Marcel Deer
Men are tricky.
I know – I’m one, and oftentimes, I struggle to understand myself and my own motivations. So, I can only guess what it must be like to be in a relationship with one of us.
A guy might tell you that he loves you and, more than that, do things to show that he’s being entirely truthful. At the same time, he may simply not have the maturity you need in a partner.
This puts you in a quandary and a very common one at that.
Should you continue to pursue a relationship with him and hope that he matures over time like a fine wine? Or should you pour that bottle down the sink and look for one that you can enjoy right now?
After all, don’t you deserve a partner who’s mature enough to give you what you need in a relationship?
If you’re suspicious that he’s not up to the task, you can look for these six signs a man loves you but isn’t mature enough to fulfill your needs, according to psychology.
1) He’s emotionally unstable
Emotional instability represents a lack of the ability to keep your emotions consistent.
People who are emotionally stable can keep their good moods going even when they run into challenging situations. Someone who is emotionally unstable, however, can drop out of a good mood at the flick of a switch (or, more likely, a snarky comment or minor social incident).
If you’re looking for a solid partner you can depend on, you’re probably not looking for a man with emotional instability issues.
And yet, there are many out there.
In fact, one study suggests that young men are noticeably more emotionally unstable than young women. This study looked at young adults aged 18-22 and found a distinct difference in emotional instability, with men being significantly more unstable.
This likely changes with age, but in this younger cohort, the suggestion is that women mature emotionally earlier than men.
Your guy may always be professing his love and undying affection. However, he might struggle to control his mood and govern disturbing emotions and that may make him a poor partner for you.
2) He’s not socially well-adjusted
A man who is socially well-adjusted is able to engage in competent social interactions and adapt to social contexts.
In other words, he knows how to behave in different situations and can talk to other people without being weird or awkward. So, of course, the opposite is true for a man who’s poorly adjusted.
And poor levels of social adjustment are a big indicator of immaturity.
Think about children. Wherever they go, they act the same – quite self-centered and mostly oblivious to the “demands, restrictions, and mores of society“.
They might dance in a supermarket or throw a tantrum in a library and not give a damn either way. But while this behavior might be considered precocious and cute in kids, it’s not ideal for adults.
The signs that your guy isn’t as well-adjusted as you might hope are plentiful. He might struggle to make or keep friends, act stiff and awkward in front of new people, or feel anxious about going to social events.
He’s probably a lot more comfortable at home in his underpants than out at a dinner or a party.
If you need a partner to accompany and support you through life, however, you’ll realize that you need a guy who doesn’t always avoid social situations.
It’s also important to note that people who avoid social situations can end up getting quite lonely.
And this can be quite destabilizing for their lives and relationships.
According to one study, “Lonely people tend to be more anxious, pessimistic, and fearful of negative evaluation than people who feel good about their social lives, and are therefore more likely to act and relate to others in ways that are anxious, negative, and self-protective.”
So if you feel like you need a partner who can be social with you and not hide himself away, you may need to look for a man who’s more mature.
3) He’s impulsive
Thinking about kids once again, we can relate to their impulsive behavior. They might suddenly get up and run around because they feel bored, or they might pop whatever object is in their hand at the time into their mouth.
Hey, it might be delicious!
This childhood impulsivity is sometimes a breath of fresh air for us stuffy adults who have learned to contain our impulses, at least to a point. But it also reflects immaturity and poor understanding of how one’s behaviors can affect others.
That’s why most of us grow out of it.
In immature adults, impulsivity can take the form of restlessness, sudden aggression, law-breaking, distractedness, inappropriate or angry outbursts, difficulty managing money, and more.
This isn’t generally what people look for in a partner who they can depend on.
4) He acts like a child
We’re all familiar with the “man-child” syndrome that seems so prevalent lately in our culture. It seems to be a sign that society in general is less mature, celebrating youthful qualities while downplaying adult ones.
You may be in a relationship with a guy who really cares about you and loves you. However, it might feel more like a parent-child relationship at times, especially when he gets stressed or doesn’t get his way.
When that happens, does your guy start acting like a child, needing more attention, direct care, and nurturing?
While you might think this is normal, it’s the degree to which it happens that you really have to be concerned with.
In serious cases, a person might actually show signs of emotional regression. This means that they revert to behaviors that are typical of an earlier stage of psychosexual development.
In these more serious cases, a man might actually throw temper tantrums like a child would whine or cry like an infant or be inappropriately verbally or physically aggressive.
You probably want your man to love you but also actually act like a grown-up with responsibilities and an appropriate level of emotional development. If you’re not getting both, he may simply be unable to fulfill your needs.
5) He’s out of touch with reality
When I was a teenager, I fell in love with a girl really hard one summer.
She was incredible, and we really had a great time together. We laughed and had fun, and we seemed to connect on a spiritual level as well as a physical one.
So when summer came to an end, I did the only thing that seemed appropriate – I made sweeping romantic gestures about not being able to live without her. I suggested moving across the country to be with her and finding a job and a place to live.
At age 15, I nearly suggested marriage.
She was dumbstruck and quickly put me in my place. For her, it was just a summer love, and we were way too young to do anything so rash and foolish.
She said she believed the feelings I had for her were genuine and she really cared for me, too, but I was way out to lunch with what the reality of our situation was.
Naturally, I was devastated, but of course, she was right. That whole thing never would have worked out, and I was really daft to think it might.
This reflected that I was really emotionally immature. I had vastly unrealistic hopes of how the relationship would develop, and that was one more good reason why it didn’t.
If your man is the same way – making unrealistic assumptions and holding unreasonable expectations – he’s probably too emotionally immature to handle an adult relationship with you.
6) He’s anxiously waiting for you to say, “I love you.”
Most people assume that women are more expressive of their emotions and especially more inclined to express love in a relationship.
However, according to research across three different continents, this isn’t actually the case. It turns out that men are faster at broaching the subject and saying those three little words – “I love you” – than women are.
And then once they say it, they want to hear it said back to them.
The more anxious a guy is, the more desperate he’ll be to hear this from you. The problem is that you might not be ready to say it, and, more importantly, his anxiety may make you think twice.
You might not only feel pressured but also that he’s not the mature man you need in your life.
Final thoughts
These six signs a man loves you but isn’t mature enough to fulfill your needs, according to psychology, maybe big red flags.
While you might be sure that your guy loves you, his lack of maturity may make you unsure about the future of your relationship.
So, if you recognize these signs, it’s definitely time to do some serious thinking about what you need from your relationship.
