We’ve all been there:
Stuck in breakup purgatory, looking for signs our ex misses us and wondering if they will eventually come back.
If you are desperately searching for universal clues that your ex will return to you, you’re in the right place.
I’ve put together a comprehensive list of 21 unmistakable signs that your ex will come back into your life.
In this article we will cover:
- 21 DEFINITE signs your ex is coming back
- Resources to help keep the relationship healthy if they come back
- Expert links to help get your ex back
Going through a breakup is always tough. Especially when you still have so many feelings and unanswered questions.
When my ex and I broke up, (for the second time), I was confused and struggling to find meaning to my emotions.
Was this the final break up?
Did I even want this break up?
Did my ex want to come back?
I started to recall the signs from the previous time we got back together. And sure enough, they played out the second time too.
Here are 21 actual signs that your ex wants to come back to you:
1) They still keep you in their life
You guys still stay in touch. They haven’t blocked you from any of the socials.
They haven’t reached out to close out shared accounts or to get things back.
Often when a breakup is final, fight or flight takes over and a person will try to remove all “traces” of the relationship. They will delete photos of you on social media, block your calls or texts, and finalize anything that binds you together.
However, and this was the case in my situation, if your ex is on the fence about the break up, they will still keep in touch. Sometimes in subtle ways.
They may not respond to your texts, but they leave it on “read”. They haven’t changed their relationship status on social media. They still “like” your photos or haven’t asked to get their things back.
If they haven’t cut all ties linking the two of you, it’s a good sign that they will come back.
2) What would a gifted advisor say?
The signs above and below in this article will give you a good idea about whether your ex is going to come back.
Even so, it can be very worthwhile to speak to someone with extra intuition and get guidance from them.
They can answer all sorts of relationship questions and take away your doubts and worries. Like, does your e still love you? Are you meant to him with them?
I recently spoke to someone from Psychic Source after going through a break up. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into where my life was going, including who I was meant to be with.
I was actually blown away by how kind, compassionate and knowledgeable they were.
In this love reading, a gifted advisor can tell you where things stand with your ex, and most importantly empower you to make the right decisions when it comes to love.
3) They keep bringing up memories
When your ex and you talk and they are constantly walking down memory lane, it’s a clear indication that they still can’t let go of the times you spent together.
More often than not, it’s a hint that they may want to get back with you.
Dating expert Sameera Sullivan notes,
“…an ex reminiscing about the past is usually another sign they’re wanting to try things again. Casually mentioning a memory the two of you shared or something you experienced together is their way of reminding you of the good times you had.’’
When my ex and I broke up, he was often playing the “remember when” game whenever we would talk. As if he was afraid I would forget or lose touch of the memories we shared together.
Of course, what this did was make it easier for me to focus on the good memories and forget the bad ones; the reasons we broke up in the first place.
Serving up nostalgia can be fun and definitely a sign that someone isn’t letting go of the past. If your ex is always bringing up happy memories, know that it’s likely they’re not ready to move on.
4) They creep your socials
A super obvious sign that your ex doesn’t want to let go is if they are always checking out your social media.
A “like” or a “heart” is their way of saying “hey, I’m still here”. It’s a non-committal way of being present and letting you know that they are still interested in your life.
If you check who watched your stories and your ex is always on the list, that’s a definite sign that they still want to be involved.
Additionally, always making their presence known on your social media accounts is a way for others to see that they are still around. It’s difficult for other possible romantic partners to want to be into you if your ex is always showing up, and your ex knows that.
5) They constantly say that you’re “just friends”
Does your ex keep putting you in the “friendzone” but there’s clearly more there?
This is a definite sign that they’re coming back, but maybe not in the way you desire.
When my ex and I broke up (the first time), he insisted that we were “just friends” but really nothing changed about our relationship except for the fact that we weren’t sexually intimate (right away).
We still spoke often. We saw one another frequently and our obvious chemistry eventually transitioned into casual sex.
What he really did by insisting that we were “just friends” was give himself permission to be with other people all the while keeping me close by.
It felt like a convoluted open relationship, except I didn’t really agree to it.
Relationship and breakup coach, Brad Browning cautions against being friends with an ex right away if you want to get them back!
Browning claims that staying friends with an ex right after break up “won’t give them a chance to develop feelings of nostalgia” and additionally, as was the clear case in my experience, staying friends with an ex gives them “complete control of the situation”.
If you are in this same dilemma, I recommend checking out Brad Browning’s free video where he outlines exactly how to gain control of your breakup.
His Ex-Factor program has helped thousands of men and women (myself included), navigate exactly how to reconnect with their exes in a happy and healthy way.
6) Your ex still makes plans with you
This is a BIG sign that your ex is coming back. I mean, if you still have plans or continue to make them, it’s pretty evident that they enjoy spending time with you, right?
When my ex and I broke up, we still had commitments together. Concerts, trips, events.
He could have easily canceled or gone with someone else, but he insisted we still go together. As “friends”.
It was definitely a sign that he still wanted to be close with me, just maybe not on the same terms I wanted. I was so brokenhearted in the absence of the “girlfriend” label that I didn’t care. I was just happy that it seemed my ex and I were back together. (Even if just for these moments).
7) You are always communicating with one another
Does your ex still text you daily?
Does he or she still ask for your advice?
Do they tell you what’s going on with their family, their job?
Most people don’t stay in touch with their ex. Especially right after a breakup.
If you and your ex are in constant contact with one another and feel a connection that goes deeper than platonic friendship, that’s a clear sign that it is still possible for the two of you to get back together.
Maintaining or reigniting an intense connection with your ex can be the key to getting back together. If they are already reaching out on a regular basis, you’re a step closer to having them back in your life. But wouldn’t it be amazing if you weren’t second-guessing yourself or your ex’s intentions?
What if you could find a way to trigger an emotional connection so deep that the two of you not only got back together but stayed together, happily?
There is a way: you can rewrite the relationship and change the way your ex thinks about you.
Couples expert James Bauer can teach you just that. In this excellent video, he’ll give you step-by-step methods to not only get your ex back but help build a deeper level of connection.
Even if you realize you and your ex are not meant to be together, the tips and phrases James teaches will help you navigate all of your future relationships.
8) They let you know they’re thinking about you
Does your ex still call you when a song comes on that reminds them of you?
Do they share good news with you?
Do they text you to see how your day is going?
Even though these actions seem little or harmless, they are actually clear signs that your ex is still thinking about you.
Thoughtfulness is a choice. And your ex is choosing to be thoughtful towards you. You may be broken up, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that the relationship is broken.
If your ex is constantly letting you know that they are thinking about you in little and subtle ways, this may be their way of getting close to you again.
9) They are already in a (rebound) relationship
I know this seems counterintuitive:
“My ex is already in a relationship. They can’t possibly still be thinking about me!”….
If your ex and you just broke up and a few weeks later they’re already in a new relationship, don’t panic. This doesn’t mean that they’re gone forever or that they’ve forgotten about you. In fact, it likely means just the opposite.
Many times, the need to immediately seek out a new partner stems from attempting to fill a void. Often, when people haven’t processed a break up, they look to replace their previous partner with a new one.
Dating writer Clay Andrews writes:
“Oftentimes, when people get into a relationship directly after breaking up or ending a previous relationship, they tend to speed that new relationship up very quickly so that it sort of looks like the previous relationship.
They might elevate that new relationship to levels of commitment that were similar to the levels of commitment that maybe they had with you”.
If your ex is already in a relationship, don’t automatically assume that they have forgotten about you. This could just be another sign that they will come back when they realize this person isn’t you.
10) They refuse to date anyone
On the other hand, if your ex is not dating anyone and in fact, refusing to even try to get back out there, this is a sign that they really haven’t healed or moved on.
Is your ex voluntarily offering that they are single?
Do they make it known that they aren’t interested in seeing anyone new?
This is a pretty obvious sign that they are not ready to move on and you may be the reason.
They may be hoping you come back. They may need time to process the break up. This is a confusing time for the both of you and if you aren’t ready to wait it out, you may want to seek the advice of a relationship coach.
Instead of traditional therapy, after my break up I sought the help from someone who really focused on the specifics of my relationship.
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations. They’re amazing resources for trying to navigate how to tell if your ex is still thinking about you and whether they will come back.
11) They haven’t asked to pick up their things
We have all seen the movie scene… a couple breaks up and within days there’s a box filled with anything and everything that belongs to the ex.
When a relationship is definitely over, most of us collect any item that reminds us of or belongs to our ex and get rid of it. Nothing is more cringe-worthy than receiving the “can you come get your stuff” text.
But… if you haven’t received that text or your ex hasn’t asked to pick up their favorite sweatshirt you’re currently wearing while reading this, it could mean one of two things:
- They’re really attached to any memory of you and are just not ready to let it go.
- They’re holding out for the possibility of your reaching out to them to initiate conversation.
Whatever the reason, don’t worry. Your ex is not yet out of your life just yet.
12) They’re interested in your dating life
It’s one thing to casually ask your ex if they’re dating anyone. It’s another thing to constantly bring it up and ask specific and detailed questions.
If you and your ex are in the habit of catching up but they seem to always be interested in the topic of your dating life, they may have hidden intentions.
Author Lachlan Brown addresses this by suggesting that it may not be entirely healthy or a sign that your ex has moved on if they’re always bringing up your dating life. He writes:
“…if they’re asking you countless questions about a new man or woman in your life and they seem excited about any detail you share (particularly negative detail) then they might be trying to gauge the possibility of getting back together with you. In fact, they may even try to make out that the person you’re currently seeing, or interested in, isn’t as suited to you as they were”.
13) They try to get your attention
Does it feel like your ex is often trying to get you to pay attention to them?
Do they hype their single status on social media? Do they comment on every one of your posts? Show up “coincidentally” to the places they know are part of your routine? Or maybe they deliberately flirt with mutual friends, making sure you see it online or hear about it?
Whatever the situation may be, if it feels like your ex is trying to get your attention, this is a sign that you are still definitely on their mind.
They are reappearing in some way or another and this may indicate that they realized the grass isn’t greener on the other side and are hoping for another chance with you.
14) The breakup was due to long distance
“I know we loved each other, but distance can do strange things to people and before I was willing to tell you about it, I wanted to be certain that it would last.”
– Nicholas Sparks
This may be the hardest relationship pill to swallow and it was the reason one of my exes and I broke up.
Sometimes life takes us in different directions. A job or family circumstance may force us to relocate. When this happens and you are in a committed relationship, this can be really devastating.
More often than not you at first, try to make the long-distance thing work.
But for any of you that have gone this route, you know it can be really difficult.
My ex had to move clear across the other side of the world! No matter how many plans we set, life just got in the way. Additionally, lack of communication and insecurities started rearing their ugly heads.
Long distance is tough so it really makes sense to break up if it becomes too difficult. That said, if that is really the only reason for your breakup, there’s hope!
If you and your ex are really meant to be together, with some compromise, and planning, there is a chance that the two of you will get back together.
15) You have always had an on/off again relationship
If you and your ex have had a pattern of breaking up and then getting back together, that’s a clear sign that you may rekindle things again. Even if this time it seems different or more permanent.
However, if you find yourself in a loop of makeup and breakup with your ex, I think it’s important to sort out if this is a healthy dynamic.
Writer and relationship expert E.B. Johnson details why a loop breakup cycle may not be sustainable. She notes:
“… the repeated pattern of separation and reconciliation is dangerous to both our personal and long term wellbeing. The more we make up and break up, the more it deteriorates our trust in others and our trust in ourselves. Because emotions are not honestly and openly acknowledged, they fester over time and create issues that are both complex and hard to conquer solo or with the aid of a partner. The stress of an on-again off-again relationship is toxic to who we are, but it’s a pattern we can break when we know how to get in touch with who we are and what we really want.”
So even though your pattern with your ex may be a clear sign that soon you will be “on again”, you may want to think twice before going back to how things used to be.
16) They still keep in touch with your family
When your ex keeps in touch with your family, it definitely could stir up a bit of discomfort.
While there is a chance they had a good relationship with your family and prefer to maintain it, often boundaries can be crossed.
According to relationship coach Zan from Magnet of Success, the reason why your ex may still keep in touch with your family has to do with whether or not they were the dumper or the dumpee. He writes:
“While dumpers stay in touch to selflessly water the relationship, dumpees tend to do it because their exes’ families are one of the few things left in their lives that give them a sense of control over the breakup”.
If you were the one who initiated the break up, your ex may still be communicating with your family in hopes that they will still be meaningful and relevant to your life.
17) They ask to facetime when you talk
Whenever my ex and I would be in our breakup cycle, he always insisted on Facetiming when we spoke, rather than texting or calling.
In retrospect, I realized that this was because my ex was still tethered to me in both the physical and psychological sense.
By being able to see my reactions when we spoke, he was able to gauge my emotions and in a way, control how engaged I could be.
It was clear to me that Facetiming was a way for him to keep some type of intimacy.
If your ex asks to always Facetime, it’s a good sign they aren’t ready to let you go.
18) They repost old photos of the two of you
You haven’t spoken to your ex since you have broken up.
You’re miserable, lonely, and now you’re…. Confused?!?
Out of the blue your ex posts a photo or photos of the two of you without any explanation other than a nostalgic hashtag. What gives?
Before you panic and wonder if they are breaking the no contact rule, realize that your ex is clearly trying to get your attention, especially if they know you follow them.
So how do you respond?
Well, first you ultimately need to decide if you even want to respond and then decide why. If their posts embarrassed or upset you, should you say something? Are you hoping to respark a romantic dialogue by talking about the #goodmemories?
I mentioned Brad Browning before – he’s a brilliant expert in relationships and compromise. Check out this free online video for a number of helpful tips that will guide you through this exact type of situation.
19) They drunk dial you
You’ve heard the saying, “In vino, veritas”. In other words, “in wine, there is truth”.
When people have been drinking, often what they say is true. A person who is drunk is more likely to speak their deep desires and wants.
If your ex calls you when they’re drunk, guess what? You’re their hidden truth and desire.
When people drink, their inhibitions are lowered. They’re unafraid of judgment or rejection. If your ex is calling you while drunk, telling you they miss you or want you back, believe them!! They are speaking their truth, albeit perhaps with a bit of slurs.
20) They admit they regret breaking up
It’s normal to feel regrets after a break up. More often than not, we don’t show off our best versions of ourselves when we dissolve a relationship and there are parts to the breakup that we understandably regret.
However, if your ex is admitting that they regret breaking up all together, it could mean several things, most notably that they are still thinking of you and possibly wish to get back together.
Admitting wrongdoing or taking accountability for one’s role in a relationship is a big leap towards growth. If your ex is doing this, and you want to get back together, take this as a step in the right direction.
21) They tell you they still love you
The final and most significant sign that your ex is coming back is if they expressly tell you that they still love you.
Plain but maybe not so simple.
Okay, so the signs are there: they want me back. Now what?
Your ex has clearly indicated that they would like to reconnect with you. But have you really thought about what that means to you?
You and your ex broke up for a reason or, reasons. Clearly, things were not healthy or going as desired. One of both of you was unhappy.
Do you really want to get back together without first seeing if you can identify and then fix what was broken to begin with?
If you’re like me and you and your ex played the make up and break up tango and you were always left wondering if this time, they will come back and stay, then perhaps its time to do some inner work.
Do you really want your ex back? Or are you trying to fill a void?
If they did come back, would that really make you happy? Or would you both likely end up breaking up again?
The answer to these questions can be found in the relationship you have with yourself.
Love & Intimacy
Before you can have a functional and healthy relationship with your ex, or anyone, you must first understand and create a functional and healthy relationship with yourself.
After my final break up with my ex, who did come back several times, I chose to really disengage, establish permanent no contact, and dive deep into my understanding of love and intimacy with myself.
I am so fortunate to have taken a series of masterclasses and workshops with world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. His teachings have enabled me to really be comfortable with myself and see myself as whole and healed.
Rudá gave me a clear understanding of the meaning of love and it was life-changing. I cannot recommend his wisdom and guidance enough!
His masterclass is now available to everyone which means anyone could access a true and deep knowledge of self-love and learn how to create a solid foundation for a healthy relationship.
Click here to watch shaman Rudá Iandê’s AMAZING and FREE online video.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.