Daniela Duca Damian
Almost every man pulls away from a relationship at some point in his life.
Some men do it at the beginning of a relationship when things go great.
Others tend to distance themselves when things get serious in a relationship.
Their reasons vary and they are not always related to the woman they are involved with.
Most of the time, they go back. However, on rare occasions, they don’t.
If you are tired of wondering if he will come back after pulling away, read the signs below to find out for sure!
Will a guy come back after pulling away?
Every man is different, and depending on his reasons, he may or may not go back to his relationship.
Examples of reasons a guy may have to pull away are:
- He has pressing issues to deal with which you don’t know about.
- He is too busy at work and/or with personal goals.
- He doesn’t have the financial stability to be in a relationship.
- He met someone else and would like to give her a try.
- He is unsure about his feelings for you.
- He just needs to spend some time alone.
- He is afraid that he will lose his freedom
You can read more about the reasons men pull away here. I encourage you to do so, especially if you don’t know why your guy is pulling away.
Nick Bastion, a writer for Vixen Daily, advises that regardless of his reasons, the best thing you can possibly do is:
“To play it cool and let him come back on his own. That way, when he deals with whatever he’s dealing with, he’ll realize that he’s missing you in his life, and close the space between you all on his own.”
I know that playing it cool is the last thing you want to do, but here’s a word of encouragement from Kokoski, writer for Medium:
“Many men come back after pulling away. It really depends on the reason he pulled away in the first place.”
Signs he will come back after pulling away
Even if he doesn’t know it yet, he can still give you signs that he will come back.
1) He didn’t cut all ties with you
Although your guy pulled away, he didn’t cut all the ties with you. This is a sign that he doesn’t want you completely out of his life.
“In many cases, people cut off because they have painful interactions with people that are reminiscent of the abuse in their past.”, says Rod White, a psychotherapist, and spiritual director.
Since your man didn’t do it, it means he enjoys his interactions with you. Seeing what you’re up to (on social media, for example) doesn’t cause him any pain.
This is a good sign, too, in case you were blaming yourself for his distancing. Maybe you were not the reason and he just needs to sort some things out.
2) He still responds to your calls and texts
This man didn’t disappear from your life. He’s just more distant and preoccupied with things you probably don’t know about.
You might think he’s seeing someone else, but most often these thoughts have no reasonable explanation. It’s just your anxiety speaking, based on your fears and insecurities.
Let me remind you that a person who loves themselves is much more desirable and lovable than one who doesn’t think they are worthy of love.
Although not as fast and often as before, your guy still texts you back and returns your calls. He might not be as enthusiastic and as responsive as you’d like, but he is not completely ignoring you.
While we’re at it make sure you don’t make THIS texting mistake when you contact him.
3) He interacts with you on social media
Social media is a big part of our lives, so it makes sense to also consider it when it comes to your love life.
A simple reaction from him means a lot. It’s a sign he is still interested in you and he isn’t afraid to show it.
So if he hits the Like button from time to time, especially to posts that include him, his intentions may not be clear.
Well, at least you know you are still on his radar.
Maybe he wants you to notice his presence on social media, but you don’t know which signs to look out for.
Watching your stories and tagging you are just two of the 12 signs he wants you to notice him on social media.
4) His inner hero is yet to be released
There’s a pretty decent chance he’ll come back, but only on one condition:
You appeal to his inner hero.
I learned about this from the hero instinct. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this revolutionary concept is about three main drivers all men have, deeply ingrained in their DNA.
This is something most women don’t know about.
But once triggered, these drivers make men into the heroes of their own lives. They feel better, love harder, and commit stronger when they find someone who knows how to trigger this.
Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”? Do guys really need to feel like superheroes to commit to a woman?
Not at all. Forget about Marvel. You won’t need to play the damsel locked in the tower to make him see you as the one.
The truth is, it comes at no cost or sacrifice to you. With only a few small changes in how you approach him, you’ll tap into a part of him no woman has tapped into before.
The easiest way to do this is by checking out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12 word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.
Because that’s the beauty of the hero instinct.
It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he wants you and only you.
All of that and more is included in this informative free video, so make sure to check it out if you want to make him yours for good.
Here’s a link to the free video again.
5) He shares his achievements online
This sign is especially important for situations when he pulled away because he needed to work on his goals.
If he’s bragging about his latest achievement online, it means he succeeded and now feels better about himself.
These are two important aspects that certain men feel the need to have in check before committing to someone.
So, he could come back to you as an improved man if all he needed was some space and time alone to work on his goals.
Of course, this goes too if he tells you personally about something that he managed to achieve. In fact, it’s a better sign than seeing for yourself online.
However, this may not be relevant in all cases. You have to use your own judgment when you’re looking for signs he will come back.
6) He asks other people about you
Put yourself in his shoes for a second. Would you ask his friends about him if you weren’t still interested in him? Probably not.
My point is, if he tries to find out what you’re up to from your acquaintances, friends, or even family, he’s probably not over the idea of committing to you.
Dumb Little Man confirms it: “If he keeps in contact with your friends and asks them about you, then it means that you still hold a place in his heart and that he still misses you and loves you.”
Something is, however, still stopping him from coming back to you in full force. You can choose to have patience if people often tell you he asks about you.
Or, you can live your life to the fullest and not miss a second waiting for a man who can’t decide whether he wants you or not.
It’s your choice.
7) He behaved like this in the past
Does he play a game of hot and cold with you?
Some men see dating differently these days. They see it as a game and they also follow a lot of bad relationship advice.
Amelia Prinn, relationship and marriage writer, thinks that “The game of hot and cold is, without a doubt, one of the biggest modern weapons for playing with the human psyche and destroying the body, mind, and soul!”
She also explains that this game includes (in this order) seduction, manipulation, and abandonment, on repeat.
So, if you identify this type of behavior in your man, then he probably got caught in the illusion of a game that doesn’t really work in real life.
When he goes hot again (because he most probably will), take the opportunity to talk to him about this and discover his true intentions.
8) He initiates contact more often
Your man has been pulling away for a while now, but you notice that lately, he contacts you more often.
Maybe one time doesn’t count because he really needed something from you or had a good reason to call or text.
However, if he does it more than once, maybe he’s just making up excuses to talk to you.
We’ve already established that he isn’t completely ignoring you or ghosting you, so a good sign he will come back is if he calls or texts first.
But what can you to speed up the process of getting him back?
Send this “No Communication” text
— “You’re right. It’s best that we don’t talk right now, but I would like to be friends eventually.” —
This one needs to be sent to him at the right time for it to be truly effective.
What you’re really communicating with him is that you don’t really need to talk anymore. In essence, you’re saying that you don’t really need him anymore.
So what’s so good about this?
Well, you induce a “fear of loss” in your ex which will trigger their attraction for you again.
I learned about this text from Brad Browning, who has helped thousands of men and women get their exes back. He goes by the moniker of “the relationship geek”, for good reason.
In this free video, he’ll show you exactly what you can do to make your ex want you again.
No matter what your situation is — or how badly you’ve messed up since the two of you broke up — he’ll give you a number of useful tips that you can apply immediately.
Here’s a link to his free video again. If you really want your ex back, this video will help you do this.
9) He is not dating anyone
This point is tricky, too, because sometimes, men go on dates just to make other women jealous, not because they are really interested.
However, if he doesn’t bother playing games and he is not dating anyone (as far as you know), he could be, in fact, just preoccupied with other aspects of his life.
It’s not that he is pulling away from you; he stays away from any female interest. While this may be hard to understand, you can still take it as a sign.
None of these situations guarantees that he will come back to you. Maybe he is taking a break from seeing anyone.
If you’re not convinced, read the 10 reasons modern dating makes it hard to find someone. After finding out what they are, you won’t panic even if he does go out on dates.
10) He wants to take things slow
When you notice a guy pulling away, it could mean that the relationship is going too fast for him.
Without having a chance to talk to you about it, he might have taken a few steps back as a way to protect himself from feeling overwhelmed.
Pulling away could have been part of his plan to take things slow and there’s no point in overthinking his decision because he probably acted out of instinct.
You may be wondering why he didn’t openly talk to you about it. It’s the same reason you have when you look for signs he will come back, and not talk to him instead.
Communication isn’t easy and, for some people, it is a real struggle to find the right words to express their feelings.
Just think about how you’d express yourself if you felt overwhelmed. It’s hard to put into words, isn’t it?
If you want to learn more about why men frequently run away from love, watch the below video which goes over 5 common reasons.
11) He doesn’t see things in black and white
For him, any attempt to define your relationship is a reason to pull away.
He is not the type of person who sees things in black and white. In other words, he doesn’t want to commit to you in the classical sense, but he doesn’t want to not be together either.
In fact, this is about his indecisiveness. If this is where things stand with him, then he knows he can pull away and come back anytime he wants.
You can’t control his actions, but you can control yours. If this is you, it could be useful to take a minute and reflect.
Is he really the type of guy that you want to come back to you?
Listen to what Justin Brown has to say about the 10 personality traits that make him a good man worth keeping.
12) He wants to spend less time alone
According to Forbes, spending time alone increases one’s empathy, productivity, and creativity. In addition, it’s useful for building mental strength and planning for the future.
In other words, if he said he needed space, it could be because he indeed needed it to solve the things that he wanted or had to.
If he is more available lately and wants to spend less time alone, it could mean that distancing himself from you actually worked for his goals or whatever he had to figure out.
This may not be fair to you, and I understand your frustration. However, if you want this guy back, you have to at least try to understand him, too.
In the meantime, here are 9 things you can do when your partner doesn’t have time for you.
13) He starts making plans with you again
After pulling away, your partner begins to timidly plan something with you again. Don’t think about anything big (unless he is playing the hold and cold game).
He shows some sort of interest in keeping in touch and doing something with you in the future.
Every guy is different, so there’s no way in telling what he could suggest doing.
You’ll have to stay sharp and analyze his behavior in case it starts changing in this direction.
Or, maybe he doesn’t want a relationship with you and just wants to be friends.
To stop wondering, I suggest reading these 35 painful signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you anymore.
Or, maybe you can use reverse psychology on him and pull away from him as well.
When he pulls away, should I do the same? 15 key things to know.
14) He gets jealous when other men flirt with you
Although jealousy is not a trait a desirable man should have, it can tell you two things about him:
• He feels insecure and has low self-esteem
Your man may be pulling away because he isn’t confident enough and he feels unworthy of your love.
If he gets visibly uncomfortable and defensive when another man approaches you, or when you mention another guy, then it means he’s jealous.
He will probably come back to you if he works on his personal development.
• He loves you and acts based on oxytocin
Oxytocin is also called the love hormone and it floods your brain when you love someone.
“Oxytocin affects behaviors such as trust, empathy, and generosity, also affects opposite behaviors, such as jealousy and gloating.” found a recent study done at the University of Haifa.
In other words, instead of showering you with affection, he could be doing the opposite as a result of this hormone’s influence. But, if he loves you, he might come back.
15) His body language says so
Assuming that you still meet him in person, there are a few body language signs you can look out for to figure out whether he is still attracted to you or not.
For example, if a man gets very close to you physically, walks by your side, mirrors your facial expressions, and watches his posture when he’s with you, there is a big chance he’s still into you.
There are many, many other body language signs a man is into you, such as tilting his head in two directions when you talk to him. This means he’s curious about what you’re saying.
So, next time you two meet, try to analyze his body language objectively. In this way, you might find out valuable information on his feelings for you.
If he’s still attracted to you and you see him from time to time, there’s a big chance he’ll come back.
While you wait, read the 10 surprising quirky girl traits men are attracted to, to gain even more confidence!
16) He appears to you in your dreams
The most logical explanation when you dream about someone is that they are on your mind, not the other way around.
Even so, according to Psychic News Daily, there is a slight chance for you to experience something that is called dream telepathy.
In other words, you are dreaming about him because he is thinking of you.
In case this happens to you, pay attention to what he’s saying in your dreams, what you do, and how he makes you feel.
These could be indicators of your relationship.
However, PND notes that if you have negative dreams about him, they could be generated by your fears and insecurities:
“When people dream about other people, it usually has more to do with the dreamer’s life, not the other person’s.”
So, it’s up to you whether you’d like to consider this spiritual sign. Who knows, maybe he’s your soulmate or twin flame.
17) He feels right for you
Last, but not least, if your gut feeling is telling you he’s the one, then maybe you should take it as a sign he will come back.
If all the signs point towards him not coming back to you, but you strongly feel his presence and crave for him, there is still hope.
Not every aspect of interpersonal connection can be fully explained psychologically speaking, so there’s nothing wrong with embracing spiritual signs, too.
According to Psychology Today, “Our gut feelings are often correct. Gut feelings do have their value in complex decision-making.”
Seymour Epstein, author, and psychologist, explains intuition beautifully:
“Intuition involves a sense of knowing without knowing how one knows.”
In other words, don’t disregard what your gut is telling you. Not even if all the odds are against him coming back to you.
How long is the pull-back phase?
So, how long should you wait for him to come back to you?
The answer is that you shouldn’t wait for him. You should live your best life and decide what to do about him if he approaches you in the future.
However, if you truly want this guy back, you’re probably wondering how long it typically takes men to decide what they want.
Studies show that it takes a man 6-7 months to decide whether the woman he’s dating is “the one”.
Even so, this timeframe refers to active dating, not to the pull-back phase. Regardless, it can give you a clue about your relationship in general.
As for the pull-back phase, if it’s caused by his interests and goals, it may take as long as he requires to deal with them.
Conversely, although this might hurt, if he’s seeing someone else, this phase may never end. Hoping he will come back is useless regardless of his intentions.
Medium got to the conclusion that “There is no definite time limit, but if a guy likes you, he will usually pull away for no longer than a few days or a week at most”.
Final thoughts
By now you should have a better idea of whether he’ll come back after pulling away.
So the key now is getting through to your man in a way that empowers both him and you.
I mentioned the concept of the hero instinct earlier – by appealing directly to his innate drivers, you won’t only solve this issue, but you’ll make sure he never pulls away again.
And since this free video reveals exactly how to trigger your man’s hero instinct, you could make this change from as early as today.
With James Bauer’s incredible concept, he’ll see you as the only woman for him. So if you’re ready to take that plunge, before sure to check out his revolutionary advice.
