Paul Brian
None of us had a perfect upbringing or flawless parents.
But some of us had the privilege of being raised with love, care and coherence by a parent or parents who gave it their all.
How can you tell if a man is one of these lucky fellows who was raised right?
Drawing on insights from the field of psychology, we can take a look at the top signs that a man was raised well.
Let’s dive in!
1) Respect for other people
The well-raised man has respect for other people.
That’s because he was brought up to treat everyone he comes across with honesty, integrity and basic respect.
This makes a huge difference, because not every guy was brought up this way. Some men were coddled and never truly told no or given firm boundaries.
The man who was brought up right, by contrast, respects others and doesn’t cross their red lines.
As Dr. Claire McCarthy, MD. of Harvard notes:
“Every family draws different lines in the sand. Any behavior that hurts someone (including hurting their feelings) or is dangerous should always be a no.”
2) Responsible for his own actions
A man who was raised the right way takes accountability for his own actions.
He was brought up to know that the buck stops with him and that no matter who or what else is to blame, it still comes back to him:
That’s because the actions and faults of others are not in his control.
What’s in his control is his actions. So he takes responsibility and holds himself accountable for his actions.
And when he messes up he does his best to make up for it.
3) Empathy for the underdog
Men who grew up under the right influences have empathy for others.
They aren’t fake nice, nor are they cold and unfeeling. They strike a middle balance which is that they have a heart and soul, especially for those who are suffering.
The reason they care is because they were brought up by parents who cared and who showed them that their feelings and ideas mattered, too. So now they do the same for others.
“Your kids should feel like you’re really hearing them, that you ‘get’ what they’re saying, whether it’s joyful or tearful, and that their worries or fears aren’t dismissed,” notes psychotherapist Aliza Shupac.
“These elements are the building blocks of creating empathy in our kids, and empathy is really at the root of being a good person.”
4) Self-confident and knows his own value
Men who were brought up well have high self-esteem.
This is the opposite of being a braggart or a bully: they do not push others around or feel the desire to be better than other people.
Instead, because they received positive reinforcement and praise for their good behavior growing up, they developed a solid sense of themselves and their place in the world.
And that bears fruit in their adult life.
As McCarthy observes:
“When a child behaves well, we tend to take it for granted or are simply relieved, but a child deserves kudos for following the rules, not just punishments when they don’t.”
5) Looks after his health and wellness
Men who were brought up well are attentive to their health and wellness.
They learned from a young age to eat well and to get exercise, and those are habits they have continued as they got older.
Their parents instilled a desire and commitment to a healthy lifestyle from their earliest years and it’s carried on.
From sports and hobbies to eating well and controlling their craving for unhealthy habits and behaviors, men who were raised well tend to have better mental and physical health.
6) Able to handle conflicts and disagreements
Conflict is an inevitable part of life, and the man who was raised well is able to deal with it in a mature way.
As a kid, he was taught to handle his own emotions and to be patient in dealing with hard people and situations:
This has carried through into his adult life, where he does his best to avoid conflict but absolutely stands his ground when necessary.
When it comes to arguing, he tries his best to avoid wasting his energy on that and prefers productive discussions instead.
7) Able to be independent and make hard decisions
When a man was raised well, he’s able to be independent and make hard decisions.
He was raised to be adaptable and be able to change careers and define and redefine his life as he went.
By preparing him for change and teaching him the inevitability of change in life, he learned to handle his own business and become self-accountable.
As psychotherapist and marriage counselor Susan Stiffelman, MFT. explains:
“Our kids are probably going to change careers many times, so they need to have the comfort/agility to learn new things.”
8) Communicates clearly and confidently
Men who were raised well are clear communicators.
They speak in a way that is able to be both understood and respected, and they don’t mince words.
At the same time, they aren’t rude in any way and are tactful about sparing people’s feelings when possible.
His ability to communicate in a forthright and concise manner leads this man to get respect wherever he goes, enjoy healthier relationships, and do well in his career.
9) Willing to agree to disagree and tolerate others who are different
Men who were raised right respect other people, as noted earlier in the article.
This includes the fact that they are tolerant and reasonable about those who disagree with them.
Because they themselves were raised with the ability to make many of their own decisions and have their own privacy, these men extend the same courtesy to those around them later in life.
They don’t feel the need to control or steer what other people feel and think and allow others to have that right for themselves.
This 2016 study from University College London, found that “psychological control was significantly associated with lower life satisfaction and mental wellbeing.
Examples of psychological control include not allowing children to make their own decisions, invading their privacy and fostering dependence.”
10) Hard-working and financially responsible
Men who were raised well have a solid work ethic and attitude when it comes to their own success in life.
They don’t expect anybody else to do it for them when it comes to earning a living:
They work hard, innovate and blaze their own trail, also making sure to handle their finances as responsibly as possible.
They were brought up to know that providing for those you love and contributing to life in a practical sense is a great honor for a man, and they behave accordingly.
11) Respects rightful authority and stands up to immoral authority
One of the hallmarks of a man who was raised well is that he’s able to distinguish between rightful, competent authority and bullying or unjust force.
In other words, he’s responsible and mature in accepting and welcoming rules and order that are meaningful and based on reason, but he rejects and resists unethical or immoral authority.
If he’s learning to scuba dive and the instructor says to do things a certain way, he does that! But if his boss at work tells him to embezzle money he says no!
This ability to differentiate between competent authority and misuse of authority is the result of a man having been raised in the respectful parenting model.
As Margot Bisnow explains:
“Unlike popular parenting styles such as permissive, which overindulges children to avoid conflict, or authoritarian, where communication is one-way with little consideration of a child’s emotional needs, respectful parenting is about seeing children as independent, rational beings.”
Raised right ‘round here
Not everybody had the privilege of being raised well and with love, care and discipline.
But for men who were raised well, the signs show in their behavior, attitudes and the way they approach everything in life.
As psychology and self-development writer Jess Catcher puts it:
“More often than not, you can tell exactly how a person was brought up within the first few minutes of meeting them.
There’s no one defining factor that shines through in those raised on the values of kindness and manners, but rather a bunch of small things that give you glimpses into their past.”
