Plenty of affairs start in the workplace.
It makes sense. We can end up spending more time with the people we work with than our own family and friends.
And when you’re thrown together like that, it becomes a recipe for forbidden desire and connection.
But how do you know if a married guy at work has his eye on you? Here are 13 big signs a married male coworker likes you.
13 big signs a married male coworker likes you
1) You catch him checking you out
A lot of the signs that a married coworker likes you are essentially the same signs that any guy likes you.
Plenty of signs of attraction are universal, regardless of the circumstances.
Let’s face it, men aren’t always the most subtle of creatures. If he is into you he might not be able to help himself from checking you out.
It could be that he always notices when you enter a room and looks over to smile. You catch him looking over at you from time to time. Or even when you two are engaged in conversation, you can see his eyes scanning you like he is checking you out.
If his eyes are always on you, it could be that your married male coworker has a crush on you.
2) He pays you little compliments
Compliments are another of those universal tools in any guy’s belt to show interest in a woman.
If he frequently pays you compliments it’s his way of telling you that he likes you.
As you are in the workplace, it’s unlikely to be too over-the-top, especially if he is trying to hide his feelings for you.
But he may tell you that your hair looks great in that style, or that the color dress you are wearing really suits you.
As well as your appearance, he may compliment your personality or traits. He could tell you that you are one of his favorite people in the office, that he loves working with you, or that he thinks you’re really funny/smart/kind, etc.
We often use compliments to charm people. So if he is throwing plenty your way, this could be why.
3) He treats you differently from other women at work
Some married guys are just total flirts.
They have the gift of the gab and cannot seem to help themselves from acting like Mr. Charm.
These types of men are usually just enjoying the game. It’s more to do with their own ego and personality, rather than them having genuine interest.
The way to sniff out this type of married man is how they behave around other women in the workplace.
If your married co-worker singles you out and treats you differently, it’s more likely that he is attracted to you in particular.
He isn’t like that with other women, only you.
You are the one who gets his compliments and attention. But it isn’t something he offers to everyone.
4) He’s really attentive
When we like someone, we want their attention. We want to be noticed.
And one of the best ways to make that happen is to be attentive towards the person we like, in the hopes it will make them notice us too.
So if your married male coworker gives you a lot of attention, it might be that he likes you.
That attention can be wide-ranging.
For example, it could be by doing little thoughtful things for you or trying to help you out.
Perhaps he does things like bring you a coffee every morning without you even needing to ask. Or he could offer to help you finish something you’re working on, giving up his own time.
He is happy to put himself out for you.
That attention could also be more general, simply by trying to get to know you better.
He might ask you lots of questions about yourself and your life. It seems as though he is trying to dig deeper.
5) He’s pretty flirty with you
Flirting is always a great indication of whether any guy is into you, and that goes for a married male coworker too.
Flirting is more than being friendly. It has a special quality to it that aims to create chemistry.
But of course, it can be tricky to know the difference. The reality is that the two frequently overlap.
The differences can be subtle. But there are important differences.
Flirty behavior can include a range of body language cues:
- Holding eye contact for longer than normal
- Standing a little bit closer to you
- Raising his eyebrows
- Having open body language around you
And it can also be behavioral cues too, such as:
- Teasing you and being playful around you
- Trying to make you laugh
- Trying to show off or impress you
- Showing you lots of interest and always trying to keep the conversation going.
6) He tries to subtly touch you any chance he gets
Arguably, being touchy-feely with someone is also flirtatious behavior. But it’s such a strong sign that I think it deserves a point on its own.
When we are attracted to someone, we want to be close to them so we can find ourselves feeling magnetized.
That can lead to physically reaching out to touch them.
Obviously, you’re in a workplace and he is married, so these touches are likely to be more subtle.
We’re talking about reassuring touches to the arm when you are speaking or reaching out to you to playfully touch you.
Perhaps he makes excuses to touch you by fixing your hair, removing an eyelash from your face, etc.
These are ways of bridging the physical gap between you and are a strong sign that someone wants to be more intimate with you.
7) He’s awkward or tongue-tied around you
The reality is that not every guy who likes you is going to turn into a Don Juan. And so the same applies to a married male coworker too.
Depending on his personality, rather than behaving like a Casanova around you, he may be more inclined to withdraw into himself.
Not everyone is good at flirting. He may be shy or pretty embarrassed about his crush on you.
In this case, he could find it awkward whenever you are near. He may not know what to say or trip over his words a bit.
He might try to avoid eye contact. You just get the general feeling that he is a bit uncomfortable around you.
If he seems nervous or acts strange, then this could be just as clear a signal that he likes you as if he were openly flirting.
8) He tries to make you two a team
This one is all about trying to create a special bond between you two at work.
And in this way, he singles you out from your other co-workers.
Maybe he always asks you to take your lunch break with him or comes specifically to you and no one else to talk office politics.
He might try to ensure that you two work the same shifts or are put on the same projects together.
He could also try to cement your bond in other ways too.
For example, by telling you personal things about himself that go beyond just being colleagues. Or perhaps the conversations that he starts always dig deeper than surface chit-chat.
He wants to scratch beyond the surface and get to know each other on another level.
9) He contacts you out of work
If a married coworker likes you, he may want to try to take the relationship outside of work.
That could start small, by finding reasons to get in touch with you in your free time.
He might add you on social media and then reach out there. It could be reacting to your stories or sending funny memes or gifs.
Although he may not send anything too obvious or even flirty, it strikes you as fishy how often he reaches out to you.
He might message or text you to “check-in” and see how your weekend is going or find excuses to say hello.
For example, maybe he texts you something about work but then tries to keep the conversation going.
If he is regularly contacting you out of work, it is clear that he wants a relationship with you that isn’t strictly professional.
10) He avoids talking about his wife altogether
If a married guy likes one of his coworkers, then he is probably going to try to play down the fact that he’s married.
This can be done in a couple of potential ways. The first is by minimizing his wife in his life.
Normally when we are in a relationship, we talk like part of a couple. We speak in “we’s” not “I’s” when we discuss our plans.
So an innocent question like “how was your weekend?” might be answered with “yeah, great thanks, we went to watch that new Ryan Gosling movie” or “we just stayed home and got a takeaway”.
But if a married man wants to give the impression of availability, he is less likely to mention his wife.
He might answer the question in the same way, but use “I”. There’s some deeper psychology to this as “I” usually implies singleness in our minds, whereas “we” reminds someone we’re part of a pair.
So pay attention to whether your married coworker ever brings his wife up in conversation when you are around.
11) He talks to you about his marriage problems
I said there are a couple of ways a married guy might try to minimize his relationship. And this is the second way.
Rather than ignore the existence of his wife, he turns her into a problem. He tries to confide in you about the difficulties his marriage is facing.
This happened to me once.
I’d just started a new job, and so I was obviously trying to be as nice as possible to everyone.
Unfortunately, one of my married coworkers developed a bit of a crush. He displayed a lot of these signs on the list. He was just a bit too keen and attentive for a coworker.
As time went on, he tried to create a bond with me by opening up — and one of the things he’d open up about specifically was how bad his marriage was.
He’d tell me how unreasonable his wife was, how strained the relationship was, and paint himself out to be the innocent victim.
It made me feel super uncomfortable, but I didn’t really know what to say.
It felt like his way of trying to signal his marriage wasn’t a happy one to me.
And when combined with other signs on the list, it’s a strong indicator that your married male coworker likes you.
12) Other people at work tease you about it
There’s often an energy that comes with attraction. We can just sense when someone is into us.
We may call this a “gut feeling” but the reality is that you are picking up on many subliminal or subconscious cues that are not always glaringly obvious, but leave you just sensing it.
And it’s often something others can see and feel too.
That’s why there is a good chance your fellow coworkers will start to notice something is up.
In my case, a couple of my closer workmates would actively tease me about the fact our fellow male coworker clearly had a crush on me.
If other people are picking up on it too, then you know for sure it’s not just your imagination.
13) He tries to see you outside of work
I already mentioned earlier that if a married male coworker likes you, then he’s probably going to try to grow your connection outside of work.
He could do that through technology (like reaching out by text or on social media). But he may also try to make plans to see you in the flesh too.
In my case, this was the final straw for me. The married male coworker who liked me managed to invite himself along to the cinema with me.
I know, I should have found an excuse and said no, but I didn’t know how to. I didn’t want to accuse him of anything, even though it seemed fairly obvious to me by this point.
But anyway, the whole thing was really awkward. And afterward, I had to clearly withdraw from him, to send a clear message that it was never going to happen.
If your married male coworker invites you to something where it’ll just be the two of you then it’s safe to assume he likes you.