Who said married people are off-limits?
That’s just silly! Of course, we single folks can still be friends with them.
But you’re a little worried you and your married friend are developing feelings for each other.
You’re not really sure but it seems like you crossed a line and you’re now in “more than friends” territory instead of “just friends.”
Maybe you’re just paranoid or maybe you’re totally right.
To help you assess if your married friend is into you, here are some of the clearest signs that he likes you more than just a friend:
1) You feel sexy AF around him
You can’t put your finger on it but there’s just this strong energy you feel when the two of you interact. Maybe it’s their body language.
You’re not sure if you’re giving away sexy vibes and he’s catching the signals or that he’s the one giving away these vibes. Or maybe it’s a mutual thing. Meh, who cares anymore?
You just feel like you’re in a movie titled Forbidden Love directed by Wong Kar Wai.
2) He is your #1 fan
When you talk, he’s the most attentive listener.
When you make a presentation, he nods his head.
When you crack even the corniest joke, he chuckles like you’re in the same league as David Chapelle.
Having an admirer feels good because someone pays attention to us like we’re the only person in the world. This is exactly how you feel when he’s around.
You want to be awesome—you want to look your best, you want to say something smart—not because you like them too but because you like the feeling that you have an audience. You want to feel sexy and he’s giving it to you like a puppy dying to get a treat.
3) He stares at you with hungry eyes
Married and unavailable men give themselves the freedom to ogle at women they like because it’s technically not a sin. They’re not touching anybody or making a move.
He stares too intensely like he’s trying to access your soul.
He stares too long that it becomes a little uncomfortable…but in a good way.
He glances and looks at you so many times that you always catch him staring at you.
There are two kinds of stares when it comes to attraction—there’s the stare for love and the stare for lust. According to a study titled Love is in the Gaze, people who are in love with someone tend to look at the face more than the body, and those who are in lust would stare at the body more than the face.
But whether it’s love or lust, it doesn’t matter really because love is an angel disguised as lust anyway. If you feel his eyes are always on you, be careful. He might be head over heels in love with you already.
4) He either over-reacts or under-reacts
This guy seems a little wonky and needs to be taken to the repair shop.
You notice that he either talks an awful lot that your conversation becomes awkward or he talks too little that your conversation becomes too bland.
He wasn’t like this before. It’s like he’s trying to impress you at times and trying to hold himself back on other times. One thing is for sure, he’s not being his normal self when you’re around.
5) He either gets too hot or too cold
Because you feel like your friendship is getting stronger each day, you get a little closer but then lo and behold! He pulls away. So you try to set a good boundary after that incident but then when they feel it, they reel you back in by increasing his friendly affection.
WTF, right? The nerve of this guy!
You’re not even trying to seduce him!
You just want to have a good friend and it’s refreshing to have a real friendship with a guy.
However, there’s a study about the platonic friendship between men and women and results suggest that men, relative to women, have a particularly hard time being “just friends.”
So keep that in mind that although what you just want is friendship, he could be reading it all wrong. Because of this and the fact that he is married, he’d keep on recalibrating his affection towards you.
6) He leans a little too close then pulls away
This is basically the same as the hot-and-cold, push-and-pull chacha dance above except this is more physical and you can see it with your two eyes.
His id and superego are clashing right in front of you.
He has a primal drive to be near you, to kiss you and touch you. But the other voice in his head tells him it’s wrong.
If he keeps adjusting his distance from you, if he tries to touch you then pulls away, this married man is totally (and I mean TOTALLY) into you.
7) He’s protective of you
He will take care of you in many ways and he’ll treat you like a princess — even if he never makes you feel like he’s into you in a romantic way.
In fact, he may even deny this by saying “Oh you’re like a sister to me” or “But I’m just like this” or “What? That’s what friends do to each other!”
It’s so obvious you start to wonder who he’s trying to convince — if it’s you or himself?
8) He remembers almost everything about you
When you’re out drinking with your colleagues or friends, you mentioned that you once ate a cricket while you’re backpacking in Cambodia. Weeks later, he makes a joke about it.
He knows the little things that other people—even your best friends—would forget! It’s impressive really. And it’s such a pity that he’s unavailable when it’s clear how much he likes you.
9) He doesn’t do it to other women
If he remembers all the things about you but also remembers the things about other people on the same level, then he probably doesn’t like you. It could just mean he has a good memory.
But if he treats you differently, if you can sense he’s giving you extra attention and special treatment, boom baby!
You can wrap this guy around your little finger. But you probably don’t want to do it because being with a married man will complicate your life.
10) He becomes an attention whore all of a sudden
He sends you messages…hmmm, just wholesome ones but they’re just too many that it starts to bother you.
He posts stuff on his socials that’s somehow trying to get your attention.
He becomes talkative during group discussions and he glances at you to check your reaction.
It’s like he’s showing off his feathers like a peacock. His desperate moves are too obvious that they’re kinda pathetic, but also too darn cute.
11) He likes too many of your posts (plus points for old posts)
The guy just can’t help it.
He wants to check you out. After all, it isn’t really infidelity, is it?
Marriage doesn’t mean we don’t get curious about other people!
So he checks and checks and sometimes, he can’t stop himself from liking a photo or two. Whether he’s doing it to deliberately let you know that he kinda digs you or he just does it without any agenda, it doesn’t matter to him.
After all, he’s wearing a ring which should make both of you aware of your limits. Right? Right.
Be careful. He might go to the edge when it comes to showering you with attention but will just leave you high and dry.
12) He doesn’t mention his wife or kids
Why ruin your magical connection by talking about reality?
He will act as a single guy around you and when you ask about his life, he makes one-word answers and you’ll notice how his mood changes.
13) But when he does, he talks about their problems and how marriage sucks
Those rare times that he shares about his marriage, you can bet your single ass that he will talk about marital problems. Something is always wrong. It’s as if he was just forced into a marriage.
The possible reasons that he’s sharing these are:
- He just really needs to vent
- He wants you to feel like you have a chance together
- He wants you (and himself) to not feel guilty because he’s stuck in a bad marriage anyway. You won’t ruin anything because it’s already ruined!
- He wants to gauge your feelings for him
All I can say is…TAKE CARE!
Most good decisions are made when someone is in a joyful state. If he’s in a crisis of any kind, you can be sure that he’s just going through something. And maybe you too.
14) He always finds a way to be near you
You notice that he is always within a 5-10 meter radius from you. It’s like you’re the sun and he has no choice but to be near you.
Sometimes, you just blink your eyes and he’s already beside you. You go to the cafeteria for lunch and guess who’s there at the exact same time, too? That’s because men who are in love develop powers and one of them is teleportation. No kidding!
Of course, they will pretend it’s a pure coincidence when you confront them about it.
15) His invites are too wholesome
He will ask you to help him with something. You’ll meet at a coffee shop, of course. Not candlelight dinner and any of that jazz. Noooooo.
But he invites you. A lot.
He finds a way that the two of you can be together. He knows it will be a bit awkward for you (and he doesn’t want to leave clues for his wife), so he invites you to wholesome dates.
16) He enjoys talking to you. So much!
He could get lost in your conversation whether it’s in the office, in a bar or cafe, or just through text messages. You know he’s addicted to your convos and he’s not even trying to control it.
You guys just seem to click!
Again, for him (and you) this is just harmless. But be careful! It might lead to emotional cheating if you get too deep.
17) He jokes about you being together
He’ll do this to check your reaction!
If you start to blush and stutter, it will give him the confidence to pursue you.
If you say “EEEEEW! Get off me, you married man!”, then he knows you’re not willing to go down that road.
If the guy is totally not into you, the thought of you being together would make him cringe.
18) He gives you little “friendly” gifts
It could be as simple as a mug or as grand as a ticket to Paris but he will say “It’s nothing!” Of course, it’s not NOTHING!
He’ll make it seem like it’s not really a big deal and he’d do this to any close friend. Yeah right.
Guys are not naturally gifty people!
He just likes seeing you happy even if you can’t be a couple, that’s why.
19) You catch him frustrated
He sighs when your bodies get too close.
He bites his lips or nails when you do something sexy.
You know what it’s like to be desired and this guy is trying to contain his urges. The problem is, he’s not so good at hiding it that even the people around you can see it!
20) He only SEES the nice things about you
You’re little miss perfect and he’s your #1 fan.
There’s absolutely nothing you can do that isn’t cute to him!
He finds everything about you endearing, even if it’s just an ordinary thing you do like staring at the ceiling when you’re thinking.
Sometimes it feels like he’s faking it and he’s just being a Don Juan but you see it in his eyes that he’s being true: he really adores you!
21) He only says nice things about you
So let’s say you work together on a project.
He will compliment you endlessly. Maybe you’re really awesome but it could also be because we seem to look at someone we like with rose-colored glasses.
He will only see your awesomeness and make sure you and everyone else knows it.
22) Being alone with them feels…wrong!
You feel giddy when he’s around so you know YOU’RE falling for this married man too.
It feels so wrong because you know how painful it is to be cheated on but it just feels so good that you can’t help yourself. You feel like you’re one helluva forbidden fruit and he’s salivating like a dog in heat.
If you start feeling a little guilty when you’re around him, girl, it’s kinda too late. You BOTH know exactly what you’re doing.
23) His friends and wife (Jeezus!) might add you on social media
You know you have a big impact on his life already when he can’t stop talking about you.
He might brag about how great you are to his friends and even to his wife that they will start to get curious about you.
If you notice that a couple of his friends are lurking on your socials, chances are he’s been talking about you nonstop and the nosy guys just want to know more! His wife too.
And when that happens, watch your every step.
24) He’ll pull away but you know he’s hurting
So maybe after a few weeks of mild and not-so-mild flirting, you notice him pulling away.
He doesn’t text as often as before.
He goes home on time instead of doing “overtime” work.
He doesn’t lean close or engage in long conversations with you.
When this happens, the married man already knows that he’s very close to cheating on his wife with you.
He then tries with all his might to protect his marriage. It doesn’t mean he realized all of a sudden that he doesn’t like you after all. It just means he is trying to do the right thing.
If you can relate to most of the signs above, then you can be sure your married friend is into you.
What should you do about it?
It totally depends on you. You can pursue it so you won’t deal with a lot of what-ifs or you can stop right now because you are wiser.
Just a warning: most married men won’t leave their wives for their side chick.
He may be risking his marriage, but you’ll be risking your heart and your time when you pursue an unavailable man.
Focus on yourself and what’s good for you because unlike him, you’re on your own.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
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