Paul Brian
Commitment talk scares men.
Talking about the subject, even with a woman they adore, tends to spook them big time.
They hear an expectation and they get the strong urge to run in the opposite direction.
Even if they do “commit,” when a woman pressures them, a man is likely to eventually cheat, leave or disconnect if he previously felt forced into something serious.
Here are better ways to tell if he will eventually commit to you, as well as how to help the process along without it backfiring.
1) He makes you his priority
We all have priorities.
Work, school, family, relationships, friendship, hobbies, you name it.
When it comes to clear signs he will eventually commit to you, look at whether he makes you his priority.
This does not mean he will spend every waking moment answering your messages or being with you.
Even married men have their own lives, feelings and schedules that don’t always involve their wives.
If you’re his priority, you’ll know.
Watch for:
- Whether he’s genuinely interested in spending time together
- Whether he puts other people ahead of you
- Whether he responds enthusiastically or neutrally to your messages
- And so on…
If he doesn’t make you his priority, he’s unlikely to fully commit.
If he does, then commitment is certainly in the cards down the road.
2) He introduces you to those close to him
The next of the clear signs he will eventually commit to you is that he introduces you to those close to him such as his friends and family.
This is a genuinely important point that can’t be emphasized enough.
A man who is not very serious about you is not going to want to make you part of his life.
He may enjoy sleeping with you or find you amusing or interesting, but if he doesn’t actually bring you into his inner circle, you’re not girlfriend or wife material for him.
That doesn’t mean that his assessment is fair, but it’s a definite warning sign.
A man who truly wants you to be his partner and is open to eventual commitment is going to bring you into his inner circle.
Period.
3) He does helpful things for you
I remember when I had a crush on a classmate in elementary school as a youngster.
I expressed that crush by bringing my beloved her pencil case from the cubby hole and doing other thoughtful things.
Adult males are the same.
If he likes you and wants something real with you, he’s going to do helpful things for you.
What is this?
It’s called the hero instinct.
Relationship counselor and psychologist James Bauer discovered this while helping thousands of men and women find love and commitment.
What he found was that men are driven by primal biological impulses that haven’t changed even over thousands of years…
Men need to feel needed and valued.
They need to feel like a man.
And there are specific and simple ways for a woman to make them feel this way and want to commit.
James has a great free video about this here.
4) He’s proud and public about your relationship together
A man who is open to committing to you (and only you) will be proud about being with you.
He will be publicly open that you are his girlfriend and that he has feelings for you.
He won’t stop holding your hand as soon as you reach a public place…
He won’t vaguely mumble when explaining who you are to a friend…
This is not to say that any serious guy is going to be open to PDAs (public displays of affection).
But he will not shy away from at least saying who you are to him.
He will be proud of being exclusive.
Proud of being committed to you…
And happy to hear you say that he’s your guy, too.
He might even blush when you say it.
5) He helps you achieve the goals that matter to you
The next of the key and clear signs he will eventually commit to you is that he helps you out with your goals.
Whether those goals be professional, personal development, health and wellness or even a vacation you really want to take, he’s there encouraging you and helping it to happen.
He wants to see you be happy and reach those objectives and desires that matter to you.
He’ll do just about anything just to see you smile.
6) He genuinely celebrates your wins in life
When you have a big win in life or experience enormous success, he’s also there for you.
He’s cheering you on every step of the way and being by your side to celebrate your victories.
This is the behavior of a guy who loves you for real and is definitely open to getting more serious and committing.
If he only celebrates your wins and ditches you when times get tough, then he’s just a fairweather partner.
But if he’s there for your good times and your bad times, then he’s the real deal.
Which brings me to the next clear sign he will commit to you…
7) He supports you when times get tough
Life gets hard for all of us, and when it does, those who truly care rise to the surface every time.
If a man is serious about you and open to committing fully down the road, he’s going to be by your side when times get tough.
Whether it’s a health crisis or an emotional breakdown, this man will be by your side.
He may not provide tons of advice, but he will be a shoulder to cry on.
And he will be willing and able to help you.
This means that he’s not just there for the good times. He’s not a fairweather partner.
He wants to be your man for real, and he intends to prove it.
8) He shows you who he really is and what motivates him
The next of the clear signs he will eventually commit to you is that he opens up to you.
I don’t mean crying on the couch to Oprah and telling you his secret crush in high school or the kind of “girl talk” that men are supposedly encouraged to do these days…
It’s more like he will show you his heart for real:
What drives him in life, what traumas shaped him, what triumphs lifted him up.
He’ll talk about how he ended up in his career, what he loves and what he hates.
If he only tells you things that make you fall for him more then it’s a bit suspect.
The way to know if it’s for real is that he really bares his soul to you in terms of what drives him.
In other words he’s willing to admit that he’s not just this ideal image that others may have, nor are all his issues necessarily “small.”
Because the truth is that once you get to know someone well you often find out that their problems are a lot bigger and more pressing than they may have appeared when first getting to know them.
Which brings up the next point…
9) He doesn’t hide his “shadow” from you
A man who’s serious about committing to you is going to show you who he really is.
He’ll make a conscious decision to do so.
If he’s had issues with gambling or depression or anger, he’ll tell you.
If you love hip hop but he thinks it’s sh*t, he might not be so blunt about it…
But he will be open to you that he has a tendency to be judgmental.
This is all about showing you his worst so that you know he’s a real person with real failings.
No real love and commitment is based on pure agreement and harmony. That’s not love, that’s just passing the time.
Love and commitment are about real connection and knowing someone at a deeper level, including knowing their pain and them knowing yours.
I don’t want to be too unromantic here, but the reason he opens up to you about his shadow and challenges isn’t usually spontaneous or part of some cinematic, grand disclosure.
It’s more intentional.
It’s more of a decision that he’s making because he likes you for real.
As such, you deserve to know both the pleasant and unpleasant things about him.
Far too often, a guy who appears too perfect on the surface turns out to be a monster.
By contrast, some guys who seem quite iffy on the surface turn out to be a diamond in the rough for the partner willing to put in the time and truly love them.
He knows that if you’re ever going to really love him for who he is, then he needs to open up to you about every part of him, including the parts that aren’t all sunshine and rainbows.
And he’s looking for the same in you.
10) He wants to be your hero and knight in shining armor
Earlier I mentioned the hero instinct and how it’s helped many people find love and understand more about how to get a guy to commit.
We d0n’t live in a world of damsels in distress…
Men don’t wear shiny armor and hold lances, except at historical reenactments…
But those instincts haven’t gone anywhere.
In fact, modern life and all the skyscrapers and smooth sliding doors have only made this male need to be a hero even stronger.
Men feel less necessary, less needed than perhaps ever before in history.
That’s why they gravitate and fall in love with women who hold them to a high standard and expect them to be real men and heroes for them.
This is often in small, subtle ways, but it’s very powerful.
If you haven’t seen James Bauer’s free video on the hero instinct yet, I strongly urge you to check it out here.
11) The lines of communication are always open with him
When a guy is open to commitment, he stays in touch.
No matter how casual or serious you are right now, he doesn’t leave you hanging.
He does not leave you on read unless he’s truly occupied or in an emergency.
Even if he’s a man who doesn’t spend a lot of time around his phone, he checks in with you or gives you a call back when you call.
He doesn’t give you the cold shoulder or play mind games in turning his affection on and off for you.
He’s not a player and he’s consistent with keeping the lines of communication open with you.
12) He gets a little bit jealous now and then
Jealousy gets a bad reputation, and that’s fair…
After all, jealous people often do nasty things like fight, swear and sulk…
But the emotion of jealousy isn’t always a toxic nightmare like it’s cracked up to be.
Jealousy that wants to possess and control is clearly a symptom of insecurity and toxicity.
But slight jealousy based on desire can be a real symptom of love.
The man who truly wants to commit is going to show a little hint of jealousy when you’re giving lots of attention to others.
I’m not talking about the “where are you?” questions and aggressiveness…
It’s more that you’ll be clear from his expressions and subtle behavior that he wants you to know how special you are to him and how he loves spending time with you.
Clear as day.
13) He deals with conflict and tensions honestly and fully
When conflicts come up, how does he respond?
A man who’s not very stable and doesn’t really want to build something long-term is likely to fly off the handle.
In this case, either his impulses have gotten the better of him or he doesn’t really care enough to bother controlling his temper.
Both are not great and spell disaster for any future relationship.
A man who wants to get serious is going to treat conflict carefully.
He’ll listen to what you have to say and try to keep tensions and tempers down for the simple reason that he cares about you enough to do almost anything to make it work.
14) He has no issue with general talk about the future
The next of the clear signs he will eventually commit to you is that he has no issue about general talk of the future.
Even if he’s not yet talking about commitment or commitment-adjacent subjects (see next sign), the future in general is an open book.
He’s willing to discuss his plans, what he cares about most in his work life and places or situations he’d like to seek out down the road.
This is a good sign if you’re hoping he’ll get serious.
The only exception is when he talks about the future while implying or suggesting that it will be more of a solo future, in which case it’s a lot different.
15) He brings up the subject of commitment voluntarily
At the beginning of the article I mentioned that commitment talk scares men.
It does.
But that’s when it’s coming from someone else.
If and when a man decides that he wants to commit, such talk actually pumps him up.
That’s why the last, but very important sign he will eventually commit to you is that he brings the subject.
Whether that’s in the form of marriage, kids, moving in together or talking about the exclusivity and specialness of your relationship, it will be clear he’s talking about affirming the seriousness of what you have.
This sign couldn’t be clearer!
Ready to run?
Men are not always scared of commitment.
The idea of committing to a woman I love appeals to me very much.
The problem with a woman bringing up and talking about commitment too early is that it tends to lead directly to commitment resistance from a man.
Commitment has to come naturally and a man has to truly want it with you and nobody else.
Here’s the good news:
If he has feelings for you and is attracted to you;
And:
If you appeal to his hero instinct and understand the signs to look out for?
It’s just a matter of time until he commits and gives you his whole heart.
