13 signs he regrets losing you and he definitely wants you back

Wondering if your ex regrets losing you? But you don’t know what they’re feeling right now?

It’s tricky to understand how your ex is really feeling after a breakup, especially when your own emotions are affecting your judgment.

If you want them back, then you risk getting inside your own head and misinterpreting their behavior as signs they really do regret losing you.

After all, that’s probably what your brain wants to see or hear. This is called cognitive bias.

I’ve seen this situation play out time and time again and I can tell you that it’s imperative that you take a step back and analyze their behavior from a neutral standpoint.

If you can do that, you’ll be well on your way to finding out whether your ex regrets losing you and wants you back.

The good news?

Regardless of how difficult your breakup has been, the signs that your ex really does regret losing you are fairly obvious to see and they certainly don’t take a magician to identify them.

However, you need to know what to look for in the first place.

And that is what I hope I can help you with in this article.

So put on your “bias-free glasses”. It’s time to figure out if your ex regrets losing you.

If they do, they’ll definitely show these signs.

1. They keep contacting you

It’s no secret that contact is cut permanently when a relationship ends.

After all, a break-up usually happens for a good reason.

And if he really wanted to move on and get over you, he does whatever it takes to cut you out of his life.

So if he keeps contacting you it’s pretty obvious that he still has feelings for you, and if he broke up with you, then he’s probably second-guessing his decision.

This means that he regrets losing you. This goes for any time period as well.

If you’ve been broken up for a while, but then suddenly he has reached out to contact you out of the blue (and he seems quite chatty) then the signs point to him regretting losing you.

There is one important caveat here, however.

Not all contact is created equal.

For example, if he is contacting you late on a Saturday night after he has been drinking all day, then he might just be looking for a booty call.

And that’s not a sign that he wants to start the relationship again.

But if he has contacted you to have a genuine conversation with you and he wants to know what’s going on with your life, then it’s pretty obvious that he regrets losing you.

If he’s still single, he probably wants to begin dating you again as well.

2. He is way too interested in your love life

If he is contacting you, then what is he asking you about?

Now don’t get me wrong: You probably can’t read too much into general chit-chat.

But if he is asking you about your love life and who you’re currently dating, that’s a surefire sign that he is trying to work out if you’re single or not.

The main reason?

He probably regrets losing you and he wants to know if there is a possibility of you guys starting things up again.

Now it’s important to remember:

It’s fairly normal for friends to ask at least one question about each other’s dating life. Don’t read too much into that.

But if they keep pestering you about your dating life and they seem overly passionate about it, then they’re clearly interested in finding out if you’re single or not.

There’s no getting around it.

In fact, in my experience of running into my exes, we usually ask general questions like how life is going or work, but the topic of love is rarely the main topic.

The bottom line is that if they’re constantly asking you about your love life and who you’re seeing, then they not only regret breaking up with you, but they probably want to start the relationship again as well.

3. Want advice specific to your situation?

While this article explores the main signs he regrets losing you and wants you back, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and your experiences…

Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations, like where things stand with your ex. They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.

How do I know?

Well, I reached out to them a few months ago when I was going through a tough patch in my own relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

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Click here to get started.

4. They are getting nostalgic

Is your ex sending you texts (perhaps after 1 or 2 drinks) reminiscing about the good ol’ days?

“Remember that time…”

If he is talking about your past together with fondness, then you’re still on his mind.

Anyone that has moved on with their life wouldn’t bother sending texts about the past with their ex.

Nostalgia is a strong emotion, and when you experience it you can’t help but bask in its glory.

This is why he is getting in contact with you.

The bottom line is this:

If he is sending you “remember when” texts then you can be guaranteed that they regret losing you and they want you back.

5. You keep running into them

They know where you usually hang out. Do you really think it’s a coincidence that you keep running into them?

Even if you’re hanging out at new places since you broke up, with social media these days, it’s pretty easy to work out where someone is spending their time.

“Randomly running into you” may actually be their sole intention of going out.

The world is a big place. There are only so many coincidences to go around.

They want to see you because they regret losing you and they miss you.

A less simple explanation could be that subconsciously they’re missing you, and when their friends mention a place to go to, they jump at the chance because it’s likely you’ll be there.

Yes it sounds a little stalkerish but you can’t blame them. They regret losing you and love is a powerful emotion.

But it’s clear that if they’re going out of their way to run into you, then they probably still have strong feelings for you.

And if they still have strong feelings for you, then they probably regret losing you.

6. His social media appears too good to be true

Don’t be too disheartened if you find him posting on social media about how much he is enjoying single life.

It’s all for show. If he is actually enjoying life after dating you, he certainly wouldn’t explicitly state it on social media.

Ironically, feeling the need to show others that he is happy and having the time of his life probably means the exact opposite.

Social media can be deceiving.

But this may also extend to the real world as well.

When you see him, he may try to portray himself in an overly optimistic way.

You probably know this guy pretty well, so you’ll be able to recognize if his overly happy attitude is a little “off” or “fake”. It will likely be too extreme to be believable.

If one of your friends has a private conversation with him and asks him about the breakup, and he can’t spend more than 5 seconds talking about it, you know that his heart is still broken

It’s clear that if he can’t actually talk about it then he hasn’t fully accepted how much guilt and regret he feels.

Not being able to process the break-up and the fact it’s ended is a key sign that he regrets losing you.

He knows he stuffed up. And like any guy, it’s really hard to admit your mistakes.

Especially when those mistakes have cost him so dearly.

7. He’s still protective of you

Does your guy still have protective instincts? Does he still want to be there for you and make sure you’re okay?

It could be as little as checking up on you via text or making sure you’re safe when you cross a busy road. Little signs that your welfare is still a priority.

If so, then he probably regrets losing you and feels terrible about ending the relationship.

He still wants to make sure you’re okay, and he wants to be there for you to save the day.

The simple truth is that men have a biological urge to provide for and protect women. It’s hardwired into them.

People are calling it the ‘hero instinct’.

The best part is that the hero instinct is something that you can trigger in him. If you want him back also, then check out this free video by the relationship psychologist who first coined the term. He gives an excellent overview of this fascinating concept.

You can watch the video here.

I know it sounds kind of silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.

But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still need to be a hero. Because it’s built into their DNA to seek out relationships that allow them to feel like a protector.

The hero instinct is a legitimate concept in relationship psychology that I personally believe has a lot of truth to it.

Some ideas really are life-changing. And for romantic relationships, I believe this is one of them.

Here’s a link to the video again.

The bottom line is that if you still have the hero instinct triggered for you, then not only will he regret losing you, but he probably wants to date you again.

8. He is trying to show you that he has changed

Perhaps you broke up over the reasons that he caused.

For instance:

You didn’t like his tempter and you hated the fact that he never cleaned up after himself.

Whatever it was, if he regrets losing you, then you can bet your bottom dollar that he will try to show you that he has changed.

It might be subtle. It might be obvious. It might be through social media. It might even be when you run into each other.

But he will let you know that he has calmed down and rectified the issue that was plaguing the relationship.

If you hated the fact that he never cleaned up after himself, he might subtly mention that he can’t help but be such a clean freak now.

He loves his cleaning his apartment and making it spotless (yeah right!).

If your man does this, then you can be sure he regrets losing you.

He’s showing that he understands the things he did wrong. He’s taking accountability for his part of the break-up.

Most importantly, he’s taking action. He can’t take back the things he did or didn’t do. But he’s taking steps to do better by you.

Honestly, there’s nothing that says “I want you in my life back” more than a man who is willing to admit his flaws and become better because he can’t imagine his life without you.

9. He reaches out and flirts with you

No matter who you are: If you like someone you flirt with them. It’s natural.

And you should be able to recognize when he is trying to flirt with you again.

After all, you probably know him better than anyone.

He’ll try to make you laugh. He’ll tease you. He’ll do whatever he can to get you to like him again.

The bottom line is this:

If he is going this far to rekindle the flame with you, then you know for sure that he regrets losing you.

He’ll go out his way to bring happiness back into your life and get the rapport rolling again.

And don’t get it twisted. This is also a sign that he wants to begin dating you again.

10. He is apologizing to you

He feels sorry for the way things ended. He never meant to hurt you. And now that you’ve spent some time apart, he realizes how much he cares for you.

He had to reach out to you to tell you that he is sorry.

Does this mean that he regrets losing you? Not necessarily.

He may simply regret the way things ended. But if he has taken time away from you, and he has come back to you realizing how much he cares for you, then there’s a good chance that he also regrets losing you.

You’ll have to look out for some of the other signs, as well as this sign, to figure out if he regrets losing you and he wants you back.

When he apologizes to you for how things ended, he may also tell you how much he cares for you.

If he does both, then you know that he definitely regrets losing you.

11. He’s drunk dialing/texting you

Now I know I mentioned above that if he is drunk calling you on a Saturday night that he doesn’t really want you back, but there is one important caveat.

What does he say when he drunk calls you?

If it is all about meeting each other that night to have sex, then you can forget about him. This guy doesn’t really regret losing you.

But if he gets all emotional? He starts expressing his emotion about how he misses you and he wishes you were still together?

Then call it in. This guy regrets losing you.

Drunk texting is a huge, flashing sign that your ex is not over you.

A 2011 study shows that intoxicated people really do mean what they say during drunk calls/text messages.

Researchers believe that alcohol becomes a social lubricant, making people say what they really mean. They explain:

“This motive meant that people drunk dialed because they had more confidence, had more courage, could express themselves better, and felt less accountability for their actions.”

So don’t discount those drunk dials just yet.

Whatever he tells you might just be what’s really on his mind.

12. They’ve been asking your friends about you

If he sees your friends, do they ask about you? Do they ask if you’re seeing anyone else?

Clearly, he is thinking about you if he is asking your friends about what you’re up to and whether you’re seeing anyone.

Sure, some people are naturally curious about what their ex is up to you, but that natural curiosity usually lasts a question or two (and certainly doesn’t involve questions about your love life).

If your ex seems passionate and interested in learning about what you’re doing, then it’s pretty obvious that they still have feelings for you and he might regret losing you.

As we’ve mentioned above, when a relationship ends, most people move on and don’t spend time thinking about their ex.

After all, that is usually the best way to get over someone you loved.

But if your ex still wants to know what’s going on with your life and what your love life is like, then they obviously haven’t completely moved on.

13. They compliment you

Compliments are a great way to gauge someone’s interest. Of course, many people can give compliments when they don’t really mean it because they want to make a good impression.

But if he truly regrets losing you, then he will probably start complimenting you on subtle things that you may not be aware of.

It could be unique tidbits about your personality, or they could notice subtle changes in your hairstyle.

Perhaps they’ll talk about why it was so awesome dating you in the past.

This is because they are being nostalgic about the past and they’re starting to realize that you were actually pretty great.

Maybe it has just hit them suddenly and this is why they’re complimenting you out of nowhere.

According to licensed clinical psychologist Suzanne Lachmann:

“When the breakup occurs, you might go through periods of relief, even calmness, and then one day feel like you’re hit by a ton of bricks.”

In fact, sometimes it may not even be a compliment, but the fact that they’ve noticed that you’ve changed your hairstyle or used different make-up than what you used to when you were with them.

If they notice, it means he is paying attention to you, and he probably cares for you.

Also, not many people are great at giving compliments, so keep your ears out and notice when they say something that could even be remotely viewed as a compliment.

If you’ve noticed that they don’t really compliment others, then they’ve probably fallen for you again.

Still, the best way to know is to communicate

Honestly, we can go around and around these convincing signs he regrets losing you. But you still won’t be completely right.

If you really want to know if he wants to work things out with you, there’s one simple but foolproof way:

Ask him.

I know how much it takes to open yourself up and be vulnerable with someone. Especially if it’s the very person who hurt you. Your sense of self-preservation will stop you from showing any weakness.

But life is too short to spend time overthinking someone else’s actions. Just ask him. Ask him if he still has feelings for you.

You’ll have your answer straight away. If he wants to be with you and you want the same thing, then you can start rebuilding your relationship. If not, then at least you know where to stand.

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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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