Should I break up with my boyfriend? 10 reasons to & 10 reasons not to

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A lot of people ask, “Should I break up with my boyfriend?” The truth is, humans question everything. Our brains are made to question as often as possible. 

So, is this just a question you’re throwing out there? Or are you really unfulfilled in your relationship? 

Is this just a rough patch that will get better? Or do you feel stuck and worry about never leaving?

People are messy. So are relationships. But if you’re questioning whether you should break up with your boyfriend, that needs to be addressed. The time you spend agonizing over whether or not it’s time to break up is stressful.

Thankfully, it’s really not that hard to figure out what you should do. In this article, I’ll tell you all the signs you should not break up and all the signs that you should break up.

You’re allowed to question your relationship

Guess what? 

You’re allowed to question your relationship! Seriously. No one says that you can’t have a “moment” or a lot of moments where you question your relationship.

When you’re together with another person, things are hard. You’re thinking about yourself and that person. And that person is a lot different than you. They’re going to do things that are frustrating. They’re going to do things that are annoying.

They’re literally going to make you want to roll your eyes so hard that they go in the back of your head.

Guess what?

All normal. All  part of a regular relationship.

And hey, you’re going to drive them nuts too. That’s just how it is. They have flaws. You have flaws.

You questioning whether or not you want to be with the person does not mean your relationship is over. In fact, it can even make your relationship stronger.

It doesn’t make you a bad person to wonder whether your life would be better without the person in it. But, you also have to determine where those thoughts are coming from.

Are you interested in someone else? Are you just stressed or frustrated?

Relationships come with a lot of questions. But, sometimes, those questions go deeper. So, what do you do then?

10 reasons to stay together

Breaking up isn’t always black and white. There are many times where you’re going to wonder whether the relationship is worth it. Here are 10 reasons to stay together with your boyfriend:


1. Your partner is supportive


Is your boyfriend supportive of your dreams, hopes, and desires? Are they always there to help you or lift you up?

Support is something that’s necessary in a relationship. Just because you have a fight over something, doesn’t mean a relationship is over.

Your partner probably isn’t going to support every single thing you do. But if the majority of the time they’re there for you, that’s a good sign. A lack of support is a pretty big indicator that a relationship is going south. 

Sometimes, support looks different than you think. Maybe your support is loud cheers and excitement. Their support may be quiet smiles and whispers of congratulations at night.

If you feel like your partner supports you, even if it looks different than how you show your support, this is a good sign.


2. You’re attracted to them


Do you still think he’s attractive? I’m talking both mentally and physically. Relationships go through ups and downs.

There might be a time that you’re not attracted to him physically. Maybe he’s wearing that ratty shirt that’s ten years old. 

Kind of silly, but hey, it happens.

But, then you spend a few minutes with him and remember his jokes, the way he makes you laugh, and how he always compliments you. You’re still attracted to him.

Other times, you may not be attracted to him mentally. Maybe you had a big fight, and he said something mean. It’s okay.

But when you make up, if you’re still attracted to him, that’s a good sign.

Usually, if you’re ready to break up, you can think the guy is hot, but you don’t want anything to do with him.

If you still want to be with him, that’s a good sign.


3. You haven’t talked about your feelings


Communication is hard. It’s one of the top reasons for break ups. A lot of times, we miscommunicate.

So, you’re feeling overwhelmed. You think the grass may be greener on the other side.

We’ve all been there. Talk to your partner about it. If you haven’t talked about your feelings, why are you still together? Sometimes, you just need reassurance that they’re still there.

But they can’t give that reassurance if you don’t talk to them about it.


4. You enjoy life together


Are you happy? Do you laugh and have fun together? Is your life enjoyable?

Life is short—spend it with someone you enjoy.

There are going to be fights. There are going to be hard times. There are going to be frustrations.

Screw it all. If you enjoy life with them, it’ll all be okay.


5. It’ll get easier


Are you stressed out? Is there drama going on in your boyfriend’s life? Is there drama in your own life?

Sometimes, we get busy. Really, really busy. We’re so overwhelmed and overbooked that stress is a killer.

Our boyfriends seem clingy, everything is so hard, and soon enough, you’re biting each other’s heads off.

If this is a hard time and it’s going to get easier, stick it out. 


6. You truly know each other


Is there any better feeling than knowing someone totally knows you? They know your favorite candy, favorite flower, favorite color, favorite joke in all of The Office. 

There’s nothing quite like it.

If the person truly knows you, and you truly know them, things change. Yeah, you won’t feel butterflies all the time. You’re not going to have the high of “the chase.”

But you know what’s better than that?

Coming home to someone who loves every piece of you—even the broken parts.


7. You’re a better person with them


Do they lift you up and make you a better person?

They can challenge you. They can annoy you. But throughout it all, you should feel better with them.

Maybe he dampens your anxious side. Maybe he brings out your silly side. He may challenge your world views. He may encourage you to try something new.

When you’re a better person with him, why end things when you hit a little bump in the road?


8. They care about you


Relationships are a two-way street. Does he care about you?

Maybe, he shows his love in a way that’s different than you show yours. It could be that your love languages are different. If so, talk about it.

It could be that you shower him with praise, and he likes to give you gifts. Showing someone you care can look like so many things.

No one can tell you whether or not the person cares about you but themselves. But, you should feel loved in your relationship.


9. You had a big fight


A lot of you may be reading this after having a big fight with your boyfriend. Guess what?

It’s probably the worst time to be questioning things. People blow up for a number of reasons. Sometimes, it’s just a fight.

We’re all trying our best, but we get stressed and frustrated sometimes. Fights are going to happen.

If this is the first big fight, hold out. 


10. You can make up


And as a continuation of the last one, can you see this getting better?

Do you see yourselves making up and getting over the fight you’re having? If so, that’s good.

If you want to make up with them, it’s probably not time to break up just yet.

RELATED: He doesn’t REALLY want the perfect girlfriend. He wants these 3 things from you instead…

10 reasons to break up

On the flip side, sometimes, it is time to call it quits. Not every relationship is going to survive, and that’s not always a bad thing. Here’s when you should break up with your boyfriend:


1. They’re always jealous


Are they jealous over strange things? Are they limiting you from seeing your friends and family?

Jealousy is not a good trait. It doesn’t make someone “hot” or make them desirable. 

You shouldn’t want a boyfriend that is overly jealous. A lot of times, it can be a sign of a much deeper issue.


2. You’re not attracted to them


Is the last thing you want to do is kiss them? Are you always turning away in bed?

If they’re literally the last person you want to be with, it’s time to head out. Attraction should run deep, and if it’s not there at all, you’re probably already out of the relationship in your mind.


3. You’re not in love with them


People fall in love. People fall out of love.

Love is truly a decision. You’re going to have days you don’t want to be with the person. You’ll also have days that you can’t imagine life without them.

Love is your commitment. But if you’ve chosen not to love them, if the feeling are no longer there, it’s time to call it quits.


4. It’s more negative than positive


You need to have more positive interactions than negative. If all of your interactions are bordering on negative, it’s not good for you or for him.

You deserve to be with someone you’re happy with. Someone that makes things positive.


5. You don’t see it getting easier


Does it seem like it’s always going to be dark?

Are there always problems? Always issues? Never a happy moment?

Was there something big that happened and you don’t see things changing? Going through a hard time is okay, but if it’s not going to stop being hard, is that what you really want?


6. They don’t take interest in you


Maybe you like something they think is weird. Maybe you hate everything that they do.

If neither of you are taking interest in each other’s hobbies or likes, there’s no reason to be with the person. You should want to share your life with each other.


7. They’re not a good person


Are they a good person?

If you’re questioning this, you probably already know the answer.

If they’re genuinely not a good person, that negativity brings you down. Are you apologizing for their actions or behavior? Are you always telling them to “stop” or “knock it off?”

You shouldn’t have to.


8. They don’t care about you


You’re tired and need sleep, but they tell you it’s time to go to a friend’s house or stay up late watching a movie.

Sound familiar?

Or, they never help around the house. Maybe you ask them to do something and it never gets done. Maybe you ask them to stop doing something, but they don’t care enough to do it.

You deserve to be cared about. You deserve to be loved.


9. You’re constantly arguing


Constant fighting and bickering is not a sign of passion. It’s a sign of incompatibility. 

Constant arguing takes a toll on your health. It’s not healthy for your body, nor is it healthy for your relationship.


10. You’re always the one apologizing


They’re never going to change. You’re the one always apologizing.

This is a sign that it’s time to break up. You don’t want to be the one constantly chasing after them and apologizing. Your feelings are valid, and they should be treated as such.

RELATED: Is your man pulling away? Don’t make this one BIG mistake

When is it time to break up with someone you love?

If you love someone, a break up is going to hurt. But if it’s not a fulfilling relationship, you deserve more.

People change, relationships change, and sometimes, people grow apart. You may always love them, but that doesn’t mean the two of you are good for each other.

Sometimes, breaking up is the plot twist that your life needs. It may be the thing that leads you to the person you’ll truly and irrevocably fall in love with. 

You’re the only one that can decide whether or not it’s time to break up with your boyfriend. The signs above are a good sign, but deep down, you have to trust your gut. 

If you think it’s time, don’t worry about the hurt. With time, it’ll pass. And it may even teach you a lesson.

Deep down, you’ll know what the right decision is.

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Jess Carpenter

Written by Jess Carpenter

I studied at The University of Utah where I earned both my B.S. and M.S. and am a Certified Health Education Specialist (CHES certified). My favorite spot to write is wherever I can see my toddlers to ensure they aren’t jumping from the second story or coloring on the walls.

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