Many relationships start out hot and heavy and then have a honeymoon period where everything seems great about your partner.
But once things get more settled, it’s common for the relationship and your partner to lose some of their shine.
Is this due to his losing interest, or even worse, does it mean he never really cared about your feelings in the first place?
In new and even in not-so-new relationships it’s not uncommon for a woman to have doubts about how her man feels about her and the relationship.
And it can be confusing!
Men, in general, are not known for their openness and communication skills when compared to women.
Look, I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder of Hack Spirit, and I’ve written hundreds of articles analyzing relationships and what makes them work, and in this article, I’m going to lay out all of the signs that suggest your man doesn’t care about your feelings.
Then we’ll talk about what you can do about it.
Don’t be too quick to judge
Before freaking out, it’s important to remember that it could definitely be that there is something else going on.
Do you know of a tragedy that’s occurred in his life or even something positive like a new dream job that has added a great deal of stress to his plate?
These are definite signals that you should not be too quick to judge the quality of his feelings about your relationship.
Any major life change can definitely cause a guy’s outer behavior to change.
Even if you don’t know of anything going on that would explain a behavior change, that may still be the root cause.
Plenty of guys have a difficult time expressing their feelings, and some guys feel that sharing problems with a partner just acts to create a burden on their partner.
We’ll let you know how to best handle this scenario, but first, we’ll go through all the signs he doesn’t care about your feelings.
This way you’ll be well-prepared to tackle the issue. And even if your worst fears are right, we will let you know how to handle that as well.
So if you’re wondering how do you tell if a man doesn’t care about you, or how do you know when a man doesn’t love you anymore, we have answers.
Without further ado, here are the top signs he doesn’t care about your feelings or the relationship.
1) The relationship has started taking an emotional toll on you
Whenever you’re consistently investing energy, time, and emotions into a relationship and not receiving anything back in return you will eventually experience an emotional toll, even in non-romantic relationships.
If you’re putting a lot of effort into what is supposed to be the central relationship in your life, and not getting anything back then that is an indicator that something is not right in the relationship.
Remember, all relationships require a give and take from both people.
And while who is giving more and who is taking may ebb and flow over time, if there isn’t overall equality, then the relationship can’t thrive.
If you’ve been feeling emotionally exhausted ask yourself if that is centered around your relationship.
If the primary emotion you are feeling from your relationship is stress, then it’s likely the problem has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him not caring enough.
2) The romance has taken a nosedive
Look, some people are just not sentimental and are not a fan of romance.
If this happens to describe you, then his not indulging in romance could mean you’ve met a great match, and if he’s toned it down, it could simply be that he’s respecting your proclivity to avoid hearts and flowers.
If he is attuned to what you want, this could definitely be the answer.
However, for the majority of women, romantic dinners and thoughtful dates are some of the best parts of a loving relationship.
If he was never good at romance, it could just mean he is a bit clueless, but in that case, his ability to be romantic should increase over time, not decrease.
And if he used to bring you flowers and leave you little notes, but no longer does, that is a sign that something is amiss.
Equally, relationships do go through a natural ebb and flow. Noticing that those big rose bouquets and boxes of chocolates have stopped arriving at your doorstep regularly is part of moving out of the honeymoon relationship phase.
But they shouldn’t stop arriving altogether!
Noticing you and your partner slip into the more comfortable phase of a relationship can sometimes be mistaken for feeling like he’s losing interest. He might not be, and instead just be relaxing into a long-term partnership with you.
But noticing the difference can be tricky. If you need some help figuring out where your head is at and what he’s thinking, try out this free Self-Love Quiz.
It’s co-hosted by The Vessel and Rudá Iandé, a world renowned shaman who has helped thousands of people develop better relationships with themselves and with those around them.
Through sitting down and really reflecting on the questions it poses regarding your relationship and the current state of your feelings, you’ll likely uncover some emotions you hadn’t yet thought to consider.
And the more you understand, the better equipped you’ll be for the next step!
3) He’s always too busy, at least for you
He may have a lot going on at work, or find himself having to support a sick family member.
But when you’re in a relationship you find a way to make your partner one of the priorities in your life.
Sometimes it’s not quantity, but quality.
Even if he’s super busy, he should still be finding ways to let you know he cares. It could be as simple as taking 10 minutes to check in on how you’re doing.
However, if he consistently never has time for you, that could be his way of telling you that he wants out of the relationship.
Additionally, if you find that the only time when he has time for you is when no one else is available, then that is a very bad sign.
If everything comes before you, from work to family to friends, then yours is not a relationship he’s invested in.
4) He only has time for you when it comes to sex
He may make time for you, but only if sex is involved.
Many men are perfectly happy in an arrangement where they have sex with one person and get all their emotional needs met elsewhere.
But an arrangement does not a relationship make.
If he’s only keen to spend time with you for sex, it could be a sign he’s using you for that purpose and doesn’t care about the relationship.
5) He never has time for sex
On the flip side, if suddenly he’s lost all interest that is not a good sign. There are a couple of caveats to this one, however.
First, it’s important to remember that when it comes to sex, it’s not the quantity but the quality.
Perhaps you have less sex than when the relationship started, but when you do it’s emotional fireworks.
That’s much more of a good sign than a bad one!
Additionally, there could be more going on than meets the eyes.
There a several reasons why a man may be avoiding sex that has nothing to do with the relationship.
This includes too much stress elsewhere in his life or even a medical issue he is uncomfortable sharing with you.
6) He flirts with other women in front of you
It’s natural for everyone, both men and women to feel attracted to other people, even after entering into a wonderful relationship.
But if he’s openly flirting in front of you, he clearly is not caring about your feelings.
He may even be trying to make you jealous in order to let you know he’s not interested anymore.
A guy who is committed to your relationship will not only skip flirting, he won’t even want to.
7) He’s fine with you spending time with other men
It’s hardwired into men’s DNA. They don’t like seeing their girl with another guy.
Now I’m not talking about caveman behavior. It’s 2021 and women can definitely have male friends.
If you have a strong friendship with another male, he should be able to respect that.
But if you’re hanging out with random other guys he doesn’t know, and his hackles don’t go up, that’s a sign he really just doesn’t care anymore.
8) He never makes sacrifices
These include things big and small, but if every time a compromise is called for, you find you’re the only one who is ever actually compromising, then you’ve got a problem on your hands.
This could be as simple as never going out of his way to do things for you while expecting you to do lots for him.
It could be as small an item of never taking out the trash.
But it can also be bigger things as well, such as expecting you to adapt to his schedule but never altering his for you.
It’s a sad truth that to make a relationship work both members have to sometimes sacrifice their own needs and make their partner’s a priority.
If he’s never the one making the sacrifice, then that is an issue.
9) How does he react when you’re having a sick day?
Some people aren’t great at taking care of others, and that is a bit more true of men than women.
Still, if he truly cares about you he’ll find a way to let you know he’s there for you when you truly need him.
It’s a simple thing to bring someone juice or soup, and when you’re bringing it to someone you love, when they need a bit of extra care, then it should give you joy, not be just another chore.
10) He isn’t careful that his words don’t hurt your feelings
A person who truly cares about a relationship will be mindful of how their words affect the other person.
And while that’s no guarantee your feelings won’t get hurt — there will be fights and misunderstandings — overall it’s important that he takes care of how he chooses his words with you.
If he cares about you he will slow down and take the time to find kinder ways to express himself.
Now if the words are not only careless but are cruel or specifically calculated to hurt you, then that is a sign that there is something more serious going on than his simply not caring.
If his treatment of you has crossed into verbal abuse territory, then it may be time to seek outside help.
11) He’s stopped saying he loves you
It’s one thing if this is still too new of a relationship to say those three little words, but if all of a sudden he’s stopped saying, or avoiding saying it back to you, then that is a red flag.
Keep in mind there are other ways to say, I love you. Not all people can express their feelings in ways we want.
According to Dr. Gary Chapman, there are 5 love languages. So, if your man doesn’t say “I love you” too much, it doesn’t necessarily mean you are not loved. It could be that he has a different love language.
Here are some other ways he or you can say, I love you, without actually saying it:
1. Words of affirmation
2. Spend quality time with you
3. Give thoughtful gifts
4. Acts of service for you (which can include triggering his hero instinct)
5. Physical touch
12) He now forgets birthdays, anniversaries and other important events
Some people have particularly bad memories, and for some, anniversaries just don’t seem that important.
But if suddenly he’s started forgetting your anniversary or birthday it’s not a good sign.
How does he react after he’s realized he’s forgotten? Does he seem sincerely sorry, especially if it’s hurt you, or is it not that big a deal to him?
Even worse than him forgetting important dates (and if he is the forgetful type help him out with reminders for dates that are important to you), is not remembering when you have a major event.
Just scored an interview to your dream job, and he can’t be bothered to ask you how it went? Not good.
13) You’re the one who always makes contact
Are you the one who is always calling and texting him first? Does hanging out require that you reach out to him.
If he really cares about you, he’ll want to spend time talking to you and hanging out, and will take the initiative to make sure you do.
14) He’s not supportive about your future
In good times and bad, we all need support, and the person we most naturally turn to is our partner.
But if his sole concern is his future, and he never cares about yours, that could be that he just doesn’t see the relationship going anywhere.
Otherwise, your future would be his future too.
15) He treats you the same way as everyone else
A good relationship means that to each other, you are both very special, not just another buddy. If he treats you just like everyone else in his life, that’s a bad sign that you’re just not very special to him.
It’s worth noting that by triggering his hero instinct, you might have the best shot at getting through to him.
When a man feels respected, useful, and needed, he’s more likely to commit to you, and take your feelings into consideration.
But not many women know how to bring out these deep, innate feelings in a man.
If you’re able to trigger his hero instinct, he certainly won’t see you the same way as everyone else anymore.
And the best part is, triggering his hero instinct can be as simple as knowing the right thing to say over text.
You can learn that and more by watching this genuine video by James Bauer.
16) He doesn’t discuss your future as a couple
Right now times are strange in the world, and it can be difficult to have those conversations about your future as a couple.
Even in the best of times, the first time having that conversation is always stressful.
But if you feel your relationship is headed into long-term territory, then it’s time to begin that discussion.
If it’s something he avoids or doesn’t care to include you in little ways when talking about his future, then it’s a sign he may not care.
17) You always have to pay
These days, it’s a somewhat complicated question who pays on a date.
And while it is completely fine for both members of a couple to contribute equally financially, what is not fine is him expecting you to always pay.
It’s one thing if he is in a rough patch or out of work, or perhaps makes significantly less money than you, but if he is able to contribute, he should be picking up the tab at least as often as you.
18) He doesn’t show you respect
There’s a reason why Aretha Franklin spelled it out. It’s a cornerstone to any relationship, not just romantic ones.
You should think of respect as a baseline, and if you’re not getting any, it’s probably time to walk.
And while respect in a relationship is a two-way street, if you don’t have that foundation, you don’t have much of a relationship.
19) He doesn’t introduce you to friends and family
If he’s not introducing you to the other important people in his life, that is a bad sign that he doesn’t consider you as one of the important people.
When he sees you as a part of his future, he’ll want very much for his friends and family to get to know you.
What do you do if you find these red flags in your relationship
First, remember don’t panic. There could be an alternative explanation for many of the signs he doesn’t care your feelings are being hurt.
You may be wondering, how do you test him to see if he cares? But rather than complex schemes, your next course of action is actually quite simple:
1) Talk to him
The best way to find out if he still cares about your relationship is to just ask him.
If he doesn’t care that your feelings are being hurt then he doesn’t care about you and your relationship, and it’s time to skip to step 3.
If he does care, he’ll ask for another chance to do things better. In that case, it’s time to move on to the next step:
2) Give him a chance
Do you see his behavior towards you and the relationship improving?
A person’s willingness to change to make things better for another person is one of the surest signs there is that someone truly does care.
It is likely this is a relationship that is worth continuing, as it’s clear you are both willing to put in the work that a relationship requires.
3) Work on it together
I mentioned Rudá Iandé above and need to stress again the usefulness of the free resources he has available for those going through relationship woes (or just trying to understand themselves better).
In addition to the quiz, he also has a free Love and Intimacy Masterclass currently running.
If you’ve communicated the situation to him as in the points above and he’s willing to work things through with you, the class provides the ample opportunity to work through things together.
Rudá’s practice exercises guide you to sit and reflect on your true emotions. Answering these together will provide you with such a great shot at better understanding each other, and consequently being able to find the best next step together.
Relationship issues are so tricky to tackle alone, but hopefully you can join teams and navigate this together. If not, you will also benefit hugely from the insight Rudá guides you through.
4) On the other hand
If his behavior towards you remains the same, then it’s time for you to listen to the signs and accept that he just doesn’t care anymore.
If it turns out that he does not care, then there is only one thing you can do. A relationship where one person doesn’t care is far worse than no relationship at all.
The most important thing to remember this is not your fault, but rather his issue.
There is someone out there who will truly care about you, and you deserve nothing less.
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