Pearl Nash
Love can seem an endless mystery.
It can be hard to describe, let alone narrowly define. Yet science can still point us in the right direction so we can better understand it.
According to the triangular theory of love, romantic love is made up of three important elements.
It’s the presence of intimacy, passion, and commitment combined that means someone has fallen deeply.
Does he love you?
Here are some strong signs according to psychology that the answer is most definitely yes.
1) He looks at you with longing eyes
Romantic connections are usually born out of attraction.
That initial spark may be physical, but it can also be mental and emotional too. Yet it still translates into the same thing:
Passion.
This magnetic pull toward one another creates desire, and this can often be first noticed in the way he looks at you.
In the early stages, he most likely makes plenty of eye contact and is always looking at you. As strong attraction turns to love you will probably notice the so-called puppy dog eyes.
Apparently, our eyes become more moist when we are around those we love, and that gives them that glowing appearance.
Meaningful eye contact is intense for us, which is why it’s significant.
It’s such a strong indicator of love that a famous experiment by Harvard psychologist Zick Rubin found that couples who were deeply in love after several years looked at each other 75% of the time while talking versus the average 30-60% of the time.
That’s why it may seem like you can sense affection, admiration, and longing in his gaze.
2) He opens up to you
Perhaps you’ve been unlucky enough to fall for an emotionally unavailable guy in the past.
How did it turn out?
Probably not so great. At least in my case it never ended well.
That’s because love demands opening ourselves up to someone else, and that takes vulnerability and authenticity.
If he is able to do so, it’s a really positive sign.
So says research that found couples who prioritize honest conversations and genuine self-disclosure are far happier in their relationship.
According to the 2006 study, they are also better at having open exchanges that create deeper connections.
There’s a lot to be said for whether we are ready to embrace love in our lives, as we’re about to see.
3) He talks about a future together
We can all too often equate love with the emotional side of things.
Sure, that plays an important part. But as we highlighted in the intro with the triangular theory of love, this needs to be balanced with practical elements.
The fuzzy feelings may be nice but love that runs deeper involves a certain amount of dedication.
In some ways, love is a decision just as much as it is a feeling.
Deciding to commit and invest in the relationship shows he believes in it.
That involves things like:
- Planning for the future
- Discussing things you want to do together
- Meeting important people from each other’s lives
- Talking in terms of “we” rather than “I”
Loving words may be nice, but it’s through committed actions that a guy shows he loves you.
4) He wants to take care of you
In a healthy and happy relationship, this feeling goes both ways. It’s certainly not about traditional roles, it’s about caring intensely.
When you love someone, their well-being is understandably significant to your own happiness.
That’s why men in love are often very supportive of their partners. They will offer help and encourage them to pursue their goals and dreams.
This is something known as “compassionate love”. It’s defined as the kind of love that ultimately centers on the good of the other.
In a 2014 study, researchers concluded that it’s an all too often overlooked element of love.
Yet relationships are more likely to prosper when both partners work towards each other’s well-being in this caring way.
Does he show up for you in practical as well as emotional ways?
If so, that’s huge.
It’s this extra dimension and depth that makes all the difference between passing desire and long-term love that lasts.
As does the next thing on our list…
5) You have a strong friendship
Another important aspect of deep love according to psychologists is so-called companionate love.
In a nutshell, you could say this is about how well you get on. Rather than being characterized by fireworks and butterflies, it’s more of a warm and safe feeling.
Grote & Frieze (1994) describe it as “a comfortable, affectionate, trusting love for a likable partner, based on a deep sense of friendship and involving companionship and the enjoyment of common activities, mutual interests, and shared laughter”.
Whilst it’s not as attention-grabbing, we shouldn’t underestimate how powerful it is for longevity.
The chemical high of the honeymoon period isn’t as significant to the long-lasting effect of a relationship as you might imagine.
In fact, one study (Orbuch et al. 1993) which looked at marriage satisfaction found that “having a highly romantic reconstruction of one’s courtship does not predict marital well-being … Instead, only a generally positive tone without romanticism seems to be important”.
In many ways, sincerely liking your partner is as equally as important as loving them.
6) He can’t keep his hands off of you
It may not come as a shock to hear that research shows that men who are the most in love are also more likely to initiate sex in a relationship.
For many people what makes a romantic relationship different from a friendship is this physical element of desire.
But it’s not all about sex, we’re also talking about physical attentiveness too. That same study found that “men were just as likely as their wives to show their love through affection.”
Sex is an expression of love that often gives couples a stronger sense of intimacy. In the words of Dutch psychoanalyst Manfred F.R. Kets de Vries:
“When we’re in love, sex is one (very intimate) way of communicating with the other, of expressing our feelings. Sex is a body language in which we can express gentleness and affection, anger and resentment, superiority and dependence far more succinctly than we can verbally”.
Studies have noted that sexual satisfaction is a main predictor of relationship satisfaction in both sexes. So if he can’t keep his hands off you, it’s a good indicator of love and not only passion.
Love is multifaceted
As we’ve seen it takes more than desire alone to forge a strong and lasting connection.
Deep love brings together a special recipe of physical attraction, intention, commitment, companionship, and caring too.
If you have these ingredients, you can be sure that he has fallen deeply in love with you.
