You know you’re not supposed to fall in love with someone from work.
But this female co-worker—a married one at that!—is just something else. And you can sense she likes you, too!
If you want to know for sure if she’s into you (so you’ll know exactly what to do), here are 15 signs you should look out for.
1) She stays away…or tries to.
Most married women really don’t want to invite trouble into their lives, especially if they’re only a little unhappy with their relationship.
And that’s why she would try to stay as far away from you as possible. After all, why risk temptation? She knows she wants you and knows it isn’t right.
If she moves away when you get a little closer, or if she gets distant all of a sudden, it’s probably because she’s developing feelings for you.
2) She gets tongue-tied.
We get a little shy when we’re near someone we love.
We like to think of it as a teenage thing, but a grown woman will act like this regardless when she’s in love.
If she somehow keeps stumbling over her words when she’s around you, she’s likely infatuated with you.
This is especially true if she’s normally very articulate with others.
3) She finds you funny.
You might be naturally funny, or perhaps you’ve become funny to her just because she likes you.
You see, when we like someone, their jokes automatically become 1000x funnier because we actually like who they are! We are so fascinated by them that they won’t even have to do anything much to please us.
If she laughs easily at your jokes even if you know for sure that you’re not the funniest guy around, she probably has a crush on you.
4) She goes hot and cold.
One day, she acts like you’re her best friend (lover, even), then the next day she acts like you’re complete strangers.
She switches from sweet to aloof and back at the drop of the hat and, if you’re honest with yourself, it’s a little alarming.
Don’t worry. It’s just her mind battling with her heart.
She gives you “hot” treatment because she can’t help it, but then she gives you “cold” treatment so you won’t assume she’s into you.
And it’s also probably her way of reminding herself that she shouldn’t get too close to you or else she’ll get into trouble.
5) She drops hints that she’s unhappy in her relationship.
If a married woman likes you, she knows that you won’t approach her unless you give her “permission” to.
And the “permission” is by letting you know that you’re not going to make her life miserable if you go near her.
She might say “Well, marriage is definitely not the answer!” if you talk about happiness. Or “Yeah, I wonder why men stop putting in the effort after a while” when you talk about relationships.
She might even be straightforward and say “I’m unhappy with my marriage so I will date around, but I won’t leave my husband.” so you’ll know what you’re about to get into if you hook up with her.
6) She asks for your help.
Now, before you get ahead of yourself, asking for help by itself isn’t exactly flirting.
Most of the time, when someone asks for help, they simply mean that they need help. And this gives her the perfect excuse to enjoy your presence.
Some women know how men are suckers for the “damsels in distress” type, and use it to their advantage.
She might be so bold as to playfully flirt when you’re helping her out, or maybe she’d be a bit more subtle and settle for staring at you intently.
If she’s asking for it a lot and you can just tell that she’s simply making up excuses to get closer to you, then trust your gut—she digs you!
7) She’s always around.
She just pops up wherever you go.
She eats lunch at the same time as you (and even asks to sit with you). She attends meetings and events you go to even where she’s not invited.
On some nights you feel like working late in the office, she’s also there.
And whenever that happens, she somehow looks good—lipstick, high heels, and all that.
And it’s not like you’re just imagining things. Your colleagues notice it, too.
8) She looks at you with longing.
The eyes never lie.
So although she doesn’t really go near you or tell you outright that she likes you, her eyes do all the talking.
She looks at you like you’re a lover she has not seen in a very long time—like all she wants to do is run to you and lock you in her arms.
But when you look at her, she gets out of her reverie and acts like you’re just a regular guy so you won’t suspect she likes you.
9) She “shows off” when she knows you’re watching.
You and your colleagues notice that she becomes more alive and active when you’re around.
Not only that, she shows off her skills and “assets” when she knows you’re watching her.
If she’s a chess nerd, she’d play on her computer and say “YES” loudly when wins a game. She’s also more talkative and giggly when you’re around.
She wants your attention and acts like a peacock spreading its wings just so you’d look at her.
10) She never runs out of things to say.
She’s not really the chatty type, but when she’s with you, she can’t stop talking.
She’s got a lot of topics handy—from the latest news to what’s going on in the office.
But it’s not only while the two of you do a one-on-one talk, she also does it as long as you’re around. She talks to your other colleagues with more enthusiasm than usual, like there’s a switch that’s turned on.
And it’s so obvious because she’s quiet when you’re not around!
11) She likes touching you.
She taps on your shoulders when she wants to call for your attention. She elbows you when she wants you to look at something. She even holds your buttocks when trying to guide you to the door.
Sure, she may be naturally touchy to others too, but well, not with other men!
Touching is a clear indicator that she’s into you. And if she does it constantly? Well then, she’s probably TOTALLY into you.
12) She gives you favors.
If she’s your boss, she’d give you small favors like giving you an easier task or allowing you to access stuff that are “off limits”.
If she’s just a regular colleague, she would happily rush to your aid or even offer to do your work for you.
It’s almost like you’re her favorite coworker and it might even feel like it just came out of nowhere!
13) She notices every little thing about you.
She notices everything—from the type of pens you use to the grunts you make when rushing a deadline.
And she asks questions and comments about them, too. It’s cute, really. You haven’t been given this kind of attention in a while.
A married woman has a lot of things on her plate so if she pays attention to you this much, that means she’s probably into you.
14) She truly listens to what you have to say.
When you talk to her, you know you’re being heard. And it’s not because she’s being nice—you know for a fact she ignores some people—it’s because she’s truly interested in what you have to say.
She nods and gives honest feedback. She asks questions.
Most of all, she remembers. She remembers the details in your conversation that you didn’t even remember telling her.
A woman who’s interested has a very sharp memory. So if she’s your go-to person whenever you need a listening ear, she has probably liked you for a long time.
15) She says she feels “comfy” being with you.
When a girl says you “feel like home” or that she feels “very comfortable” being with you, trust me, she’s into you.
It’s one of their main indicators that they actually see a future with someone—when they feel at ease with their company.
If she says this to you and does most of the things mentioned here, then I’ll bet my bottom dollar that she likes you a whole damn lot.
What to do
Knowing whether she likes you or not isn’t really what’s hard. The problem is in what to do with this fact.
She is married and you’re co-workers. It’s a great recipe for disaster. And if it’s me, to be honest, I’d stay away no matter how great she is.
But you already know this, of course.
What you really want is someone to guide you on what to do to enjoy your mutual attraction without causing any damage.
So without further ado, let me give you the basic step-by-step guide on how to deal with falling in love with a married coworker who likes you.
1) Know what you want, know what she wants.
Do you want to have a fling with her, or would you rather stay away? Perhaps you might want something more serious?
And what about her? Does she want to keep her marriage, or risk it with you?
This might seem like it should be easy to figure out. After all, don’t you know your own thoughts? Can’t you just ask her for hers?
But the thing is that feelings can get in the way of your judgment in the heat of the moment and that’s why you should take the time to think things through and decide what you truly want.
2) Be ready to be accountable for your actions.
Don’t do it because you “pity” her, or that you want to “make her happy”, or that you are just being a gentleman.
Do it knowing that you have your own reasons and be ready to own it.
You know what’s morally correct and you know the consequences of your actions. So if you’re going to play with fire, don’t pretend you “accidentally” did it. You’re perfectly aware of your actions.
If your work will be affected by it, know that you’re 50% to blame.
If you’ll make her life miserable because of your affair, again…you’re 50% to blame even if she’s the one who threw herself at you.
Just by imagining yourself owning the responsibility of your actions will make it clearer TO YOU on what you should and shouldn’t do.
3) Get proper guidance from a relationship coach.
Sometimes decisions like these need outside help if they are to be handled properly.
There are times when a friend is enough, but if you think about it… your friends might not be the most impartial people around.
You need someone you can trust to give solid, unbiased advice. And that’s why I strongly suggest you check out Relationship Hero.
It’s a site where you can get in touch with professional relationship coaches who are trained to handle complex relationship situations such as yours.
I say this because I have consulted them before for some personal problems, and I was astounded at the perspective they had to offer. What I love about their coaches is that they don’t see things in black and white.
Perhaps, just like me, you will see your situation in a new light and consider a course of action you haven’t even thought about.
4) Enter a relationship with eyes wide open
You have to be wiser because your situation requires it.
If you decide to follow your heart, make sure you keep both eyes wide open.
That means you should be aware of the consequences, you should manage your expectations, and you should know when to proceed and when to move on.
Here are the things you should remember:
- Both of you could get fired.
- Things might get awkward if you “break up”
- She’s married. She’ll probably still choose her husband.
- Things will be complicated and you might lose friends.
- You might not be the only guy she’s interested in.
- There’s a chance her husband will get violent.
As you can see, it’s not a walk in the park and there are certainly easier relationships for you to pursue. So you should go for it only if you’re absolutely sure you can deal with it…and that she’s worth it.
5) Or stay away if you don’t want trouble
I know it’s hard to say no to love and temptation when it’s staring at you right in the face every single day.
But pursuing someone who is already taken is not something everyone can do and if it’s more trouble than you can stand, then stay away.
How to do it:
- Distract yourself
- Set clear boundaries
- Have another crush
- Date around
- Have a new hobby
- Don’t be alone with her
This decision will come with its own set of regrets—you’ll turn away from love, after all—but it’s something you have to deal with in exchange for a more stable and drama-free life.
There are a lot of taboos when it comes to relationships, and “don’t date your coworker” and “don’t try to steal someone’s wife” are one of the bigger ones.
Dating a coworker can easily get you fired, and dating a married person comes with its own set of troubles.
But all the taboos in the world can stop people from falling in love.
And while I strongly advise you not to pursue your married co-worker, the choice remains yours… and who knows, it could be worth it in the end.
But should you do so, remember that your actions will have consequences, not just for you but also for the people around you.
Should you decide those consequences are too much for you to bear, keep in mind that not all feelings need to be requited, and that it’s fine to admire someone from a distance.