8 signs you’re in a relationship with someone who lacks emotional depth

So you’re dating someone and at first, it’s all fun and games. You text a lot, hang out, and everything seems great.

But then, you start to feel like something’s missing.

Like, when you’re trying to talk about something real, it’s like talking to a brick wall.

Ever feel that way?

Well, you might be dating someone who’s not really getting you on a deeper level.

In this article, we’ll talk about 8 signs that your partner might not be as deep as you thought.

These are red flags that could mean your relationship won’t get to that “forever” place you might be hoping for.

So if you’re getting that gut feeling that something’s off, keep reading. This might help you figure out what’s going on.

1. They Avoid Serious Conversations Like the Plague

So you’re chilling on the couch and you decide to bring up something that’s been on your mind. Maybe it’s about your future together, or even just how you’re feeling lately.

And what do they do?

Change the subject. Fast.

It’s like you’ve just thrown a hot potato at them and they can’t pass it off quick enough.

You see, people with emotional depth are willing to dig deep. They’re not scared of having real talks that matter.

But if your partner dodges these conversations like Neo dodges bullets in “The Matrix,” take note.

This could be a big red flag that they’re not willing to connect with you on a deeper level.

So if you find it impossible to have a serious convo without them turning it into a joke or changing the topic, you might have a problem.

2. They Seem Uninterested in Your Feelings

You had a rough day, maybe your boss was being a jerk or you’re just feeling a bit down.

You try sharing it with your partner, expecting a listening ear or at least a comforting hug.

But what do you get?

A half-hearted “That sucks” or even worse, they turn the conversation back to themselves.

I’ve been there, and let me tell you, it feels like shouting into an emotional void.

If your partner’s always got time for their problems but acts like yours are an inconvenience, that’s a problem.

In a deep, emotionally-connected relationship, both partners care about each other’s feelings. They don’t just brush them off like crumbs on a table.

3. They’re All About the Physical, Not the Emotional

Look, there’s nothing wrong with a good make-out session or some Netflix and chill. Physical chemistry is important; I get it.

But if that’s all there is?

You’ve got a problem.

You see, when you’re cuddling or getting cozy, that’s the perfect time for some heart-to-heart talks, right? It’s like the universe is giving you a moment to really connect.

But instead, they’re more interested in their phone or what’s on TV than what’s in your heart.

Feels crappy, doesn’t it?

Trust me, I know how it feels to be physically close to someone who’s emotionally a million miles away.

That’s raw. That’s real. And unfortunately, that’s a big ol’ sign that you’re with someone who’s just skimming the surface of what a relationship could be.

If your partner is only there for the fun times and disappears when emotions come into play, you gotta ask yourself: “Is this what I signed up for?”

Because you’re not just a body to be held; you’ve got feelings, dreams, fears, and thoughts that deserve to be shared and valued. Don’t settle for anything less.

4. They’re Super Nice, But It Feels Shallow

Now, this one might mess with your head a little. Your partner is nice—like, really nice. They open doors for you, they remember your coffee order, and they even text you good morning and good night.

Sounds perfect, right?


You see, being nice is easy. What’s hard is diving into the messy, complicated feelings that come with a real relationship.

So if they’re always nice but never get real, that’s actually not a good thing. It’s easy to mistake politeness for depth, but they’re not the same.

In fact, their “niceness” can actually be a shield they put up to avoid showing their true selves or dealing with complicated emotions, either theirs or yours.

Ever feel like you’re dating a Hallmark card? Sweet on the outside, but pretty empty when you really look at it?

That’s what I’m talking about.

You want someone who’s not just nice, but also real, raw, and willing to show their flaws. Because let’s face it, nobody’s perfect, and pretending to be is just another way to avoid emotional depth.

So if you’ve got a partner who’s Mr. or Ms. Perfect all the time, you might want to think twice. Is it genuine, or is it a cover for a lack of emotional connection? Don’t let the “nice” act fool you; you deserve real love, not just a performance.

5. They Never Apologize or Admit They’re Wrong

This one hits close to home for me. I remember being in a relationship where my partner could do no wrong—not because they were perfect, but because they’d never admit their mistakes.

Sound familiar?

You get into an argument, and even when they’re clearly in the wrong, they don’t apologize. Instead, they either ignore the issue or twist things around so you’re the one saying sorry.

It’s like they’re allergic to the words “I’m wrong” or “I’m sorry.”

Why is this a sign of emotional shallowness?

Because saying you’re wrong requires emotional depth. It takes being secure in yourself to admit your flaws and apologize. That’s real maturity.

If your partner can’t or won’t do that, it’s a problem. Trust me, it wears you down, always feeling like you’re the one who has to bend.

A real, deep relationship means both people can admit when they mess up and work together to make things right.

6. They Can’t Handle Your Success

So you’ve landed a new job, got a promotion, or maybe you’ve just smashed a personal goal. You’re over the moon and can’t wait to share the good news.

And your partner’s reaction?

It’s either lackluster or, weirdly, kind of annoyed.

Yeah, that’s not the celebration dance you were hoping for, is it?

See, someone who’s emotionally deep will be your biggest cheerleader. They’ll be as pumped about your wins as their own because they genuinely love and support you.

But if your partner gets weird or distant when you’re succeeding, watch out.

This often means they’re insecure about their own worth and can’t handle you rising while they stay in the same place. Emotional depth means being able to celebrate others, even when things aren’t going so hot for you.

Don’t ignore this. You need someone who claps for you, not someone who wants to keep you small so they can feel big.

Being successful shouldn’t be a lonely experience, especially not in a relationship. If they can’t share your highs (and lows), what’s the point?

The right person won’t just ride the fun times with you; they’ll also be your biggest fan when you shine. Don’t settle for a partner who can’t handle all of you, in both victory and struggle.

7. They Never Go Beyond Surface-Level Check-ins

“Hey, how was your day?”

“Fine, how was yours?”


End of conversation. Sound familiar?

It’s like you’re stuck in this never-ending loop of small talk, even though you’re supposed to be more than just acquaintances. You’re in a relationship, for crying out loud!

I’ve been there, and it’s like being emotionally starved. You’re waiting for more, something, anything that shows they genuinely care about your inner world.

They might ask how you are, but you can tell they’re not really listening for the answer. Or worse, you’ve stopped expecting them to.

Raw honesty time: if your partner can’t or won’t delve deeper than surface-level chit-chat, you’re selling yourself short. Seriously.

Emotionally rich relationships thrive on vulnerability—on those late-night talks about fears, dreams, and everything in between. If you’re not getting that, you have to ask yourself why you’re sticking around.

Sure, not every conversation can be deep (and that’s totally okay!), but never going beyond “How was your day?” is a sad indicator of the lack of emotional connection.

You’re not a chatbot; you’re a person with layers, complexities, and feelings that deserve to be known and loved. Don’t settle for a relationship that treats you like you’re less than that.

8. They’re Only Around When It’s Convenient for Them

Ever notice that your partner is all about hanging out when it’s fun and easy? Maybe when they’re bored or have nothing better to do? But the moment things get a bit challenging or you need support, they’re MIA.

Let’s be brutally honest here: that’s not love. That’s convenience.

You deserve more than a fair-weather partner. You deserve someone who’s there through thick and thin, not just when it’s sunshine and rainbows.

It’s like you’re an option, not a priority. And who wants to feel like they’re just filling time between someone’s more “important” activities?

In a relationship with emotional depth, both people are committed. They’re in it for the long haul, not just when it suits them.

If your partner is only around for the good times or when it’s easy for them, what are you really building together? A relationship isn’t a part-time gig; it’s a full-time commitment.


Emotional depth isn’t a luxury; it’s a requirement for a fulfilling, meaningful relationship. You shouldn’t have to beg for emotional connection or settle for surface-level interactions.

Look, we all have our flaws and nobody’s perfect. But when it comes to relationships, you need to feel valued, heard, and cared for, not just occasionally, but consistently.

If you’re nodding your head because you’ve seen these signs in your own relationship, it might be time for some serious reflection. It’s not about blaming your partner; it’s about asking if you’re both getting what you need to grow and be happy.

You deserve to be with someone who can love you deeply, flaws and all. So if you’re not getting that, maybe it’s time to take a hard look at where your relationship is going.

Life’s too short to waste time on relationships that don’t enrich your soul. Aim for someone who brings depth, not just occasional depth-like gestures. Because you’re worth more than a shallow love.

Take care of your emotional well-being. It’s the first step in finding a love that truly satisfies and lasts.

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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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