Pearl Nash
Having a clingy boyfriend is the worst: been there, done that.
But what about a guy who’s the opposite and never seems to care if you’re around or not.
Here’s how to understand what’s going on.
17 reasons not to worry if he can go a day without contact
1) Men communicate differently than women
At the risk of relying on gender stereotypes, let me just point out that many men tend to be less communicative than women. Or at least they communicate in different ways.
Through action, direct communication and a general “less is more” approach.
They just don’t crave that daily interaction quite as much as some of the fairer sex may do.
And that’s not a bad thing at all!
Men and women communicate differently and have different needs.
It’s something many relationship experts have written about for centuries, going back to ancient Mesopotamia and Renaissance poetry.
I’m not saying it’s black and white:
Everyone is an individual.
And communication style and frequency varies a lot within genders, of course.
But the point is that as a general rule not all men feel happy about communicating on a daily basis.
That’s one of the strongest reasons not to worry if he can go a day without contact.
Because it simply means he’s busy with his life, and not that he doesn’t care about you enough.
2) Overcommunication can be a sign of codependency
If your boyfriend or husband is going a long time without talking to you, it’s a red flag.
However, you should not stress about having a day here or there where he’s incommunicado.
The truth is that communicating too much can actually be a very harmful and codependent thing that weakens both you and your partner.
“Codependency is often defined as a circular relationship wherein both people cannot function without each other,” explained Zak at the Attraction Game.
“As ‘romanticized’ as this may be, it’s not actually healthy and often leads to a host of negative effects such as feeling worthless without the other person.”
Your man’s lack of need to be in touch everyday doesn’t have to be interpreted as him being uncaring.
It can also be a strong sign that he’s simply confident of himself and trusts your relationship enough not to feel the need to always be in touch.
It can actually be an empowering part of both being independent while also being in a relationship.
If you do feel yourself wishing he was in touch more, don’t beat yourself up. Your desire is valid, and is also something you can communicate to him at a time and place you feel is appropriate and won’t put pressure on him.
3) A large emotional distance can be a first warning
One of the top reasons not to worry if he can go a day without contact is that it’s actually a blessing in disguise.
You see, a day or two here or there without contact is no big deal. It shows a level of healthy independence, as I was saying previously.
On the other hand, if this starts to balloon out into much longer silences and him being noticeably absent from being in touch with you then it’s a different matter. It can be a kind of red flag about a guy losing interest.
And if that’s happening, you can do something about it before it becomes a relationship-ender.
You see, for guys, it’s all about triggering their inner hero.
I learned about this from the hero instinct. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept is about what really drives men in relationships, which is ingrained in their DNA.
And it’s something most women don’t know anything about.
Once triggered, these drivers make men into the heroes of their own lives. They feel better, love harder, and commit stronger when they find someone who knows how to trigger it.
Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”? Do guys really need to feel like superheroes to commit to a woman?
Not at all. Forget about Marvel. You won’t need to play the damsel in distress or buy your man a cape.
The truth is, it comes at no cost or sacrifice to you. With only a few small changes in how you approach him, you’ll tap into a part of him no woman has tapped into before.
The easiest thing to do is to check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12 word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.
Because that’s the beauty of the hero instinct.
It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he wants you and only you.
Click here to watch the free video.
4) It’s more about quality than quantity
In almost everything in life, one motto stands true: quality is more important than quantity.
Except perhaps in finances, in which case quantity tends to rule the roost.
But the point is that almost everywhere else you look, the quality of something is far more important than how much of it there is.
There are many examples of this in daily life, and it’s also very true in relationships and romance.
Think about it:
Would you rather have a four-day vacation that’s the time of your life with perfect weather, great friends and amazing adventures…
…Or a four-week vacation with crappy weather, feeling lonely and getting sick from a rare parasite disease?
Would you rather have one classic, high-priced Tissot watch that keeps time perfectly and suits almost any outfit you wear…
…Or would you rather have a drawer full of dozens of knock-off Rolexes and cheap Timex throwaways that barely work and keep breaking?
It’s the same with communication.
A few quality moments of communication are worth more than hours of useless babble or talk when one of the people involved isn’t into it.
Don’t worry if he’s not always wanting to talk and takes days off. It just makes the time you do talk all the sweeter.
5) Sensitive men find it hard to open up
It’s not just the cliche type of “tough guy” or strong and silent type who sometimes doesn’t communicate that much.
Sensitive men may also find it a bit hard to want to open up sometimes.
If they’re fine going a day with no contact, it’s sometimes because that’s the way they protect their emotions and stay feeling upbeat.
Many men have been burned when they opened up to a woman or started communicating too much, and they’re scared of inviting a problem.
So they keep their mouths shut.
The truth is that even strong men can be very fragile.
The media image built up of a strong tough guy is often very far from reality, and most men don’t take hits to the ego well at all.
“Most men feel that women are very critical of them, and they worry that if they do open up, someone’s going to laugh at them, leaving them rejected and humiliated,” is what iVillage said about this subject.
“It’s important for women to realize that a man’s ego and sense of identity are generally more fragile than hers and more easily threatened.”
6) Seek advice from a relationship coach
While this article gives you reasons not to worry if your man can go a day without contact, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and your experiences…
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations, like lack of communication. They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.
How do I know?
Well, I reached out to them a few months ago when I was going through a tough patch in my own relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
7) He’s digitally-impaired
These days it’s easy to assume that every guy is a pro-texter, but it’s not the case.
If you’re big into texting and he’s not, it can leave a big gap.
You’re looking at the fact that he’s gotten your text four hours ago and he doesn’t answer until the next day. Then you’re asking your friends about it or wondering whether to break up over it.
But the truth is that some men genuinely do hate texting.
He may be super into you and in love with you but also groan when he gets a text from you, or leave you on read because he just plain really doesn’t like texting people.
Even a woman he loves.
Like Tesia Blake wrote, “I have personally met a few people who hate texting.
People who will take a look at a text and think, ‘I’ll get back to them later,’ and legit forget to actually type a response — until they receive a follow-up text.”
Please note:
This is not saying that you should pepper him with dozens of texts until he writes back. He’s likely to just stop answering at all if you do that.
8) He’s focused on getting ahead in his career
Many of us live in fairly work-obsessed cultures where what you earn and what you do are primary topics of conversation.
At the same time, having a mission and knowing your purpose are very important character traits, especially for a man.
You shouldn’t necessarily be concerned if he can go a day without contact, because this often means that he’s just very focused on getting ahead in his career.
For men, career can be more than just a job.
It can be a way to define and empower their masculinity and sense of themselves as a protector and provider. This relates back to the unique concept I mentioned earlier: the hero instinct.
When a man feels respected, useful, and needed, he’s more likely to feel less needy and more confident being independent.
On your side, this means that you can give him his space while knowing that he’s becoming more confident as a man while doing it.
And the best part is, triggering his hero instinct can be as simple as knowing the right thing to say over a text.
You can learn exactly what to do by watching this simple and genuine video by James Bauer.
9) If he was ghosting you, you’d know it…
There are few feelings worse than getting ghosted.
But if he was ghosting you, then you’d know it. That’s why it can be so counterproductive to worry about him ghosting you every time he doesn’t contact you for a day.
Here are the signs that he’s actually ghosting:
- You always have to call, text or invite him over first
- He writes or says one or two word responses no matter what you ask
- He never asks you about your day and can’t wait to be away from you
- He acts surprised when you reach out as if he wasn’t even expecting to hear from you again
These are some classic signs that he was planning to ghost you. But if he just goes a day sometimes without contact it’s not the same as ghosting at all.
This is especially true if he gets in touch with you after a day off.
He’s just moving at his own relationship speed, and that’s OK.
10) You’re going through a natural stage of the relationship
Should you worry if he can go a day without contact?
No, you shouldn’t.
But you also shouldn’t worry about worrying.
Let me explain…
One of the worst silent killers of relationships and potential relationships is gaslighting yourself.
Instead of accepting that you’re worried even if it’s unreasonable and then letting it be…
You get worried that you are worried and begin trying to do something, anything, to get rid of the feeling and feel secure.
This then pushes the prospective romantic partner away.
Resulting in a self-fulfilling loop in which you feel even more insecure and awful.
The solution isn’t to stop worrying or force yourself to feel great. It’s to accept that you feel worried and just…be with it. And then move on.
Maybe your worry is justified, probably it’s not. Either way, don’t act on it right now.
Just recognize that you’re going through a natural stage of a relationship.
Like Crystal Raypole said, “most people feel a little insecure about their relationship at some point, especially in the early stages of dating and forming a commitment.
This isn’t unusual, so you generally don’t need to feel concerned about passing doubts or fears, especially if they don’t affect you too much.”
11) He’s had a busy day and he’s exhausted
This relates to a man who is focused on his career growth.
But it can apply to a guy who’s just working the 9 to 5 rat race as well and doing his best to survive.
Just like you, sometimes he’s downright exhausted.
Maybe he’s fine going without contact for a day or two because he’s literally asleep once he gets home.
It happens.
Many of us tend to take someone else’s actions quite personally when they are many times perfectly unrelated to us.
We’re all existing in our own silo of unique problems, advantages and disadvantages.
And if your guy seems distant sometimes, it might be nothing to do with you. Sometimes it’s as simple as him being completely bushwhacked.
12) Every guy needs his me time
When I need my me time I go to a spa and spend way more on my credit card than I’d like to admit.
I pamper myself. And I come out glowing.
Guys are like that, too. Except a lot of them don’t go to spas (some do).
Instead, they tend to do things like…
- Drink
- Watch an absurd amount of sports
- Go hiking in the woods and light bonfires
- Wear UFC t-shirts and talk to other guys in UFC t-shirts
- Kick, throw, hit and shoot balls of various kinds while trash-talking other guys
- Stand behind flaming grills roasting hunks of red meat
- Grow bushy beards while playing video games inside for four days
- Spending time with their laptop and some very special movies online that are only for those over 18 (which brings up the topic of how you should feel about porn in a relationship, but that’s another subject)…
I’m not an anthropologist, but these are all behaviors I’ve noted in men.
My current guy is especially fond of grilling and playing basketball, so go figure.
He needs his me-time, I need my my-time.
And we’re making that work.
13) He may feel you’re over-demanding
If he can’t go a day without contact, don’t worry too much. And if you do worry, don’t worry about that.
It’s really important to respect yourself and your emotions while also knowing when to act out on them.
The fact of the matter is:
If you are over-demanding in terms of communication in a relationship it can make staying in touch a burden.
When really it should be a blessing.
Of course, this isn’t a position you want to put him in. You want his reaction when he sees a notification from you to be happiness.
Or when you invite him over, his first instinct should be how someone looks after hitting a home run, not a deer in the headlights.
14) He’s still flirtatious and interested when he does see you
If he’s still flirtatious and interested when he does see you and contact you, then it’s a good sign.
If you’re wondering if you should worry if he can go a day without contact, this can soothe your mind.
One thing to pay attention to here, however, is whether he’s displaying f**kboi behavior.
Does he only text or call when he’s horny?
That’s a classic sign of a f**kboi who’s just looking for a quick lay.
Unless that’s what you want, you’re better off seeing his days of no contact for what they are: likely times he’s sleeping with other women.
15) He doesn’t show an interest in other women
If he’s flirting with other girls and clearly showing an interest, that’s one thing that you deserve to be worried about.
But if he doesn’t show an interest in other women, there’s no reason to get too upset about him taking a day out of contact now and again.
It’s just the behavior of a guy who needs some time to himself and isn’t as communicative as you might hope.
Of course, you can encourage him to open up and show him you won’t judge him.
But the choice is ultimately his.
A man may even become more emotionally closed off if you push too hard, so proceed with caution.
16) He goes out of his way to listen and be there for you
If he can go a day without contact, but he’s still a great listener and is always there for you, you really have nothing to worry about.
A man who makes it clear that he has your back is a valuable and trustworthy guy and that doesn’t come easy.
So if he’s a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear when you need it, then keep in mind that his lack of contact some days is nothing personal.
He may be a highly sensitive person (HSP) and need time to recharge.
He may also just have many stresses and responsibilities in his life that he needs some time to recuperate from.
It’s the same for any of us, and it’s not something we can judge.
It’s just a part of being human. And a part of any healthy adult relationship.
17) He’s not too good to be true
If he can go a day without contact, your first instinct might be to feel neglected.
But there’s a big silver lining here. This guy is being real with you, and he’s not too good to be true.
A man who’s all on, all the time and is just too sensitive and too good to be true should actually be throwing up a lot of red flags for you.
Because the majority of men don’t do that, and those who do are generally trying to hide something or overcompensate for something.
The fact is:
There’s a reason women tend to reject the “nice guys” and go for men who are more confident and flawed.
Because they appreciate the honesty and they can sense that something is often “off” with the typical nice guy…something he is hiding from others or even from himself.
A flawed real person is better than a perfect fake person.
So if he isn’t always into talking, you can at least be glad that he’s not putting on a show for you and is being himself.
What’s a reasonable amount of contact?
If he’s showing many of the signs above, then you can be sure that his lack of reaching out is not a big deal, and it’s not rejection.
Guys all move at different speeds, and some men simply need less communication and contact, even when they have strong feelings.
A reasonable amount of contact really depends on each couple.
No two couples are the same, and it depends what works for you both.
But at the very least, a day or two a week when you’re not in touch does not have to be a mark against your relationship or love for each other.
In fact, as they say: absence makes the heart grow fonder, and it’s true…
Nonetheless:
By now you should have a better idea of knowing about why you shouldn’t worry if he can go a day without contact.
But you still want to make sure your relationship is on solid ground, and that’s perfectly understandable.
So the key now is getting through to your man in a way that empowers both him and you.
I mentioned the concept of the hero instinct earlier — by appealing directly to his primal instincts, you won’t only solve this issue, but you’ll take your relationship further than ever before.
And since this free video reveals exactly how to trigger your man’s hero instinct, you could make this change from as early as today.
With James Bauer’s incredible concept, he’ll see you as the only woman for him. So if you’re ready to take that plunge, before sure to check out the video now.
