5 signs a man will be an exceptional husband, according to psychologists

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In my younger years, I’ll admit, I had a nasty habit of going for the “wrong types”.

Those bad boys have a strangely alluring appeal.

But as I got older, I started to see how toxic patterns were sucking me in and leaving me in tragic relationships that were doomed to fail.

I decided it was time to clean up my act and go for the good guys instead.

Largely, that meant retraining my unconsciously held beliefs (but that’s another story). It also meant fully appreciating the qualities in a man that will make him an amazing partner.

So if you’re wondering if someone is husband material, above all else, here’s what to look for…

1) He is kind and considerate

Of all the qualities I knew that this one would be vital. It is hands down my number one favorite thing about my husband.

When it comes to casual dating, aloof can be sexy. But when it comes to someone who you intend to spend the rest of your life with, kindness is key.

There’s a reason why it frequently comes top in the list of qualities we say we’re looking for in a partner.

The benefits of picking a considerate, understanding, and compassionate mate are obvious.

No wonder then that it’s been shown to be a vital ingredient in relationship success, as highlighted in Psychology Today

“In romantic relationships, researcher John Gottman found that happy couples overwhelmingly prioritize kindness and build it into their relationships. He found that they say and do kind things on a regular basis. In fact, they make five times as many positive as negative comments to each other. And they do small things on a daily basis to show their kindness.”

2) He is self-aware

A self-aware husband knows both his strengths and his weaknesses. He understands himself and what drives his behavior. He is conscious of how his actions impact those around him.

As psychologist Tasha Eurich explains, it’s self-knowledge that has far-reaching implications in relationships.

“Self-awareness allows us to shift perspective, to see both hard realities and possibilities.”

It also helps us to take greater responsibility for ourselves, which is a game-changer in relationships.

The tricky part is, we don’t always see our own blind spots.

In fact, research by Eurich noted that even though around 95% of study participants think they’re self-aware, only about 10% to 15% of them fully are.

Self-awareness is all part of emotional intelligence and affects how we relate to one another.

So if you don’t want to get stuck with a stubborn jack-ass who always thinks he’s right, look for a man who is capable of seeing some home truths.

Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist, tells us that’s not always easy, as a conceited approach can stand in the way.

“Self-awareness doesn’t mean you walk around and think you’re great. It is an accurate self-appraisal. I think too much time and attention has been spent on self-esteem. Self-esteem may not always be accurate.”

It’s self-awareness that helps keep us grounded in the truth and helps someone to see different sides.

3) He’s ready for marriage and deep commitment

It’s a real kicker, but the truth is that you can meet a gem of a guy, but the timing is off.

Sometimes we have a romanticized image of love. It convinces us that when you meet “the one” everything else will fall into place.

But the practicalities don’t work like that.

Psychologists have noted how so-called relationship readiness is a determining factor in whether things will be successful long-term.

That’s because research has found:

  • Relationship readiness predicts an individual’s level of self-disclosure in a relationship.
  • Greater commitment readiness is associated with a greater increase in actual commitment in a relationship.
  • Greater commitment readiness is related to greater intimacy.
  • Those with a lower level of readiness were more likely to end their relationship but those with high commitment readiness tended to preserve their existing relationships.

As psychology professor Jeremy Nicholson sums up:

“Overall, these results suggest that an individual’s readiness for commitment impacts their relationship behavior in a number of important ways. Those who are ready for a commitment are more likely to actually commit to a relationship within a short period of time.

When they are in a relationship, they are also more likely to disclose things about themselves, accommodate a partner, and sacrifice for the good of that relationship. Finally, they are also more likely to choose to keep the relationship going, rather than end it.”

It’s a stark reminder that when it comes to signs a man will make an exceptional husband, timing is just as much of a factor as any particular qualities and traits.

4) He shows up for you, makes an effort, and prioritizes you

My husband recently started a new job. He was on a Zoom call, doing one of those ‘get to know each other’ sort of sessions.

When they asked how he liked to spend his free time, it made my heart melt to overhear him say:

“More than anything, I’m a family man. I just love being with my wife.”

And let me tell you, it shows in his daily actions.

He is a very present husband. He is consistent in his behavior and I know I can rely on him. He is supportive in both practical and emotional ways.

I feel important because ultimately he prioritizes me and our relationship. 

That’s something that therapist and couples expert Stuart Fensterheim argues is really important, and one of the main reasons a relationship breaks down.

“What many of the couples I see have in common is that they fail to do one crucial thing that erodes their bond of connection over time and causes their partner to lose confidence in them. They don’t make the relationship a priority. When you neglect your connection with your partner they notice. They know they’re not being treated as being important to you. This creates doubt and sometimes resentment.”

5) He shares the same values and beliefs as you

Here’s a pedantic point, but still one worth making:

Just because a man will make someone a good husband, it doesn’t necessarily follow that he’ll be a good husband for you.

A marriage is about the fusion of two people, each with their own history, personality, thoughts, and ideas.

Having different interests and tastes doesn’t need to be a big deal. But sharing the same basic values is a deal breaker.

This ensures you are coming at life from the same angle.

That’s going to seriously reduce any potential conflict and make sure you’re heading in the same direction.

As couples therapist Kari Rusnak reminds us all:

“The things in life you find important should be respected and valued by your partner as well. You don’t have to agree on every detail but the core of it needs to be shared to some degree. Sometimes the influence we accept can shape these values but you shouldn’t give up something to please someone else.”

These shared values then become the strong foundations that the relationship will rest upon, as Kristen Fuller M.D. explains.

“Issues will arise, and you will have hurdles to overcome in your relationship. Having compatible core values will arm you with the necessary strength and camaraderie to navigate these hurdles together. Shared interests, chemistry, and the attraction will fade and maybe come again, but core values will always be there.”

In short: They make you feel good

Here’s the thing, we often have a radar for whether someone is going to make a good partner.

It’s whether we choose to listen to that gut reaction or ignore red flags that a man is no good for us.

I know that relationships won’t always be plain sailing. But they should ultimately lift us up, not drag us down.

That’s why one of the most accurate ways to tell whether a guy is going to make an exceptional husband is how he makes you feel.

When you feel valued, special, loved, supported, and cared for — that’s because of the positive qualities he brings with him and the effort he makes.

Eliza Hartley

Eliza Hartley, a London-based writer, is passionate about helping others discover the power of self-improvement. Her approach combines everyday wisdom with practical strategies, shaped by her own journey overcoming personal challenges. Eliza's articles resonate with those seeking to navigate life's complexities with grace and strength.

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