Going through a breakup is never a simple or easy process. Whether you’re the one who got dumped or you’re the one who initiated the split, it’s going to involve pain.
And as you adapt to this huge life change, you may wish things were different.
You may even want your ex back.
If you do, the question becomes: does he want you back too?
While many couples get back together after a break up — and the relationship goes from strength to strength — unfortunately, sometimes a break up is permanent.
In this article, I’m going to tell you the 15 clear cut clear signs that he will never come back. Then I’ll share 5 main signs that he wants to get back together.
By the end, you’ll know whether getting back with your ex is a live possibility, or whether it’s time to move on and find someone new.
We have a lot to get through!
1. He won’t make eye contact
It may not be the first thing you think of when trying to figure out if he wants you back or not, but it’s a pretty good tell. If he’s avoiding eye contact with you, he’s avoiding a very personal connection, one that you used to share a lot of.
He maybe isn’t being truthful when spending time with you. He’s afraid to tell you how he truly feels, or reveal it to you when he looks into your eyes. It’s a pretty clear sign that maybe he doesn’t want you back.
2. He doesn’t trust you (and doesn’t say why)
Trust is vital in any relationship.
If he doesn’t trust you, he doesn’t want to have a relationship with you. Beyond this, trying to keep a relationship alive with someone who has trust issues is most often a futile effort, and you’ll just end up hurting yourself in the end.
Without trust he has no reason to come back.
QUIZ: “Does my ex want me back?” If you still love your ex, then you’re probably asking yourself this question. I’ve put together a fun science-based quiz to help you figure it out. Take my quiz here.
3. He’s no longer there for you
When a man genuinely cares for a woman, she becomes his top priority.
He’ll keep you safe when you’re crossing a busy road. Check in on you when you’re feeling sick. Or just put his arm around you when you feel vulnerable.
Little things, sure. But they indicate a genuine desire to protect you from harm.
If he no longer does these things for you, then this is a pretty obvious sign he’s not coming back.
There’s actually a new concept in relationship psychology that sheds light on which men will come back to an ex, and which ones won’t. And it’s generating a lot of buzz at the moment.
It’s called the hero instinct.
According to the hero instinct, men have a biological drive to step up to the plate for the woman they care about. And to protect her from little and big things in life.
Relationship expert James Bauer discovered the hero instinct. Watch his excellent free introduction video about it here.
I think the hero instinct has a lot of merit – both as a way to know whether he’ll come back to you, and as a method to actually get him back.
Because you can actually trigger his hero instinct pretty easily.
Does he feel that you genuinely want and need to have him around? Or does he feel like a mere accessory, ‘best friend’, or ‘partner in crime’?
Because how you’re treating him now makes a big difference to whether he’ll come back to you.
There are words you use, phrases you can say, and little requests you can make that will trigger his hero instinct and force him to see you in a whole new light.
James Bauer reveals what you can do in his free video. Here’s a link to the video again.
4. He returned your stuff
One of the things that makes a breakup so hard is realizing how much of your life you shared with him. Clothes, personal items, things like this inevitably get swapped when you’re in a relationship.
They’re reminders of the life that you used to share before you separated. If he tries to give you your stuff back, it’s a clear sign that he doesn’t want any reminders of you in his life anymore, and he’s ready to move on for good.
5. He’s in a committed relationship
After a breakup, seeing other people is healthy. It helps to reestablish your own identity, and highlight that the person you were with isn’t the only type of person out there.
However, if your ex has been seeing someone regularly and is in a committed relationship with them, it’s a clear sign that he’s never coming back to you.
6. He suggests you move on
The idea of moving on might seem like the last thing you want to do after splitting from your ex. Especially if you hope to get back with him. Feeling like that is okay; you might not be ready to move on.
It takes time, have patience with yourself.
But if he’s suggesting that you move on from him and try to see other people, he’s trying to tell you that he’s never coming back. It may be a hard pill to swallow or the last thing you want him to say, but it’s one of the biggest signs he won’t be back.
However, it’s very easy to flip the script on him in this situation.
Try sending him this “Jealousy” text (courtesy of relationship expert Brad Browning):
— “I think it was a great idea that we decided to start dating other people. I do just want to be friends right now!” —
Jealousy is a powerful thing; use it to your advantage.
By sending him this text, you’re telling your ex that you’re actually dating other people right now… which will in turn make him jealous.
This is a good thing.
As I learned from Brad Browning, we’re all attracted to people wanted by others. By saying that you’re dating around already, you’re pretty much saying that “it’s your loss!”
After sending this text they’ll begin to feel attraction for you again because of this “fear of loss” – a very natural human instinct.
Brad is hands down my favorite “get your ex back” online coach.
Here’s a link to his free online video. He gives a number of useful tips that you can apply immediately to get your ex back.
7. He doesn’t want to hang out
Maybe you and your ex gave each other space for a while, a month or two, and you think it’s time to try and spend a little time together. This is a normal desire and if the breakup was for the most part mutual, it can be healthy, too.
But if he never wants to hang out with you, it’s a good sign he’s not coming back. If he doesn’t want to spend any time with you, his interests likely lie elsewhere and he’s moving on from you.
He’s moving on from the relationship you had and never looking back.
8. He avoids your friends
It’s likely you shared a friend group before you started dating, or maybe you made friends together. In either case, if your ex is trying to avoid your friends or the friends you shared as a couple, he’s probably never coming back.
It’s a clear sign, especially if he’s avoiding a friend group you two shared while you were together. He’s moving on with his life and making sure you aren’t part of it.
QUIZ: “Does my ex want me back?” We all ask this question at least once after a break up. I’ve put together a fun science-based quiz to help you figure it out. Take my quiz here.
9. He doesn’t make an effort
Maybe you’ve been trying to reach out to your ex to grab lunch and catch up. Maybe you’ve invited him a few places, or have just been trying to text him to keep some form of communication open between the two of you.
If you are the only one doing this, it’s likely he’s never coming back.
Ask yourself, is he showing any signs of reciprocation? If he’s not making an effort, he’s showing no signs that he’s interested in reestablishing a relationship with you.
10. He’s sleeping around
Seeing other people after a breakup can be a healthy and good thing to do. But if your ex is sleeping around with a lot of people, it’s a big sign that he’s not coming back.
If he’s sleeping around with other people, it’s a good indicator that he didn’t take the intimacy you shared very seriously, or it was never important to him in the first place.
In this case, he’s never coming back.
11. He chooses to spend time with other people
Reestablishing autonomy is a huge part of healing from a breakup.
But if your ex is consistently choosing to spend time with other people instead of you, or if he consistently flakes on you, this is a big sign he’s never coming back.
This behavior shows that you aren’t an important part of his life anymore. Having a romantic relationship with you again is the last thing on his list and the furthest thing from his mind.
12. He proposes friendship
Friendship between exes is a pretty common thing, especially if the breakup was mutual. But if friendship was your ex’s idea, he probably has zero interest in being romantic with you again.
If you really want your old relationship with him back, it’s up to you to decide if friendship would be healthy or if it would just be too difficult.
If he wants to be friends with you, it’s because he’s never coming back.
13. His body language is off
What’s your ex’s body language like when you’re with him? Does he show signs of interest? Or does he seem uncomfortable?
You’ll be able to tell almost immediately if his body language is off. Don’t ignore it in the hopes of having a relationship with him again.
If he twiddles his thumbs, seems nervous, breaks eye contact, or shies away from any of your gestures, it’s a big warning sign. He’s probably not interested in a relationship, and he’s not coming back.
14. He removes you from social media
The hard line of a breakup has been blurred by the connectivity of our world.
Even after a breakup, you still have a window into your ex’s life while you’re still connected on social media. While this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it can end up being a sign your ex doesn’t want you back.
If he stops following you, it’s because he doesn’t want to be reminded of you anymore. If he blocks you from his social media, it’s an even stronger sign that he’s never coming back and it’s time to move on.
15. He never texts you back
Texting is one of those things that really doesn’t take much effort.
People are busy, forgetful, and it’s not unusual to forget to respond to someone. It’s okay if it takes a long time for someone to reply.
However, if your ex never finds the time to respond to your messages, it’s a worrying sign. If your texts always go unanswered and you’re always texting first, it’s time to move on.
He’s never coming back.
16. He’s unapologetic about why you broke up
If your ex’s behavior was the cause of the breakup, did he apologize?
If he never said sorry for what he did, it’s a pretty clear sign he doesn’t want you back. Showing remorse is a sign that he still cares about you and cares about your feelings.
If he doesn’t care about your feelings, he’s probably never coming back. If he’s not sorry for what he did to hurt you and your relationship, then it’s probably a good idea to move on anyway because he doesn’t deserve you.
Why do I have this feeling that he’s going to come back to me?
Relationships are full of intense feelings.
Strong love, strong devotion, loyalty, a deep sense of attachment — these are all normal things to feel.
When that is taken away at the end of a relationship, it’s hard to find where those feelings should go; it’s hard to know how to feel about the person you broke up with.
After all, he may be pushing you away because he loves you, but he doesn’t know how to deal with those emotions.
Digesting these feelings and coping with the changes is different for everybody, so make sure to give yourself the time and space you need to heal.
A common feeling many people have after a breakup is the feeling that their ex is going to come back to them.
Why is that?
The common phrase “if you love something set it free. If it comes back it’s yours. If not, it was never meant to be,” has a lot of merit.
According to Psychology Today, giving somebody you love the freedom to choose is vital in a healthy relationship. When it comes to a breakup, the same principle applies.
In this case, giving your ex plenty of space away from the responsibility of a relationship gives them an opportunity. They have the ability to choose to come back to you. If they decide they want you again, it could end up with the two of you re-establishing a relationship.
Even if you saw one or two of the signs above, all is not lost. Here are the 5 clear cut five signs that he actually wants you back.
1. He makes sure you’re okay
If your ex checks in on you fairly regularly to see how you’re doing, it’s a good sign he still cares about you. If he worries about you and wants to make sure you’re okay, he still has feelings.
about you. If he worries about you and wants to make sure you’re okay, he still has feelings.
This brings me back to the hero instinct.
It’s probably the one theory in relationship psychology that explains why men fall in love with certain women – and when they’ll come back to you after a break up.
As James argues in his excellent free video, male desires are not complicated, just misunderstood. Instincts are powerful drivers of human behavior and this is especially true for how men approach their relationships.
How do you trigger this instinct in your ex?
In an authentic way, you simply have to show your man what you need and allow him to step up to fulfill it.
In his new video, James Bauer outlines several things you can do right now.
By triggering this very natural male instinct, you’ll not only give him greater satisfaction as a man but you’ll make him see that getting back with you is what he genuinely wants to do.
2. He makes an effort to keep a connection
Most breakups lead to all communication ceasing and the connection being fully broken. If your ex makes an effort to try to keep a connection between you, it’s a sign he might want you back.
Again, it shows that he cares about you still, and wants you in his life in some capacity. There might be potential for him to take you back.
3. He respects your space
If it’s space that you need and one of the reasons you two broke up, and he respects that space, it’s a good thing.
While it may not be the biggest indicator that he wants you back, it is a strong indicator that he cares about your feelings and is able to respect your wishes. If you’re ready to try again, he’s demonstrated that he has the ability to respect you.
QUIZ: To help you work out whether your ex wants you back, I’ve created a brand new quiz. I’m going to tell it to you straight based on your own situation. Check out my quiz here.
4. He talks about the times when you were dating
It’s pretty often in a breakup that the memories you shared are soured by bad blood. It’s hard to remember the good times through the grief. Maybe he doesn’t want to remember them at all and just move on from you entirely.
But if he talks about memories of your relationship fondly, or brings them up from time to time, it’s a strong indicator that he still thinks about you a lot.
It’s a strong sign that he still has an interest in you and he might want you back.
5. He says he’s not ready to date again
There are a lot of personal factors that go into whether or not somebody resumes dating soon after a split. If your ex is hesitant to start dating again and expresses that to you, it’s probably because he still has feelings.
His feelings for you might still be too strong to think about other people. He might not want to be with anybody else besides you.
If you hear him say he’s not ready to date other girls, it’s a sign he might just want you back.
Summing it up
Life after a breakup can be a confusing and difficult time. Dealing with the loss and processing the life change takes time, and it takes healing.
Be patient with yourself.
Understanding why you feel this way will help you heal. If you’re plagued with doubt and don’t know if he wants you back, it’s a huge help to be able to identify the signs that he’s never coming back.
It’s also important to determine if you really do want your ex back in your life, or if the heartbreak and loss are clouding your judgement. It’s a huge help to be able to identify the signs that he might just want you back.
In either case, it’s important to make sure you are dealing with things in a healthy way and giving yourself the space and time to heal.
Moving on and growing from the ashes of an ended relationship might just be the best thing to happen to you. And who knows what you’ll find next!
FREE eBook: 4 Steps to Starting Over With An Ex
Do you want to get back with your ex?
Then you need to check out our FREE eBook, The Ex Back Handbook.
We have one goal in mind with this book: to help you win back an ex (for good!).
If you want a foolproof plan to reverse your break up, you’re going to love this guide.
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