The fluttering eyelids, the constant compliments, the intermittent texts throughout the day.
Anybody would feel blessed to have a husband doing loving gestures every single day, until you’re no longer the object of his affection.
Deciphering whether your husband is just friendly with another woman or attracted to her is a slippery slope — on the one hand, you don’t want to seem too jealous and risk creating problems where there should be none.
On the other hand, you don’t want to be too complacent and turn a blind eye on the glaring signs he’s falling in love with someone else.
Read on to learn the obvious and not-so-obvious signs that your man might be developing feelings for another woman.
1) You Catch Him With White Lies
Being attracted to someone else other than the person you’re committed to prompts a defensive drive in people.
Living in this state for so long drives people to become protective of themselves, afraid to show any sign of guilt or wrongness.
To cope with the guilt of being attracted to another woman, your man could be masking this much bigger lie with harmless, white lies.
To him, lying has become a reflex; his go-to approach to avoid getting caught or even confronting the fact that he’s developing feelings for someone else.
Just like a muscle, lying becomes easier over time.
If he’s constantly lying about where he was, or why he was up on his phone late last night, or why he’s been spending a little too much time at work, it becomes easier to lie in other aspects of your life together, even in instances that don’t really matter.
2) He Starts Comparing You To Other Women
If your husband has his sights set on a girl from work or another friend, you’ll quickly notice how easily he compares both you.
And it’s not because he’s hellbent on hurting you.
Guys who are attracted to women can’t help but notice all the amazing things about her: from the way she styles her hair down to her smallest habits.
Comparing can take on many forms. From the more explicit “why can’t you be more like X” to “I like the way X does this; would you consider doing it too?”
To him, comparing you is his harmless way of projecting the qualities he likes about someone else to his own wife.
It’s his way of trying to bridge the gap between his commitment to you and the fact that he’s attracted to someone else.
He might be unknowingly trying to replicate all the qualities he finds appealing and hopes that by pointing it out, his own wife would do it too.
3) He Doesn’t Seem Enthusiastic In The Bedroom
You put on the sexiest lingerie in your arsenal, you prepare an amazing dinner, you do everything you can to prepare him for an amazing night together and still, you get nothing.
Or if you do sleep together, he doesn’t seem to really enjoy it the way he used to, like he’s just doing things out of obligation.
Your sex life has become a routine more than anything else. You do the same things every single time and it always ends the same way without fail.
A partner who’s starting to become invested in someone else will inevitably start withdrawing from you, both physically and emotionally. If he starts performing less in the bedroom, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s getting his fill elsewhere.
It could mean that, as his fondness grows for someone else, his affection for you diminishes in return.
4) He’s Suddenly Dressing Up More Nicely
Yep, and that might be why he is dressing nicely.
Notice those nice new shirts he never seems to wear anywhere else but the office? Is your husband suddenly all about self-care and taking care of his body?
It’s normal to want to become a better version of yourself but is your husband suddenly interested in shaping up and cleaning up?
One of the best ways to determine whether this sudden change is ill-inspired or just a natural trajectory in your husband’s personal growth is by seeing how consistent he is with his new upkeep.
Does he still dress nice when you go on dates? How does he present himself when meeting clients and hanging out with friends?
If he’s dressing up for specific events or venues, there’s a high chance that there’s someone he’s specifically dressing up for.
Pay attention to the why of his actions; what motivates him to style his hair a little differently? Is this a one-off chance or do you see a pattern in his grooming?
The most important thing to ask yourself is “Does he dress nice for me?”
As your committed partner, you’d expect that his sudden fascination for fashion would carry over to your dates and your time together.
But if he falls back on the same dirty shirt or crinkled polo when you go out together, it’s time to wonder who he’s really dressing up for.
5) He’s Become More Critical Of You
Nowadays, there seems to be more wrong things about you than there are right things about you.
He’s become nitpicky about every single thing that you do — from the way you cook to your attitude to the very way you dress.
He notices every single thing that you do “wrong” and ignores the things that you do “right”.
Now that he has his sights set on someone else, he no longer sees the amazing things that you do for him and the value that you add to his life. It’s so easy to take you for granted now that there’s someone else tickling his fancy.
The worst part is that he might not even realize what he’s doing.
His attraction to someone else might be inspiring feelings of loyalty to this other woman, which inevitably drives a mental wedge between the two of you.
6) He Started Deleting His Phone History
His phone suddenly became private property. There is now a noticeable possessiveness and protectiveness for his phone that didn’t exist before.
As if this wasn’t suspicious enough, your hubby has developed the habit of wiping his phone clean.
Messages? Gone. Inbox? Absolutely clean. Phone history? Non-existent.
Which doesn’t make sense because you hear constant notifications or see your husband smiling into his phone by himself.
It’s like he’s trying to completely remove his digital footprint — any proof, anything that would tell you something is definitely wrong.
A husband who’s actively on his phone and is trying to be secretive about it is usually a common sign of early cheating.
He may not only be attracted to this woman; he might already be doing what he can to woo and pursue her.
7) He Has A Lot Of Elaborately Explained Absences
You find yourself having lunch or dinner alone more often than not. Your husband seems to vanish magically into thin air the minute you have to spend time together.
Nowadays, it feels as though the only time you see together is in the morning, right before he leaves for work, and in the wee hours of the night when he finally comes home from work.
You can’t even remember the last time you actually spent time together.
Business meetings pop up in the most unusual times, at the most unusual places.
And while there’s a chance that your husband is just an amazing go-getter, there’s also the possibility that he’s preoccupied with someone else.
One way to determine whether your husband is just a workaholic or is in the early stages of unraveling your marriage is by looking at his excuses.
Are they premeditated? Do they seem organic? Are the reasons for his absences believable?
When you ask him where he is, does he easily spurn out these stories about meetings with so and so clients and how such and such inconvenience dragged on the meeting for the rest of the night?
A husband who is up to no good will have an expertly concocted answer for every single question you have, as if he were already anticipating this in the first place.
8) He Suddenly Has A New Hobby
The healthiest relationships are those with people who are able to maintain their individuality despite being in a lifelong commitment with someone else.
Couples who have individual, separate alone times are often much happier because they don’t feel suffocated by the marriage.
On the other hand, there can be such a thing as too much alone time.
If you find your husband investing in a new hobby — especially if it has nothing to do with his personality, his general interests, or even you — then there’s certainly cause for suspicion.
It’s even more suspicious if this new hobby of his practically eats up all his time.
Suddenly this newfound interest is the single most important thing on earth. His schedule works around it and he’s disgruntled every time he has to change plans or cancel them altogether.
He might chuck it up to stress or wanting some release, but the fact that he’s getting so riled up about this might mean that he’s looking forward to it a little too much.
9) He Feels Like A Different Person
An energetic, bubbly, confident husband is often a sight to behold, but what if your man is unexplainably happier?
It could also go the opposite way: maybe the fun, easy-going guy you’ve met has turned into someone tense, curt, and explosive? .
Drastic changes in his personality never crop up organically.
There’s something in his life that’s causing these changes so ask yourself what prompted these behaviors.
Have you been fighting less frequently? Do you have sex more often? Are you more playful together?
As his wife, you should have at least an inkling as to what is inspiring new changes in your husband.
But if you’re stumped figuring out why he feels like a different person, it’s easy to see that something else is creating all these changes in him, both the good and bad.
10) He Likes Talking About Her
Try to remember the feeling of first falling in love. Your chest feels like it’s going to explode from the butterflies fluttering around inside, and when you’re not with them, the only thing you want to do is talk about how amazing they are.
Now try to imagine experiencing that same feeling, but this time you’re already married and committed, so you’re not allowed to express that loving excitement.
It might hurt to think about your husband feeling that for another person, but if he is, the clearest signs of those feelings is when he starts talking about another woman.
He slips her name into innocent conversations, talking about something she said or something that happened to her.
The woman your husband is attracted to won’t always be unknown to you; in many cases, it will be someone you’ve actually known for years.
He’ll pretend he’s just curious or caring, but in truth, he’s actually doing what little he can to relieve himself of that feeling that he can’t get over her, even if it means talking about her with you.
11) He’s Less Interested In You
For the same reasons that he can’t stop talking about her, he also can’t stop thinking about her, meaning he’s thinking less about you.
So how do you read his mind and see that you’ve fallen down on his list of mental priorities?
Simple: just start actively observing his level of interest with you.
Does he still reach out to you without prompting?
Does he plan days together, does he message you when you’re not around?
Does he remember what you’ve been doing — work or classes or personal issues — or do you have to remind him about everything?
It can be difficult for him to keep track of all the important (and unimportant) things going on in your life when he’s busy obsessing over another woman.
12) He Seems Jumpy
Whether your man intends to actually act out on his feelings and ruin the sanctity of your marriage by romantically engaging with this woman or not, it doesn’t matter, because either way, he knows his feelings are wrong.
He’s either bothered by himself for feeling these things for another woman, or bothered by you for whatever reason he comes up with to say that you pushed him away and into the arms of someone new.
And all this means he’s going to be extra jumpy.
He’s not the cool and relaxed guy he usually is; he always seems to be a few wrong lines away from an argument, and he always seems to be willing to throw the relationship under the bus.
Comments and remarks you could’ve said casually around him before are now possible starting points for your next big fight.
13) He’s Much More Jealous
Most of us are normal, regular people without sociopathic tendencies.
We have difficulty lying, manipulating and deceiving, especially when the person we’re betraying is the person we’ve spent years of our life in love with.
So when a husband starts feeling like he’s betraying his wife by desiring another woman, he’ll start subconsciously blaming his wife for what he feels he’s guilty of.
This is known as projection, and it’s something that guilty people do to help relieve themselves of their inner turmoil.
The guilty husband knows in his heart that what he’s doing or what he’s feeling and thinking is wrong, so to feel better about himself, he starts believing that his wife is doing the same thing.
This makes him think that his actions are less reprehensible and even to some extent, justified.
So ask yourself: has your husband become more jealous lately?
Does he question every interaction you have with a man, and has he started digging into every male friendship in your past?
14) He’s On Social Media More Often Than Before
Social media is one of the easiest channels to study to get the clearest possible understanding of your husband’s mind.
We can like, comment, and simply interact and engage with other people without seeming suspicious, because everyone does it.
But if you think your husband might be attracted to another woman, then look closer at their activity — are there any trends? Is there a certain woman he seems to engage with more than anyone else? Does he like or comment on her posts more often than before?
No one likes a snoopy partner trying to play detective, and a single like on Facebook doesn’t mean anything, so don’t come to conclusions too fast if your only piece of evidence is a laugh emoji.
15) He’s More Sensitive Than Usual
Being attracted to another woman isn’t easy for a married man with a conscience, because he might be feeling two things: disappointment in himself for wanting a woman other than his wife, and disappointment in the marriage in which he feels trapped.
While a bad man may try to act out on his feelings, a better man will do his best to swallow both sets of feelings away and get back to a point where the only woman he wants is his wife, and the marriage is something he appreciates rather than regrets.
So during this period, your husband may be much more sensitive than usual.
Maybe he is harsher with his words or he’s more prone to arguments, whether with you or with anyone who comes in his way.
These are clear signs of emotional frustration and inner turmoil, and this phase won’t end until he realigns his feelings with the man he wants to be.
16) He Jokes About Having An Open Relationship
Some husbands may try to swallow their feelings and hide their attraction for another woman (or other women) for years, but others may try to go the bolder route and actually test the waters of something more.
He doesn’t want to leave his marriage because he knows he loves you, but at the same time he would love to have the freedom to sleep with another woman every now and then.
So he jokes about it.
He talks about how weird but also not weird it would be if your marriage evolved into an open marriage.
He tries to hype you up by saying things like, “Don’t you get bored of being with the same old guy all the time?”, and, “Isn’t there any other guy you would love to sleep with?”
He’ll try to suggest it as a joke while planting the idea in your head, in the hopes that you start wanting it the way he does.
17) He Doesn’t Do Small Gestures Anymore
One of the hallmarks of an organically happy and healthy relationship is the small and unimportant things.
These are the tiny gestures that your partner isn’t necessarily obligated to perform; the mornings where he cooks for you, the days he sends you short but loving texts, the surprise bouquet of flowers for no reason other than because he wants to see you smile.
But if your husband is starting to fall in love with someone else, those small gestures will one-by-one fade out of your relationship.
As you become a less significant person in his mind, he stops thinking about the extra little things and instead falls back to the bare minimum of his husbandly duties.
18) He Avoids PDA
If your husband has never been the type who enjoys or tolerates PDA, then you can skip this point.
But if you’ve noticed that his normal levels of PDA have suddenly and drastically vanished, then there might be something to worry about.
A guy who is cheating on you — even if it’s just in his mind — will be naturally less affectionate towards you, because every kiss, hug, and holding of the hands becomes a weight on his mind rather than something he can mindlessly enjoy.
This also means he might not like going out with you in public as much as he once did.
19) He Openly Checks Out Other Women
So your husband has possibly been attracted to another woman for some time now, and that means he’s been thinking about whether he wants to stay committed to his vows or if he’s ready to move on to another chapter in his life, one that doesn’t involve you.
If he’s leaning towards the latter, then you’ll be able to catch him doing little things here and there to start psyching himself up for ending your marriage.
One of these things is checking out other women in public, even when he knows you can see him.
He might play it off as harmless-looking, but in his mind he wants you to get ready for the possibility of losing him for good.
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