You’ve literally thrown yourself at him — making it crystal clear that you like him — yet he still won’t make a move.
So what gives?
The most likely reason is that he thinks you’re too good for him. Don’t believe me? Check out how many of these signs he exhibits:
1.) He’s nervous when you’re around
He fidgets, he stutters, he rolls his sleeves then unrolls them. It’s like he’s about to take a job interview every time you’re around. If you somehow can listen to his heartbeat, it would be drumming in your ears at a thousand beats per second.
Of course, sometimes, he will try to be cool. He will overcompensate by trying to be the very picture of confidence.
He will try to be jolly, funny, and bombastic… but you know a nervous person when you see one. It’s cute but you also want to just hug the guy and tell him he’s doing alright.
And when you’re out together, he might even grab a drink or two so that he can be more relaxed in your presence.
What to do:
- Whatever you do, try not to pay attention to how awkward he is. This will make him more embarrassed than he already is. Just pretend you don’t notice anything different.
- Try to start conversations and make them as casual as possible. If he has social anxiety, this will help him a lot.
- Be gentle with him. Don’t put him in the spotlight. At least for now while you’re still trying to bring him out of his shell.
2.) It’s obvious that he’s holding back his feelings
Aside from being nervous, you see signs that he’s actually into you. So into you. Heck, he might not even try to hide it!
He’d stare at you a few seconds longer, he gets touchy, he brings you coffee… but he’d never ever make any move that would make you think he’s into you more than a friend. His flirtation is so subtle but it’s probably not because he’s good at it, it’s because he’s scared of showing more.
He’s scared to actually act on his feelings because he is sure you’d reject him.
To him, not only would that bring him shame, but it could also spell the end of his good times with you. If he tells you how he feels about you and you reject him, it will be awkward. And he would rather be near you than lose you.
What to do:
- In fact, make it more obvious than his subtle advances! If he thinks you’re too good for him, he might downplay your signals as just being friendly so you have to make it extra obvious.
3.) When you do make a move, he freezes!
Even if he’s one of the most articulate people you know, when you tease him, he won’t be able to talk for a few seconds. He goes blank.
Then he’d either turn white as a ghost or red as a beet.
This is probably because he can’t fathom that you actually do like him back. He would be afraid that you’re just playing around with him, or that he’s simply imagining things. For him, it’s like a dream come true.
He wants you, but he has completely written off his hopes of being around you.
As a result, he’s just not prepared for any reciprocation from you at all and he just stops functioning for a while as his mind tries to catch up and comprehend what’s going on.
What to do:
- Take it slow. Don’t overwhelm the guy. But make sure you’re consistent. Maybe this will make him have the courage to actually consider asking you out.
- Don’t make him know that you know he’s uncomfy. Just pretend everything is fine as usual.
4.) He keeps giving you praises (and they’re quite genuine)
If you’re truly honest to yourself, you can say that there are truly quite a few things you are awesome in, and he keeps on reminding you that, yes, you are indeed awesome.
He might even gush to other people about your virtues!
This is cool because you want to be with a guy who actually adores you.
However, if he has some insecurities, it could make him scared of acting on his feelings for you.
What to do:
- Don’t stop being awesome. Don’t pretend to be dumb just to please any guy.
- Be humble. Don’t go on talking about your long list of accomplishments. It’s one thing when you’re awesome, it’s another thing when you’re so aware of your awesomeness. That could make him retreat further inside his shell.
5.) He’s still trying to figure out his life (and feels insecure about it)
You’re already established in your career. You already have your own apartment, car, and all those grown-up things. He, on the other hand, is still on his way up and has a lot to go.
It might mean nothing to you because you know he’s an awesome guy anyways and want him for who he is and not for his accomplishments. But for him, it might be a massive sticking point.
He would be afraid that he, a guy with a dollar in his back pocket and little else, has nothing to offer to one who has everything such as you.
Guys have this hero instinct and if he’s still not where he wants to be, indeed, he might be afraid he’d be dragging you down!
What to do:
- When it comes to insecurities, it’s better not to discuss them. It will just add insult to injury and make him feel ashamed if you try to “help” him.
- Don’t ever make him feel like you measure a man’s success by those standards. As long as he’s pursuing something he wants and not bothering people about it, he’s good. He doesn’t have to be a billionaire by 40.
- Pay attention to the things he’s good at and compliment him about them. There are many ways to be a hero.
6.) He lacks self-confidence
Maybe it’s from how he’s raised or maybe he experienced some trauma growing up and it’s affecting his self-esteem until now.
He might have been called “the ugliest boy in class” in third grade. Or he might have been rejected and laughed at by many girls in the past.
Maybe he just had nobody to reassure him that he’s actually good-looking and had spent his childhood days beating himself up over his looks.
You can tell by his body language, the way he talks about himself, and how he relates to others, especially to you. He’d slouch and he’s always not sure of his opinions.
What to do:
- Show your insecurities too! This will make him more relaxed knowing that a person as awesome as you can have self-doubts, too.
- If you admire someone (like a celebrity) who’s not a hotshot based on society’s standards, mention it in your conversations. This will make him relieved that it’s possible you can like him too.
7.) He seems happy and proud to just be with you
Even if you’re just going to grab some sandwich at the cafeteria, he seems to be beaming when you’re by his side in public.
Being with you, even though it’s only for a while, seems like he’s all giddy inside. He tries to hide it but his happiness shines through.
What to do:
- Enjoy the moment and make sure you give him your full attention when you’re together. If someone approaches you, especially if it’s a guy, try your best not to neglect him.
- Make him feel you’re happy that you’re with him, too.
8.) He tries hard (way too hard) to impress you
He’d go the extra mile just to show you what he has to offer or help you out with all the smallest things. It’s cute and it makes you feel like a queen but you wish you could just tell him to relax a little. The poor guy seems to be giving it all he’s got!
This becomes even more apparent when you’re around other guys. It gets to a point that you can almost call ridiculous, like a peacock showing off his feathers to a peahen.
What to do:
- Acknowledge his efforts.
- Don’t ever laugh at or ridicule his efforts, even if in a joking manner.
- Admire his efforts but do it subtly. Don’t try to go crazy with the praises or else he’d think you’re not being genuine.
9.) He goes hot and cold
He’d lavish you with attention or keep talking about you nonstop one moment, and then suddenly go silent or cold.
This is because he just likes you so much he can’t help but have you in his thoughts and when he realizes that he is being a bit too obvious, he pulls back hard because he’s scared.
It’s his heart battling with his brain. His heart tells him to go all out and declare his love for you but his brain stops him so he won’t be hurt when you reject him.
If a man goes hot and cold, don’t automatically think he’s a player or an asshole. He could just think you’re too good for him so he’s trying to control himself.
What to do:
- When he goes hot, reciprocate. If he goes cold, try to remain warm instead of going cold, too. This will make him feel that you really like him.
- If this has been happening for a while and it’s starting to bother you because you’ve invested some feelings for this guy, call him out the next time he pulls back. It could be manipulative behavior and you really don’t want that.
10.) When you’re exactly what he’s looking for in a woman
Look, you know you’re not perfect.
You don’t even think you’re too good for him. But if he gives hints or he tells someone that you’re exactly what he wants for a girlfriend, then no wonder he’s too scared to approach you.
That means it doesn’t automatically mean you’re really too good for him in that he’s a loser and you’re a queen. It just means that you’re perfect FOR HIM and that’s making him nervous.
What to do:
- If you’re equally into him, drop more hints and make sure they’re clear. Make him feel that he’s the perfect one for you too.
- Don’t act like you’re a princess and that he’s a frog. You have to make him feel like you’re meant to be together and that he’s safe to confess his feelings for you because he’s what you’ve been waiting for all this time.
It’s flattering when a man thinks you’re too good for him, but it could also be a pain in the arse if it keeps him paralyzed.
It’s even worse if this is a thing that’s been going on for months… even years!
Look. It’s nice that he thinks highly of you, that he respects you, and most likely thinks of you as his ideal girl.
But life is short, and if you’re getting tired of waiting it might just be time for you to take matters into your own hands and make the first move yourself.
Putting yourself first in 2022
Hey, Lachlan from Hack Spirit here.
What’s your number one goal for 2022?
Is it to buy that car you’ve been saving up for?
To finally start that side-hustle that’ll hopefully help you quit your 9-5 one day?
Or to take the leap and finally ask your partner to move in?
Whatever it is, you’re not going to get there, unless you’ve got a plan.
And even then…plans fail.
But I didn’t write this to you to be the voice of doom and gloom…it’s the start of a new year after all!
No, I emailed you because I want to help you achieve the goal (or goals) you’ve set.
I’ve recently been taking part in a workshop called Life Journal created by teacher and career coach Jeanette Brown.
Covering all the basics and more on what’s needed to reach your goals, Jeannette tackles everything from creating habits and new behavior patterns to putting your plans into action.
She doesn’t mess around – this workshop will require effort on your part but that’s the beauty of it – Jeanette has carefully designed it to put YOU in the driving seat of your life.
So…think back to that important goal I asked about at the start of this message.
How much do you want it?
Are you willing to put the effort in to get there?
If so, check out the workshop here.
If you do take part, I’d love to hear how your Life Journey goes!
All the best,
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