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12 undeniable signs he wants a serious relationship with you

Stop wondering if he’s in love with you and know for sure with this list of 12 signs that he is ready for a serious relationship with you.

It’s pretty black and white, cut and dry, salt and pepper if you ask us, but see what you think.

Once you read this list of signs, you’ll wonder why you didn’t know it sooner.

These signs will show you that he wants to be with you, he genuinely loves you, and he definitely wants a serious relationship with you.

1. He is honest with you

If he’s clear with how he is feeling, and he tells you that he loves you and he wants to spend a lot of time with you, then you can be certain that he wants a relationship with you.

I’ll be the first to admit that it takes a lot of guts for a man to admit how he is feeling, so take it from me:

If a man is telling you that he has strong feelings for you, you’d better believe him.

Men don’t usually tell someone they love them unless they want a relationship with them, and they’re confident that their love interest loves them back.

So you can be sure he wants a relationship with you if he is telling you he has feelings for you.

However, don’t be too disheartened if he doesn’t tell you he has feelings for you.

Why?

Because not all men are honest with their feelings. And that’s normal.

It doesn’t mean he doesn’t want a relationship.

You just need to build trust and rapport before he feels comfortable enough to tell you how he feels.

And you’re going to have to pick up on the signs below to figure out if he wants a relationship with you.

2. He spends hours and hours asking you questions and questions

If he can sit all day long and ask you question after question about yourself (and he actually listens to your answers) put it down that he definitely likes you.

Guys don’t do that for fun. It takes effort for a man to be curious. They only ask questions when they like a girl and they want to build a connection.

And don’t forget:

If he remembers all the finer details of what you say, then that’s also a great sign.

Why?

Because it shows that he’s desperate to build rapport with you.

He’s taking in what you have to say, and he’s using that information to go deeper into who you truly are.

The truth?

He’s looking to build a strong connection, and if he’s looking for a strong connection with you, then he probably wants to be in a relationship with you.

3. He’s told you he wants to be exclusive with you

Well, this one is fairly obvious, isn’t it?

If he makes it clear that he is dating you and only you, then that by itself says that he wants to be in a long-term relationship with you.

There’s no doubt about it.

After all, he doesn’t want you to see anyone else. It would probably hurt him too much.

And he doesn’t want there to be any ambiguity about where you two stand.

Look, we all know what single men are like. They strive to date as many women as they possibly can.

But not him. He wants you for him and him for you, and that’s a sure sign that he’d love to be in a relationship with you.

4. He does whatever you need

“Trust what he does. Not what he says.”

You’ve heard that phrase before, right?

It’s a great line because it’s true (it would also save a hell of a lot of heartaches if people followed it)

If he is helping you whenever you ask, keeping his promises, and showing up when he needs to show up, then you can bet your bottom dollar that he’s into you.

After all, a man that wants to be in a relationship with you will show their intentions with action.

You’re important to him, you’re clearly a priority, and he doesn’t want to disappoint you.

In fact, he wants to be your hero and save the day.

study published in the Physiology & Behavior journal shows that male’s testosterone makes them feel protective over their mate’s safety and well-being.

There’s actually a fascinating new concept in relationship psychology that’s getting a lot of buzz at the moment. It goes to the heart of the riddle about why men fall in love—and who they fall in love with.

The theory claims that men want to be your hero. That they want to step up to the plate for the woman in their lives and provide and protect her.

This is deeply rooted in male biology.

People are calling it the hero instinct. I wrote a detailed primer about the concept which you can read here.

The kicker is that a man won’t fall in love with you when he doesn’t feel like your hero.

He wants to see himself as a protector. As someone you genuinely want and need to have around. Not as an accessory, ‘best friend’, or ‘partner in crime’.

I know this might sound a bit silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.

And I couldn’t agree more.

But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still need to be a hero. Because it’s built into our DNA to seek out relationships that allow us to feel like a protector.

If you would like to learn more about the hero instinct, check out this free online video by the relationship psychologist who coined the term. He provides a fascinating insight into this new concept.

So naturally, if he loves you, he would want to protect you.

The bottom line?

Focusing on his actions will tell you exactly how he is feeling. As we’ve said before, guys aren’t great when it comes to expressing their feelings, but their actions don’t lie.

So if he is there for you when he needs to be there for you, then get excited – it’s looking likely he wants a bonafide relationship with you.

5. You’re a priority in his life

This is similar to the previous point. If it’s apparent that you come first in his life, then you can be sure he wants a relationship with you.

In fact, men are taught from a young age that they should never make a female their number one priority in life unless they’re their girlfriend.

And that’s fair advice because men would be regularly emotionally bruised if that were the case.

So if you’re confident that he considers you his number one priority, then it shows that he has decided that you’re important to him and he wants to have a relationship with you.

By the way, I’m not talking about him dropping everything for you. That’d be weird, co-dependent, and toxic (let’s be honest).

But it means that he organizes meetings with you in advance, he shows up, never cancels plans, consistently chats with you on messaging apps, and most importantly, takes action to show you that he cares for you.

There’s a space for you in his life, and he’s subconsciously telling you to come to join him.

In the end, when a guy makes you a priority, it’s obvious.

There’s no second-guessing or hesitation from your end. You just know that he’s there for you when you need him.

6. He’s settled in his life

Now we’ve spoken a lot about how he treats you to figure out if he wants a relationship, but we need to cover his current circumstances in life.

Is he ready for a relationship?

After all, when it comes to settling down in a relationship, time is everything (especially for a man).

If he doesn’t have a stable job, no money in the bank, and he’s jumping from place to place, he may not be looking for a relationship.

On the other hand, if he has a house, owns a car, and is looking to buy a house, then you know he’s settled down and ready to meet the love of his life.

You can also learn a lot about your man by the kind of dating life he is experiencing right now.

Does it sound like he is jumping from date to date? Proud of having a “bachelor pad?”

He might be settled down in terms of his job and his house, but he might be relishing being a “playboy” and bringing over girls every second night.

And that’s the kind of guy that doesn’t want a relationship.

Of course, if you’ve only just started dating him, it can be tough to figure out if he is a player or he genuinely likes you.

So here’s how you tell:

If he spends time talking himself up and avoids asking you too many questions, then it’s more than likely he’s a player.

But if he asks you genuine questions, listens, and then asks you follow up questions, the signs point to him genuinely being interested in developing a relationship with you.

7. He talks about his plans for the future with you and asks about yours

Is he asking you about your future plans? Talks about his own?

This is a sign that he is ready for a relationship.

Why?

Because if he is asking you about your future plans, he’s trying to figure out if you’ll fit into his plans (you know for a relationship, and who knows, maybe even marriage!)

For example, if you share that you’re going overseas next year, he’ll probably sigh and look disappointed.

After all, he considers you an option for building a strong relationship and if you’re going overseas then that clearly won’t be happening.

If he’s only interested in a fling with you, then he probably won’t care that you’re going overseas because it doesn’t affect his plans. Don’t fall for that guy.

And let’s be honest:

Guys don’t make a lot of plans for the future that they reveal publicly so if your man is all about what is happening next week, next month and next year – there’s a good chance he’s to be yours forever.

Does he use the word “we” when talking to you about the future? If so, he loves you.

8. He shows up when you need help

If you call him for help, does he show up as soon he can?

Do you know in your heart that you can always rely on him to be there for you?

If he is the one who shows up when things are going wrong, he’s probably in love and he’s ready for a relationship with you.

According to psychotherapist Christine Scott-Hudson:

“Pay twice as much attention to how someone treats you than what they say. Anybody can say they love you, but the behavior doesn’t lie. If someone says they value you, but their actions indicate otherwise, trust their behavior.”

The fact of the matter is this:

If he is showing he cares for you by helping you whenever you need it, then he might be a guy that you want to hold onto.

9. He isn’t afraid to share his feelings with you

We all know that men aren’t usually the ones to speak about their feelings.

It takes so much effort for them.

Therefore, if he spilling his feelings with you and getting all emotional, you can bet your bottom dollar he loves you enough to want to be in a relationship with you.

You can usually tell how open he is to expressing his feelings when he isn’t afraid to answer all of your questions.

It’s obvious that he isn’t trying to hide things from you.

And he is absolutely open for you to get to know him inside-out.

He’s not afraid to share weird things about him. He’s not afraid to introduce his family to you.

He loves you, and he won’t hold anything back.

After all, he wants you to be a part of his life.

Even if that means you get to know everything about him – even the bad.

10. He wants to be a part of your life

Just as much as he wants to share everything with you, he also wants to be a part of your life.

In fact, he wants to immerse himself in it.

He doesn’t just want to meet your family and friends. He goes out of his way so that they will like him.

He tries to spend time with the people who matter to you, too. He’s not afraid to become a permanent fixture in your life.

He even wants to be a part of things you’re passionate about. He wants to try yoga because you love it, or go to a cooking class with you even if that’s not something he would normally do.

It’s one thing that he takes interest in you. But when he starts participating in your life because he wants to “belong” in it, that means he truly loves you and he definitely wants a relationship with you.

11. He gives you all of his attention.

There might be millions of women out there but to him, you really are one in a million. He only cares about what you are doing and how you are doing.

He doesn’t pay attention to others around him, especially women. He locks eyes on you and can’t look away.

He will spend hours talking to you, even if you think there are much prettier women in the room that he could be talking to.

Research from Loyola University suggests that people who are in love have lower levels of serotonin, which could be a sign of obsession.

“This may explain why we concentrate on little other than our partner during the early stages of a relationship,” said obstetrician-gynecologist Mary Lynn, DO.

Don’t let a little self-doubt fool you: this guy has fallen hard. With so many distractions in the world today, if someone pays you that much attention, it’s with good reason.

And if he is fallen that hard, then it’s more than likely he is ready for a relationship with you.

12. He’s not afraid to be himself.

Guys talk a good game but if he can relax and be himself around you – his words – then you know he’s into you as much as you are into him.

He can his true authentic self because he trusts you and feels comfortable.

According to Rob Pascale and Lou Primavera Ph.D. in Psychology Today, “Trust is one of the keystones of any relationship—without it two people cannot be comfortable with each other and the relationship lacks stability.”

If you find he is different around his friends and family than how he acts around you, this could be a red flag that he is trying to hide something from you.

More often than not, however, it’s actually that he feels the most comfortable with you and so you get to see the real him.

How can you tell?

Pay attention to what he tells you about himself. If he seems to be leaving out details or is glazing over important parts of the conversation, it’s not really love.

But if he is prepared to reveal everything about his life, even the bad bits, then it’s likely that he genuine about his feelings for you.

And most importantly, he wants a long-term relationship with you.

13. You make him feel essential

Does your man feel like he is essential to your life? Does he feel like he is needed?

If he does, then it’s likely he wants a serious relationship with you.

For a man, feeling essential to a woman is often what separates “like” from “love”.

Don’t get me wrong, no doubt your guy loves your strength and abilities to be independent. But he still wants to feel wanted and useful — not dispensable!

This is because men have a built in desire for something “greater” that goes beyond love or sex.

It’s why men who seemingly have the “perfect girlfriend” are still unhappy and find themselves constantly searching for something else — or worst of all, someone else.

Simply put, men have a biological drive to feel needed, to feel important, and to provide for the woman he cares about.

Relationship psychologist James Bauer calls it the hero instinct. I talked briefly about earlier in this article.

As James argues, male desires are not complicated, just misunderstood. Instincts are powerful drivers of human behavior and this is especially true for how men approach their relationships.

So, when the hero instinct isn’t triggered, men are unlikely to commit to a relationship with any woman.

He holds back because being in a relationship is a serious investment for him. And he won’t fully “invest” in you unless you give him a sense of meaning and purpose and make him feel essential.

How do you trigger this instinct in him, and give him this sense of meaning and purpose?

You don’t need to pretend to be anyone you’re not or play the “damsel in distress”. You don’t have to dilute your strength or independence in any way, shape or form.

In an authentic way, you simply have to show your man what you need and allow him to step up to fulfill it.

In his new video, James Bauer outlines several things you can do. He reveals phrases, texts and little requests that you can use right now to make him feel more essential to you. Watch his unique video here.

By triggering this very natural male instinct, you’ll not only give him greater satisfaction but it will also help to rocket your relationship to the next level.

Here’s a link to the video again.

On the other hand, what if he doesn’t want a serious relationship or you don’t know how he feels?

Now if he hasn’t exhibited the above signs, then you might not know where you stand.

There are few things more aggravating than not knowing what you mean to another person, especially to someone you are deeply attracted to.

The uncertainty causes stress and anxiety because you always seem to be trapped in a limbo between being where you want to be — in the arms of the man you love — and being just any other friend to them.

If you’re a woman feeling like this about a man in your life, you’re not alone.

Pop culture tends to talk about the friend zone as a place where women put men, but the opposite happens just as frequently: women being placed in the friend zone by men, and most of the time they don’t even know it.

You might be in the friend zone if you’ve ever found yourself asking questions like…

  • “Why does he keep me around if he doesn’t like me?”
  • “Why does he keep coming back to me if he doesn’t want a relationship?”
  • “Why does he tell me I mean so much to him but he doesn’t want me?”

So why exactly would a woman be placed in the friend zone by a man?

Here are some simple and common reasons to consider:

  • He didn’t really mean to do it. He just never thought about the possibility of being in a relationship with you, for whatever reason.
  • He doesn’t think you would want a relationship. Maybe your flirtations weren’t obvious enough or he’s not the type of guy to make the first move. So he never mentally categorized you as someone he could possibly date.
  • He’s focused on himself. He wants to do his own thing rather than getting involved with another person, because a relationship isn’t something he wants to think about right now.
  • He doesn’t really want to talk to you. He’s nice enough to be friendly and cordial with you when you’re around, but deep down he doesn’t really like talking to you that much.
  • He doesn’t think of you as his type. It’s not necessarily your fault (or not your fault at all), but you might not be his type.
  • He wants to save you the drama. Naturally friend zoning someone without telling them is much easier on the relationship than telling them you’re not interested, which can make it awkward and potentially destroy the relationship.
  • He doesn’t want to complicate it. This is for those “platonic friendships” where you’re already giving him everything he wants. Why should he take it a step further and potentially complicate it when he’s already getting everything?
  • There’s something about you he doesn’t like. Whether it’s something physical or something in your attitude, there might be something about you that turns him off.
  • He’s the type of guy who wants to be friends first. While culture tends to teach you that you should start dating someone you like as soon as you meet them, that’s not how everyone sees it. He might like you but he wants to develop a friendship before moving forward.
  • He has an ideal girlfriend in mind and it’s not you. He knows what he wants in a girlfriend, in a partner, in a wife, and for whatever reason, that person isn’t you.

These are several reasons why he might not want a serious relationship with you. If you think that might be the case, then you might want to check out our article on how to get a guy to like you. These tips will help you flirt with your man so you can attract him and eventually get involved in a serious relationship with him.

New video: He reveals the truth about chasing emotionally unavailable men (hint: don’t do it!)

Lachlan Brown

Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 6 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.
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