12 alarming signs he is slowly falling out of love

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Falling out of love can feel miserable.

As it dawns on the person that they no longer feel the same way about their partner, they tend to experience guilt and exasperation.

It’s quite a burden to realize that you and your partner are different people, and these feelings don’t always get processed in the healthiest of ways.

Unsure about their own feelings, their uncertainty often crops up in different aspects of the relationship, reflecting their inner turmoil and newfound instability.

Paying attention to how he’s changed from the beginning of the relationship until now is one of the easiest ways to determine if your man is starting to slip through your fingers.

Here are things you can look out for if you feel like he’s starting to fall out of love with you:

1) He’s Really Irritable

Even the most perfect, compatible couples argue. People have bad days and you can’t expect your SO to constantly be on their A-game.

But what’s happening in your relationship is a little different.

Your guy seems constantly irritable, getting annoyed at the slightest of things, from canceled dinner reservations to you want to talk about the relationship.

At this point, it feels like you’re walking on eggshells because it seems like he can get triggered even by the wind.

There’s a significant disparity between the guy you met and fell in love with to the person you’re talking to now.

If he’s uncharacteristically or unexplainably irritable, this might be his way of processing the emotional distance without truly understanding what’s going on.

It might be time to sit down and have the talk.

2) He Doesn’t Argue With You Anymore

Relationship experts seem to have a consensus: fights are a good sign that a relationship is alive.

When two people are keen to argue about their differences, this means they’re fighting to keep the relationship alive and that it’s still burning with passion.

Fights mean that both parties are willing to communicate and work through differences instead of letting things rot.

When your partner stops arguing and starts sounding more resigned, it could mean that he’s growing emotionally distant from the relationship.

People do so when they no longer feel like the relationship is going anywhere; why argue when it seems like it’s a matter of time before one fight spills into the next?

3) He Doesn’t Feel Like a Hero

When a guy starts falling out of love, there’s one crucial thing that could be the cause:

His inner hero isn’t being triggered.

I learned about this from the hero instinct. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this revolutionary concept is about three main drivers all men have, deeply ingrained in their DNA.

This is something most women don’t know about.

But once triggered, these drivers make men into the heroes of their own lives. They feel better, love harder, and commit stronger when they find someone who knows how to trigger this.

Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”? Do guys really need to feel like superheroes to commit to a woman?

Not at all. Forget about Marvel. You won’t need to play the damsel locked in the tower to make him see you as the one.

The truth is, it comes at no cost or sacrifice to you. With only a few small changes in how you approach him, you’ll tap into a part of him no woman has tapped into before.

The easiest way to do this is by checking out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12 word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.

Because that’s the beauty of the hero instinct.

It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he does love you, he just wasn’t happy within himself.

All of that and more is included in this informative free video, so make sure to check it out if you want put your relationship right again.

4) He Doesn’t Want To Plan Ahead

Maybe he’s busy, but it’s likelier that he’s starting to feel ambivalent about your future together.

It’s easy to set up plans, trips, and even big life decisions with someone if you feel secure in the relationship.

Planning a week trip two years in advance can feel daunting if you’re not sure where you’re at with the other person.

Even figuring out where to spend your anniversary next month can feel suffocating if you’re not sure about the relationship anymore.

If your partner has stopped wanting to plan ahead, maybe it’s because he’s not sure where he wants to be when the time comes.

It could be a sign that he’s in the process of reevaluating the relationship, and staying out of future commitments makes it easier to end things on a clean slate.

5) He Keeps Saying You’re Different

A growing part of him is realizing that you’re not the best match for each other.

He might have a difficult time talking to you about it, so he’s focusing on your differences to get you to see things from his perspective.

Maybe he already feels like a third-party observer who can evaluate the relationship from the outside, and all he sees is how incompatible you are.

Highlighting how much you’ve changed or grown apart, or couching it in statements like “I think you’d be better for someone else” are just a few ways that he could be testing the waters without breaking your heart.

He wants you to get on the same page so you can mutually decide to end things instead of going for something messier.

6) He Rarely Makes Time

And not in a “he’s busy with work” way. He rarely spends any time with you and on days where he has free time, he chooses to spend it on his own or with other people.

He doesn’t just seem to have no time for you; sometimes it feels as though he’s avoiding you altogether.

Want to have lunch with him? That time is magically booked. Thinking about planning a trip together?

He suddenly wants to buckle down and focus on work.

It doesn’t matter what the activity is, really; he’ll probably come up with some excuse as to why he can’t spend time with you.

He’s also stopped volunteering time with you.

Lately, it seems like you’re doing more of the planning than he is, and he only ever hangs out when you want to.

7) Want Advice Specific To Your Situation?

While this article explores the main signs he is slowly falling out of love, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and your experiences…

Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations, like falling out of love. They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.

How do I know?

Well, I reached out to them a few months ago when I was going through a tough patch in my own relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

In just a few minutes, you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

Click here to get started.

8) Other People Excite Him

Romantic relationships thrive in healthy environments, and that includes having friends that aren’t your SO.

Lately, you’ve noticed that your guy is becoming more friendly towards the opposite sex.

He lights up around other girls (or guys) in a way he hasn’t lit up with you.

When he’s out drinking with his buddies, he seems eager to make new acquaintances.

It could be that he feels stuck in the relationship, and having new people in his life helps him feel some relief.

9) He Wants To “Slow Things Down”

Every relationship has its own pace: some people meet, fall in love, and walk down the aisle all within just a few months, while others take years just to get to the point of even talking about a wedding.

And that’s fine; we all have our preferences, as individuals and as a couple.

But lately, your man has been asking you — directly and indirectly — to ease up on the relationship gas.

He might phrase this as “needing more space” or “not feeling like himself lately”, and that’s his way of moving the relationship backward.

Instead of seeing him and sleeping over three times a week, that might go down to once a week or every two weeks.

And while it’s totally possible that he really does just need more space, it could also be possible that he’s slowly trying to detach himself — and you — from the relationship.

10) He’s Never Really “Around”, Even When You’re Together

Just because he’s slowly falling out of love with you doesn’t mean you don’t still hang out or go on dates from time to time.

But there’s a difference these days; specifically, there’s a difference with him.

While he’s sitting across from you at the dinner table, enjoying his meal and listening to your stories, you can see in his eyes that something’s off.

From the way he looks, the way he replies and the way he acts, you can tell: he’s not really there.

His heart just isn’t in it, and that’s not something you can hide.

Everything he does seems to be the bare minimum these days.

You never get any extra bits of affection or love from him; maybe he used to aimlessly touch your thighs when you sat down together, but now it’s like he’s forgotten all about you.

He acts like a boyfriend, but you know in your heart that he’s not yours anymore.

11) He Tells You You’ve Stopped Loving Him

You’re worried that he’s slowly falling out of love with you, but whenever you talk to him about it (or anything else contentious), he says the exact same thing to you, telling you that you’re falling out of love with him.

But you’ve been nothing but kind, loving, and caring — more so now than ever before since you feel him drifting away — so none of it makes sense to you. How could he even think to say that?

This all circles back to classic projecting.

He knows exactly how he’s feeling — that he’s slowly falling out of love with you — and he can’t help but feel guilty for it, knowing that he’s getting closer to breaking your heart.

So he tries to convince himself that you’re feeling the same way, to justify his own separation from the relationship.

It might also be his way of trying to convince you to love him less, in a way to try to prepare you for the inevitable end of your relationship.

12) He’s Finding More Things “Wrong” About You

You just don’t get it. You’ve been together with your boyfriend for months if not years and the kind of stuff that bothers him now never bothered him before.

But these days it feels like every other thing about you is something that bothers him; not only does it bother him, but he actively asks you if you can change it.

Maybe suddenly he’s started talking about how you could lose a few pounds, or maybe he thinks you talk a little too much.

Maybe he doesn’t like your high-pitched laugh, or some of your closest friends.

But he’s known all these things about you for as long as you’ve had a relationship with him, so why are they all coming up now?

It could be that his love was stopping him from seeing or caring about these things before.

But now that he’s falling out of love with you, he’s finally seeing you and your relationship together in a new light.


By now you should have a better idea of whether he’s falling out of love with you.

But what if you’re not ready to let him go? What if you believe there are other underlying issues, and actually, he may still love you dearly?

The key now is getting through to your man in a way that empowers both him and you. 

I mentioned the concept of the hero instinct earlier – by appealing directly to his innate drivers, you won’t only solve this issue, but you’ll take your relationship further than ever before.

And since this free video reveals exactly how to trigger your man’s hero instinct, you could make this change from as early as today. 

With James Bauer’s incredible concept, he’ll see you as the only woman for him. So if you’re ready to take that plunge, before sure to check out his revolutionary advice.

Here’s a link to the incredible free video again.


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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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