A lot of people ask, “Should I break up with my boyfriend?” The truth is, humans question everything. Our brains are made to question as often as possible.
So, is this just a question you’re throwing out there? Or are you really unfulfilled in your relationship?
Is this just a rough patch that will get better? Or do you feel stuck and worry about never leaving?
People are messy. So are relationships. But if you’re questioning whether you should break up with your boyfriend, that needs to be addressed. The time you spend agonizing over whether or not it’s time to break up is stressful.
Thankfully, it’s really not that hard to figure out what you should do. In this article, I’ll tell you all the signs you should not break up and all the signs that you should break up.
You’re allowed to question your relationship
You’re allowed to question your relationship! Seriously. No one says that you can’t have a “moment” or a lot of moments where you question your relationship.
When you’re together with another person, things are hard. You’re thinking about yourself and that person. And that person is a lot different than you. They’re going to do things that are frustrating. They’re going to do things that are annoying.
They’re literally going to make you want to roll your eyes so hard that they go in the back of your head.
All normal. All part of a regular relationship.
And hey, you’re going to drive them nuts too. That’s just how it is. They have flaws. You have flaws.
You questioning whether or not you want to be with the person does not mean your relationship is over. In fact, it can even make your relationship stronger.
It doesn’t make you a bad person to wonder whether your life would be better without the person in it. But, you also have to determine where those thoughts are coming from.
Are you interested in someone else? Are you just stressed or frustrated?
Relationships come with a lot of questions. But, sometimes, those questions go deeper. So, what do you do then?
12 reasons to stay together
Breaking up isn’t always black and white. There are many times where you’re going to wonder whether the relationship is worth it.
Here are 12 reasons to stay together with your boyfriend:
1. He protects you
Does your boyfriend protect you? Is your safety and wellbeing his top priority?
Strong protective instincts are a strong sign that he cares deeply about you. And that perhaps the relationship is worth persevering with.
There’s actually a new concept in relationship psychology that’s generating a lot of buzz at the moment. It provides answers to why some men have such protective instincts but also why some me don’t.
It’s called the hero instinct.
According to the hero instinct, men have a natural biological instinct to provide for and protect women. They want to step up to the plate for the woman in their life.
The hero instinct is a legitimate concept in relationship psychology that I personally believe has a lot of truth to it.
If you want to learn more about the hero instinct, check out this excellent free video by James Bauer. He’s the relationship psychologist who discovered this concept.
As James argues, male desires are not complicated, just misunderstood. Instincts are powerful drivers of human behavior and this is especially true for how men show their true feelings for women.
Just because your boyfriend protects you doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is worth continuing with…
However, it does indicate that you’ve triggered his hero instinct. And tapping into this biological drive can be an excellent basis for a deep and passionate relationship.
2. Your partner is supportive
Is your boyfriend supportive of your dreams, hopes, and desires? Are they always there to help you or lift you up?
Support is something that’s necessary in a relationship. Just because you have a fight over something, doesn’t mean a relationship is over.
Your partner probably isn’t going to support every single thing you do. But if the majority of the time they’re there for you, that’s a good sign. A lack of support is a pretty big indicator that a relationship is going south.
Sometimes, support looks different than you think. Maybe your support is loud cheers and excitement. Their support may be quiet smiles and whispers of congratulations at night.
If you feel like your partner supports you, even if it looks different than how you show your support, this is a good sign.
3. You’re attracted to them
Do you still think he’s attractive? I’m talking both mentally and physically. Relationships go through ups and downs.
There might be a time that you’re not attracted to him physically. Maybe he’s wearing that ratty shirt that’s ten years old.
Kind of silly, but hey, it happens.
But, then you spend a few minutes with him and remember his jokes, the way he makes you laugh, and how he always compliments you. You’re still attracted to him.
Other times, you may not be attracted to him mentally. Maybe you had a big fight, and he said something mean. It’s okay.
But when you make up, if you’re still attracted to him, that’s a good sign.
Usually, if you’re ready to break up, you can think the guy is hot, but you don’t want anything to do with him.
If you still want to be with him, that’s a good sign.
QUIZ: Is your man pulling away? Take our new “is he pulling away quiz” and get a real and honest answer. Check out the quiz here.
4. You haven’t talked about your feelings
Communication is hard. It’s one of the top reasons for break ups. A lot of times, we miscommunicate.
So, you’re feeling overwhelmed. You think the grass may be greener on the other side.
We’ve all been there. Talk to your partner about it. If you haven’t talked about your feelings, why are you still together? Sometimes, you just need reassurance that they’re still there.
However, the simple truth is that talking with men can be hard.
Male and female brains are biologically different.
For instance, the limbic system is the emotional processing center of the brain and it’s much larger in the female brain than in a man’s.
That’s why women are more in touch with their emotions. And why guys can struggle to process their feelings and communicate in a healthy way with their partner.
I learned this from relationship guru Michael Fiore. He’s one of the world’s leading experts on male psychology and what men want from relationships.
Watch this excellent free video to learn about Michael’s life-changing solution for dealing with men who won’t open up.
Michael Fiore reveals what you need to do to make your man commit to a passionate relationship. His techniques work surprisingly well on even the coldest and most commitment-phobic men.
If you want science-based techniques to make a man fall in love with you and STAY in love with you, check out this free video here.
5. You appreciate him for who he really is
Before you break up with your boyfriend, it’s important to reflect on a few things.
Do you appreciate him for who he really is? Or have you developed an unrealistic version of him and of the relationship itself?
After watching an excellent free video by world renowned shaman Rudá Iandê, for the first time I actually reflected on the type of love I had for my girlfriend.
Rudá made me realize that I’ve been trapped by the ideal of having the perfect romance.
Westerners grow up obsessed with the idea of “romantic love”. We watch TV shows and Hollywood movies about perfect couples living happily ever after.
And naturally we want it for ourselves.
While the idea of romantic love is beautiful, it’s also potentially a life-wrecking myth.
One which not only causes so many unhappy relationships, but also poisons you into living a life devoid of optimism and personal independence.
Because happiness should never come from the external.
You don’t need to discover the “perfect person” to be in a relationship with to find self-worth, security and happiness. These things should all come from the relationship you have with yourself.
I’m not the typical person that would seek out the advice of a shaman. But Rudá isn’t your typical shaman.
Rudá has made shamanism relevant for modern-day society by interpreting and communicating it for people like me and you.
People living regular lives.
Understanding that the perfect romance doesn’t necessarily exist made me free to live life on my own terms. It also opened me up to meaningful relationships without needing them to be perfect.
6. You enjoy life together
Are you happy? Do you laugh and have fun together? Is your life enjoyable?
Life is short—spend it with someone you enjoy.
There are going to be fights. There are going to be hard times. There are going to be frustrations.
Screw it all. If you enjoy life with them, it’ll all be okay.
7. It’ll get easier
Are you stressed out? Is there drama going on in your boyfriend’s life? Is there drama in your own life?
Sometimes, we get busy. Really, really busy. We’re so overwhelmed and overbooked that stress is a killer.
Our boyfriends seem clingy, everything is so hard, and soon enough, you’re biting each other’s heads off.
If this is a hard time and it’s going to get easier, stick it out.
8. You truly know each other
Is there any better feeling than knowing someone totally knows you? They know your favorite candy, favorite flower, favorite color, favorite joke in all of The Office.
There’s nothing quite like it.
If the person truly knows you, and you truly know them, things change. Yeah, you won’t feel butterflies all the time. You’re not going to have the high of “the chase.”
But you know what’s better than that?
Coming home to someone who loves every piece of you—even the broken parts.
9. You’re a better person with them
Do they lift you up and make you a better person?
They can challenge you. They can annoy you. But throughout it all, you should feel better with them.
Maybe he dampens your anxious side. Maybe he brings out your silly side. He may challenge your world views. He may encourage you to try something new.
When you’re a better person with him, why end things when you hit a little bump in the road?
10. They care about you
Relationships are a two-way street. Does he care about you?
Maybe, he shows his love in a way that’s different than you show yours. It could be that your love languages are different. If so, talk about it.
It could be that you shower him with praise, and he likes to give you gifts. Showing someone you care can look like so many things.
No one can tell you whether or not the person cares about you but themselves. But, you should feel loved in your relationship.
QUIZ: Is he pulling away? Find out exactly where you stand with your man with our new “is he pulling away” quiz. Check it out here.
11. You had a big fight
A lot of you may be reading this after having a big fight with your boyfriend. Guess what?
It’s probably the worst time to be questioning things. People blow up for a number of reasons. Sometimes, it’s just a fight.
We’re all trying our best, but we get stressed and frustrated sometimes. Fights are going to happen.
If this is the first big fight, hold out.
12. You can make up
And as a continuation of the last one, can you see this getting better?
Do you see yourselves making up and getting over the fight you’re having? If so, that’s good.
If you want to make up with them, it’s probably not time to break up just yet.
11 reasons to break up
On the flip side, sometimes, it is time to call it quits. Not every relationship is going to survive, and that’s not always a bad thing. Here’s when you should break up with your boyfriend:
1. He doesn’t protect you
As I mentioned above, your boyfriend’s protective instincts are an excellent sign that he cares about you and that he values your relationship.
On the flip sign, if your boyfriend doesn’t protect you and make your well being his priority, then perhaps you should consider breaking up with him.
This all comes down to his hero instinct and whether or not you have triggered it in him.
But before you break up with him, remember that the hero instinct is actually something that women can bring to the fore in their boyfriend.
How do you trigger this instinct in him? And give him the sense of meaning and purpose he craves from a relationship?
In his free video, James Bauer outlines exactly how to trigger the hero instinct in your man.
You don’t need to pretend to be anyone you’re not or play the “damsel in distress”. You don’t have to dilute your strength or independence in any way, shape or form.
In an authentic way, you simply have to show your man what you need and allow him to step up to fulfill it.
James reveals the phrases, texts and little requests that you can use right now to trigger this natural biological instinct.
Not only will this give him greater satisfaction as a man but it will also help to rocket your relationship to the next level.
2. They’re always jealous
Are they jealous over strange things? Are they limiting you from seeing your friends and family?
Jealousy is not a good trait. It doesn’t make someone “hot” or make them desirable.
You shouldn’t want a boyfriend that is overly jealous. A lot of times, it can be a sign of a much deeper issue.
3. You’re not attracted to them
Is the last thing you want to do is kiss them? Are you always turning away in bed?
If they’re literally the last person you want to be with, it’s time to head out. Attraction should run deep, and if it’s not there at all, you’re probably already out of the relationship in your mind.
4. You’re not in love with them
People fall in love. People fall out of love.
Love is truly a decision. You’re going to have days you don’t want to be with the person. You’ll also have days that you can’t imagine life without them.
Love is your commitment. But if you’ve chosen not to love them, if the feeling are no longer there, it’s time to call it quits.
5. It’s more negative than positive
You need to have more positive interactions than negative. If all of your interactions are bordering on negative, it’s not good for you or for him.
You deserve to be with someone you’re happy with. Someone that makes things positive.
6. You don’t see it getting easier
Does it seem like it’s always going to be dark?
Are there always problems? Always issues? Never a happy moment?
Was there something big that happened and you don’t see things changing? Going through a hard time is okay, but if it’s not going to stop being hard, is that what you really want?
7. They don’t take interest in you
Maybe you like something they think is weird. Maybe you hate everything that they do.
If neither of you are taking interest in each other’s hobbies or likes, there’s no reason to be with the person. You should want to share your life with each other.
8. They’re not a good person
Are they a good person?
If you’re questioning this, you probably already know the answer.
If they’re genuinely not a good person, that negativity brings you down. Are you apologizing for their actions or behavior? Are you always telling them to “stop” or “knock it off?”
You shouldn’t have to.
9. They don’t care about you
You’re tired and need sleep, but they tell you it’s time to go to a friend’s house or stay up late watching a movie.
Or, they never help around the house. Maybe you ask them to do something and it never gets done. Maybe you ask them to stop doing something, but they don’t care enough to do it.
You deserve to be cared about. You deserve to be loved.
10. You’re constantly arguing
Constant fighting and bickering is not a sign of passion. It’s a sign of incompatibility.
Constant arguing takes a toll on your health. It’s not healthy for your body, nor is it healthy for your relationship.
11. You’re always the one apologizing
They’re never going to change. You’re the one always apologizing.
This is a sign that it’s time to break up. You don’t want to be the one constantly chasing after them and apologizing. Your feelings are valid, and they should be treated as such.
In conclusion: What’s your next move?
If you love someone, breaking up is going to hurt. But if it’s not a fulfilling relationship, you deserve more.
Some relationships are definitely worth persevering with though. And all relationships can be improved when you develop a deeper understanding of what the other person wants from it.
Let’s face it: Men see the world differently to you and we want different things from a relationship.
This can make a passionate and loving relationship — something that men actually want deep down as well — really difficult to achieve.
I know that getting a guy to open up and tell you what he’s thinking can feel like an impossible task. But I’ve recently come across a new way to help you understand what’s driving him in your relationship…
James Bauer is one of the world’s leading relationship experts.
And in his new video, he reveals a new concept which brilliantly explains what really drives men romantically. He calls it the hero instinct. I talked about this concept above.
Simply put, men want to be your hero. Not necessarily an action hero like Thor, but he does want to step up to the plate for the woman in his life and be appreciated for his efforts.
The hero instinct is probably the best kept secret in relationship psychology. And I think it holds the key to a man’s love and devotion for life.
I don’t usually pay much attention to popular new concepts in psychology or recommend videos. But some ideas are game-changers. And when it comes to relationships, I think this is one of them.
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