If you’re having a hard time getting through to your boyfriend or husband, it can feel like shouting into a storm.
Is this guy even listening anymore, or is he just hurting a lot and you need to push harder?
Here are the tough signs that he really does want you to leave him alone right now…
…Along with effective advice on how to get through to your man in his darkest hour without it backfiring.
20 signs he wants you to leave him alone (and what you can do about it)
1) He spends more time with his friends than you
One of the clearest signs he wants you to leave him alone is that he starts spending more time with his friends than with you.
Times that used to generally be spent together are now different.
Instead of allocating his free time to be with you, he’s out with other friends, at other events or pursuing other interests.
If he wanted you to tag along, he could invite you.
The fact that he doesn’t ask you to come along speaks volumes.
It’s just another way of him asking to be left alone.
2) He argues with you over every possible thing
Every relationship has its issues and stress points which get pressed from time to time.
But if you notice that your guy is suddenly arguing about almost everything that comes up, it could just be his way of telling you he wants to be alone.
A common response from a person who wants to be in solitude is to basically become an emotional porcupine.
Does he brush off your attempts to smooth things over and seemingly want some kind of tension or disagreement to hang in the air?
That’s usually him using it as a pretext to basically get time and space away from you.
3) He rarely answers your texts or calls
Another one of the disturbing signs he wants you to leave him alone is that he rarely answers texts or calls.
When you call, it goes to voicemail or his phone is simply disconnected.
You may see that he’s seen your texts but he just doesn’t respond.
What’s worse is that he may not even give an excuse for answering and just shrug if you ask him, or roll his eyes.
This is him asking to be left alone in no uncertain terms.
Doing this with the wrong woman is also him asking to be broken up with, but I’ll get to that later…
4) He barely ever talks to you
Another one of the most common signs he wants you to leave him alone is that he’s completely uncommunicative.
He rarely talks anymore, and when he does it’s in monosyllables or grunts.
He doesn’t want to open up to you, and the more you try the more he closes down.
It can be at times like these that you can really use the insights of a relationship expert.
Want advice specific to your situation?
While this article explores the main reasons guys don’t pay attention to their girlfriend, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your specific situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and your experiences…
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations, like how to know exactly why your boyfriend is ignoring you, without making him feel pressured or uncomfortable.
They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.
How do I know?
Well, I reached out to them a few months ago when I was going through a tough patch in my own relationship.
After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track and doing better than ever.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
5) His social media interactions with you are minimal
Depending on the seriousness of your relationship with this man, you may be connected via social media.
As someone who’s middle-of-the-road and not a huge fan of social media, I can understand that not all guys use it a lot.
But if you notice that he’s generally online and interacts a lot but has simply stopped interacting with you, then it’s definitely one of the biggest signs he wants you to leave him alone.
All of us can make time for the people we care about, even if it’s just clicking a like briefly on something they say or commenting on a post they did.
If he never watches anything you post and rarely interacts with you in any way online while you’re apart, then it could be his way of asking for space.
6) He tells you he’s having personal issues and needs time
If a guy you’re seeing says he’s having “personal issues” this is basically him telling you he wants to be alone and needs time.
Using the word personal is the same as saying he doesn’t want to talk about it.
If he says this and you press for more details you are quite likely to end up in a fight or with him withdrawing emotionally from you even further.
Whatever his personal issues are, and however much they don’t involve you, he clearly wants some time alone and away from you.
7) He says he needs to ‘think’ about your relationship
Another big warning and top sign he wants you to leave him alone is when he says he needs time to “think” about where your relationship is going.
What does this actually mean?
Frankly, it really depends on the context and where your relationship is currently at.
Generally it means that he is either feeling unsure of his feelings and commitment to you or is having problems of his own that are making him consider pulling the plug.
If he says he needs time to think over your relationship, you can try to engage him in more conversation and find out what’s going on, but don’t be surprised if he shuts down even further.
8) He physically avoids you and abstains from sex
Depending on your level of physical intimacy, another of the top signs he wants you to leave him alone is that he stops wanting to be close to you.
He doesn’t like touching, hugging, kissing or making love.
He refrains from being in the same room alone with you when possible and if he is he may act awkward or shy away from your touch.
This is a really awful thing to have happen for a woman or man, and if it’s going on with you, then you’re likely very confused and hurt.
What can you do about it? This needs to be approached carefully, and pushing too hard can cause him to shrink into his shell completely…
It’s definitely something which the coaches at Relationship Hero can help you understand further like I was recommending earlier.
9) He spends more time away from you than before
Another one of the crucial signs he wants you to leave him alone is that he geographically distances himself from you.
If you’re in New York, he’s suddenly deciding that he’ll move to Philadelphia.
If you move to a neighborhood close to him, he just so happens to have to move to somewhere else quite far away.
If you live in the same house, he starts to have a vastly different sleeping schedule than you and almost never sees you.
Then he starts spending endless amounts of time in his study or den asking to be allowed to “focus” on a project he is doing.
Translation: leave me alone.
10) He barely ever makes eye contact with you
Eye contact is often the first way we meet someone and take a romantic interest in them.
If he barely ever makes eye contact with you and seems to actively avoid your gaze, it can be one of the strongest signs he wants you to leave him alone.
This is painful, especially if it’s happening with a man who you have deep feelings for and are seriously committed to.
What are you supposed to do when the person you love won’t even lock eyes with you for a moment?
11) He no longer seems invested in the relationship
Your guy may be a real rock, and if so that’s awesome.
But far too many guys who want to be left alone have simply switched off and decided the relationship no longer matters to them anymore.
One key to find out what’s going on is to ask yourself the following question:
Does he ever offer to help out?
And if so, with what?
You see, for guys, it’s all about triggering their inner hero.
I learned about this from the hero instinct. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept is about what really drives men in relationships, which is ingrained in their DNA.
And it’s something most women don’t know anything about.
Once triggered, these drivers make men into the heroes of their own lives. They feel better, love harder, and commit stronger when they find someone who knows how to trigger it.
Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”? Do guys really need to feel like superheroes to commit to a woman?
Not at all. Forget about Marvel. You won’t need to play the damsel in distress or buy your man a cape.
The truth is, it comes at no cost or sacrifice to you. With only a few small changes in how you approach him, you’ll tap into a part of him no woman has tapped into before.
The easiest thing to do is to check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12 word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.
Because that’s the beauty of the hero instinct.
It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he wants you and only you and that getting off the couch will actually make his life a lot better!
12) He makes lots of plans that don’t include you
Similarly to point one, another of the most important signs he wants you to leave him alone is that he makes plans which leave you out.
This could be things like his career plans, vacations, or even where to live.
If you are quite serious with him, then it’s reasonable to expect that he would at least factor you in when deciding his next steps.
Finding out that he hasn’t and that he’s actively excluding you is hurtful to say the least.
It can also make you reevaluate everything about your relationship and its future potential.
13) He makes work a priority over you
All of us fortunate enough to have work must balance various priorities in our personal and professional life.
But if you find that work is suddenly becoming a huge priority for your man and you’re not sure why, it could be that he’s using it to block your access to him.
Sometimes a closed office door or a pair of headphones that seem permanently in his ears as he works away on his laptop is a way for him to get rid of you.
He wants to be left alone and work just happens to be a way he can have a great pretext for that while also earning some money.
In the mind of a man who wants to be left alone by his girlfriend or wife it’s a win-win.
14) He becomes passionate about something new which you don’t like
We all have the right to pursue our passions and hobbies, including your man.
But one of the biggest signs he wants you to leave him alone is that he suddenly takes up a new, very time-consuming hobby which doesn’t include you in any way.
Maybe he’s started collecting obscure military memorabilia and spends days and weekends out of town attending collector shows.
It’s suddenly all he talks about and he’s looking for that one rare French medal from World War One as if his life depended on it.
As for you? He barely even notices your presence, and unless you were holding that medal he wants, you might as well be a cardboard cutout in a mall advertising shoes or something.
He’s fully into his new hobby and leaving you behind, which is another way of saying “leave me alone, I don’t want to talk to you.”
15) He clearly feels uncomfortable being part of your life
Your boyfriend may still love you and want to be with you but just feel unsure about how he fits into your life and whether you still need him around.
There’s a way to tell if this is the case, and it generally is that he acts strange and distant, but still seems to really want you.
If you’re experiencing this kind of emotional and physical distance it can be hard to know what to do…
This can sometimes require you to give him a bit of a “nudge” to show him that he is indeed still a much-valued and much-needed part of your life.
As I talked about earlier, men’s desire to commit is closely linked to an evolutionary drive which relationship psychologist James Bauer calls the hero instinct.
When a man is truly in it for the long haul, he’s not scared off by a little drama.
He loves you for who you are, and wants to do everything he can to help you out.
Your side of the equation is to show him that not only is his help, advice and solidarity appreciated, it’s actively needed.
Because here’s the thing:
When a man feels respected, useful, and needed, he’s more likely to get a strong urge to commit and stop taking you for granted or ignoring you.
And the best part is, triggering his hero instinct can be as simple as knowing the right thing to say over a text.
You can learn exactly what to do by watching this simple and genuine video by James Bauer.
16) He leaves you on read
Sometimes I wonder if the Big Tech engineers behind apps like Twitter and Whatsapp invented the “read” function just to mess with relationships.
Depending on your settings, for example, Whatsapp will show you a double blue checkmark to indicate somebody has opened and read your message.
Likewise, apps like Twitter will show you a blue check to indicate you’ve been read.
Instagram and Facebook, meanwhile, both of which are now run by “Meta,” will indicate a “Seen” notification once the recipient has read what you sent.
One of the top signs he wants you to leave him alone is that he will read what you send him and simply…not respond.
It’s hard to send a clearer message than that.
17) He goes on long trips without you
Another of the clearest signs he wants time alone is that he goes on long trips without you.
Maybe he goes camping with friends or goes on a family reunion tour that came out of the blue.
In one way or another, he’s creating real physical distance between you while also letting you know that spending time with you is not currently his priority.
18) He hints at how he feels stifled in the relationship
Relationships can be very hard for some people, especially those who have anxious or avoidant trends they inherited from childhood issues.
If he hints at how he feels stifled in the relationship, it’s a strong indicator that he wants to be left alone at this time.
It’s also probable that he’s more of the avoidant type who begins to withdraw and pull away when somebody comes on strong or gets more serious about a commitment.
This is exactly the type of situation where I’d recommend the relationship coaches at Relationship Hero that I mentioned earlier.
19) He never opens up to you about what’s going on
Another one of the top signs he wants you to leave him alone is that he just never opens up to you.
He may act mostly normal, but as soon as there’s any real question about how he’s doing, what he’s thinking or what he’s feeling…he’s miles away.
It’s frustrating for this happen and very hard for you as a woman to know what to do.
If you push he withdraws more, if you let it go he just keeps doing it.
20) He’s never the one to start a conversation first
Looking at messages and thinking back to conversations, who is initiating?
One of the largest signs he wants you to leave him alone is that he never starts conversations.
He treats interactions like a necessary burden he just wants to deal with and move on from.
He rarely smiles at you or makes eye contact and he basically doesn’t speak or message unless you do first.
He wants to be left alone.
Should you leave him alone for good?
If your boyfriend wants to be left alone, it raises a simple question:
Should you leave him alone for good?
Or is this just a temporary thing?
By now you should have a better idea of why your boyfriend wants you to leave him alone.
So the key now is what to do about it!
The key is getting through to your man in a way that empowers both him and you.
I mentioned the concept of the hero instinct earlier — by appealing directly to his primal instincts, you won’t only solve this issue, but you’ll take your relationship further than ever before.
And since this free video reveals exactly how to trigger your man’s hero instinct, you could make this change from as early as today.
With James Bauer’s incredible concept, he’ll see you as the only woman for him. So if you’re ready to take that plunge and win his heart back, be sure to check out the video now.