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14 surprising signs a guy isn’t interested in you anymore

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Worried that your man isn’t interested in you anymore?

Let me go out on a limb here and guess that your man isn’t acting the way he used to and you’re wondering what the hell is going on.

After all, everything seemed to be going so well between the two of you…then out of nowhere, he starts acting weird.

It sucks. There’s no getting around that.

Look, I’m a man and a relationship expert, and I’ve seen this situation play out more than I’d care to admit. The man pulls away and withdraws himself…and the female is left wondering what the hell happened.

But here’s what you need to know:

It doesn’t necessarily mean that he isn’t interested in you anymore. Not at all. There could be many reasons your man is acting differently.

And it doesn’t always point to what you think it does. That I can say with absolute certainty.

So in this article, we’re going to get to the bottom of whether your man is interested in you anymore or not.

First, we’ll go through 10 unfortunate signs that your man isn’t interested in you anymore, then we’ll explore some of the other reasons he might be suddenly behaving differently.

After that, we’ll discuss what you can do about it.

1. It just doesn’t feel right anymore

For most women, when a man starts losing attraction towards them, your intuition knows that something is up.

It’s no secret that women are more in touch with their feelings than men.

Perhaps you’ve got an inkling that his emotions or intentions aren’t pure.

His mind is elsewhere when he is with you, and the way he texts you is colder than it used to be.

You’re probably asking your friends for their opinions on what this man is truly thinking.

This is a sign that your gut is telling you that he is losing interest, or at least, something is up.

I think we can both agree that when a man adores you, it’s obvious.

But when he doesn’t, he becomes flaky, unsure of himself when he is around you, and hesitant about what he wants.

All of these signs give you that “feeling in the gut”.

While it’s never a great indicator to have this feeling, keep in mind that we’re relying on your intuition for this sign, and while intuition is usually a great indicator that something is wrong, it doesn’t by itself suggest that he is losing interest in you.

After all, that feeling in your gut might be also be activated by an unrelated issue.

For example, if you have self-esteem issues, and you’re heavily insecure, then you might simply expect any man you’re dating to eventually lose interest.

As a consequence, your intuition is ringing alarm bells because you’ve conditioned yourself to think that this man will lose interest.

If you think that something like this might be the case, then you can take your feeling in the gut with a grain of salt.

But if you’re usually bang on with your feelings and the reasons for those feelings, then you can certainly trust in your gut that something is amiss with this dude.

2. He doesn’t seem to be engaging in conversations with you like he used to

He used to love talking to you. He paid attention to the small details, showed authentic empathy when you talked about your problems, and seemed genuinely excited to be talking with you.

But now? His energy isn’t what it used to be. He hardly listens, and rarely offers his advice to help you figure out your problems.

Look, I’m going to be honest. This is probably the single most important sign that he is losing interest in you.

Because the truth is this:

When a guy is interested in a girl, his main way of getting the girl to like him is through engagement and conversation. Men know this.

They’ll try to make you laugh, they’ll listen to everything you have to say, and they’ll try to tease and flirt with you as best they can.

After all, they don’t want to let this opportunity slip.

However, if he is a nervous type of guy, then the signs to look for in a conversation may look different. He might stutter over his words, or struggle to look you in the eye, but one thing he won’t do is not listen.

If he likes you, even if he is nervous when he is talking to you, he’ll still ask you countless questions and listen to all that you have to say. He’ll want to avoid silence at all times.

The reason he is nervous is that he wants to make a good impression. And that should be fairly easy to differentiate compared to a guy who has clearly lost interest in you.

3. He doesn’t initiate

Are you always texting him first? Are you the one asking him out?

Early on I’m sure he was the one who initiated your dates and text messages, but if that dynamic has changed and you’re now taking charge, then he might have lost his zest to spend time with you.

Look, there’s no getting around it: A man that is genuinely into you will make time for you. He’s not going to leave it to chance to “hopefully ” run into you.

It’s not easy for a guy to meet a woman that he likes spending time with, so when he does, you can bet your bottom dollar that he is going to initiate meetings with her.

Another sign to look out for is how he is responding to you in your text messages. Is he giving you one-word answers and not really spending time crafting his responses? Not a good sign.

And if he never sends you a text message out of the blue, and you get the feeling that if you stopped texting him that things will fizzle out, then unfortunately you might not be on his mind anymore.

However, I do want to point out an important caveat here:

If you’re in a certified relationship with the guy, then the number of text messages between the two of you will probably decrease over time.

After all, sending text messages to each other all day every day just isn’t sustainable. And as the relationship becomes more settled, so will your communication with each other.

4. You’re just not a priority anymore

All of a sudden he doesn’t have time for you anymore. He is always working late, catching up with his buddies, or going to the gym…you’re now hardly ever a priority in his life.

When he was “wooing you”, he’d never miss an important date. Any of his free time was dedicated to you.

But now? Now he never says a flat out “yes” to any of your initiations to meet.

He’ll say things like “maybe we can meet on Saturday” but when it comes around to Saturday, he has an excuse lined up for why he can’t meet you.

The truth is, something better came up, and that’s why he never wanted to fully commit to meeting you in the first place.

It reeks of flakey behavior, and that’s the kind of smell that’s giving you an awful feeling in your gut.

Because a guy that doesn’t care about canceling last minute on you is a guy who simply doesn’t care about losing you.

5. It’s a one-sided relationship

Do you feel like you’re doing all the work in the relationship? Do you never get to do what you want to do when you’re spending time with this guy?

Does he seem to not be putting in as much effort as you?

These are all the hallmarks of a “one-sided relationship“, the type of relationship where the power is imbalanced and one person is putting in a lot more in terms of resources (time, money, emotional investment) and getting little to nothing in return.

In essence, the biggest sign of one-sided relationships is the amount of effort you’re putting in.

If you’re initiating all meetings, always texting first, expressing your feelings, providing all the romance in the relationship…and this man simply isn’t pulling his weight in all these areas…then it might be because he is no longer interested anymore.

In fact, if you can relate to some of the signs above, then it’s clear that you’re putting in more effort than this guy.

For example, if you find that you’re being constantly canceled on and your partner is always flaking, they must just not be invested in the same way that you are.

It’s clear that this is a one-sided relationship and you’re unfortunately more interested in this guy than he is with you.

6. He has only suddenly realized that he is not attracted to you

Guys can lose attraction, sometimes. This is especially true if he loves the thrill of the chase, but now that he has you, he no longer needs to chase you and his attraction might be waning.

If you’ve only recently started dating this guy (meaning it’s early in the relationship) then it might just be that he’s simply not interested in you anymore.

I understand that this might be brutal to hear, but many men out there aren’t good at communicating their feelings.

He knows he has lost interest, but he doesn’t know how to express that with you. He doesn’t want to offend you.

So perhaps he has decided that acting distant is the best strategy in communicating that he simply isn’t interested in you anymore.

If you’ve fallen hard for this guy, then this definitely sucks, but here is what you need to ask yourself:

Do you really want to be with a guy who isn’t honest about his feelings?

Didn’t think so.

I mean think about it: You’d never understand what he’s feeling and thinking.

In fact, you might have dodged a bullet.

7. He just isn’t spending time with you anymore

You can really tell a lot about a guy by how he spends his free time. After all, his free time is the time where he can literally choose to do whatever he wants to do.

So if he used to save the weekends for you, but now he almost always seems to be doing something else, then you know that his priorities have changed.

Is he dating other girls? You don’t know, but it’s always a possibility.

However, remember that when any new relationship starts out, everything is really hot and heavy at the beginning, but then things almost always slow down after a period of time (it happens to every couple).

So if your relationship is entering the solid phase, then it’s quite normal for him to do some other stuff on the weekend. In fact, it’s healthy to have a balance in your life.

But if you’re not at that stage in the relationship, and he is choosing to do anything else but spend time with you on the weekend, then it might point to the fact that he is losing interest.

What’s more, when you guys do eventually meet up, he’s always ready to end the evening halfway through.

He doesn’t care if you go home early. He has other plans he wants to do that night.

A guy that is interested in you wouldn’t do that. They’d want to spend every lasting minute with you, not cut the time sort.

Look, there are always exceptions. He might actually be busy with other tasks that he needs to do, but in general, a guy that likes you will want to spend his free time with you.

Remember: If something feels off, then it usually is.

8. His body language seems more closed

A guy that is interested in you, and feels comfortable around you, will display “open body-language”.

What does this mean?

It means that he will spread his legs wide, pull his shoulders back, and point his body towards you.

A guy that likes you will stare at you, lean in, and if he is a confident kind of guy, he might be a little more touchy-feely as well.

He likes you and his body isn’t afraid to show it.

So if this guy’s body is “closed towards you”. For example, his body is pointed away from you, he is perhaps folding his arms, he is avoiding eye contact and he won’t even sit close to you, then it might show that he’s not interested in you anymore.

These kinds of body language moves will likely be pretty obvious to witness. It might give you that “gut feeling” that something is wrong.

Another sign is if he just isn’t flirting with you. He won’t tease you, have fun with you, and laugh spontaneously.

He’s just cold, with his body and his mind.

9. He doesn’t care when you talk about other guys

Look, I totally get if you feel that he is losing interest that you might try to make him jealous by mentioning other guys you’ve been hanging out with.

Believe it or not, it’s a tactic that actually works.

But if you’re noticing that he doesn’t seem to care at all when you mention other guys, then that might not be a good sign.

It’s especially a bad sign if he seems positive about you hanging out with other guys.

“Oh you were hanging out with Matthew…that’s awesome! He is a great guy”.

Jealousy is a strong emotion, and it’s one that is difficult to control. Men tend to feel it naturally because they are competitive by nature.

But if he isn’t showing any jealousy at all, then that might show that he has just lost interest.

10. He doesn’t want to take the relationship further

Relationships tend to progress at a natural pace. First, you’re all passionate and hot with each other, then you move into a holding pattern, and after that shit starts getting serious with future plans like living together or getting married.

But if you seem to be stuck in a holding pattern for God knows how long, then he might be reluctant to move the relationship further because he has lost interest.

Maybe he is staying in the relationship now because he doesn’t want to hurt you, or he feels comfortable, but the truth is, in his heart of hearts he knows that he doesn’t want this relationship to progress further.

Because otherwise, he’d make a move.

Some of you might be stuck in the phase where you’re not in an official relationship yet. He just wants to keep it casual…but that can’t go on forever. Either he needs to commit or you need to move on.

Other reasons he is acting weird

11. He is scared of his feelings

This is probably the biggest reason men start acting weird to the woman they like. The good news here is that he actually does like you, but he is scared of those feelings.

The feeling of love is a powerful emotion. We can all attest to that. And when a man suddenly feels something so powerful, he feels uncertain and doesn’t know how to properly process it.

I’ve been there. It’s not easy to experience.

You’d think love is nothing but a positive emotion, and in most cases, it certainly is.

But what if you already had your life figured out?

You had plans in place for what your goals are in life and how you’re going to achieve them.

And then all of a sudden, you’re less certain about everything because you’re feeling a powerful emotion that threatens to change the trajectory of your life.

Those nights out with the boys? The business you wanted to start? The trip you wanted to go on?.

It all becomes secondary when you’re falling in love. After all, love becomes your priority.

So that’s exactly why he might be withdrawing from you, which you’re mistaking for him not be interested in you anymore. He may want to ignore the feelings of love hoping that it goes away.

And look, he might find the idea of a relationship with you as highly appealing, but the emotions that come with it are difficult for him to get his head around.

It may take him longer to process these emotions than you might expect. Women are generally a lot more in touch with their feelings than men.

So he might take time, and he probably won’t communicate this to you, either. He’ll just act distant for a period of time until he’s able to get his head around them.

The good news is that once he processes his feelings, he’ll likely come around and want to be in an official relationship with you.

12. He is scared of commitment

Some men struggle with the idea of losing their freedom.

Maybe they are young and they want to test out the waters before they decide to settle down.

Perhaps they find the “courting” stage thrilling but see the “stable relationship phase” as boring.

So when it moves beyond the initial attraction stage, they start to act distant.

And this could the stage you’re at with your man. When he was courting you, he was interested and attracted to you.

But now? Now that you’ve entered some sort of a relationship? It scares him. And it scares him badly.

Some men don’t have serious long-term relationships until they’re well into their 30s. It’s actually more common than you might think.

And the reason is simple.

According to relationship experts, Linda and Charlie Bloom, it’s common for men to believe that freedom and commitment are mutually exclusive, that you can’t have it both ways.

But the truth is, if you’re in a healthy relationship, you do have both. In fact, it’s absolutely necessary.

If you’re in a relationship and you feel like your freedom to act is determined by someone else, then, of course, that’s a relationship you don’t want to be in.

In the best relationships, you feel trusted, respected, loved and free. Love and freedom aren’t mutually exclusive. They must work together if a relationship is to be successful.

So what does this mean for you?

The more time he spends with you, the more he’ll understand that his freedom actually isn’t compromised.

But it’s up to you to make him realize that.

13. He doesn’t think you like him back

This is more common than you think. Some guys aren’t as self-confident as they portray.

Can you come across as a bit of an ice queen? You know, the type of girl who despite her best intentions can’t get rid of that good, old resting bitch face?

If you think that might be the case, then I can guarantee you that he might be scared about falling for you.

Guys are actually easily intimidated by an attractive woman.

And the last thing they want is to be rejected (it’s terrible for their ego).

You might not think that you’re acting a little cold to him, but you’d be surprised.

Sometimes we can appear colder than we expect.

And you might think that it’s up to him to “woo” you anyway, so it shouldn’t matter how you behave.

But you need to give him some sort of signal. Smile at him, give him eye contact. And if you’ve been dating for a while, then ask him out every once in a while.

Even in committed relationships, nobody wants to be the partner that is falling in love much harder.

When you have stronger feelings in a relationship, it can lead to neediness, desperation and getting hurt.

Nobody wants to be in that position.

If you think that he might be scared about falling for you because you’re acting a little cold, then this actually great news.

Why? Because all you have to do is show him that you are interested, and he’ll realize that his feelings are reciprocated.

There are many different ways to show him that you like him, from smiling and winking at him to asking him out on a date.

Once he knows that you’re into him, he’ll stop acting distant and he will show his feelings to you.

14. He has other stuff to focus on in life

What stage of life is your fella in?

When a guy is in the late 20s, he’s (likely) trying hard to establish himself in his career.

He’s starting to make money and he knows he needs to focus if he is going to be successful.

Maybe he’s ambitious and his boss is asking him to work late and put in extra hours. Or perhaps he has other issues going in his life.

Life is complex, after all. We have all battles and struggles that we have to overcome.

He might be losing interest in you because these stresses and priorities are taking up his focus.

If you’re only in the early stages of your relationship, then he might find it difficult to be fully open to you.

Maybe he’s scared about how you’ll react so that’s why you’re left in the dark.

Or maybe he’s decided that he needs to stop focusing on you, and he needs to focus more on his career.

So if he has lost interest, what can you do about it? This is the number one strategy you can use

If you’ve concluded that this guy isn’t interested in you anymore, and you know that you’ve definitely got the feels for him, then you need a game plan for how you’re going to end up happily ever.

To do this, you need to trigger something deep inside him. Something he desperately needs.

What is it?

For him to take action and be with you officially, then he has to feel like your provider and protector for you. Someone that you genuinely admire.

In other words, he needs to feel like your hero.

I know it sounds kind of silly. You’re an independent woman. You don’t need a ‘hero’ in your life.

And I couldn’t agree more.

But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still “feel” like a hero. Because it’s built into their DNA to seek out relationships that allow them to feel like a protector.

Men have a thirst for admiration. They want to step up to the plate for the woman in their lives and provide for and protect her.

This is deeply rooted in male biology.

When a guy feels like a hero to their woman, it unleashes his protective instincts and the noblest aspect of his masculinity.

Most importantly, it will unleash his deepest feelings of love and attraction.

And the kicker?

A man won’t fully commit to a woman when this thirst isn’t satisfied.

When it comes to a relationship, he needs to see himself as your protector and provider.

As someone, you genuinely want and need to have around. Not as some sort of “fling” or “friends with benefits”.

Now I’d imagine that if you’re currently “kind of seeing him” then you might already be triggering some of this instinct in him (after all, that is probably one of the reasons he is already attracted to you).

There’s actually a psychological term for what I’m talking about here. It’s called the ‘hero instinct’. This term was coined by relationship psychologist James Bauer.

Now, you can’t trigger his hero instinct just giving him admiration the next time you see him. Men don’t like receiving participation awards for showing up. Trust me.

A man wants to feel like he has earned your admiration and respect.

How?

You don’t need to engineer a scenario where he has to save kids from a burning house or a little old lady from getting hit by a car.

He wants to be your hero, not an action hero.

But there are phrases you can say, texts you can send, and little requests you can use to trigger his hero instinct.

And because no man can resist a woman who makes him feel like a hero, it’s worth learning a few of these emotional trigger points.

If you want to learn more about this powerful technique (from the man who invented it), then check out his short video here.

Top tip:

If you can trigger this instinct successfully, it will drastically increase the odds that this married man will fall in love with you and fully commit. In fact, it could be the missing ingredient to go from a “fling” to a “committed relationship”.

When a man genuinely feels like your hero, he’ll become more loving, attentive, and interested in being in a committed relationship with you.

The hero instinct is the subconscious drive men have to gravitate toward people who make him feel like a hero. But it’s amplified in his romantic relationships.

Hack Spirit writer Pearl Nash discovered this for herself and in the process completely turned around a lifetime of romantic failure. You can read her story here.

Talking with Pearl about her experience is how I was introduced to the concept myself. Since then, I’ve written about it extensively on Hack Spirit.

Some ideas really are life-changing. And for romantic relationships, I think this is one of them.

That’s why I recommend watching this free online video where you can learn more about the hero instinct and how to trigger it in your guy.

New Free eBook: Attraction Triggers

Want to learn how to make a man fall in love with you and commit over the long-haul?

Then check out our free eBook Attraction Triggers.

This eBook has everything you need to know about the predictable patterns that make a man fall in love.

Most importantly, it will teach you practical techniques to activate those triggers in your man so you can build a successful long-lasting relationship.

Check it out here.

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Lachlan Brown

Written by Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 6 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

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