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15 signs he is a player (and you need to get away from him fast!)

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Players aren’t always obvious at first glance. In fact, most of them look fragile and harmless— like they’d never ever hurt you.

They are experts at deception and that’s the reason they’re so good at winning (and breaking) hearts.

Guard yourself against their charms by spotting these 15 less obvious signs of a player before you get in too deep.

1) He knows exactly how to make you feel good

There’s something about the way he smiles at you that makes you weak in the knees.

And when he touches you? It’s almost frightening just how he can make you melt in his arms. You might swear that it feels like he’s known you for forever.

And there might be some truth in that.

The thing with players is that, by definition, they’ve been with plenty of women in their lives. That gives them more than enough opportunities to learn exactly how to seduce women and leave you wanting for more.

They might have not known you for ages, but they’ve already been with enough women like you that they have you all figured out.

That’s not to say that he’s definitely a player just because he knows exactly how to make you feel good. There’s always a chance that he’s your soulmate. But if you look at the other items on this list and find yourself thinking “wait, that sounds like him”, then think twice.

2) He’s way too nice

Players are charismatic without exception.

They have to be or they won’t go far in their ‘game’ of love—someone trying to woo girls without having even an ounce of charisma in their veins is only going to find themselves dumped often.

Pay some attention to how he interacts with other people.

Does he seem to know exactly what to say or do in order to make people like him or do things for him? Does he make friends left and right without breaking a sweat?

Charisma by itself isn’t a bad thing. All of us need some of it to get by in this world we live in, after all. But if you’re watching out for whether someone is a player or not, then you might want to be especially careful with guys who seem to have too much of it in them.

3) He enjoys being the center of attention

Attention-seeking behavior is a common trait among players. They like to be the star of the show.

It’s also something that doesn’t necessarily get you thinking ‘this guy’s a player’ since he’s not just after attention from women. He likes attention every way he could get it.

When you’re in a group, you might notice him dominating the conversation. He doesn’t get iffy when he’s the main topic, either. In fact, you know he kinda likes it. But he’s too cute, you just find it adorable.

One of the causes for attention-seeking behavior is low self-esteem. Getting any attention to themselves—even negative ones—makes them feel better about themselves. It makes them feel acknowledged.

Couple this behavior with charisma and you get a recipe for a player. Having women fall head-over-heels over him would give him a good ego boost.

4) He makes you feel like a queen in bed

When we think of players, we think of sex…but the kind that’s rushed because you’re just a conquest, right? Well, that’s a common misconception.

Most players will do anything and everything to please you in bed. They’d shower you with kisses and make you feel like you’re the most beautiful girl in the world.

They don’t act like inexperienced assh*les at all!

If you were to list your partners in order of who pleased you the best, he’d be either first on the list or at least top three.

Simply thinking of the nights where you were together gets you flushed. You would remember just how he would make you melt with a few words carelessly whispered, or how he kept you in cloud nine longer than you thought was possible.

5) He’s a little mysterious

There’s a certain mystique or allure to men who just seem to be slightly unavailable or hard to read. Mysterious and detached men are often sexy because they exude a dark personality.

And when you have a personal connection with someone who seems to keep a certain distance from the rest of the world, that connection feels even stronger because there’s an illusion of exclusivity—that you’re indeed special because they chose you.

This doesn’t necessarily contradict the earlier discussed points of attention-seeking behavior. A man who is both attention-seeking and elusive might cause a ruckus or make himself the center of attention, but also reveal so little about himself that you can’t help but wonder “why is he that way?”

He might be showing off a piece of art that he made to you and your friends, but when you ask him how long it took for him to paint it he’ll just smile and say “a while” instead of saying something more concrete, like “fifteen days”.

And when you ask him how his day went he might say things like “nothing much.”

We all love some mystery and the player is full of them.

6) He has deep wounds

He doesn’t share much about the details of his life. When you tried to pry, he shut down and said “woah, easy.”

You get the idea that he’s keeping secrets.

That very fact might stir your intrigue and make you want to know more about him.

Be wary of it because it can mean that he has gone through some bad things and has trust issues. Players aren’t evil people who prey on girls. In fact, many of them become players because they’ve been hurt so bad in the past.

Maybe their parents divorced because someone cheated or maybe they found their ex kissing their best friend.

But whatever the reason, you should prioritize yourself. Don’t get yourself burned by trying to help and change a player.

7) He’s always busy

If he only messages and meets you at night, it’s very possible that you aren’t really his priority. Maybe he’s busy at work or you know, busy with someone else.

If he truly does like you, he’s not going to wait until nine or ten before he sends you a call. He might try sending you a greeting while he’s having his noon break, or if work is slow in the afternoon he might try to at least say hi.

This one is quite obvious but what separates a regular player from a pro is that the pro will make everything seem romantic.

He won’t treat you like a booty call. Hell, no! He will message you like you’re the most important girl in the world even if he only reaches out past midnight.

8) He notices when a man makes a move on you

He might become protective when he sees a man approaching you, or he might say that the other person’s hitting on you.

You might not even realize it and think that he’s simply ‘crazy’ or ‘jealous’… only for him to be eventually proven right.

You might wonder why he’s so good at figuring it out. Well the reason is that he’s quite good at making those moves himself, of course!

He knows all the tricks in the book so when he sees someone trying something in front of him, he will understand what he’s seeing straight away.

9) He likes mind games

If you read a lot of romantic novels or watch soap operas, you might think that mind games are perfectly normal. After all, what could be more romantic than your man remembering how much you mean to him just as another was about to steal you away?

But in real life, they’re one of the last things you want in your relationship, so keep an eye out for what he does with you and other people.

Does he begin flirting with other girls in front of you simply because he saw you hanging out with a guy?

Are they playing hard to get?

These tricks are all red flags, and it means that he’s manipulative and bad at engaging in proper communication. And these two things on their own are things you don’t want in a partner if you want your relationship to last.

10) He love bombs

You can compare his presence to that of a storm. He’s showering you with affection that sweeps you off your feet and leaves you feeling breathless. He’d give you gift after gift, shower you with one compliment after another, and make you feel so wanted that you’d feel guilty to even turn away or tell him no.

And you just met last week!

Be careful of this. It’s called love bombing, and for a player, it serves the simple role of making it hard for you to deny him.

It might not just be you either. He could be just as intense towards your friends, his coworkers, and even his bosses. You might find yourself wondering where he even gets that much energy.

If his love is too good to be true—too sweet, too fast, too perfect— it probably is.

11) He is friendly to most girls

For sure, it’s nice when a guy is friendly and gets along well with your friends. We’re not talking about that kind of friendship. We’re talking about friendship that’s laced with a bit of flirtation.

Try to pay attention to just how ‘friendly’ he is with your friends, and with whom. If he’s treating the women you know better than the men, then you might have reason to be alarmed.

It could be that he’s just better at relating with women than with men, but it could also be that he’s trying to get the ladies to like him just because, well…it feels good to be liked, doesn’t it?

Bonus points if he isn’t really a fan of the guys in your gang, and would rather not hang out with them. Maybe he doesn’t want them to notice his moves or else he’d get in trouble.

When you confront him about it, he’d accuse you of being paranoid. After all, can’t guys just be friends with girls?

12) He doesn’t introduce you to his friends

Speaking of friends, he doesn’t want you to meet his.

He might be perfectly willing to meet your friends, but he doesn’t seem to be too interested in introducing you to his friends.

And if you do meet up with a friend of his, he won’t bother trying to get you to know each other that well, and he might even try to find a way to get you to leave.

A very likely reason for this would be that his friends probably know that he’s a player, and the last thing he wants is for them to tell you about the girl that was in his arms just last week.

And even if his friends are loyal enough to him that he knows they won’t spill the beans, he might want to keep you away from them anyways in case one of them feels guilty enough.

13) He pushes your personal space

Let’s admit it. It’s nice when guys are a bit aggressive. It makes one feel desired! But even then, we all need our personal space.

A mistake here and there is forgivable, but if he’s been callously ignoring your protests or if it’s been happening too many times, then he’s trying to pressure you.

It’s a classic trick used by players. Seduce a woman and give her so little time and space to think clearly that she will have no choice but to go along with him.

When emotions are running wild, it’s hard to be rational and you’ll easily overlook signs that would have normally got warning bells ringing in your head—so if he does this to you, it’s to keep you from getting a moment to think clearly and figure out what he’s up to.

Many women who have fallen victim to these things end up blaming themselves when they get hurt. They ask themselves “what was I thinking,” but the problem is exactly they were never given the opportunity to think.

14) He’s thirsty for power

Sometimes, players genuinely enjoy the adoration they get from the women they play with. But most of the time, it’s also about the rush of power they feel when they manage to ‘score’ or win a lady’s heart.

This feeling of winning and being in control over someone is so exhilarating and satisfying to some men (and women). And when they’re sure that they’ve got you wrapped around their fingers, they’d discard you and move on to the next conquest.

This trait can be observed in other areas of his life as well. Is he aggressive in climbing up the career ladder? Does he like the feeling of winning more than the actual journey? Does he see everything as a challenge or a goal?

He might just be a player.

15) He doesn’t have plans

Ask him about his plans for the future and he’ll just shrug. He might say that he’s just living the moment and has no interest in what comes tomorrow.

Now that alone isn’t enough to condemn him as a player. Sometimes people drift through life simply because they enjoy being more carefree and think it’s better to live life without worrying about tomorrow.

But if he’s that unconcerned about the future and he’s ticked off enough of the other items on this list, then it serves to reinforce the possibility that he might be a player.

After all, players don’t really make plans. They jump from relationship to relationship, taking what they want and leaving the moment they get bored.

Their life motto is “C’est la vie” and if you want a bit of certainty in your relationships and in your life, it’s best to stay away.


The signs listed here are some of the less obvious ways that players can give themselves away.

As a result, one or two of these might not be enough to definitely say that the guy you’re dating is indeed a player. But the more of these are true for him, the more likely it is that he’s one.

You know that saying “If it looks like a duck, it walks like a duck, then it probably is a duck”?

Well, it applies to players, too.

It’s good to hope that he really isn’t, but if the evidence is too strong to deny, get yourself out of there before it’s too late.

Putting yourself first

Hey, Lachlan from Hack Spirit here.

What’s your number one goal at the moment?

Is it to buy that car you’ve been saving up for?

To finally start that side-hustle that’ll hopefully help you quit your 9-5 one day?

Or to take the leap and finally ask your partner to move in?

Whatever it is, you’re not going to get there, unless you’ve got a plan.

And even then…plans fail.

But I didn’t write this to you to be the voice of doom and gloom…

No, I’m writing this because I want to help you achieve the goals you’ve set.

I’ve recently been taking part in a workshop called Life Journal created by teacher and career coach Jeanette Brown.

Covering all the basics and more on what’s needed to reach your goals, Jeannette tackles everything from creating habits and new behavior patterns to putting your plans into action.

She doesn’t mess around – this workshop will require effort on your part but that’s the beauty of it – Jeanette has carefully designed it to put YOU in the driving seat of your life.

Click here to find out more about Life Journal.

So…think back to that important goal I asked about at the start of this message.

How much do you want it?

Are you willing to put the effort in to get there?

If so, check out the workshop here.

If you do take part, I’d love to hear how your Life Journey goes!

All the best,

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Written by Pearl Nash

Pearl Nash has years of experience writing relationship articles for single females looking for love. After being single for years with no hope of meeting Mr. Right, she finally managed to get married to the love of her life. Now that she’s settled down and happier than she’s ever been in her life, she's passionate about sharing all the wisdom she's learned over the journey.

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