Wondering whether a guy is being protective of you?
You’re in the right place!
In this article, I’d like to run through 18 key signs that prove a guy is, in fact, being protective of you. Being a protective male myself, I’d also like to talk a little bit about why he might be acting that way.
Let’s start with the signs.
Before I do, have you heard of the hero instinct? It’s a popular new concept in relationship psychology that explains why men are so protective of women they love. The best thing is that there are simple things you can do to trigger the hero instinct in your man. Want him to be more protective of you? And commit fully to your relationship? Then you need to watch this excellent “hero instinct” video.
18 signs a guy is being protective
1) He’s not afraid to defend you
While it might sound obvious on a surface level (of course he’ll defend me, he’s being protective), it can look like a lot of different things.
For instance, it could be in a social situation, where he defends your reputation or defends you when someone is being rude or unkind.
Here’s another example: maybe a decision you made was called into question.
He’s right there to defend you, and to stick up for you, no matter who says otherwise. There’s no hesitation or fear on his part.
It could be more physical, too. He might stand in front of you if there’s a visible danger. At night, he might walk between you and other people, acting as a line of defense.
It’s not that he thinks you need him in order to be safe. But while he’s around, he might as well defend you in any way that he can. It’s a way to say that he’s protective of you.
2) He’s happy to be your moral support
This is a little less direct way that a guy might show signs of being protective.
Here’s why: everyone benefits from having someone in their corner, cheering them on, and hyping them up.
Whether it’s trying family situations, the loss of a job, a bad case of the blues, or regrets over a bad decision, when he shows up to cheer you up, he’s being protective.
He doesn’t want you to feel hurt, abandoned, alone, or without help. So he gives you any and all moral support he can, in an effort to protect you.
It could be that he gives you constructive advice, brainstorms ideas for your future with you, or coaches you on how to improve your career.
Of course, it’s not to stamp out your autonomy or tell you that you can’t do it yourself. But he cares about you and your well-being, and it’s his way of offering support.
3) He assuages your fears
No one likes feeling scared and lonely, with no one to turn to. In fact, it’s something that we all try to avoid because it’s so unpleasant.
If a guy is being protective of you, the last thing he wants is for you to be afraid and have no one to talk to about it. So when you express your fears to him, he’s bound to try and help.
He’ll listen attentively and he’ll do what he can to ease your fears, make you feel less afraid.
He’ll try to boost your confidence, get you back on your feet, so you don’t have to be afraid anymore. It’s a sign of a supportive man and a sign of a protective man.
When mutual support feels like second nature with someone, it could be a sign of a deeper spiritual connection. Here are some more signs that you share a deep spiritual connection with someone.
4) He takes you to the doctor
I personally find going to the doctor to be a huge source of anxiety. I just don’t like it.
Having moral support, though, is a huge help. It’s nice to not go alone. This personal dread actually inspires me to help the people I care about most.
For instance, if someone needs a ride back from the dentist, I’m happy to help. Or if someone wants to make a lunch date/doctor visit out of a day, I’m happy to give them a ride and spend some time with them.
It’s the same for a guy if he’s protective of you. He’s looking out for your health because your well-being is important to him. If he can facilitate keeping you happy and healthy, he’ll do what he can to be there when you need him.
It’s a sign he’s being protective of you and also a sign that he cares about you a lot.
If you’re wondering whether or not he’s falling for you, here’s a great article that clues you into the body language of a man falling in love.
5) He encourages you to take self-defense
A sign of a man who genuinely does care about your well-being and safety won’t insist on being the one who has to protect you.
If he has this idea that without him you’d be defenseless, then he has a warped view of not only himself but likely of women in general.
In other words, his behaviors might be leaning more towards hypermasculinity, instead of having genuine concern and care for you.
On the other hand, if a guy keeps telling you to take self-defense classes, he’s expressing his desire for you to be safe.
In other words, he cares about you and wants to protect you but he’s also realistic. He knows full well that you can protect yourself, in fact, he knows that he can’t do as good of a job of it as you can.
Hence why he pushes you to take self-defense. That way he knows that you can be safe at all times, even when he isn’t around. Besides, one can never be too safe.
6) He doesn’t like you walking alone at night
Walking alone at night is dangerous, no matter who you are.
The idea of anyone I care about deeply, no matter their gender, walking alone at night makes me a little bit nervous. That’s because I have a protective personality and making sure the people I love the most are safe is important to me.
If a guy insists on walking you to your car or escorting you home, it’s a sign that he’s protective.
Of course, your response depends on how well you know him, the circumstances, as well as whether or not you’re comfortable with him walking you there.
If he’s too insistent or feels like you “can’t” walk home by yourself, it could be a bit of a red flag. There’s the possibility that he’s too protective, maybe a little possessive, or worse.
Trust your instincts and remember: if you’ve been dating for a while, or you know him well, he just wants to make sure you’re safe because he cares about you.
If you’re unclear of his true feelings for you, here are a number of signs to help you figure out how he really feels.
7) “Text me when you get there.”
Driving is statistically one of the most dangerous things that any of us can do. With that in mind, it’s common to let people know when we’re heading out or when we get home.
In other words, if a guy always asks you to text him when you get there, it’s a sign that he’s worried about your safety and well-being. He wants to make sure that you’re okay and not hurt.
This is because he’s not only being protective but also vocalizing the fact that he cares about you.
It’s not that he always wants to know exactly what you’re doing or at what point you’re in which location. If it seems like he might be trying to keep tabs on your exact location, that’s a different story altogether.
He might be showing signs of an obsessive boyfriend.
8) He makes sure your car starts
Before driving off in a rush to get wherever he’s going, a guy who’s being protective will linger for a little while, just to make sure that your car gets up and running.
Maybe he’d be able to give you a jump or fix a flat tire. In any case, he might find himself useful to you, in the case that your car doesn’t start.
He doesn’t want to strand you without help and that’s a key sign that he’s being protective. He’s looking out for you.
No one likes to be stranded with car problems, especially if we were just with someone who might’ve been able to help.
In this case, it’s clear he’s protective, but it also points to the fact that acts of service are probably one of his love languages.
9) He’s aware of his surroundings
A cautious man will probably always be wary of his surroundings. This is especially true if he’s with someone that he cares about, whether it’s family, friends, or lovers.
He keeps his eye on the people all around, the space between you and others. He’s watching for any disruptions or potential dangers.
It might seem a little high key but if you notice him glancing over his shoulder and surveying the space around, he’s just being aware. It’s good practice for anybody.
Obviously, there’s no reason to go overboard but being cognizant of what’s happening can help you avoid potential dangers.
When your guy is aware of his surroundings and keeps his eye on you, it’s clear that he’s being protective and wants to make sure that you’re safe.
It shouldn’t feel like you’re being watched like a hawk or like he’s some strange sort of guard dog every time you go out. That kind of behavior on his part points to a different kind of issue altogether, something more like possessiveness.
10) He calls you an Uber
A man who insists on getting you a taxi home is probably looking out for your best interests.
Obviously, each person knows their own limits and what’s safe. However, it’s always better to err on the side of caution.
Drinking and driving is nothing to toy around with. If he insists on calling you an Uber, he’s looking out for your safety and also doing you a favor.
Further, it’s one thing to just make you call a taxi — when he does it for you, it shows he’s being a gentleman, as well as being protective.
If he offers to drive you home himself, take into account the kind of relationship you have with him.
If he’s close to you or you’re dating, it’s likely no issue. If you’ve just met, however, be wary of this kind of offer. It’s better to call a cab in scenarios like this.
11) He buys you a Taser
A man who buys you a Taser is a man who’s looking out for you, there’s really no question about it.
If he really cares about your safety and well-being, he’ll want to make sure that you have everything you need to do it yourself.
Whether it’s taking self-defense classes, getting you pepper spray, or so on, if he’s invested in helping you be as safe as possible — whether or not it involves him — he’s being protective.
More than that, he’s being a healthy partner. He knows that you can handle yourself and he likes that. His validation doesn’t hinge on his ability to be there to “rescue” you.
In other words, you’re not a damsel in distress and he knows it. Here’s a look at 5 other components to a healthy relationship.
12) His arm is around your waist
Knowing you’re within arm’s reach is important for a guy who’s protective.
You don’t always have to be that close, as if you were on some kind of leash, but when you are nearby he likes to have his hand around your waist.
It’s a way to keep you close and protect you without being possessive or too overbearing. A hand over the shoulder or on the neck shows signs of strong possession and not protection.
However, a hand around the waist can show affection, kindness, and the desire to keep you safe. This is especially relevant in big crowds where you might end up separated.
It’s not the end of the world if you do, but it eases both your mind and his when he can keep you close and avoid having to search for each other.
13) He fully supports your success
Your ability to be yourself is important for a man who’s truly protective of you.
A man who doesn’t value your worth as a person, your goals and dreams, isn’t looking out for your best interests.
So if a guy is being extra supportive of your successes, encouraging you to do more and reach your dreams, it’s because he wants to protect your ambition, and aid you on your journey as best as he can.
Building a supportive relationship will bring happiness for both you and your significant other. Outside of a romantic relationship, this still holds true.
14) He wants you to be independent
A man who desires a woman he’s interested in to be independent knows this: in doing so, he’s allowing her the space to act for herself, grow, and be successful.
This all ties into his desire to make her happy and provide for her. In other words, it ties into his instinct to protect the woman he loves.
However, he’s a modern man who knows that archaic forms of protection just don’t cut it anymore. We live in a modern world, with modern relationships.
There’s no one role for one gender, there’s a play between masculinity and femininity in each and every person. Pigeon-holing gender roles just don’t work. To think otherwise might border on toxic masculinity.
If he truly wants to look out for you and be protective, he knows that showing aggressive and damaging, hypermasculine traits will not aid his quest.
15) When you get hurt, he does too
Being empathetic of your feelings and trying his best to understand you is just one of the many ways that a man will try to better protect you.
He knows that if he can understand you better, he can better be there for you in the ways that you need it. Not in the ways that you don’t. Or in the ways that he thinks are best.
So when he sees you get hurt, whether, by a close friend or a passing stranger, he gets hurt too. If you’re upset, he’s upset. If you’re angry, so is he.
He has your interests and feelings in his heart. He knows that this way he can be more in tune and able to protect you.
Wondering if his stellar actions and thoughtful behavior make him the one? Check out these important signs to help you figure it out for sure.
16) He shows emotional strength when you need it
Life is hard, there’s really no understating that fact. And then it just gets harder.
Therefore, when we’re with someone that we love, sometimes it’s up to us to take the lead in showing emotional strength.
So he sees you at your very lowest when it seems like nothing is going right in your life. His life may be just as rough or he could be in the same mental space as you.
However, he finds the strength to tell you everything is going to be okay, even if he doesn’t believe it. He knows that if he can be strong for you in your time of need, that he’ll be able to protect you.
Nobody wants to be in those moments alone and he feels your pain. It moves him to do what he can to be emotionally strong in the situation, in order to protect you.
If you’re wondering why it feels like you’re unhappy all the time, here’s a look at some really great advice that might just help you out.
17) He takes care of you when you’re sick
Caring for people who are sick has nothing to do with gender. If a man feels like it’s the “job” of a woman, a mother, a nurse, to care for the ailing, it’s just not true.
Caring for the sick is a basic human interaction. We’ve all been cared for and we’ll all care for someone at some point. It’s also a way we protect those we love.
So when a guy offers to take care of you while you’re sick, it’s a big sign that he’s being protective. There’s a lot of ways he might show it, too.
Simply dropping off some soup and cold meds, for instance. Offering to drive you to pick up a prescription. It could be that you’re on your period and he drops off a gift basket with all the things he knows comfort you the most.
These are all ways that he might express his devotion to you, as well as his desire to be protective and supportive.
18) He gets upset when you’re reckless
This is a big sign that a guy is being protective of you. Obviously, he can’t control you or your actions. But don’t blame him if he gets upset by them. Why?
He cares about you and wants to protect you.
When you’re reckless, it jeopardizes your safety. It also puts the relationship in jeopardy. If something did happen, he’d be devastated.
It’s clear that he cares about you a lot and losing you would be terrible.
The bottom line: if you find him getting upset because of something reckless you did, don’t be alarmed. Just remember that he’s being protective of you because he cares for you.
Why are guys so protective?
Guys are protective by nature.
For most of human history, it was common for men to hunt and provide for their tribe and family, and protect them from danger.
While modern society doesn’t require men to get their hands dirty anymore, these protective instincts haven’t disappeared. This is why it’s so common to see men exhibiting more subtle protective behaviors, almost like a default.
Relationship psychologist James Bauer identifies this as the hero instinct.
Each man has it and if you can understand it and tap into it, your relationship will be stronger, more dynamic, and longer-lasting.
Here’s a great video about the hero instinct and how you can tap into it to strengthen the relationship you have with your man.
The free video reveals the texts you can send, the phrases you can say, and the simple things you can do to trigger this very natural male instinct.
By following these tips, you’ll tap into his protective instincts and the most noble aspect of his masculinity. Most importantly, you’ll unleash his deepest feelings of attraction towards you.
Protective versus possessive
I’ve been drawing contrasts throughout the article between healthy expressions of being protective and unhealthy ones.
I’d like to highlight the difference between being protective and being possessive just a little more.
Though many of the actions seem similar — or even identical — on the surface, being protective is about the farthest thing from being possessive.
Someone who’s possessive of you will not be looking out for your best interests. They don’t care about your well-being or safety. They only care that you are theirs. How so?
In a way, you’re an extension of that person. Because you’re with that person, it means that you owe them your time, devotion, attention, and more.
In other words, you’re just an object for that person to control and use as they see fit.
A protective man will not ask you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with, he will never make you feel unsafe. He will always respect your wishes.
Further, he’ll give you your space, respect you completely, and see you eye to eye.
Nobody’s perfect, but he’ll be doing his best.
The bottom line
Most guys, myself included, have the tendency to be protective.
So if you’ve had a suspicion for a while and he’s been showing these signs, it’s probably because of that tendency.
If it makes you uncomfortable, make sure to express that to him.
But remember: he’s not likely trying to make the statement that “you can’t do it yourself”, or “you’re gender is inferior and I have to do that for you”.
He’s probably just acting on what he knows is best and expressing his feelings for you.
At the end of the day, if a guy is being protective of you, it shows that he cares about you enough to want to make sure you’re okay. And that means something, doesn’t it?
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