Right, here’s the situation:
I work with a guy called Ted who I think is the man of my dreams, or at least the man of my lustful fantasies.
He’s got a dad bod and a confident, youthful smile, and even though he’s partly balding there’s just something about him that gets me going.
We talk now and then.
But nothing happened for quite a few months after we started working together and the romantic tension was building.
I’m trying to let him know that I’m single and ready to mingle without being too needy.
Recently he got the message, and it turned out he’d been into me from day one when we met a year and a half ago.
Our first date went super duper well.
Here’s how to tell if your work crush is also into you or whether it’s just in your head.
30 subtle signs a man is attracted to you at the workplace
Hack Spirit offers relationship advice that cuts right to the chase, so that’s what I’m going to do here.
If there’s a guy at work who’s into you, the signs will always be there in one form or another, but they won’t always be obvious.
Let’s take a look.
1) He secretly eyes you up, like … a lot
The first of the subtle signs a man is attracted to you at the workplace is that he looks you over like a ripe strawberry like…all the time.
He thinks you don’t notice, but if you’re me then you do notice.
Maybe he hides it by just checking you out when he comes by your desk under some pretext or tells you your new blazer looks fire.
Maybe he’s classy about it…
Ted is, ‘cause he’s a real gentleman.
Not all men have the level of restraint that Ted has. Most guys can’t really hide their attraction well.
That’s something I’ve noticed.
They try to make it subtle, but it’s usually actually not subtle at all.
2) Excuses for all the right reasons
The second of the subtle signs a man is attracted to you at the workplace is that he has excuses for all the right reasons about why he has to see you, be around you, talk to you, and such.
Ted always used to make up projects for us to work on together and just happen to drop by my desk on a regular basis.
That led to more conversations, more jokes, and more bonding.
That led to our first date and…
Well, the rest gets pretty steamy, to say the least.
If a guy is making excuses to be around you they are sometimes really clever and even believable ones.
But look for the signs that he seems to subtly want to work with or be around you. It’s seldom by mistake!
3) Lost in fantasyland?
I’m a lady with a very active fantasy life.
I make no excuses for that and I’m not ashamed about it, but the downside is that I sometimes build things up in my head while in real life they remain nothing much at all.
I found myself doing that with Ted for a few months when we were just friends.
Like I said, it turns out he’s liked me from day one.
Little did I know…
The bad part is I was turning him into a kind of idol, idealizing him and putting him on a pedestal.
He even said that he finds me cute and nice but found some of my behavior a bit over-clingy at first…
So how did I get past this hang-up? (It’s not the first time).
I got in touch with myself and worked on my own relationship to myself.
I discovered a lot of deeper issues around myself and how I valued myself and thought of myself.
In particular, this free video from the Brazilian shaman Rudá Iandê helped open my eyes about what I was doing wrong.
He showed me the roots of my needy behavior.
More importantly, he showed me how to disentangle those roots and grow firmly in the soil of the present moment.
I finally understood why so many of my fantasies in the past had disappeared into thin air and how this fantasy with Ted could become real life, instead.
As Rudá explains in this mind-blowing free video, many of us chase love in a toxic way that ends up stabbing us in the back. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
He finally offered an actual, real solution for turning fantasy into reality and balancing expectations with reality.
4) Kind words are spoken about you to the boss
Never underestimate a man’s desire to help and improve the fortunes of a woman he’s interested in.
This is among those subtle signs a man is attracted to you at the workplace and it’s that he puts in a word for you with higher-ups.
That lady can work, man…
He’ll let whoever needs to know about it know.
The bump you might see in your paycheck and position is well appreciated.
If you feel it’s patronizing for a guy to boost you up, just remember it’s a male-run world (still) and sometimes that’s what it takes…
Whatever works, if you ask me!
5) If you say you might quit he gets down
Next up in the subtle signs a man is attracted to you at the workplace is that any talk about pulling up stakes makes him get really bummed.
Even when he tries to hide it, you can see that he seems legit preoccupied by the idea of no longer working for you.
The reason is that when you like someone you want to be around them as much as possible.
So he’s worried that he’s going to lose his daily dose of you.
“You must have griped at least once about how frustrated you are with the monotonous work schedule and how much you want to quit and be on your own.
Noticed someone twitch at the idea of you leaving the office?
Well, he is the one,” noted psychologist Dr. Nancy Irwin.
6) What’s your worker buddy nickname?
More subtle signs a man is attracted to you at the workplace is that you have nicknames for each other.
My nickname for Ted is Teddy Bear (God, I know, so corny). His nickname for me is “Kid.” I guess he’s watched a bit too much of Casablanca.
I’m not holding it against him.
But I spent months wanting to hold other things against him (namely myself).
Our workplace nicknames were key in building that attraction and familiarity we had with each other.
It set us apart from our coworkers and cemented the special bond we had (and have).
7) There’s light teasing going on here, folks
Light teasing can be the start of some really hot and heavy relationships.
When it comes to subtle signs a man is attracted to you at the workplace, keep an eye out for this one.
You’d think it would be obvious, but it’s often not.
Sometimes it’s just a couple of small jokes at your expense or winking at you subtly.
Other times it may be a playful pat on the shoulder as your work crush stands around in the break room joking with you and other colleagues.
Playful teasing is very obvious when you are watching for it but very hard to see when you’re not.
8) He’s your number one fan
If a work crush is into you he’s going to go to bat for you.
Any controversy? He’s on your side.
Criticism of your role or work performance? He’ll stick up for you or at least give your side of the story the biggest possible benefit of the doubt.
It will be very apparent that this man wants you to stay at the company and excel in any way possible.
Whenever he can he will stand up for you, praise you and be your biggest fan.
He’s on your side and he doesn’t try to hide it.
9) There are these little helpful things he does that make you blush
Ted loves to get my stuff from the photocopier for me and he often brings me a morning coffee.
Double double, baby.
I really could get my own coffee, but Ted’s grin when he hands me that steamy cup of Joe melts my heart.
It turns out this isn’t random.
It actually ties into the roots of male biology.
From their earliest days skulking around in caves, guys have had an evolutionary desire to protect and provide for women.
Relationship coach and psychologist James Bauer calls it the hero instinct.
Here I was thinking Ted was just doing nice things for me now and then…
Turns out he was stoking the primal fires of his inner male desires.
If you want to know more about what this hero instinct is and how it works, take a look at James Bauer’s excellent free video here.
He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12-word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.
Because that’s the beauty of the hero instinct.
It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he wants you and only you.
10) He’s into spending time with you outside work
This sign can be subtle because work crushes are often able to squeeze in time outside work under a sort of friend and colleague label.
For this reason, you may not really realize he likes you as more than a friend or work pal.
Ted and I grabbed drinks several times, but it wasn’t until I started paying attention to the other signs on this list that I realized he was also potentially interested in more.
Then we upgraded to a dinner date and the fireworks started from there.
The rest is workplace romance history…
11) The line between workmates and friends is intentionally blurred
Related to the last point is how the line between workmates and friends gets intentionally blurred.
You have nicknames for each other, you flirt, you tease and you interact in a way that you can see easily turning into more.
It’s special and you find yourself thinking of this work crush sometimes in your private and fantasy moments.
The guy who likes you will try to get as close to you as possible at work and bounce the interaction to outside work.
If you were asked whether you’re more friends or more workmates and you have a hard time answering, there’s a pretty good chance he’s into you.
12) How’s your love life? He wants to know!
The other of the subtle signs a man is attracted to you at the workplace is that he subtly digs into your love life and how things are going.
If you have an on-again-off-again partner, he would love to hear about that person being off for good.
The subtle aspect here is that he’s not necessarily going to show that he’s that interested.
He will actually often pass off questions or comments about singlehood or your love life as a kind of half-joke.
“Well, we all know how brutal the dating game can be that’s for sure!” and things like that.
Trust me, he’s fishing to find out who you’re bumping boots with or whether you’re stocking up on batteries.
13) Trusting you with stuff that he doesn’t trust others with
This is up there with the subtle signs a man is attracted to you at the workplace and it’s that he trusts you above and beyond others.
This has the potential to sound condescending, I get that, because why shouldn’t someone trust you as a talented work colleague.
I think I’m pretty talented, sure, but I’m talking more about workplace gossip, personal stuff, things that are rubbing him wrong, or other matters that may only be tangentially related to work.
This relates back to the unique concept I wrote about earlier: the hero instinct.
When a man feels respected, useful, and needed, he’s more likely to start drawing closer to you and trying to make a commitment to you.
He’ll want you to see that he’s interested in you and not just playing around, either.
And the best part is, triggering his hero instinct can be as simple as knowing the right thing to say over a text or when your work crush walks by in the parking lot.
You can learn exactly what to do by watching this simple and genuine video by James Bauer.
14) Your breaks line up together! What are the chances?
More subtle signs a man is attracted to you at the workplace is that your breaks line up together.
If you work in a big company or as part of a larger crew that has alternating breaks and find that you still somehow keep ending up correlating or working physically close together at work, there could be more to it.
Men tend to be good at strategy and lining things up so they can be close to the object of their affection.
If that object of their affection is you, you may find that your work crush suddenly is showing up at your breaks and just happens to have his schedule aligning with yours.
What are the chances!
15) His relationship status is made clear by him
The next of the subtle signs a man is attracted to you at the workplace is that he makes it clear he’s available.
If he does have a girlfriend or wife he will downplay or even actively hide this from you.
Ted’s divorced, so that’s all good.
However, I know that men who hide having a partner because they’re crushing on you at work are kind of a low species.
I’m just telling you the facts here, however, not justifying all the behavior!
16) He’s looking super sharp around you
Some men dress sharper than others, ain’t that a fact.
But if this guy is looking super sharper around you than he does most of the time then there’s a significant chance that he’s dolling himself up for you.
Styled hair, tasteful shirts, a little hint of cologne that probably cost a pretty penny?
I think your work crush likes you.
17) Vocal and behavioral changes when around you
Scientists have demonstrated how the male vocal pitch lowers when they’re around a potential mate or somebody they’re sexually attracted to.
Does this guy’s voice get lower or more manly around you?
Furthermore, does it get hoarse or a bit breathless? That means his blood is rushing elsewhere and leaving him a little dry in the mouth as his adrenaline spikes.
Fidgety behavior and sweaty palms are also a telltale sign.
This is a guy who wants you badly, and there only real doubt is whether he just wants a roll in the hay or somewhere more serious.
18) Inside jokes are crack-a-lacking like crazy
Next up: inside jokes.
Teddy Bear and I have a bunch. Most are at the expense of our boss.
Some are about the shitty food at the cafe next to our office.
Whatever your inside jokes are, they’re a classic sign of a budding workplace romance and that your coworker is into you.
This is especially true if the jokes have a seductive or sexual edge to them.
19) When you’re down, he’s around
Everybody needs somebody sometimes.
When you’re down, your work crush is around.
Maybe he’s just a nice and kind guy. He could be that.
But he probably also has a serious case of liking you.
20) If you miss lunch he offers some of his orders for you
Workdays can get super hectic, and guys who are crushing on you will notice that.
If you miss lunch, chances are this guy will stop by with a sandwich from down the street.
Ted’s done that on multiple occasions.
If your work crush is coming by to share lunch with you or bringing you food when you don’t have time to get anything then he’s probably quite into you!
21) His social media game is very much oriented to you
Not all workmates add each other on social media, but when they do the interactions tend to be respectful, friendly, and not super personal.
If he starts getting personal and flirtatious then you can be sure he’s wanting something more.
There’s only so many hearts a guy can put on your posts before you start taking it personally…
22) His interests start mirroring yours
Does this guy start taking a strong interest in your interests?
If you’re a big tennis fan, he’s suddenly gushing about the US open or bringing it up as a topic…
Well, this isn’t random, and it’s definitely a sign that he’s trying to get an in with you.
23) He’s curious about your plans for the future
Future plans are generally the kind of thing that close friends or couples talk about in-depth.
But a workplace guy who’s into you will be very curious to hear about your plans down the road.
Do you plan to move?
What’s your plan for your career?
Do you want a family?
See? Just friendly, platonic questions…
24) His career advice has a personal touch
This guy’s career advice is also going to have a personal touch.
He may joke about missing you if you leave, or comment that any company would be lucky to have a woman who’s so smart…and beautiful.
He’s throwing out all sorts of hints here, so go ahead and respond.
25) Tries to keep you entertained
Work can get boring. Let’s face it.
But this guy will try to keep you entertained and cheered up throughout the day.
Even when it seems like absolutely nothing interesting is going on he’ll make some comment, joke or observation that brightens your day up just a bit.
26) Bristles if another guy takes a go at you
In addition, another of the subtle signs a man is attracted to you at the workplace is that he doesn’t like other guys flirting with you.
This is subtle because if he’s smart he’s not going to make this obvious but will play it cool.
However, if you watch closely you’ll see his eyes narrow and his nostrils flare when another man is talking and joking around with you in a suggestive way.
How long until these rams lock horns?
27) Subtly flirts with you overwork messaging
If you have more of an online work environment or speak a lot via messaging apps, you may notice that he’s sending hot emojis and teasing messages your way.
This is most likely a sign that he’s into you, and unless he’s sending them to everyone, they’re most likely directed to gaining your attention and interest.
When a guy turns a professional environment into a place for teasing and flirting, there’s no doubt he’s attracted to you.
28) Taking a strong interest in your passions and beliefs
Depending on what type of work you do, there may be time to make friends and have deeper discussions.
Hopefully, it doesn’t result in arguments, which is part of why some workplaces discourage talking about politics, religion, or other controversial subjects.
But one of the subtle signs a man is attracted to you at the workplace is that he’ll take a strong interest in your passions and beliefs.
He wants to know all about what inspires and motivates you.
29) Staying late at work to be around you
Does he shift his schedule just to spend more time around you?
There’s no doubt that a guy who’s staying extra around work to be with you is into you.
Make no mistake about that.
30) Awkward comments and behavior around you
Last up of the subtle signs a man is attracted to you at the workplace is awkward comments and behavior.
No matter how much-grown men like to think they’re above getting nervous around someone they like, the dirty truth is they still do.
Watch him fidget and stutter. Isn’t it cute?
Come to bed, Ted
Ted and I are now dating.
Pop the champagne. Let’s see where this goes, right…Keeping my fantasies in check a bit like I said.
Lovepanky has an article about this and they said that dating a coworker can be risky but sometimes pays off and it’s more a matter of workplace rules and personal preference.
“If you ever wonder whether it’s a good or bad idea to date a coworker, it all depends on your preference.
“Some people are okay with dating someone from the workplace, while others aren’t.
“Certain complications can happen when you date a coworker.”
So if you are wondering whether your work crush is into you the same way you’re into him, go through the list above, and don’t forget about the hero instinct.
This is a real thing.
I was skeptical at first too, but my experience in trying this and understanding how it worked show me that it’s very much a real thing.
You can check out this free video where James Bauer shows you how you can bring out your man’s hero instinct or get a crush to realize that he likes you way more than he thought at first!
With James Bauer’s incredible concept put into action, your work crush will see you as the only woman for him. So if you’re ready to take that plunge, be sure to check out the video now.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.