Is your man giving you mixed signals?
You think he might love you, but for some reason, he appears hesitant about it?
When it comes to dealing with men and their complicated behavior, it can be tough to understand what they’re truly thinking.
After all, sometimes a man is cold BECAUSE they love you, and other times they’re cold BECAUSE they just don’t like you.
However, when you research and understand male psychology, it’s not as complicated as you might think.
So in this article, I thought we’d go over tried and true ways to figure out exactly how he is truly feeling.
We’ll also go over the reasons why he might be scared about falling in love with you.
We have a lot to cover so let’s get started.
1. He can’t help but stare at you
This is an obvious sign that he loves you. Guys generally do it naturally.
Whether you’re doing something boring like working on your laptop, or you’re taking out the washing to dry, he can’t help but look at you doing it.
All you have to do is glance over his way every now and then and see if you catch him looking.
If he is looking, you can bet your bottom dollar that he loves you.
Also, focus on how he looks at you when you’re having a conversation with him.
You’ll see the kind of puppy love eyes with a cute smile that naturally occurs when you start talking.
Once you see your man doing this, it’s a clear sign he is genuinely in love.
Now if he is scared about his feelings, he might quickly look away when he catches you looking. He doesn’t want you to know that he can’t help but look at you.
But if he maintains eye contact with you, then he definitely isn’t scared about his feelings and he is letting you know directly he likes you.
2. He wants to be your hero and save the day
When you’ve had an argument with a friend, he’ll naturally take your side.
When you cross the road, he’ll put his body on the side of the traffic.
He can’t help it.
Even if he is afraid to admit that he loves you for various reasons, he won’t be able to control his actions of wanting to protect you and be your hero.
A study published in the Physiology & Behavior journal shows that male’s testosterone makes them feel protective over their mate’s safety and well-being.
So naturally, if he loves you, he would want to protect you.
There’s actually a fascinating new concept in relationship psychology that’s getting a lot of buzz at the moment. It goes to the heart of the riddle about why men fall in love—and who they fall in love with.
The theory claims that men want to be your hero. That they want to step up to the plate for the woman in their lives and provide and protect her.
This is deeply rooted in male biology.
People are calling it the hero instinct. I wrote a detailed primer about the concept which you can read here.
The kicker is that a man won’t fall in love with you when he doesn’t feel like your hero.
He wants to see himself as a protector. As someone you genuinely want and need to have around. Not as an accessory, ‘best friend’, or ‘partner in crime’.
I know this might sound a bit silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.
And I couldn’t agree more.
But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still need to be a hero. Because it’s built into our DNA to seek out relationships that allow us to feel like a protector.
If you would like to learn more about the hero instinct, check out this free online video by the relationship psychologist who coined the term. He provides a fascinating insight into this new concept.
3. He’s ignoring you
Surely if he is ignoring you he doesn’t love you, right?
Sometimes a guy ignores you because he loves you, particularly if he is scared about it.
Well, some guys will go out of their way to do anything but appear desperate.
They don’t want to show that they love you because then that will give everything away.
It’s also a way to protect their ego.
If they think that you might not be interested in them, then they’ll pull back on expressing their emotions.
And the best way to do this is to ignore you.
But don’t worry, once you start showing that you’re interested, too, then he’ll come around and start expressing himself better. He won’t be scared that he is falling in love with you because he knows that you’re falling for him.
4. He remembers every little detail of what you say
We’ve all heard before men aren’t the best listeners. And to be honest, for the most part, that is probably true.
But if your man loves you, he’ll listen to everything you say. He hangs on it!
If you mention that you’re attending your sister’s friend’s birthday party, he’ll be the first to ask how it was the next day.
If he mentions that your allergic to peanuts, then any restaurant that he chooses for you to go to, he’ll make sure peanuts aren’t on the menu.
When he’s listening unconditionally to what you’re saying, you know it’s true love.
He hangs on to your every word, and he respects what you have to say too. It comes so naturally for him, actually. He just can’t help but take note of every little thing you say.
5. He struggles to express his feelings with you
This is a clear sign that he’s falling in love with you, but might be scared about those feelings.
He knows he cares for you deeply, and it’s starting to worry him.
Why would it worry him?
A common reason for a man is that the strong emotions he is feeling are something he can’t control.
Men like to be in control, and his feelings for you are becoming so strong that he doesn’t know how to handle it.
He won’t be able to talk about his emotions because he fears he’ll lose control.
The best he can do is avoid talking about it.
Also, it’s important to realize that men, in general, are scared of talking about their feelings.
Many men have grown up believing that they need to not let emotions affect them, so they do their best to ignore them.
So, how can you get him to open up?
The most important quality you need to show is that you’re trustworthy. Tell him you’re there for him. Open up to him so he feels comfortable opening up to you.
Sometimes, you can’t force him to talk about his emotions. You need to let him know that you’re there for him and then be patient.
6. His friends know how much he cares about you
This is a clear sign that he loves you if his friends know a huge deal about you.
Perhaps they know what your job is, how you two met, and what sport you love to play.
How could this be the case when he is scared to admit that he loves you?
Guys find it much easier to communicate with their guy friends, and they’ll naturally share the details of someone they’re keen on.
It shows that he can’t get you off his mind.
What’s more, he’ll also invite you out with his friends so he can show you off.
7. He is acting nervous around you
This goes back to the point before about ignoring you. The reason he is feeling nervous has to do with his emotions.
He is feeling something strongly and is starting to realize that he loves you.
But because of this, he’ll want to impress you at all costs.
What does this do?
It puts pressure on him to perform! He wants to make you interested in him, which will make him nervous.
He doesn’t want to lose you, and he doesn’t want you to not like him.
So how can you tell if he is nervous?
Nervous people tend to be more fidgety. He also might have trouble speaking clearly around you, which will cause him to speak less.
Another sign that someone is nervous is if their acting hyper or weird.
So if your man is acting a little hyper and telling weird jokes, keep in mind that he is just nervous because he likes you.
Once he starts feeling more comfortable, he’ll come around and start acting normal again.
Remember that if he loves you but is scared to admit that he loves you, this will only add to his nerves when he’s around you.
He’ll realize that he hasn’t exactly got total control over his emotions and that will make him scared, anxious, and fearful.
This will lead to even more nervous behavior that we spoke about above.
8. He constantly seeks out your advice
If he is asking for your opinion on important decisions that he needs to make, it’s obvious that he trusts your guidance and might be already in love with you.
It shows that he truly cares what you think. He thinks you’re intelligent and that you actually care about giving him good advice.
This is especially the case if he is revealing details about his life when he seeks your guidance. This is a great clue that he trusts you and desperately wants to bare his soul to you.
And if he really cares what you think, it means that he really cares about you.
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9. He wants to be around you all the time
When a guy loves you, they can’t help but try to get as close as they can to their love interest.
If you’re out to dinner with a group of people, he’ll somehow find a way to sit next to you.
If you’re at a party, then he manages to position himself near you for the majority of the time.
The funny thing is, he doesn’t really mean to. It just happens subconsciously because he loves being around you.
10. He can’t stop complimenting you
He looks at you and says you’re beautiful. He comments on how kind and caring you are. He tells you how much he appreciates the meals you cook or the job you’ve committed yourself to.
He goes out of his way to let you know that you’re awesome. And it’s obvious you’re having a bad day, he’ll do his best to lift you up by complimenting you.
It’s not because he is trying to suck up to you, it’s just that he finds it hard to say that he loves you, and instead says it in other ways.
According to Dr. Suzana E. Flores, when someone is in love, they tend to show strong empathy:
“Someone in love will care about your feelings and your well-being…If he or she is able to show empathy or is upset when you are, not only do they have your back but they also probably have strong feelings for you.”
11. He displays little signs of affection.
Don’t get twisted. The little things DO count.
Little gestures of love show that he is in love with you. He cares for you and he is thinking of you.
Those little things can be as simple as holding hands or buying you a small gift to lift your spirit ups.
It’s also a key sign if he is doing it not to impress you, but just to make you feel better.
It shows where his mind is at and what he is truly feeling. After all, it’s difficult to constantly pre-meditate little signs of affection.
And we all can say whatever we want but it’s our actions that count.
Nicholas Sparks sums it up quite perfectly:
“You’re going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words at all the right times. But in the end, it’s always their actions you should judge them by. It’s actions, not words, that matter.”
12. He keeps supporting you
No matter what you’re doing, whether you’re cooking dinner for the two of you, or you’re pursuing your dreams in your career, he is always supporting you and cheering you on from the sidelines.
He wants the best for you. He wants you to realize your potential and he wants you to be fulfilled.
He can’t help but encourage you to follow your dreams because your happiness is paramount to his happiness.
And when it comes to love, you support them unconditionally. That’s just how it is.
“A partner who loves you will always do [their] best to truly support you in pursuing your dreams,” Jonathan Bennett, relationship and dating expert at Double Trust Dating, told Bustle.
Reasons why he might be scared to fall for you
It’s all well and good to work out that he loves you and is scared about it, but the deeper issue is why the hell is he scared about it?
There could be several reasons he is scared about falling for you, some of which are more innocent than others.
So if the signs are pointing that he is scared to be falling for you, here are the most common reasons why:
1. He has just got out of a long-term relationship
He’s had a long-term relationship, and he’s been going through a tough break-up. This is extremely common.
He’s told himself he doesn’t want to be in a relationship for a while, and then you come along which starts giving him the feels.
Love physically hurts because our bodies release hormones and endorphins to protect us and ready us to move as quickly as possible away from the perceived threat.
But that threat lingers in our mind for days, weeks, months and even years in some cases after a bad break up. That’s why he is scared about falling for you. He doesn’t want to get hurt again.
2. He’s been hurt in the past
When you’ve been hurt in the past because a previous partner has cheated on you, or abused you, it can make you very skeptical of getting in a relationship with someone else.
This is why his guard might be up, and he is naturally afraid of getting close to anyone again.
But don’t worry. All this means is that you have to build trust with him. The more he trusts you, the more he’ll open up and eventually let his guard down.
Remember that dating a person that’s been hurt in the past is all about making them feel safe and secure in the relationship.
When he understands that he can trust you, it will alleviate his worries about falling for someone that could potentially hurt him.
3. He doesn’t think you like him back
Can you come across as a bit of an ice queen? You know the old resting bitch face even when you don’t intend to?
When it appears like you’re not interested, then you can bet your bottom dollar that he’s going to be scared about falling for you.
This is can even happen in relationships, where a partner fears that they are falling much harder for their lover than their partner.
Nobody wants to be the one with stronger feelings. It can lead to neediness, desperation, and getting hurt.
The good news is that there is an easy way to overcome this. All you have to do is show him that you are interested, and he’ll realize that the feelings are reciprocated.
There are different ways to show him that you like him, whether it’s buying him gifts or showing him affectiob when he least expects it.
Once he knows that you like or love him, he’ll be more willing to show his feelings, too.
Does he love you? Or doesn’t he?
The truth is that he may not even know the answer…
Men are wired differently to women. We’re driven by different things when it comes to relationships. And most of the time, we’re not even consciously aware of the things that drive us.
I’ve recently been introduced to a fascinating new concept in relationship psychology that explains so much about men: the hero instinct.
What is it?
As I touched upon earlier in this article, the hero instinct is the basic biological urge men have to provide for and protect women.
Simply put, men want to be your hero. Not necessarily an action hero like Thor, but he does want to step up to the plate for the woman in his life. And to be appreciated for his efforts.
For many women, learning about the hero instinct was their “aha moment”. It was for Hack Spirit writer Pearl Nash.
And the most important thing for you to know is this:
Most men won’t fall in love with a woman until this instinct is triggered.
How do you trigger the instinct?
I was introduced to the hero instinct by James Bauer in his new book, His Secret Obsession.
In this book, he provides a ‘blueprint’ for how a woman can trigger the hero instinct in her man. You can read my full review of His Secret Obsession here.
As I learned, the hero instinct is a subconscious drive we have to gravitate toward people who make us feel like a hero. But it’s amplified in our romantic relationships.
Some ideas really are life-changing. And for romantic relationships, this is one of them. That’s why I highly recommend this free online video where James Bauer explains in simple terms what the hero instinct is really about.
Making your man feel like a hero isn’t about paying silly mind games or pretending to be someone you’re not.
It’s about fulfilling a basic biological urge in men that will only lead to a better relationship between the two of you.
What else do you need to know?
James Bauer is the real deal when it comes to relationship advice.
As a trained psychologist and 12-year relationship therapist, James knows his stuff. He’s smart, insightful and straightforward—and he tells it like it is.
Check out his video introduction here where he gives a unique insight into the hero instinct as well as free tips for triggering it in your guy.
If you want to understand what really makes men tick—and who they fall in love with—I recommend watching this video.