of peace you’ll suffer.
2. Let your feelings go
If you feel something towards him, you can choose to simply let those emotions go in favor of a better partner down the road.
Though it can be tough to deal with these emotions in the immediate future, they will eventually pass, allowing you to enjoy a relationship to someone who can really commit to you down the road.
He can seem extremely interested and could go to great lengths to impress you, but if you’re clear that you don’t want to pursue the relationship, don’t let your feelings for the married man mess up your life.
Generally, married men want to seduce you and have some fun while still remaining married.
Their intention is not to have you fall in love with them. Reciprocating those feelings can impact your life for many, many years.
3. Be straightforward about your intentions
It’s fine to get a little carried away by attention, gestures and words, giving your ego a little boost and making it easier to feel wonderful about yourself.
That being said, you need to express your position early on to stop the chasing and flirting.
Even if he’s a handsome prince charming, a relationship with him puts you in a difficult position, so make sure he knows you’re not interested in a relationship with a married man.
It may be worthwhile to tell him you’re seeing someone or that you just got out of a bad relationship and aren’t ready for a new one to get him to leave you alone, and after that, you’ll probably see him chasing other women in a short period of time.
4. Change the focus of your attention
If these things aren’t working, try showing interest in someone else.
Because you’re already looking and feeling amazing, why not focus your attention on a person who is already available and won’t be bringing a ton of baggage into the relationship?
This makes it easier to spice up your love life.
You could also go through some steps you would after a breakup, like setting up outings with friends or going to the movies with them, even hitting the gym to get into even better shape.
The situation isn’t out of control, and you can do much better.
5. Hunt for flaws
To turn yourself off of the married man pursuing you, focus on his flaws. Is there anything he’s said or done that doesn’t sit right?
Focus on those types of details. Maybe you’re a cat person, and he’s all about dogs.
Find the things in him that he likes, and you hate or that he hates, and you like, because it will drive him nuts if you keep telling him how different the two of you actually are.
If he’s already in a committed relationship but still cheats, there’s a good chance he’ll cheat on you too.
6. Cut off all contact
If you have to, cut all of the communications you have with him. Block him from your phone, from your social media, and avoid the places that you might run into him.
This gives him a clear signal to back off. If you do bump into him, set up a few signals with friends who can provide a rescue for you if needed.
However, make sure he understands that this isn’t a coincidence, but that you’re intentionally avoiding him, and he’ll leave you alone.
7. Don’t respond
It takes two to create a relationship, so if you don’t respond to what he says in person, on the phone, in texts or by email, it’s hard for him to get closer to you.
Keep it impersonal and don’t share personal information with him. If you have to be around him, be a little socially awkward by burping or creating an uncomfortable atmosphere.
If it turns him off, isn’t it worth a touch of embarrassment to avoid the pain of a bad relationship? Crushes don’t last long, so if you resist responding, you’ll have avoided future misery.
8. Bring up his wife
If he doesn’t leave you alone, start asking about his wife.
Ask how they met, about their kids or where she works. If it seems like you’re more interested in her as a friend rather than him as a lover, it should turn off his flirting behavior out of fear that you’ll approach her.
You could even arrange to meet his wife without mentioning what’s going on, which will stop even the most determined flirt from pursuing you.
9. Don’t look for validation
It’s easy to see flirting from a married man as validation that we’re more attractive than his wife, giving us a lift.
However, it’s often a trap that doesn’t have a happy ending. Look for validation from other sources, such as family members, friends and single men.
If you really need the validation but don’t want to approach anyone you know, go flirt with a stranger at a bar.
Don’t let his wife know at first, because he may not realize he was crossing a line, but if he persists, threaten to tell his wife to cool his ardor.
10. Make the right choice
It’s often easier to be single and happy than to be happy with a complex affair with a married man.
If you’re wondering why you’re attracted to married men, consider that husbands who want to cheat are unhappy in their current situation and will hit on any woman to boost their mood.
It doesn’t matter if you think there could be a romantic future for the two of you, what you’ll end up with is a lot of drama and pain for you, him, his wife and his kids.
Don’t reciprocate by flirting back with a married man flirting with you.
He’s breaking the promise of love he made to his wife, betraying her and his family.
Don’t become a partner in his bad behavior, but keep your dignity and peace by avoiding the wrong decision.
Does he love you? Or doesn’t he?
The truth is that he may not even know the answer…
Men are wired differently to women. We’re driven by different things when it comes to relationships. And most of the time, we’re not even consciously aware of the things that drive us.
I’ve recently been introduced to a fascinating new concept in relationship psychology that explains so much about men: the hero instinct.
What is it?
As I touched upon earlier in this article, the hero instinct is the basic biological urge men have to provide for and protect women.
Simply put, men want to be your hero. Not necessarily an action hero like Thor, but he does want to step up to the plate for the woman in his life. And to be appreciated for his efforts.
For many women, learning about the hero instinct was their “aha moment”. It was for Hack Spirit writer Pearl Nash.
And the most important thing for you to know is this:
Most men won’t fall in love with a woman until this instinct is triggered.
How do you trigger the instinct?
I was introduced to the hero instinct by James Bauer in his new book, His Secret Obsession.
In this book, he provides a ‘blueprint’ for how a woman can trigger the hero instinct in her man. You can read my full review of His Secret Obsession here.
As I learned, the hero instinct is a subconscious drive we have to gravitate toward people who make us feel like a hero. But it’s amplified in our romantic relationships.
Some ideas really are life-changing. And for romantic relationships, this is one of them. That’s why I highly recommend this free online video where James Bauer explains in simple terms what the hero instinct is really about.
Making your man feel like a hero isn’t about paying silly mind games or pretending to be someone you’re not.
It’s about fulfilling a basic biological urge in men that will only lead to a better relationship between the two of you because he will passionate desire you like you wouldn’t believe.
What else do you need to know?
James Bauer is the real deal when it comes to relationship advice.
As a trained psychologist and 12-year relationship therapist, James knows his stuff. He’s smart, insightful and straightforward—and he tells it like it is.
Check out his video introduction here where he gives a unique insight into the hero instinct as well as free tips for triggering it in your guy.
If you want to understand what really makes men tick—and who they fall in love with—I recommend watching this video.