Marriage is supposed to be happily ever after, at least that’s what I believed growing up.
But all too often, marriage doesn’t work, especially if one of the spouses falls in love with someone else.
To my mind, this is only all the more reason to respect the potential and value of a genuine, committed and loving marriage.
But it’s also a smart reason to be careful and keep an eye out, because the reality of love is that nothing is ever 100%.
With that said, let’s go through the top 15 signs a married man is in love with another woman.
1) He dresses up for no apparent reason
Among the top signs a married man is in love with another woman is that his personal style goes through a big shift.
He starts looking very snazzy even when he’s just going to work at the office.
His hairstyle becomes very unique and coiffed, and he maybe even begins ironing his shirts.
His wife may even notice that he starts being cleaner around the house, improving his personal hygiene and overall becoming a more attractive man.
2) He starts radically improving himself
Now, married men can change and undergo a personal upgrade just as much as anyone.
But one of the top signs a married man is in love with another woman is that he starts radically improving himself for no apparent reason.
His posture is becoming dramatically better.
He’s looking physically better and eating well.
His style is better, as I noted in point one.
He just seems to be making changes across the board. And they don’t seem to be for his wife.
3) He begins to hit the gym hardcore
Another of the signs a married man is in love with another woman is that he goes from being fairly sedentary to being a gym rat.
Suddenly he’s working out a lot and getting in those reps. He’s watching videos from the best fitness trainers and maybe even hiring a personal trainer himself.
His diet has undergone an upgrade and he seems really committed to sculpting those biceps.
This also combines with him taking a lot more showers and coming home freshly showered.
Who’s to say for sure whether he’s coming back from the gym each time?
Now, this alone isn’t evidence that he’s fallen for someone else, but it can definitely be one of the signs.
4) He’s away often for inexplicable reasons
This new interest in fitness and working out may manifest as jogging, biking, hiking or any other sort of recreational activity he takes up.
It pairs with a newfound trend of being away from home and his wife for longer periods of time and without a real explanation.
He’s just not around as much anymore. Whether the excuse is work, his new interests or other vague excuses, this is often the optimal basis for cheating and may be his way of living a completely different love story.
5) He loses interest in his wife’s life and emotions
Next of the signs a married man is in love with another woman is that he loses interest in his wife’s life and emotions.
He doesn’t ask how her day was and when he does it’s clearly more out of obligation than real interest.
He just doesn’t care as much anymore, and it can often be that his attention and intimacy has transferred to another woman.
Whatever is going on with his wife becomes almost like a business matter and it’s clear his heart’s not in it.
6) He criticizes his wife all the time for no good reason
Along with a loss of interest in his wife’s life, a married man who’s fallen for another women may start fights on purpose.
This can be intentional or unintentional and springing from subconscious guilt and frustration.
Either way, it manifests as criticizing his wife excessively and basically finding problems in her regardless of what she does.
No matter what she does, he seems to think it’s not good enough.
Keep in mind that he may be setting up the marriage for failure so he can walk away and into the arms of another woman.
7) He lavishes his wife with excessive praise and ‘love bombs’ her
On the flip side, a married man who’s in love with someone else may overcompensate by love bombing.
Love bombing is basically lavishing someone with affectionate and intimate words and gestures.
This could include small gifts, a trip somewhere or more.
If it seems a married guy has just turned over a new leaf it may be that.
But this can also be overcompensation and a way for him to lead his wife away from the scent.
After all: if he’s doing all sorts of nice things for his wife surely he wouldn’t be cheating on her and considering leaving her, right?
8) He’s sexually absent from his marriage
In the physical department, a man who’s fallen for another woman will tend to also become sexually absent in his marriage.
He’s getting his physical intimacy somewhere else, and this often reflects in a lack of interest in his own wife.
On the simplest level, he’s tired out and doesn’t want sex when he’s already having it with someone else.
On a deeper level, he’s emotionally attached to another woman and therefore the idea of having sex with his own wife has stopped meaning as much to him.
It’s become just … “whatever.”
9) He makes no more time for any couple activities
Among the more subtle signs a married man is in love with another woman is that his time dramatically decreases for his wife.
He has no interest in couple trips or activities.
If he has kids, he becomes noticeably more absent from their lives as well.
He may make excuses about work or being stressed or having a friend or relative who needs help.
But at the end of the day it can be a combination of him spending his time and love on another woman who he’s much more interested in.
10) He starts talking about a female colleague and friend often
If a guy is cheating and has fallen in love with another woman, the last thing he’d do is talk about her to his wife openly, right?
Surprisingly, many married guys who fall for someone else end up dropping dinosaur-turd-sized hints all over the place.
The reason is simple:
When you fall in love you want to tell everyone about it and your new interest sometimes pops out of your mouth without you even realizing.
This may even include your own wife.
Of course, a guy would likely phrase this as a brilliant new colleague he’s met or somebody he recently bumped into.
But can one be absolutely sure that there’s not more to it?
11) He’s secretive about his social media and phone
One of the top signs a married man is in love with another woman is that he becomes ultra-secretive about his social media and phone.
If his wife discovers that he’s created secondary social media accounts or has a long direct message history with many women, that’s one warning sign.
Another is that he starts locking down his phone and devices like Fort Knox.
Any attempt by his wife to ask him why is likely to lead to this next behavior here:
12) He becomes defensive about everyday things for no reason
Among the biggest signs a married man is in love with another woman is a lot of defensiveness.
He may even gaslight his wife and claim she’s having an affair if she brings up the topic.
Even a question about why he’s being so secretive about his phone can result in really inexplicable defensive behavior that his wife may find alarming and strange.
This is often how affairs are discovered.
But what separates an affair of love from a sexual adventure can often be quite subtle.
The maxim that men cheat for sex and women cheat for love or out of revenge is not always true.
Some men do cheat for love.
And he may not be trying to hide sexting from his wife, he may be trying to hide messages that are full of declarations of love.
13) He starts racking up unexplained charges on his credit card
Next up in the common signs of an affair and falling in love are that he’s racking up unexplained charges on his credit card.
The sign that these might cross the line from a physical affair to something more serious are important to watch out for:
A married guy who’s fallen in love isn’t just going to be booking a motel now and then.
He’ll be buying flowers from a nice florist…
Booking a spa day for a special someone…
Shopping at a nice boutique and buying something unexplained (perhaps a nice sundress for this new lady of his)…
If he has unexplained charges and they seem to be for fairly significant and romantic purchases then that may well be exactly what they are.
14) He digs up past traumas and issues in your relationship
Another of the signs a married man is in love with another woman is that he starts bringing up past problems that have happened in his marriage.
It’s almost like he wants to relitigate the past or relive the trauma.
Why would he want that?
In some cases, it’s because he’s trying to justify falling in love with someone new.
It’s almost more like he’s talking to himself:
Well, this marriage has been a sham anyway…Remember when she did…
This can be like him arguing for himself and being the prosecution as he tries to invalidate the love he’s shared with his wife.
Sometimes it’s in order to help set the stage for a separation and parting ways so he can be with the new woman.
15) He starts hinting at separation and divorce
Finally, one of the most tragic signs a married man is in love with another woman is that he openly talks about divorce.
He starts hinting that things aren’t working out for him and that he’s feeling the urge to go off on his own.
This may not always be because he’s fallen in love with someone else, but the amount of times that it is related to that are considerable.
Men tend to be fairly strategic, especially about dating.
A guy is much more likely to walk away from a fairly happy marriage if he has someone else he’s more excited about already in his back pocket.
This may be a cynical way of looking at it, and it certainly doesn’t speak well to his character or integrity, but it happens all too often.
The upsides and downsides of having an affair
Having an affair is inherently risky.
Even if the man doesn’t get caught, he may fall in love, or the woman he’s cheating with might.
This could be the last thing either of them wants, but love doesn’t exactly ask for permission: it’s a force of nature, overpowering and intense.
There are no guarantees about where even a casual affair might lead, and married men who sometimes start out just cruising for adventure end up far deeper in than they expected.
If the signs above are showing up in your relationship then your husband may indeed have fallen for another woman or be in the process of that happening.
If you’re having an affair with a married guy then just keep in mind the various consequences which can occur, including wrecking his family or tearing him away from a marriage which still means a lot to him and his partner in some ways.
At the end of the day, not every affair is just an affair.
Sometimes it’s the start of a new chapter in somebody’s love life or the closing of a chapter in a marriage.
Sometimes sleeping with a married guy ends up being much more than “just sex” in the end.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
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