If you have been dating or in a relationship for quite some time, you want to get deeper into your partner’s brain to see what he is thinking.
Does he feel the same way? Is he thinking of marriage?
Have a look at these fifteen telltale signs from psychologists and marriage therapists that he loves you and wants to make you his wife.
1) You are both emotionally available
“There is no remedy for love but to love more.”
– Henry David Thoreau
According to Mark E. Sharp, Ph.D., clinical psychologist, “In order for someone to be marriage material, they need to be able to open up and share what is going on emotionally for them.” When you share your feelings, you build trust, rapport, and bond.
Building a solid emotional base of friendship and care before you are married shows that you will have something to continue as your relationship develops.
Open and honest conversations are also a sign that your partner is investing in your relationship in the long term. He wants to be seen and heard. The way you show love and affection has to be in a way that he can clearly understand and receive.
Sharp adds, “A good rule is that if you expect something to be different after the wedding that will make you satisfied with the marriage, but it isn’t present now, you are not going to be satisfied after the wedding either.”
2) You share a great sense of humor
He explains that “partners who have the ability to laugh at themselves more than anybody else show a degree of humility that is very desirable in a life partner.”
So if your partner connects with you in moments of crisis or even wants to share mundane everyday happenings, it’s a sign that he is building a long-term connection with you and considering you as a wife.
3) You can handle your emotions maturely
All relationships will have their ups and downs. And any man would want someone who will bring out the best in him and vice versa.
When conflicts arise, if you can address them well, in a way that you both learn and grow with one another, it’s another good sign that he sees you as a life-long partner.
If your partner thinks that you can argue well and handle your emotions, then you are likely to be considered to be wifey material.
Sarah E. Clark, a licensed therapist and relationship expert, tells us that if you “hit below the belt when conflict arises, that’s not a good sign.”
Marriages will inevitably have conflict. Making sure that you and your partner are both willing to fight fair is vital to the success of your relationship.
Not being afraid of conflict and wanting to move through it together, might show that he is considering you as a wife one day.
4) You show your soft side
A man is attracted to a woman with a soft, open, loving heart. He wants a place that feels loving and like a home.
When something moves you deeply, you are not afraid to shed a tear. You can let your boyfriend see a strong emotion beautifully and delicately.
Showing your feminine side can make your man want to protect and take care of you. If he responds like this, and feels like he is your one and only hero, he is much more likely to want to continue on and take the role of your husband one day.
5) You are always his plus one
“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.”
– Friedrich Nietzsche
“My sister is getting married this weekend. Would you like to accompany me?”
“There’s a conference charity gala this Saturday, would you mind being my date?”
“I have tickets to an amazing wine tasting in the country for us next weekend!”
If your boyfriend invites you everywhere he goes, it is a clear sign that he is excited about you. He wants to show you off to his friends, family, and colleagues. He likes how you make him feels and wants to include you in his life.
A guy who is not serious about his lady would not want to bring him into different areas of his life.
So when he invites you to special events, he sees you as a big part of his life and considers the relationship to be long-lasting. He is proud to be around you. He is honored that you share your world with him. He lets you know and feel that.
This type of behavior is a positive sign that your boyfriend is hoping to marry you one day.
6) You don’t judge his past
“To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow – this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.”
– Elizabeth Gilbert, Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage
A woman who can accept her boyfriend’s history, the good, the bad, and the ugly, will be someone he can feel supported by and close with.
Many of us have difficult histories.
While still keeping your safety and boundaries in mind, you aren’t afraid to know all parts of your partner’s life.
Knowing that you can radically emphasize with him and love him shows that you deeply care about him. He will see that you are open to understanding how he’s grown and changed. The more he sees you as strong support, the more he will want to have you in his life long term.
7) He is endlessly curious about you
“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”
– Mignon McLaughlin
Take notice when your boyfriend shows a seemingly endless amount of interest in you. If he wants to soak up every part of you, and know what you are up to during the day to what you dream of at night, and what sparks and fuels your imagination and motivation.
If he wants to learn everything he can about you over the long term, he is invested in your relationship and enjoying your company.
Some men sometimes worry about getting bored once they get married. They like a sense of novelty. So if he’s consistently enthralled with you, that’s a good sign that he enjoys relating with you.
8) He’s the right age for commitment
In his book, “Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others,” author John Molloy found the age that the majority of men will happily commit to marriage. Men are much more likely to seek marriage during the age of commitment ages 26 and 33.
So he might consider you “wifey” material just before this age and will be very receptive to the idea of marriage compared to a later phase in his life.
After the age of 33, a man is more likely to be on the path of being a lifelong bachelor and probably won’t be considering you as wife material.
9) His parents are still happily married
“I know enough to know that no woman should ever marry a man who hated his mother.”
– Martha Gellhorn, Selected Letters
If a man’s parents are successfully married, he is much more likely to want to get married himself.
Studies have shown that the “marrying kind” is a man raised in “traditional” family households as opposed to nontraditional households.
If a man watched his parents divorce, especially at a young age, he is much more likely to stay single and not want marriage himself.
Molloy also found many single men in their late thirties and forties are children of divorced parents. These older single men will avoid the topic of marriage and typically say comments like:
- “I’m not getting married because I’m not ready”
- “I’m not the marrying type”
- “I enjoy being single”
10) He is taking things slowly with you
“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate than when I fall asleep your eyes close.”
– Pablo Neruda, 100 Love Sonnets
If your boyfriend is taking your relationship slowly, one reason is that he might think you have a long-term future together.
If he is interested in a casual affair or fling, he will jump right in.
However, if he is in no rush, and taking his time to observe and get to know you in a variety of situations, he might be thinking there’s a chance you could be his wife one day.
Taking things slow means he is being a little more cautious to understand what he is investing his time into. Which can be a really great thing!
11) He thinks you are better looking than he is
Most people idealize their partner’s looks. Yes, that’s one of the best signs of love and wanting to get married.
According to Psychology Today, the most likely combination for a man to want to get married is that you are both equally attractive and your partner thinks you are the better-looking one.
According to a well-known theory of dating, we each give ourselves a rating on how good a catch we are and look for someone similar or higher on that scale.
One theory about why this would work is that the illusion that your partner is above your level of attractiveness may make you more likely to put effort and energy into the relationship to keep it. He feels grateful that he is “leveling up”.
12) He enjoys talking about the future with you
“If I get married, I want to be very married.”
– Audrey Hepburn
It is probably not a surprise that a man who regularly avoids any conversations about the future is a man who is not concerned with making long-term plans.
If your boyfriend actively avoids conversations about the future, he is probably far from ready for marriage any time soon.
A man who is open to the idea of marriage won’t be shy to talk about his hopes, dreams, and plans with you. He might regularly talk and carry through with:
- Trips you’ll take together
- Exciting dates he has in mind
- Plans you’ll make
- The ideal place to live
- Items on his bucket list that he’s like to do with you
- Far-future scenarios
13) You are financially independent
When you are financially independent, it can help a man know that you aren’t after his money.
Many men have honestly admitted that they fear marriage because they are afraid of losing their money in a divorce settlement, childcare, and because of their wife’s spending.
Knowing that you have your career and your own financial resources will help take this fear out of his mind.
14) He asks your opinion
“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.”
– Dave Meurer
When your boyfriend considers you before making decisions in his life, it means he is concerned about “we”, that is, the both of you. He is not just thinking about himself.
If he asks your opinion on major decisions it means he regards you as an important plan of his life and someone who he wants to build within the long term.
For example, if he is considering moving apartments and wants your advice on a great location, or he wants to change jobs and discusses the positives and negatives with you, it shows he cares about your future together.
Asking for your opinions means he respects your input. If he just takes decisions without putting you into consideration, then it means that he still thinks only of himself and he isn’t seeing you in his future.
15) He imagines your future children
One of the main reasons men will want to get married is to secure a foundation to have a family.
If your partner likes to discuss raising children with you, it’s a major sign that he sees a promising future and wants you as a wife one day.
Do your intimate conversations include:
- How many children you would like to have?
- How would you raise them?
- What type of schooling you would want to provide?
- Value systems that you would want to pass on?
- What qualities do you want to have as parents?
- Favorite names for future babies?
Moving the discussion forwards
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
– Lao Tzu
Getting married is a huge commitment that people make in their lives. Think of everything that is involved, especially if things go sideways.
Families and close friends are brought into the celebration and drama of divorce. Financial losses ensue. Children may be involved. And emotional hurt and devastation can be long-lasting.
There are many reasons not to get married.
A lot of men are terrified of marriage because they’ve seen it go badly between their parents growing up, or they have had friends go through divorces and are aware of the risks and impacts it can have on their lives.
They may have felt extreme distress and hurt coming out of long term relationships in the past.
If marriage is something that you truly want, I hope that you can discuss it openly with him.
Relationships are something you have to build upon together.
The best way to know what he is thinking is to be open and honest with him.
If he doesn’t want to engage in a marriage, do not force it. It might not be the right time or match.
If he’s on the same page, congratulations!
Nonetheless, ‘It is, what it is!’
It is important to understand the reality of your relationship, not just what you are imagining it to be. Make sure you discuss, open up, and have clear discussions and really listen to what you say to one another.
Remember that the only people who can truly decide if you’re meant to be with each other for life are you and your partner.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.