Texting can be quite tricky.
It can deepen your relationship with another person or it can weaken it to the point that you start to wonder if you should continue keeping in touch.
1) He brushes you off in real life
Maybe he has no issues texting with you, but when you see him in public, he does his best to shake you off or ignore you.
It’s almost like he doesn’t want people to know that the two of you are texting!
Men don’t just act this way for no reason. It’s possible that he’s keeping you a secret because he’s already seeing someone. It’s also possible that he’s playing games on you and he wants you to chase him by ignoring you (which is quite lame).
And while there’s a chance that he has a good reason for acting like that—like him being afraid of how his friends will react to you—it’s unlikely to be the case and you’re better off removing him from your contact list.
A guy who’s into a girl will not ignore her in real life.
2) He avoids meeting up with you
You’re a great match online that you’re almost sure he’s the one, but when you try to schedule a date to finally meet-up, he has all the excuses in the world to turn you down.
He might say that he’s too tired and busy to hang out, or he doesn’t have the money to go anywhere. Both are perfectly fine, except that you know he actually has plenty of free time and is burning his money on random things left and right.
You get the impression that he just doesn’t want to meet up with you for some reason. Try to see if you can figure out why, but be ready to write him off if the answer he gives smells suspicious.
Don’t waste your time on someone who’s not willing to meet!
3) He doesn’t initiate conversations
You check your history and you notice that you’re always the one starting conversations.
He never reaches out to you unless he wants a favor of some kind. If he ever tells you “Good morning”, it’s because you had greeted him first.
But if it’s been months and he’s still “shy”, then maybe he really isn’t that into you. If he were, then he would try to reach out first despite any personal issues he might have.
Love and infatuation can make the shyest person brave, the laziest person diligent. If you’re the one always reaching out, he’s still not there.
4) He had ghosted you at least once
It’s not the first time he suddenly falls quiet and unresponsive on you.
Maybe you had forgiven him in the past because he had a good reason for his silence then.
Why? You see him talking to others on social media or hear from friends that he’s been chatting with them! You know that there’s nothing stopping him from talking with you, so there really isn’t any excuse anymore.
It could be that he sees you as a backup option in case he has no one else to talk to, or maybe you’re just not that important to him.
In either case, you deserve someone much better.
5) He takes ages to respond
He might not be ghosting you, but with how slowly he responds to your messages he might as well be.
You would send him a message and he’d respond hours, days, or even weeks later.
As with most things in life, there are valid reasons why he might act this way. Maybe he’s someone who’s perpetually busy trying to juggle things around.
In this case though, it doesn’t matter whether his reasons are malicious or genuine. It’s simply impossible to keep texting someone who doesn’t text back in time.
If he still wants to keep talking, then you’re better off using old-fashioned mail instead. But again, if you see that he’s always online and he’s messaging other people, well…take it as a clear sign that he’s not interested.
6) You’re just a booty call
You have a friends-with-benefits situation going on with him and it didn’t bother you until now.
You know your arrangement, and you would have wanted things to stay that way, but something has changed.
Maybe you started to develop feelings for him, and it turns out that he doesn’t feel the same way towards you. That is to say, you’re just a booty call, and he isn’t interested in making you something more.
Don’t think that you can change his mind by love-bombing him or by overwhelming him with your feelings. It would be better for both of you to simply end things before any more emotional entanglements appear, and before you lose your sanity in trying to make him fall for you.
If you’ve gotten yourself into something that doesn’t work for you anymore, you should stop. Plain and simple.
7) You’re the one doing all the work
When the two of you talk, you often find that you’re the one actually trying to keep the conversation going.
You try to liven up the conversation by bringing up new topics and asking questions. He, on the other hand, would do none of that—he might answer if you ask, but he’s not going to throw any questions back at you. And that would be if he even responds in the first place!
You just know that if you were to stop trying, you won’t be having any conversations in the first place.
Then he would bait you with breadcrumbs by sending a short message and you’re back in his trap. Don’t go there again. Or if you do, communicate that you’d want him to initiate too.
8) He talks through you
A close opposite to the point above is that when you’re talking with him, it feels like you’re just there to listen.
He rarely asks you questions and seems to ignore or set aside any points of discussion that are more about you than they are about him.
Did you want to talk about the new job you got the other day? Nope! All he wants to talk about is how he managed to chase a cat and get his hands on the sandwich it stole from.
Maybe he has some communication disorder or maybe he’s too self-absorbed to care about you.
It might be charming at first, but if he’s like this then you won’t last if you ever feel like going anywhere beyond simply ‘textmates’.
9) He doesn’t know boundaries
It’s unbelievable that he sends nudes when you don’t ask for them.
He floods your phone with texts if you haven’t replied, even if it’s because you were too busy working.
And when you do respond, he isn’t content with it and goes on and on and on.
While the internet may mock people like him all the time, actually having him in your life is no laughing matter.
He might even manipulate you and make it much harder for you to ignore him. You might feel guilty for cutting him out of your life, if you ever thought of doing just that.
But it’s precisely for that reason that you should stop texting with him. If he can’t respect boundaries in text, how is he supposed to respect them when you’re with him in person?
10) He seems fishy
You have a bad feeling around him sometimes, but you just can’t quite put a finger on what’s making you so suspicious.
Maybe there’s something in the way he talks that just sounds fake or dishonest, or maybe some things about him just don’t add up.
When in doubt, keep in mind that if something seems too good to be true, it most likely is.
For example, if he somehow likes every single thing you like, without fail, he’s probably pandering to you.
Sometimes our intuition will tip us off to red flags long before we become conscious of them. So if you keep on feeling that there’s something “off” with this guy, trust your gut and keep your distance.
11) He’s going hot and cold
He would spend all day chatting with you today, and then ignore you completely the next for seemingly no reason.
He keeps blowing hot and cold, and you just can’t figure out what his game is.
Maybe he himself doesn’t know what he wants. Or maybe he’s doing it to have a feeling of power over you. Whatever his reasons, you can’t let him do this to you. Relationships—romantic or not—need communication and consistency to function.
Try to confront him directly about what he’s doing, and ask why he’s doing it.
If he’s simply clueless and lost, there might be a chance that he’ll stop doing it or at least try to get better. But if you don’t buy his excuse, it’s better to stop texting him for the sake of your sanity.
You’re too awesome to play his game.
12) He makes you feel like you’re clingy
You know you aren’t even sending him that many messages in the first place, and when you ask your friends for a second opinion, they agree with you. But still, he would somehow make you feel like you’re “too clingy” for trying to chat with him.
It could be that he wants to keep you at arm’s length, or the two of you have very different definitions for how much contact you tolerate and need.
If it’s only happened recently, it could be that the two of you are still adjusting.
There’s also the chance that you are actually clingy, and your friends are simply saying that you’re not because they’re your friends.
While you should probably try to resolve your issues first by talking things through, you should be ready to leave him behind if you can’t settle on a compromise.
13) He’s too clingy
It’s hard for you to feel sane around him.
It feels like you can’t go an hour without your phone buzzing from his latest text asking you what you’re up to. And heavens forbid you ever forget to respond, because he’s going to keep on sending you messages!
It might have been charming at first—attention feels good after all—but at this point it’s doing nothing but suffocate you.
You might think you love him, but being too clingy is a red flag.
You don’t owe him anything. And if you’re at the point where you’re simply just textmates, then there’s little real commitment.
You’re still trying to figure out if you’re compatible and good for each other, and if you can’t stand his clinginess, you’re probably not going to do well together.
14) He’s cutting you off on social media
There are perfectly valid reasons why someone would not add their textmates to their social media accounts, especially if you’ve just started texting.
Something that isn’t as easy to understand, on the other hand, would be him cutting you off or blocking you from his social media profiles after you’ve already added one another.
Maybe he’s trying to keep you at arm’s length, or that he’s hiding secrets from you.
It’s just fishy or plain hurtful. Some people unfriend people on a whim, but it cannot be denied that cutting social media ties isn’t something that’s just taken for granted or taken lightly.
15) He only texts you when he needs something
We all ask help from our friends and loved ones sometimes, and that is perfectly acceptable. What isn’t acceptable is when he talks to you only when he wants a favor from you.
If you ever find yourself thinking “what does he want now?” when you see his name in your inbox, then you should be alarmed.
This is a sign that he’s just taking advantage of you, that he sees you as a walking wallet, a personal therapist.
He might not be perfectly aware of what he’s doing, and it might help him get better if you make him aware that he’s exploiting you.
Don’t feel like you have to go out of your way to fix his personal issues. It’s just not your burden.
He should not take out more than what he puts in.
16) You always feel bad after chatting with him
For one reason or another, you just don’t really like chatting with him that much.
Maybe it’s because he says things that don’t agree with you, or maybe conversations between the two of you always become some kind of argument in the end.
Now, it’s normal for people to disagree and avoid each other for some time. Even married couples do it. What isn’t normal is for the atmosphere between the two of you to be so thick with conflict that it’s hard for you to talk and not piss each other off.
You might think that, with time, you can work this out. And maybe you can.
But if you’ve been talking to each other for a month or so and nothing seems to have improved, you might as well stop. Any future interactions you may have with him will be more of the same.
17) He likes to gossip about the people you know
Gossip is, at best, an irritation that leads to a few fights and misunderstandings between friends. At worst, it’s a disease that can completely destroy lifelong relationships.
So, if you ever catch him gossiping about the other people in your life, be wary. Especially so if the things he has to say aren’t always the kindest around.
There’s a chance that he’s trying to cut you off from the people you rely on so that you will become dependent on him. And even if he’s just trying to find something to talk about, it’s just an incredibly bad idea to pursue a relationship or long-lasting contact with someone who gossips.
Cut him off before he starts spreading rumors about you too.
18) He’s sleazy
You should definitely stop texting a guy if it seems like his brain is dangling between his legs. And by that, I mean that he keeps on sexting you and initiating virtual sex, unless of course, if you’re all for it.
He’s most likely just looking for a quick roll in the hay, or isn’t mature enough mentally to see women as more than just objects of pleasure.
When you’re trying to hook up with someone—or even just try to be friends with them—you want that someone to respect who you are as a person.
There are no issues if he just so happens to really like sex. The issues arise when he acts like a sleaze over it, making you feel cheap and uncomfortable.
19) He’s a bad influence
You swear you’d keep yourself clean, but he makes it easy for you to get drunk on beer or waste away a fistful of cigarettes.
Or maybe simply being around him makes you much more impatient towards other people, and you’ve been finding yourself snapping at your friends for things that you would have normally shrugged off.
It’s quite likely that you might find yourself drawn by this effect, feeling a thrill or a sense of adventure whenever you get to do something ‘bad’—but no, you don’t want this in the long run.
If he slowly turns you into a toxic person, then do yourself a favor by ending all contact.
20) He tells you to stop
When it comes to the world of relationships, people often expect men to be the ones to chase girls until they tell him no.
But that doesn’t mean that guys can’t be the ones to reject girls and, unfortunately, he told you “stop!” in many languages.
I know it’s tough on your self-esteem but don’t take this personally. There are so many other fish in the sea and it’s better to be with someone who’s as crazy for you as you are for them.
You don’t want to be with someone who “learned” how to like you.
There’s nothing to it but to respect his wishes and leave him be.
Texting can give us clues about what a person is like but texting alone does not give us a clear picture of who they really are and what they truly feel.
Before you decide to cut someone off completely, try to give them a chance in real life. And of course, if you’ve been talking for a while now, communicate what you want and see if things will improve.
If you’re lucky, they could just be bad texters who are actually awesome in real life.
But if you still find yourself doubting after some time, go back to the golden rule when it comes to dating, which is: prioritize yourself.
Girl, you’re a queen. If you feel that you shouldn’t be texting some guy anymore, then stop. If he’s truly interested, he’d do the work to have you back. If he’s unfazed, then at least now you know.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
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