Don’t you wish you could just go back to the days when the two of you couldn’t get enough of each other?
Hearing your girl say that she no longer has feelings for you is heart-wrenching, and no one will fault you for feeling lost and afraid.
To help you deal with these emotions, here are 15 tips to help you out after your girl has said that she no longer has feelings for you.
1) Keep your cool.
The last thing you want is to further prove her reasons for falling out of love with you—or to give her more!
So whenever you are in communication with her, be it through text, or phone, or in person, remember to stay calm.
It’s very easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment and say something you’ll regret… making it harder for you to fix things or, at worst, even make it impossible for you to get her back again.
She might have a lot of things to say that will hurt you or rock your pride. You might be tempted to lash out and defend yourself.
But trust me, it’s best for you to just sit still, listen, and try to take in what she told you.
It isn’t easy, but at the very least by doing this you’re showing that you are perfectly willing to listen.
This can be the saving grace that will rescue your relationship.
2) Find out if she’s going through something.
It can be easy to forget that there might be more going on than you know at a glance. So try to take a step back and try to understand what she’s been going through.
Did something drag her into a bad place? Has she been stuck with a difficult choice in her career? Perhaps she’s struggling with a serious illness!
These might be things you’ll have to think a little deeper to figure out because she might not tell you about them outright.
For example, maybe a friend of hers passed a month ago and she’s going through an existential crisis. Sometimes situations such as these can make people think twice about being in a relationship.
Some may think that the relationship holds them back or stifles them. Others will worry that they’re only dragging their partner with them.
But of course, relationships can also be an avenue for support through difficult times.
That’s why it’s a good idea to find a good time and place to sit down and talk over their issues. Ask them what’s wrong, and if there’s anything you can do to help.
There’s a chance that whatever they have to say might be beyond your abilities, but the fact that you asked in the first place already means a lot.
3) It might not be that serious.
This is especially true if it’s something she said in the heat of the moment, like when you were in the middle of a big argument.
Women are complicated beings and sometimes they say things they really don’t mean.
In general, they’re indirect communicators. They like to feel you out and test you for reactions instead of saying things plainly. They will observe you and wait for things to unfold. They want you to come up with the real meaning all on your own.
Why do they do this?
Because they don’t want to sound petty or desperate for attention. You must be sensitive enough to pick up on these signals and do something about it “without them having to tell you”.
She’ll make a mental note of the things you did and profile your character for when it does happen for real.
So while this time may not have been serious, still take heed and approach this as carefully as possible. This is an opportunity to show her that you’re a man who won’t let her go that easily.
4) Get proper guidance on how to approach her.
No matter how much you know your girl, there are still times when you just don’t know what’s going on in her head.
And sometimes we can’t see things clearly because we have our biases that cloud our minds.
When dealing with this situation, it’s best to turn to a professional coach for a different perspective.
They can guide you in dealing with women like no article or friend could.
For relationship advice that’s sensible and grounded (not to mention—effective!), I recommend Relationship Hero.
It’s a popular website where you can find excellent relationship coaches who can analyze your situation.
I asked help from them when my relationship almost ended. At that time, I was desperate. I already did all the tricks I read from books on how to win back my girl, but nothing worked.
My coach assured me that things will be alright. She helped me pick up the broken pieces of myself and spurred me to make a brand new start.
You shouldn’t delay. It’s crucial that you know the right moves right away before you lose your girl for good.
You don’t need to wait long because they respond quickly. All it takes is a few minutes to reach a certified coach through the website.
I’m giving you the link so just click here to get started right away.
Don’t hesitate to look for help. Time is precious and it might make all the difference in saving your relationship.
5) Listen to understand.
When she said “I don’t have feelings for you anymore,” was there more to it that you perhaps didn’t hear because of how it made you feel?
There probably was, and this is something you should keep in mind when you’re talking to her.
Try to read between the lines. Look at her body language and facial expression. If you’re talking over text, try to figure out her tone from the way she strings her words together.
And most importantly, be present and keep your ears open. Set aside any assumptions you may have, and if you find yourself assuming—even for the littlest things—then ask her to clarify.
Being a genuinely attentive listener goes a long way to maintaining good dialog, after all. The last thing you want is to make her mad by spacing out and losing focus.
6) Understand that feelings ebb and flow.
Emotions can easily sway one direction to another. They surge one moment and die down the next.
Women are especially fickle and very prone to mood swings because of hormonal changes they go through with their menstrual cycle.
Take note that these sudden shifts in mood, if unmanaged or not addressed in a proper and timely manner, may lead to anxiety and depression. This could make her push you away.
Ride out the deluge of intense feelings and let the dust settle. You can lead the conversation further with a level-headed mind.
But beyond moods, love itself and the feeling of being in love changes over time. You both have to understand this. Otherwise, you’ll just be hopping from one relationship to the next, when all you really have to do is ride it out and be okay with not being “in love” all the time.
7) Don’t take it personally.
Girls don’t like it when men try to make everything about themselves. This includes taking in all the blame and acting like you alone are responsible for her feelings, or that you can turn them around.
So don’t take it too personally. Trust me.
I know it’s hard not to think things like “but what do I lack? Surely there’s something I could have done better? Maybe if I did this instead of that, or if I were better…”
But the world is larger than just the two of you, and there are so many things that can come into play that, frankly, it is a bit arrogant to claim all the credit.
For example, she might have made some self-reflection and learned things about herself. Perhaps she realized that she isn’t really attracted to men. Or maybe she realized that she was just using you to bounce back from her previous relationship.
There’s also another reason why you should try to avoid taking all the blame for why she had a change of heart—it’s demoralizing.
You can end up with self-esteem so thoroughly wrecked that you might struggle finding someone new. And that’s the very last thing you want.
8) Take a hard look at your relationship.
This bump in your romance could be just a warning before things become totally out of control.
This is the best time for you to hit the pause button on your relationship so you can recall all the things you have experienced so far. How was your relationship for you?
Do you argue often? Do you truly know each other, and are comfortable being yourselves when you’re together? Are you on the same page in your careers and financial goals? Are you sexually compatible?
There are many parts that make the whole. A missing piece will always cause a rift between you and falling out will be inevitable unless you address them.
So reflect on your relationship history right now.
If you can identify the problem early on then you might still have a chance to mend it and reconcile.
9) Assess how serious she is about it.
If your relationship seems fine on the surface, look for hints that give her away. If there’s anyone who knows the limits of her determination, it’s you.
Maybe she stops talking to you about her day at work, or you only hear about the new things happening to her from other people. This means she isn’t involving you in her life like she used to.
Perhaps, when you have your talk, she isn’t putting up a fight or trying to convince you into anything. She doesn’t beg or propose any changes. This shows that she’s given up and is convinced there’s nothing more that can be done.
It’s worse if she looks totally unaffected by all of this. She feels like it’s already a waste of time to resuscitate what once was.
When her disinterest in you has already reached this level, you definitely need the guidance of a coach from Relationship Hero so you won’t make things worse. They know the right approach when a partner is falling out of love.
If you love your partner and you want what’s best for your relationship, talking to a coach is a must.
10) Ask her what you can do about it.
No matter how indifferent or emotional she is, it never hurts to ask. If she’s not ready to talk, offer to just be there for her.
“I’m sorry it’s come to this. Is there anything I can do?”
This is the first aid to the fresh wound, so to speak. It shows you are quick to respond and sensitive to her needs despite hurting you.
If you can rush to her side as soon as possible. Physical presence can do wonders to calm her down. Hold her hand or give her an assuring hug.
When she feels relaxed, she will put her defenses down and it will be easier to reason with her about the things you can do moving forward.
11) Give her the space she needs.
Just as you need time to do all of the tips above, so does she.
Allow her some space to process whatever she is feeling. They must be overwhelming her, too.
It’s tough to decode a woman’s thoughts but it’s not just you. Most women find it hard to understand themselves. This is why they need so much “me-time” and self-care to decompress and understand themselves better.
However, don’t completely disappear from her life either.
Giving her space does not mean letting her go. Check up on her every once in a while. Shoot her a text like “How are you feeling?” or “I miss you” to remind her that you can go to her any time and that you’re constantly thinking of her.
12) Keep loving her.
Just because her feelings for you have faded doesn’t mean you have to stop loving her either. In fact, doing so would, quite frankly, be somewhat childish.
You can still love her, even if you have both moved on. There’s really no reason to stop loving someone—and in fact, unless she did something especially bad, it’s close to impossible to stop loving someone you loved once.
I can attest to this. There’s someone I loved and was in a relationship with for about two years a long while back. I tried to deny my feelings for them after our break-up, and more so after I found someone new.
But to this day I find that I still love them. The only thing that’s changed is that my romantic love had given way to a more platonic kind of love. The kind of love that exists between friends.
So keep loving her, and if your feelings for her don’t sway her back to your side and make her fall in love with you all over again, then you can at least be good friends.
There’s more to love than just romance, after all.
13) Tell her she can be honest with you.
Do not underestimate the power of good communication. Oftentimes, it is the one thing that makes or breaks a relationship.
She needs to feel like she can tell you everything that’s on her mind.
Talk to her in a calm and composed manner. It helps to take deep breaths and talk slowly so that you choose your words carefully.
Don’t raise your voice or snap back because this will instantly put her on the defensive and she will retreat inside her shell. Don’t cross your arms while clenching your fists and scowling at her. Relax your eyebrows and your jaw.
When you give an aura of dependability and assure her that you won’t retaliate, she will feel a lot safer and will eventually open up to you.
14) Be the bigger person.
After all, is said and done, and still, things aren’t going the way you intend them, throw down the towel. If you think you should have done better in your relationship, swallow your pride and apologize with sincerity.
Fighting back will only agitate her and push her away even further. It takes a lot of maturities for you to have come this far.
Of course, the best outcome is to salvage this relationship so look beyond the petty quarrels. If the good memories outweigh the bad ones, then focus on how to keep it going while fixing your issues along the way.
It’s not 100% guaranteed that it will turn out positively though.
There will be differences that can never be settled. You know yourself best and where your limits lie.
15) Show her you’re willing to wait for her feelings to come back.
Falling out can be expected if you were not able to maintain the momentum from the honeymoon stage.
If you truly feel that you are most compatible with each other and that there were just some missed opportunities along the way, then show your determination by waiting for however long it takes until she’s willing to give it another try.
Doing so will show that you love her and that you won’t settle for anyone else. She is the one for you and you won’t give up easily.
But don’t harass her with your constant groveling.
Be graceful as you wait and transform into the best version of yourself. By the time she’s ready, you’ll be more capable of bringing your relationship to the next level.
All these things are worth keeping in mind when your girl tells you that her feelings for you have faded. But it’s worth keeping in mind that every relationship is different and before you act you must keep in mind what kind of person she is, and what dynamics you have.
When in doubt, communicate. Keep an open ear and try to understand one another through and through.
But should she insist that she truly has fallen out of love with you, there’s nothing to it but to respect her choices.
The important thing is that you at least tried and that you showed her that you’re willing to compromise.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.