7 signs a man is leading you on and has no intentions of committing

Navigating the dating scene can feel like walking through a minefield. One wrong move and you might find yourself in a relationship that’s going nowhere.

Trust me, I’ve been there.

You think he’s the one, but his actions tell a different story. He’s charming, attentive, but there’s this nagging feeling he’s just not that into committing.

Well, I’m here to tell you – your intuition is probably right. And it’s time to arm yourself with the knowledge to spot those signs early on.

So let’s dive right in, shall we? Here are 7 telltale signs that he’s leading you on and has no intentions of committing. Brace yourself, because some of these might sting a bit.

1) His words and actions don’t match

It’s a universal truth that actions speak louder than words. When it comes to relationships, this truth holds even stronger.

So he says he’s into you, but does he show it? Does he make an effort to spend time with you, introduce you to his friends, or make plans for the future?

If the answer is no, then there’s a chance he’s leading you on. A man who truly cares about you will back his words with actions. He won’t leave you guessing about his feelings or intentions.

Never forget, words can be deceptive, but actions seldom lie. It’s time to take off those rose-colored glasses and see the situation for what it truly is.

2) He’s overly charming

Wait, isn’t charm a good thing? Not always.

If a man is laying it on thick with compliments, extravagant gestures, and sweeping statements about your future together, be wary. This could be a sign that he’s trying to keep you hooked without actually committing.

Remember, a genuine connection is built over time through shared experiences and mutual trust. If it feels like he’s trying to fast-track the relationship without establishing a solid foundation, it might be time to reconsider.

Here’s a reminder: True love isn’t about grand gestures and flowery words. It’s about consistency, respect, and genuine care. 

3) He avoids discussing the future

This one’s a big red flag. If you’ve been dating for a while and he still shies away from any conversations about the future, it’s a clear sign he may not be planning one with you.

Now, I’m not talking about planning your wedding after the first date. It’s about the small things, like discussing vacation plans or even just what you’re doing next weekend. If he’s consistently vague or changes the subject when these topics come up, it’s worth taking note.

In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I explore how to recognize and address such patterns of avoidance.

But for now, remember this: A man who values you will want to build a future with you, and that includes being able to talk about it openly.

4) He keeps you a secret

If your guy is serious about you, he’ll be proud to show you off to his friends, family and even his co-workers. But if he’s keeping you a secret, it’s a pretty clear sign that he’s not looking for a long-term commitment.

I once dated a man who would always dodge the topic of introducing me to his friends. It took me a while to realize that I was nothing more than a temporary distraction for him.

As the famous poet Maya Angelou once said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” If he’s showing you that he doesn’t want to include you in his life, believe him. Don’t let yourself fall into the trap of thinking that you can change him or that he’ll come around eventually.

5) He’s still active on dating apps

We live in a digital age, where finding love can be as easy as swiping right. But if you’ve been seeing a guy for a while and he’s still active on dating apps, it’s a sign he may not be ready to commit.

A few years back, I was seeing a guy who seemed perfect in every way. But then a friend spotted him on a dating app. When confronted, he brushed it off saying he was “just looking”. Needless to say, that relationship didn’t last long.

If he’s truly into you, he won’t feel the need to keep his options open. He will want to focus on building what you two have, rather than looking for the next best thing.

6) He doesn’t make an effort with your friends or family

When a man is serious about a woman, he’ll want to know the people who are important to her. That’s just how it is. If your guy is avoiding meeting your friends and family, or if he does meet them but makes no effort to connect, it’s a sign he isn’t planning on sticking around for long.

I remember a time when I introduced a man I was dating to my best friend. He barely made an effort to engage in conversation and seemed disinterested throughout the evening. It was then I realized, he wasn’t in it for the long haul.

As Albert Einstein wisely said, “Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value.” A man who values you will make an effort with your loved ones because he knows how much they mean to you.

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7) He’s hot and cold with his feelings

It’s like a flip of a switch – one moment he’s all over you, showering you with affection, and the next, he’s as cold as ice. Talk about a roller coaster ride from hell.

Here’s the thing: if a guy genuinely cares about you, he won’t mess with your emotions like that. He’ll be consistent, reliable, and his actions will match his words. But if he’s playing hot-and-cold, well, that’s a major red flag.

Let’s cut to the chase – love shouldn’t feel like an anxiety-inducing thrill ride. It should be steady, comforting, and bring you peace. If you’re constantly on edge, wondering where you stand with him, it’s time to face the truth: he’s probably not in it for the long haul.

Recognize the signs, empower your choices

It’s crucial to remember that recognizing these signs isn’t about blaming or demonizing men. It’s about empowering you, dear reader, to make wise decisions in your relationships. To avoid unnecessary heartache and invest your time and energy where it’s deserved.

In the journey of love and self-discovery, the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. Valuing and respecting yourself sets the tone for how others should treat you.

So if you see these signs, don’t ignore them out of fear of being alone or not being loved. You are worthy of a love that is consistent, respectful, and committed.

As Buddha once said, “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” Never forget that.

In this same vein, I’d suggest you take a look at this video by Justin Brown. It’s a beautiful exploration of committing to being single not as a permanent state, but as a meaningful phase of growth, self-discovery, and personal commitment.

Remember, every phase of life comes with its own lessons and beauty. Embrace them with open arms.