Mal James
Have you ever met a man who seems unshakable, no matter what life throws at him?
Today, we’re peeling back the layers to understand the psychological backbone of a man who truly has his life together.
How many of these traits will you recognize in yourself or the men around you?
Let’s find out.
1) He is emotionally intelligent
As the experts at Psychology Today put it, emotional intelligence refers to our “ability to identify and manage one’s own emotions, as well as the emotions of others.”
And it’s crucial for any man who genuinely has his life together.
It’s about more than just being in touch with our feelings; it’s the ability to navigate through life’s ups and downs with a level head, to understand and manage not only our emotions but those of the people around us.
What does this look like in a man?
Well, it looks like a man who, instead of reacting impulsively to a stressful situation at work, takes a moment to assess his feelings and the feelings of his colleagues before responding in a way that addresses the issue without escalating the tension.
Or a man who, in his personal relationships, doesn’t shy away from tough conversations because he’s equipped to express his emotions constructively and listen empathetically to others.
This skill is invaluable. It contributes to our ability to navigate life’s challenges with grace and composure, maintain healthier relationships, and make reasoned decisions even under pressure.
Emotional intelligence can also significantly impact one’s professional success. Research by Talent Smart has shown that individuals with high emotional intelligence earn an average of $29,000 more per year than their lower-EQ counterparts.
2) He has a “purpose”
“Purpose” might sound like a grandiose term reserved for philosophers to debate. But we’re not going to get into a philosophical debate here.
At its core, having a purpose is about finding something that gives your life direction and meaning. It’s that something that gets us out of bed in the morning, eager to face the day.
What could this ‘something’ be?
For some men, it’s their career – striving to reach the top of their field, making groundbreaking discoveries, or starting a business that could change the landscape of an industry.
For others, it’s about personal achievements, like mastering a new skill, scaling the highest mountains, or writing a novel.
Then there are those who find purpose in service – volunteering, mentoring the next generation, or working towards a cause that’s close to their heart.
It might sound straightforward, but it’s not; nearly 40% of Americans have reported feeling uncertain about their purpose. Why is it so important?
Well, a man who has his life together is mentally healthy, and research has shown that having a purpose can protect us from struggles like depression and anxiety, build resilience, and manage stress.
But having a purpose is only half the battle. The real challenge lies in pursuing it. That’s why this next trait is essential.
3) He follows through
Fun fact: researchers have found that 92% of Americans don’t keep their New Year’s resolutions. Yes 92%.
Not a man who has his life together.
When he makes a goal or a commitment, he follows through. This is a huge sign someone has got it together mentally. As Steven C. Hayes, Ph.D., a professor of psychology, noted in a Psychology Today post, “consistently acting in ways that move you toward your chosen objectives” is a sign you are a mentally strong person.
So, how would you see this in a man?
Well, it’s not just about New Year’s resolutions, of course.
Here are some questions you might ask:
- Does he maintain a consistent routine? Whether it’s hitting the gym regularly, not just in January, but throughout the year, maintaining consistency is key.
- Have you noticed him getting up early? It’s one thing to set the alarm for an early start; it’s another to actually get out of bed. A man who’s up with the dawn often does so with a purpose.
- Does he keep his commitments? Whether it’s showing up on time, delivering on a work project, or just being there when he said he would, reliability is a hallmark of someone who follows through.
If you said yes to most of these, you are probably dealing with a man who has his life together. It’s this blend of discipline and integrity that sets him apart.
4) He is financially independent
I have this friend who, anytime I say “I have to work” (instead of going out), he’ll say things like “There’s more to life than money.”
I know. There is a lot more to life than money, but when it comes to a man (or anyone) having his life together, it can’t be ignored.
When we don’t have the comfort of knowing how we will get by this month or the next, money is all we can think of.
As a teenager, I was a big fan of the works of playwright and novelist Oscar Wilde, and I think he captured this well when he wrote. “There is only one class in the community that thinks more about money than the rich, and that is the poor. The poor can think of nothing else.”
Anyway, any of you who have struggled to pay your bills in the past can probably relate to this.
Research seems to back up the importance of money. Here are a few stats that you might want to keep in mind:
- According to Forbes research, financial pressures account for 24% of divorces
- A 2009 study revealed that couples with no assets were more likely to split than those with a modest financial safety net of around $10,000. This suggests that even a relatively small amount of savings can provide a sense of security that strengthens the bond between partners.
- Contrary to popular belief, happiness doesn’t plateau after reaching an annual income of $75,000. More recent research suggests that for most of us, our sense of well-being continues to rise with our income levels with no cap.
- Having an income of less than 50,000 USD a year might increase a person’s risk of social isolation and loneliness.
What’s the lesson here?
Money, or a lack thereof, can have an effect on our relationships and happiness in life. I think we can all agree that these are important.
The goal here isn’t to glorify wealth or advocate for materialism; rather, it’s to acknowledge that financial independence grants us the freedom to live more fully.
Having one’s life together doesn’t necessitate a six-figure salary. It’s about achieving a level of financial security that liberates us from the constant anxiety over bills and expenses. It’s about reaching a point where we’re not perpetually preoccupied with the basics, allowing us to allocate our energy towards higher pursuits and a more fulfilling life.
5) He takes care of himself
Self-care has become somewhat of a buzzword in recent times, conjuring images of women enjoying spa days and indulgent pampering – as they well should.
But it’s not just this.
Self-care, at its core, is about nurturing both our emotional and physical well-being. As noted by clinical psychologist Monica Vermani, it is linked to “improved mentalhealth, self-esteem, self-worth, and optimism.” It is a practice as relevant to men as it is to women.
For a man who genuinely has his life together, self-care might manifest in several ways:
- Prioritizing adequate sleep: Ensuring he gets enough rest to recharge his mind and body for the challenges ahead.
- Engaging in hobbies: Dedicating time to pursuits that bring joy and fulfillment, whether it’s playing a musical instrument, painting, hiking, or even coding.
- Regular exercise: Maintaining physical health not just for aesthetic reasons but for overall well-being, stress relief, and mental clarity.
- Mindful eating: Choosing nutritious foods that fuel the body efficiently, recognizing the profound connection between diet and mental health.
- Setting boundaries: Understanding the importance of saying ‘no’ to prevent overcommitment and burnout, ensuring there’s space for relaxation and recuperation.
- Seeking professional help when needed: Recognizing that asking for support in dealing with emotional or mental health issues is a strength, not a weakness.
Incorporating these practices into daily life isn’t a sign of indulgence but of self-respect. It’s about acknowledging that to be our best for others, we must first be our best selves.
Thus, when you observe a man who takes the time to care for himself—emotionally, physically, and mentally—you’re not just looking at someone who indulges in self-care trends. You’re seeing a man who understands the value of his well-being and its ripple effect on every aspect of his life, from personal achievements to relationships.
6) He has friends
Yes, you read that right. It makes me sad that I should include this point in a post like this, but I really do have to.
Harvard researchers, through a study spanning over 85 years, found that the best predictor of happiness isn’t wealth, career success, educational attainment, or even a sense of purpose. It’s the quality of our relationships.
Echoing the timeless words of the poet John Donne, “No man is an island,” this research reaffirms the innate social nature of human beings. We thrive on connections.
On the flip side, loneliness is a killer. That’s not an exaggeration.
It has been linked to an increased risk of heart disease, stroke, and earlier death. US general surgeon Dr. Vivek H. Murthy has even stated, “The mortality impact of being socially disconnected is similar to that caused by smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day”.
The implications are clear: to neglect our social bonds is to gamble with our very health and happiness.
What’s alarming, however, is the apparent decline in these vital connections, particularly among men. Research indicates a stark decrease in the number of close friendships among men; in 1990, 40% of men reported having ten or more friends, a figure that plummeted to a mere 15% by 2021. Perhaps even more startling is the rise in isolation, with 15% of men in 2021 reporting “no close friends,” a significant jump from just 3% in 1990.
The point?
In a world that often glorifies individual achievement and ‘lone wolves,’ let’s not forget the fundamental human need for connection.
If you come across a man who seems to truly value his close relationships, it’s a good sign. A man who truly has his life together understands that his strength, happiness, and longevity are inextricably linked to the quality of his relationships with others.
The bottom line
That just about wraps it from me today, folks.
As always, I hope you found some value in this post.
If you notice these signs in a man, you can be pretty sure he is on the up and up. If you notice them in yourself, kudos to you; keep it up.
Don’t see these the man you are thinking of? Consider lending a helping hand.
And if you don’t see these in yourself, keep in mind they can be fostered. There’s no time like the present to start living a more fulfilling, purposeful life.
Until next time.
