If you are an extrovert, navigating a relationship with an introvert can feel tricky or even downright confusing at times.
You’re not going to get cheesy lines or flashy displays of love with an introvert.
Their affection is often way more subtle.
But it can also feel all the more sincere and powerful for the very reason that they don’t easily throw around empty words.
How do introverts show affection?
Generally speaking, when it comes to romance, introverts are more likely to give insights into how they’re feeling towards you through their behaviour, rather than openly tell you.
The motto for introverts is definitely that actions speak louder than words.
In this article, we’ll run through 13 signs an introvert is falling in love, as well as 5 important things you should know about an introvert in love.
Introverts in love relationships
It’s not really about how we perceive someone from the outside, and much more about how someone feels on the inside.
People tend to think of someone who is shy when they think of an introverted character. But it’s actually far deeper than that and the two are not necessarily even related.
For example, you can still be externally charismatic and “good with people” yet identify as introverted.
Being shy is just an emotion, one that we are all capable of. Introversion on the other hand is a personality type.
Introverts aren’t necessarily “afraid” to display the same behaviours as extroverts they just prefer not to — there’s an important difference.
Whether you identify as an introvert or an extrovert is actually largely down to how you gain and lose energy.
Extroverts tend to feel charged by spending time with others, whilst for introverts their battery can quickly drain when spending time in large groups.
It’s also about how you handle your feelings, thoughts and emotions.
That’s why there are undeniable distinctions between introverts and extroverts.
In fact, scientists have even found differences in how introverted and extroverted brains deal with dopamine (the feel-good hormone that allows us to experience pleasure).
That’s why whether you are an introvert or extrovert is bound to influence how you show up in relationships.
How introverts love differently
Before we run through the subtle ways to tell if an introvert is falling in love, it’s probably useful to note some of the key differences in how an introvert approaches relationships.
Here’s what you should know about introverts in love:
1) They may want to take things slower
Introverts usually take time to make decisions. Getting into a serious relationship is something they give a lot of thought to.
Acting now and thinking later doesn’t come naturally. In fact one of my favourite memes sums up the dilemma of an introvert perfectly:
“Hold on, I’ve gotta overthink about it”
There is a lot of working out behind the scenes going on. This can mean they prefer to go at their own pace, rather than rush into anything.
2) A lot is going on in their heads, but that may be difficult to pick up on the outside
Within an introverted mind, there is often a stream of consciousness and ever-present thoughts whizzing around.
But even though they know what is going on, they don’t always realize how much they inadvertently keep others in the dark about how they feel.
In fact, because they are thinking about it so much, they may even feel like it will be obvious to you when really it’s not at all.
For that reason, reading the signs an introvert secretly likes you can be challenging.
It can take some time for an introvert to properly open up.
3) They tend to be yes or no, rather than maybe
Even though it can take time to make considered decisions, introverts are less likely to sit on the fence when it comes to how they feel about someone.
Consequently, they are usually “all in” or “all-out” when it comes to love.
It uses too much of their precious energy, so they won’t waste it by letting just anyone into their heart.
There’s even evidence to suggest that introverts feel more deeply than extroverts do.
This is good news if you win the affection of an introvert as once they are “in”, they can be very dedicated and loyal partners.
4) They value personal space
Introverts can be quite independent and need to spend time on their own in order to recharge energy and process their thoughts or feelings.
But that also works both ways, so they are often respectful of your boundaries too.
They’re unlikely to get jealous easily or read too much into you wanting to spend time on your own or do things with other people.
5) They tend to show their love more than talk about it
One of the key hallmarks of introverts in a relationship is their love language.
Although it will probably change depending on what stage of your relationship you are at, and how comfortable they feel about you, on the whole, introverts are more likely to show you what’s going on through their behaviour, rather than outright tell you.
This is why you may need to read between the lines and look for the ways an introvert is likely to show you they love you.
How do introverts show they love you? 13 signs they are falling for you
1) They do little things for you
It’s those small gestures that mean a lot more to an introvert.
They are less likely to go in for flashy or extravagant displays, and certainly not straight away. Introverts can view these types of acts as over the top, artificial or even showy.
It’s not that they aren’t capable of romantic gestures, far from it. It’s just that their idea of true romance goes beyond the superficial.
Rather than buying flowers and chocolate for you, instead, an introvert is more inclined to perform thoughtful acts of kindness and affection.
They may pick up your favourite candy that you once told them you were obsessed with as a kid but haven’t had in years.
They could offer to help you out if you’ve got a lot of errands to run to take some of the burdens off.
They may decide to cook for you at the end of a very long day.
It’s the everyday kind of love and support that introverts especially tend to do really well. So pay attention to their efforts, because they are trying to show you how much you mean to them.
2) You can rely on them
Introverts are often very purposeful, with both their words and their deeds.
They know that whilst words may come effortlessly to others, talk is ultimately cheap.
Introverts tend to be the slow and steady types rather than fast and flaky charmers.
It may take time to warm up to you and for you to win a place in their world, but when you do, they will offer you their dependability in return.
That means, if an introvert is falling for you when they say they are going to do something or be somewhere, then you can pretty much guarantee they will.
So if the introvert in your life is making you feel safe, supported and protected — it’s no accident. They are consciously opening up their stable energy to you.
3) They want to be around you more often
Introverts may naturally need more time alone than extroverts. That’s why it’s important to measure this on their scale, rather than yours.
Don’t be offended or take it personally when an introvert wants to have some space. Introverts rest by retreating into their own minds.
You could be happy spending 24-7 with someone, but for an introvert that can feel very intense.
They may prefer to see you a few times a week, but to them, that is still a lot.
Introverts genuinely enjoy being alone and they don’t feel lonely being in their own company. So take it as a compliment when they actively choose to be with you.
It’s more meaningful than someone who simply has nothing better to do or can’t bear to be alone.
As you start to build strong foundations and fall in love, you will most likely find yourself spending more and more time together.
That’s because now they are comfortable with you, it’s energetically more effortless (rather than draining) to be in your company.
If you start to spend a lot of time with an introvert, that means you have made it to their precious inner circle.
Congratulations, because this is often a very exclusive club.
4) Their body language shows you (although sometimes in unexpected ways)
Don’t be surprised if an introvert who really likes you, doesn’t quite know what to do with themselves — especially at first.
Because introverts live more in their heads, they may find themselves overthinking things, and that goes for physical affection too.
Strong eye contact or constantly trying to touch you can feel embarrassing or uncertain to an introvert.
In earlier stages of dating and getting to know one another, it may even seem as if they actively avoid touch or PDA.
So they can become more comfortable in showing you physically how they feel.
But still, look out for more subtle signs — like glancing at you or gentle touches to the arm — rather than more overt grabbing, cuddling and kissing.
5) You have meaningful talks
As many introverts are complex characters who are naturally reflective and self-aware, they can also be great conversationalists.
The reason introverts can appear shy from the outside is simply that they usually avoid small talk.
Because they lose energy being around lots of noise and people, polite talk about the weather is just unnecessarily draining.
Introverts can be very quiet if they are uninterested or uncomfortable with a particular conversation.
But these deep thinkers often enjoy covering very varied topics, when they can get to the heart of a real person or issue.
An introvert doesn’t feel the need to talk for talking’s sake, but when they really enjoy another person’s company you will find themselves lost in meaningful talks.
This is how an introvert will work you out and reveal themselves to you as well.
It’s also exactly why introverts generally prefer smaller groups to larger ones, as it’s a better environment to create these deeper conversations.
6) Their personality continues to blossom
Whereas extroverts may feel comfortable in revealing themselves to you almost instantly, think of introverts as more of a striptease.
They will take off a layer at a time, so they don’t feel overexposed too quickly.
As you get to know them more and the connection between you grows, they will continuously reveal new layers to their character.
Strangers may at first value assume an introvert is quiet and shy, yet you discover underneath that they have a wicked sense of humour and can chat passionately about many subjects that interest them.
Starting to see these multifaceted signs of an introvert can take time.
This private world of the introvert isn’t just shared with anyone, so it shows that they are letting you into their life and their heart.
7) They reveal intimate details and let you into their heads
One of the common myths about introverts is that they are difficult to get to know, which isn’t the case.
Introverts are often more selective in who they create bonds with and who they feel is a good fit for them. But they certainly do create very intimate and open connections with others.
Having said that, they are perhaps less likely to give away private information to just anyone.
There is a big difference between having an intellectual conversation about something outside of themselves and sharing intimate details about their own lives.
It’s not uncommon to learn something really big about an introvert even, quite a long time after you first met.
Just as you see different layers to their personality the longer you spend with them, so too you will constantly find out new information about them.
They’re not a closed book, it’s just that you will have to read one page at a time.
As expressive and sensitive people, introverts often find music, the arts and movies important outlets.
So if they draw you into their interests and ideas, and are openly sharing them with you, it’s a great sign.
8) They’re attentive
They may not be over the top with their affections, but introverts who are falling in love are attentive.
Certain modes of communication come more easily to introverts. For example, they can find writing preferable to talking.
So, you may receive a little text in the afternoon to simply ask how your day is going.
They are often genuinely interested and curious about others.
They want to get to know you on a deeper level and so they ask sincere questions about you and your life to gain a better picture of who you are.
You will know that it’s sincere rather than for show because they really listen to your answers.
They remember what you have told them or little details.
Essentially, when they are around you, their focus is on you.
9) They reciprocate your words of affection
It can be so much harder for an introvert to make the first move, especially when it comes to openly express genuine feelings.
They may struggle to get the words out or say typically romantic or soppy things to you.
With extreme introverts, it may at times feel like getting blood out of a stone trying to work out their feelings for you.
But when introverts are falling in love, with a little reassurance from you, it becomes easier over time to share how they feel.
Just don’t necessarily expect them to go first with the declarations.
Particularly if they find it harder to open up, it is probably easier for an introvert to hear how you feel before they are prepared to admit they feel the same.
10) They dish out lowkey compliments (that can be easy to miss)
You have to pay attention if you want to pick up on a compliment from an introvert.
You’re certainly not going to be showered in them. But when you get one, you can rest assured that they really mean it.
Rather than “wow you look unbelievably hot in that dress”, expect a lower key compliment, that on the surface seems so subtle you’re not even sure if it is a compliment.
Something like, “that dress suits you” or “I like the colour of that dress”.
Unlike extroverts who delight in showing their peacock feathers, introverts aren’t looking to grab your attention by wooing you with an excessively flattering comment.
11) They’re open to new experiences
One of the more typical signs of introversion is feeling tired after being in big crowds.
This means spending too much time in noisy venues or busy places can be fairly exhausting.
If you know that concerts, bars and parties are definitely not their scenes, but they’re happy to go with you, just because you asked — then they are willing to push their comfort zone for you.
There are consequences for an introvert who tries to be more extroverted. It’s almost a bit like an energetic hangover, where you know you will feel wiped later.
But if they’re prepared to deal with the consequences, rest assured it’s because you are worth it.
12) You have comfortable silences
An introvert isn’t prepared to fill the gap with pointless chit chat.
Even if they manage to keep more conversation going in the early stages of dating, it takes way too much energy to sustain.
So it’s important to an introvert that they can be around you without feeling the need to constantly talk.
Those comfortable silences, where you are happy to be in one another’s company and that is enough, are priceless to an introvert.
But we all know that it can be painful if you’re not with the right person, and can quickly become “awkward silences”.
That’s why, if you can sit together and feel totally at peace, it’s a good sign.
13) They introduce you to “their people”
Those with an introverted nature typically have fewer friendships than extroverts.
Largely because their energy supply is limited, and so they value quality over quantity.
Extroverts can be social butterflies, flitting their attention from one place to another.
For introverts, you are more likely to find they have fewer connections, but the ones that they do have run deep.
These are the carefully selected few, where the bond is strong and 100 per cent of their energy is given to maintaining the relationship.
For an introvert to introduce you into their world and to their people, it shows you have penetrated past the outer walls of their life and into the inner sanctuary.
Dealing with an introvert who’s struggling in love?
Now, it might be the case that your partner, an introvert, is in love with you but for some reason still holds back.
You don’t want to push them too much, especially men, as they’ll probably retreat back further and the relationship could grow cold.
So what can you do instead?
Trigger his inner hero.
I learned about this from the hero instinct. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this revolutionary concept is about three main drivers all men have, deeply ingrained in their DNA.
This is something most women don’t know about.
But once triggered, these drivers make men into the heroes of their own lives. They feel better, love harder, and commit stronger when they find someone who knows how to trigger this.
Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”? Do introverted guys really need to feel like superheroes to feel content in love?
No. There’s no need to play the damsel in distress just to improve your relationship.
The truth is:
Triggering his hero instinct comes at no cost or sacrifice to you. With only a few small changes in how you approach him, you’ll tap into a part of him no woman has tapped into before.
And the best way to do this is by checking out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12 word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.
Because that’s the beauty of the hero instinct.
It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make his doubts melt away.
All of that and more is included in this informative free video, so make sure to check it out if you want to help your introvert love freely.
Bottom line: What do introverts do when they fall in love?
Hopefully, these signs will help you to better understand where an introvert is coming from so that you don’t misread their intentions.
In reality, most of us actually lie on a spectrum, somewhere between fully extrovert and fully introverted.
We are all capable of having a mix of both introversion and extroversion within us depending on the circumstances.
There may be some classic patterns of behaviour of an introvert, but it is important to realize that it shows up differently in everyone.
Above all else, the introvert in your life is an individual. They are their own unique blend of personality traits, experiences and preferences — just like you.
What really matters most is that you both try to understand and appreciate your different communication styles and ways of expressing love.
Putting yourself first
Hey, Lachlan from Hack Spirit here.
What’s your number one goal at the moment?
Is it to buy that car you’ve been saving up for?
To finally start that side-hustle that’ll hopefully help you quit your 9-5 one day?
Or to take the leap and finally ask your partner to move in?
Whatever it is, you’re not going to get there, unless you’ve got a plan.
And even then…plans fail.
But I didn’t write this to you to be the voice of doom and gloom…
No, I’m writing this because I want to help you achieve the goals you’ve set.
I’ve recently been taking part in a workshop called Life Journal created by teacher and career coach Jeanette Brown.
Covering all the basics and more on what’s needed to reach your goals, Jeannette tackles everything from creating habits and new behavior patterns to putting your plans into action.
She doesn’t mess around – this workshop will require effort on your part but that’s the beauty of it – Jeanette has carefully designed it to put YOU in the driving seat of your life.
So…think back to that important goal I asked about at the start of this message.
How much do you want it?
Are you willing to put the effort in to get there?
If so, check out the workshop here.
If you do take part, I’d love to hear how your Life Journey goes!
All the best,