17 disturbing signs he is thinking about another woman (even though he is dating you)

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Every woman likes to think her man only has eyes for her.

You’ve found a man you genuinely care about and think he cares for you in the same way – but have these niggling doubts.

Dating can be full of so many unknowns as you get to know the person over time.

At the end of the day, it’s hard to know if his attention is solely on you, or whether he’s actually got someone else on the mind.

If you’ve got a sneaking suspicion that he has someone else on his mind as he stares deeply into your eyes, then it’s time to find out.

Here are 17 disturbing signs he’s thinking about another woman (even though he’s dating you).

1) He’s become distant

Once upon a time, your man used to tell you everything. From how his day went to even the smallest thoughts he had throughout it. You were his go-to person he shared it all with.

Now, it’s hard enough to get a simple “Hello” out of him.

Instead, whenever you’re trying to talk with him, it’s clear that his mind is far away, focused on something (or someone else).

Even when you pry and try to get him to open up the way he used, it’s all to no avail.


Because he’s thinking about her now.

He’s wishing he could be with her and share all the little details with this other woman.

You’ve been bumped down the list when it comes to important women in his life.

If your man is suddenly making a lot less effort than he used to when it comes to communicating in a relationship, it’s a disturbing sign that his mind is elsewhere.

2) There’s less physical affection

Physical affection is an important part of any relationship. And no, this doesn’t just refer to sex.

It’s holding hands.

Snuggling up on the couch together to watch a movie.

Rubbing your leg while out at dinner.

Kissing you goodbye at the end of a date together.

And, of course, sex is another good indicator on top of these other signs.

If you’ve suddenly noticed that the physical affection you once shared together is now lacking, then it can be a very strong sign he’s lost interest in you.

You can safely assume that his heart is no longer in the relationship. He’s stepping away physically to sever that connection while his mind remains on someone else entirely.

While he hasn’t yet let you know, it’s clear he has someone else on his mind.

3) He brings up things you didn’t do together

Out of all the signs, this is definitely one of the most awkward ones.

When the two of you are together, he brings up that time you went to Putt Putt together…the only thing is, the wasn’t you!


This one is hard to back out of. Sure, he might come up with an excuse about going there with his brother, but the fact is, it’s clear he was there with another girl.

And he’s thinking of her while dating you.

It’s a harsh truth and not one that anyone wants to be put on the spot with.

Call him out on it if you can in the moment.

This guy definitely doesn’t have you on his mind.

4) He’s always on his phone

Is there anything worse than being out on a date with someone who won’t get off the phone?

It definitely makes you feel like you’re not important when he can’t even raise his eyes to look at you while he’s talking.

He might tell you he’s busy with work. But let’s be honest, if this were the case he would excuse himself, sort the matter and come back and be present with you.

If he’s buried in his phone every time he sees you, there’s probably something more going on.

Someone is distracting him from giving you his full attention.

And it’s highly likely that someone is female.

When you ask him about it, he’ll probably deflect, or appear a little standoffish.

This is a guy trying to hide something from you.

Next time you’re out with your man and he won’t get off his phone, confront him about it.

His reaction will be the only answer you need.

5) He’s suddenly too busy to see you

When you first started dating, he had all the time in the world to meet up for dinner and spend quality time with you.

Now, all of a sudden, his schedule is extremely busy and he seems to have no time for you.

Naturally, you ask what he’s doing, and he will offer a generic answer like hanging with mates or spending time with his family.

If this is the case, then he would be sure to free up some time to fit you in as well.

In all likelihood, he has another woman on his mind and is spending his free time thinking about and meeting up with her instead.

As heartbreaking as it can be to discover you aren’t the number one in his life, if your man isn’t making the time for you, then it’s time to go.

You deserve better.

6) Your relationship is stuck

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7) He doesn’t focus on the little things

When you start dating, there’s a good chance your guy will want to shower you with love and affection in those early days.

From showing up with a bunch of flowers or chocolates, to opening the door and pulling out your seat.

It’s these little things he does that let you know how much he cares and wants to make a good impression with you.

If these suddenly disappear, then it could be a strong sign that he has something else on his mind.

He’s no longer focused on making you happy and setting a good impression.

Another girl has likely stolen his attention.

As a result, he’s no longer fixated on making you happy. He has another woman on his mind.

8) He avoids the PDA

Let’s face it, PDAs aren’t for everybody.

This is something you’ll work out early in your relationship.

But, what happens in you’re both comfortable with them…until one day he’s not? What does this mean?

It’s definitely not a good sign when it comes to your relationship.

If he’s always been up for holding hands, or pecks on the lips and out of the blue decides to change his tune, then something is definitely going on.

Alarm bells should be ringing at this point.

If he’s saving the affection for behind closed doors, then it’s safe to say he’s worried about being seen out and about.

He likely has another woman on his mind, and is thinking of her when you’re out on a date. He’s clearly more into her and doesn’t want to commit to any PDAs with you to send the wrong message to anyone who might be watching on.

He’s being more wary of his actions for a reason.

And it like has nothing to do with you and everything to do with someone else he’s thinking of in that moment.

9) He doesn’t talk about the future

When it comes to dating, all going well you spend a lot of time making plans with each other for the future.

Now, I’m not talking marriage and kids (though that can come up too in some relationships early on). But instead, plans to head for a weekend trip away in a month, or to attend a concert together in a few weeks’ time.

If you mention popping something in the diary for a months’ time and he squirms and suggests you just “wait and see”, you can guarantee that there’s someone else on his mind.

He doesn’t want to lock in anything with you, because he doesn’t see your relationship lasting the distance.

And the reason for this is likely to be another girl in the picture.

In the past, he was always happy to lock in future plans and talk about things with you that you were both looking forward to you.

If all that comes to an abrupt end, then it’s safe to assume there’s a reason for this.

He’s trying to keep his options open, because in his eyes, someone better might have already come along.

If your guy can’t commit to you past the week, then it’s time to walk away.

You shouldn’t have to act as a placeholder in a relationship while he works on his future options.

No thanks!

10) You don’t trigger his inner hero

Before jumping into any conclusions ask yourself if you’re triggering his inner hero? 

You see, for guys, it’s all about triggering their inner hero.

I learned about this from the hero instinct. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this revolutionary concept is about three main drivers all men have, deeply ingrained in their DNA.

This is something most women don’t know about.

But once triggered, these drivers make men into the heroes of their own lives. They feel better, love harder, and commit stronger when they find someone who knows how to trigger this.

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Not at all. Forget about Marvel. You won’t need to play the damsel locked in the tower to make him see you as the one.

The truth is, it comes at no cost or sacrifice to you. With only a few small changes in how you approach him, you’ll tap into a part of him no woman has tapped into before.

The easiest way to do this is by checking out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12 word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.

Because that’s the beauty of the hero instinct.

It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he wants you and only you. 

All of that and more is included in this informative free video, so make sure to check it out if you want to make him yours for good.

Here’s a link to the free video again.

11) He’s less enthusiastic

When you’re out on a date with your guy, do you simply get the impression that he would rather be somewhere else?

Once upon a time, he gave you butterflies in your stomach as he listened on attentively and shared in the conversation.

Now, he seems to stare off into the distance, not really contributing to the conversation at all.

You get the distinct impression that his mind is somewhere else.

Which it likely is.

While he might be physically present with you, he’s definitely thinking about another woman, which is distracting him from your conversation.

He’s suddenly a lot less interested in what you have to say, and actually looks bored by your conversations.

Another big sign is that he keeps looking down at his watch, as if he’s in a hurry to get out of there as well.

He may be thinking about his future plans with this woman, and actually willing the date to be over.

If you ever get the impression that your man would rather be somewhere else, bring it to his attention. See if he can shake it off and focus on you, or whether he really does have someone else on his mind.

You deserve all his attention and nothing less.

12) He introduces you differently to friends and family

Deciding on a title in those early days is a big deal. By the time you reach the point of being comfortable with ‘girlfriend’ and ‘boyfriend’, you have definitely entered a different stage of your relationship.

Until he backtracks.

All of a sudden, he avoids titles altogether and simply uses your name when he introduces you to people.

It’s clear that he’s trying to detach himself from you and to get away from people thinking of the two of you as a couple.

This is a solid sign that there’s someone else on his mind and he doesn’t want to confuse things.

He might also start acting differently as well. Being less attentive to you when you’re out together and becoming distant at social events.

These signs are even more apparent when the object of his thoughts is there in person. He is wanting to show her that the two of you aren’t actually together. He has his eyes set on her and it’s apparent in the way he’s behaving.

If your man starts acting differently when out in public, it’s a good chance to ask him why he isn’t using the word ‘girlfriend’ anymore and to see what he says.

There isn’t likely to be a good reason he can come up with for it.

It’s a strong sign the relationship is already over in his head and it’s time to move on.

13) He’s more defensive

While he once was open with his schedule and how he was spending his time, he’s now very defensive every time you bring it up.

This is someone who has something to hide.

While he might not be spending time with another woman, she’s likely on his mind, which is why he isn’t spending as much time with you.

And he doesn’t want to have to explain this to you.

If you suddenly notice he’s evasive or gets defensive when you ask him about where he’s been, then it’s a good indication that he has something to hide from you.

Watch his response next time you ask him where he’s been and you’ll have a good understanding of whether or not he’s keeping something from you.

14) He’s become overprotective of his things

You’ve both always been very open in your relationship when it comes to passwords to your accounts and browsing through each others’ phones.

If he suddenly changes and doesn’t want you near his things, then you have a right to be suspicious.

The only reason for this sudden change would be if he has something to hide from you.

It’s a clear sign that the trust is gone from the relationship, and he doesn’t want to be as open with you as you once thought.

This one is nice and easy to test out.

Simply ask him out of the blue if you can use his phone. If he’s hiding something, then he will look uncomfortable and probably spend a few minutes trying to delete anything he doesn’t want you to see.

It’s safe to say he’s thinking about someone else. And trying to hide them from you as well.

You could even straight out ask him why he’s changed his passwords and see what kind of response you get from him.

He’s definitely acting suspicious for a reason and it’s something you’ll want to get to the bottom of.

This relates back to the unique concept I mentioned earlier: the hero instinct.

When a man feels respected, useful, and needed, he’s more likely to be open about his private life and comfortable giving you full access to his stuff.

And the best part is, triggering his hero instinct can be as simple as knowing the right thing to say over text.

You can learn that and more by watching this genuine video by James Bauer.

15) He avoids eye contact

They always say the eyes are the window to someone’s soul. But they are also the window to someone’s heart. A guy who is in love with you is going to stare deeply into your eyes and hold that eye contact to let you know just how he feels.

The truth is, eye contact is a powerful stimulator of affection, and has been connected to passionate feelings.

Eye contact is also what connects us. It’s believed to release phenylethylamine, which is a chemical that is responsible for feelings of attraction. Put simply, it’s a sign of love.

On the other hand, if your man is avoiding eye contact altogether, there’s likely a reason for this. He probably is trying to hide something from you. Something he doesn’t want you to know.

When it comes to relationships, this something tends to be another woman.

If he has another woman on his mind, it’s going to be hard for him to maintain eye contact with you. He’s worried you’ll notice his mind is elsewhere.

16) He calls you by another name

Slip-ups don’t get much bigger than this.

We’ve all seen it in the movies, where they’re mid-way through sex and he (or she), suddenly screams out someone else’s name.

It’s awkward for all involved.

And it’s not just reserved for the movies.


This has to be one of the biggest signs that someone else is on his mind.

But instead of happening during sex like in the movies, it simply comes up in a normal discussion. He just yells out “Emma” instead of “Jessica” when trying to get your attention.

If you catch his face in the moment, it will reveal all. The sudden look of shock and horror will make it clear he wasn’t just calling out his sister’s name.

He definitely has someone else on his mind, and has made that very clear.

There’s no getting around this one. It’s best to confront him then and there and get it all out onto the table in the moment.

Unless he’s accidentally used his exes name (which happens), you can take it as a sure sign he’s thinking about another woman while out and about with you.

17) Your gut feeling tells you so

Women have strong intuition for a reason. Make sure you trust yours!

If you get the feeling that his attention is being focused elsewhere and there’s someone else in the picture, then trust your feeling and confront him.

While it’s not a conversation anyone wants to have, if you don’t, you’ll end up stuck in a dead-end relationship that you’re getting nothing out of.

That, or you’ll find the paranoia about another woman will eat away at you and drive a wedge in your relationship all on its own.

Either way, it’s time to confront him.

After reading through this article, you may have noticed a few of the other signs above in him, which have helped confirm that gut feeling of yours.

Use this when you confront him, and ask for a truthful explanation.

His answer will either confirm your greatest fears, or reassure you that there really is nothing else going on…and no one else going on.

In the case of the latter, you’ll need to work to the bottom of your feelings and why your gut is telling you something is off in the relationship.

It’s important to get to the bottom of it.

Felicity Frankish

My name is Felicity (Flick) Frankish and I am mum to Cassandra, Vivienne and Elliot. After studying journalism and digital media, I naturally fell into the online world - and hasn't left since!

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