Long gone are the days of calling the house phone and nervously asking, “Is Kelly there please?”
Now it’s easier than ever to get to know a guy — and you don’t have to sit on the phone for hours.
Texting is fast, you can find a spare moment in your day, and it’s a great way to work out whether or not you ‘click’ and if this relationship has potential.
But what happens when he suddenly ghosts you?
You thought everything was going well until he just stopped replying to your messages.
What do you do?
This actually happens more often than you think, so don’t take it to heart.
Here are 8 things you should try if he stops texting you out of the blue in the early stages of your relationship:
1) Play it cool
OK, right now all that’s running through your head is, “Should I text him back? What do I say?”
Don’t wonder why he won’t text you first.
Put your phone down.
Walk away from it if you need to.
Play it cool.
The last thing you want is for him to know that he’s gotten under your skin.
Guys like the chase. If you play a role of indifference and choose not to reply over and over to see where he is, then he’s much more likely to reach out to you.
On the other hand, if you’re desperately texting him every day to see where he is and why he isn’t replying, he’s going to get scared off.
So, if you like the guy and want to see if he returns the feelings, play it cool.
2) Send a casual text
After you’ve left it for a decent amount of time, you can consider sending a casual text simply to check in with him.
There’s nothing wrong with this and it can help you get a little closure.
If he’s ghosting you for a reason, then it gives him an opportunity to speak up and share what’s going on.
If he’s simply done with the relationship, then he’s unlikely to reply and you’ll have your answer.
The key is to stay casual about it, while still coming across as flirty and fun.
If you want some help doing this, Amy North can help.
Amy’s the leading “texting” expert on the internet. Her specialty is helping women develop chemistry with men in the early stages of dating.
She’s recently released a new video where she’s giving away a unique set of text messages that are guaranteed to get your man hooked on you.
3) Check his other socials
This will give you a good idea of where his headspace is at.
If he’s still updating his other social accounts, then it’s a good indication that he has the time to reply to your message — at least if he wanted to.
Of course, it can be extremely hurtful to discover he’s simply ignoring you and choosing not to return any of your texts anymore.
He could have another, perfectly good reason for not replying.
If you’re looking for some closure, it might be worth sending him another text message — after you’ve waited a couple of days for a reply to your previous one.
Keep it light and casual, but ask for answers.
For example, “Hey, haven’t heard from you in a week. Assuming you’re not interested anymore. It was great chatting, hope you’re well.”
It presents him with a great opportunity to either apologize and explain why he hasn’t been replying, or to end it without breaking hearts.
4) Be careful who you whine to
First thing’s first. If a guy has ghosted you, then it’s perfectly normal to want to have a whinge about it.
Your feelings have been hurt and you’re looking to get it off your chest. There’s no need to feel bad about that. Or to hold back for that matter.
But you do need to be careful about who you choose to vent to.
If you open up to mutual friends, then they’re likely to go back to him and let him know exactly what you’ve been saying.
This can make the situation much more dramatic than it needs to be — and also make you look a little needy in the process.
Instead, make sure you only confide in close friends and family who you can trust.
Keep the circle small and close so that you know it’ll stay that way.
5) Read back through texts
It’s worth considering whether you might have said something in your previous texts that could be taken the wrong way. Perhaps he was offended by something you said and is now keeping his distance?
This is one of those downsides to text messages. While it’s easy and convenient to stay in touch, it’s hard to know a person’s tone in text form.
This means messages can be read the wrong way, even if you didn’t mean to offend.
So, head back through your text conversation and read each message out loud.
Consider whether anything could have been taken the wrong way.
Could something you said have upset him?
If you do come across something, it’s worth reaching out and apologizing. Let him know you didn’t mean it and explain that it wasn’t your intention to hurt his feelings.
Once again, this opens up the lines of communication again and can give you some closure to what is going on.
6) Don’t opt for an attention seeker message
When a guy ignores you, it can be all too tempting to go to extremes to draw him back in again.
That feeling of rejection really hurts. It’s not something that anyone wants to go through. But try not to stoop to low levels in order to get his attention.
Avoid the risqué text message at ALL costs.
Yes, it will likely get his attention.
Yes, it will probably elicit a reply.
But, it also sends the entirely wrong message about you in the process.
If he does text you back, it’s because he has one thing on his mind at the moment. He’s after sex. And that’s a huge red flag for any future relationship you might be dreaming about.
So, simply don’t go there. No matter the response, it won’t end well.
7) Consider your feelings
When we’re texting with a guy at the beginning of a relationship, it’s easy to find ourselves swept up head over heels.
You feel a connection. The small talk flows easily. There are sparks flying.
Then he ghosts you.
Before you collapse into a heap of despair, consider how you actually feel about the relationship.
- Was it actually going somewhere for you?
- Did you see a future with this guy?
- Does being ghosted change how you feel?
Quite often we react on pride. Our pride is hurt and tells us we should be hurt. So we react emotionally without actually stopping to consider the situation and our feelings around it.
You might actually be more than happy to leave this guy and move on. Perhaps he just saw it before you did.
While being ghosted never feels good, it can be for the best.
8) Move on
Even if you do have strong feelings for this guy, the best thing you can do is move on.
Don’t let him hold you back.
Sure, he might come crawling back one day soon with an explanation. Until that moment, do you really want to sit around and just wait for him?
Of course not, we all know you have much better things to do with your time.
More than this, we know your time is worth a lot more as well.
You’re a catch!
There are plenty of other fish in the sea. Just be thankful this happened early into the relationship, so you’re able to move on without the attachment of baggage.
Make that clean break and go out and explore your options.
If he does come crawling back to explain himself, then you have a decision to make.
It’s worth considering whether you would even want him back after the way he’s treated you.
At least if you move on, you’re taking the power back and putting it into your hands. Not simply leaving it up to him.
Why has he stopped texting me back?
As heartbreaking as it can be when you feel like you’ve got something good going on, if a guy doesn’t text you back in those early days of the relationship, consider it a good thing.
He’s not leading you and taking you on a ride just for the sake of it. This means he isn’t going to waste your time and lead to even further heartbreak down the track.
It really is a blessing in disguise.
Of course, a guy might stop texting you for a huge variety of reasons, here are some of them to consider:
1) The conversation isn’t interesting to him
This doesn’t mean he thinks you’re boring.
It could be a simple matter that he just isn’t interested in what you’re talking about at the moment.
Try one of the tips mentioned above to see if you can get the conversation flowing again.
Or, if you still want to level up your texting game even more, then Amy North’s free video is a great place to start.
Amy will give you the exact text messages you need to send based on your own situation and stage of dating. These are tried and tested texts based on clever relationship psychology.
2) He’s isn’t interested
While being able to connect with someone instantaneously through a text message is amazing when it comes to dating, it also has its downside.
The conversation can be cut off just as quickly, with no warning or indication.
He may have simply decided you aren’t the right person for him. But he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, so is just ignoring you instead.
3) He’s seeing someone else
Another downside to the age of digital dating.
Men — and women — can be talking to multiple people at a time through text messages.
He may have felt more of a connection with one of the other women and has decided to pursue that relationship.
This means he has gone silent on your end.
4) He was only after one thing…
He may have simply been in it for the sex, and after realizing he wasn’t going to get it from you, he decided to move on. Some guys just aren’t the relationship type.
While you might have felt like you had a connection, he was faking it for one reason only. To get into your pants.
It happens more often than you think.
Just be glad you know now and he doesn’t keep trying to pursue it and put the pressure on you.
5) He’s going through something personal
Sometimes, it’s nothing to do with you — and everything to do with him.
I know, I know, when they say “It’s me, not you” you never believe them. But It could be the case.
He may be going through something personally and doesn’t feel like he knows you well enough to bring you into it.
Instead, he’s decided to ghost you to deal with his problems.
Who can blame him? Depending on what the problem is, it can be a lot to bring into an early relationship.
6) He’s busy
I know we all like to think he can surely find two minutes out of his busy schedule to message us…but sometimes they simply forget.
This isn’t something they do on purpose.
He’s simply so busy, he hasn’t even had time to think about replying to you.
Don’t hold it against him (for too long). We all get caught up in work and social life from time to time. It happens to most of us!
7) You’ve reached that stage
You’ve been chatting for a while now and he actually feels comfortable with you.
He isn’t afraid to wait a day or two to message you.
This is a sweet spot in the relationship — and one you should enjoy. It’s a milestone you’ve both reached together that should be celebrated.
How to know if he’s going to ghost you?
Believe it or not, there are actually some signs you can be on the lookout for to determine whether or not a guy is about to ghost you in a relationship.
Here are 5 red flags to look out for when you’re texting a guy:
1) He’s full of excuses
Does this guy tend to disappear every now and then and simply crop back up full of excuses?
Does he leave you hanging when he feels like it?
This is a guy that isn’t committed to what you two have going on. He’s keeping you around on the backburner and picking up the conversation whenever it suits him.
He’s probably got another woman or two on the side and is simply flitting between you all when it suits him.
This guy is bad news and worth shaking off as soon as possible.
2) He’s brief
Do you ever feel like you’re the only one contributing to the conversation?
You ask him open-ended questions, yet you still manage to get met with one-word replies.
If you’re looking for a relationship, then chatting with the guy should come easily and naturally to you both. If it doesn’t then it might be time to step away from the phone and ghost him before he finally pulls the trigger on you.
3) He only wants to meet up at night
The texting is going well, you’ve built a relationship and are fond of each other, but meeting up just isn’t happening.
Because he’s only interested in seeing you at night.
He’s in it for one thing and one thing only — sex.
If that’s all you’re looking to get out of the relationship, then nothing should be holding you back. But if you want more, it’s a safe bet you’re not going to get it here.
It doesn’t matter how well you get on via text message, he’s making it clear he’s just after a booty call.
4) He’s blocked you from social media
This is a big red flag that he’s clearing you out of his life.
While he’s still responding to text messages, he’s on the path to ending it — sooner rather than later.
If you can no longer find him on social accounts, take it as a hint and don’t waster any more time with him. It’s time you’ll never get back again.
Dating in the tech age
It’s no secret that dating in the tech age comes with plenty of added conveniences, but also plenty of challenges as well.
Once upon a time, you would meet up with a guy and spend some time getting to know him before deciding whether the relationship is right for both of you.
These days, guys (and girls) can jump from girl to girl (or guy to guy), as quickly as they like. Often without a second thought.
They don’t have to see you face to face to break it off. You either stop messaging or send a text that ends things on the spot.
It can be kept much more impersonal and make it harder to really get to know a person.
Of course, not every guy is like that. Some of them are out there dating just one woman at a time and genuinely caring about their feelings.
It’s important to read the signs and know what you’ve gotten yourself into.
Your time is precious. Work out whether he’s worth it.
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