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She said she likes me. Now what? 11 important tips

So a girl says she likes you and you’re not sure what to do.

Welcome to the club!

All men have been in this situation before. I certainly have myself.

However, I’ve learned a lot about how I should have acted when a girl told me she likes me.

So to avoid the mistakes I made when I was a young lad, here is everything you need to do if a girl says she likes you.

11 tips on what to do if she says she likes you

Now keep in mind that just because she says she likes you doesn’t necessarily mean she’s interested in starting a relationship with you (or getting funky with you in the bedroom).

When a girl says she likes you, she may also be referring to:

You’re a nice guy and she simply wants to spend more time with you (maybe as a friend)
– She is flirting with you but doesn’t have expectations about anything sexual
– You’ve done something for her and she just thinks you’re a gentleman

So while it is great to hear the words, “I like you”, keep in mind that it doesn’t automatically mean she wants to be in a relationship with you. You still need to think about attracting her if you want to take things further.

How can you attract her?

Here are 5 of the most important qualities women are looking for in men. Make sure you’re showing these qualities when you’re around her.

1) Assertiveness – Not to be confused with being a jerk. Assertiveness means knowing what you want, from the next five years in your career to what you want for dinner. Don’t be afraid to make a decision and stick to it; women love knowing that they can rely on their man for his stances.

2) Curiosity – Is there anything more boring than a partner who doesn’t want to know things? It’s important to be curious, because it shows that you won’t stagnate as a partner (and thus make her stagnant). And most importantly, it’s most attractive when you are curious about her.

3) Emotional Presence – You have to stay committed, physically, mentally, and emotionally. If your date is sharing a story, listen. Don’t wander off – they’ve given you their time, so it’s time that you appreciate it. And don’t be afraid to talk about your own stories and emotions; they want to see the vulnerable side of you just as much, if not more.

4) Stability – While financial stability is important, there’s more to you than what’s in your wallet, and that’s what women are looking for. Emotional stability leads to relationship stability. The more mature and in control you are of the things you can control – and how much you’ve accepted there are things you can’t control – the more attractive a partner you will be.

5) Equality – It’s not 1950 anymore. Women want to be sure that they’re dating someone from this century, and that means acknowledging and practicing their equal say and power in the relationship. Never try to overpower them, physically or verbally. Even if you think they are wrong in a conversation, talk it out properly. Let them know you are willing to listen and change.

2. Express interest back and get to know her.

Strike up conversations so you can get to know her better. If you’re not particularly close, but it’s clear that she does like you, it’s time to initiate conversations with her so you can build some rapport. 

Rapport is key to build some connection and figure out if you two are right together. 

You don’t have to do anything fancy to initiate a conversation with her. After all, you already know she likes you. 

So be casual and start small. Ask her how she’s going, what she does for work and what her hobbies are. 

It may sound boring, but because you both like each other you’ll both make an effort to answer each other’s questions which will keep the conversation flowing.

If you can find a common interest, such as sports teams you barrack for or TV shows you both like, it will make the conversation follow a lot easier. 

You may also want to ask about travel if you want to make a good impression.

Richard Wiseman ran a study that looked into what topics work best on a first date. He found that the most successful topic leading to the best impression was travel.

The study also found that asking for advice proves to be a winner as well. 

This is a great way to get her talking and if she’s giving advice, she’ll feel like she’s being helpful and you might pump up her ego, too.

According to Scientific American:

“When you ask for advice, people do not think less of you, they actually think you’re smarter. By asking someone to share his or her personal wisdom, advice seekers stroke the advisor’s ego and can gain valuable insights.”

So, when you think of something to talk about, ask for some advice on something you know they’ll be able to answer.

3. Compliment her from time to time

This is a great way to show your interest and keep it classy. You can reference a physical characteristic or personality trait that you like about her. 

This is a great way to express your affection. Make sure not to be too sexual as you may turn her off a bit. 

It’s better to reference her eyes or her smile rather than her butt or breasts. For example, if she has attractive, blue eyes, you can say, “I love your eyes. They’re extremely pretty and blue”.

If you love the fact that she is positive and bubbly, you can say “I love how you’re always so upbeat. It makes me feel great.”

4. Get her number or contact on messaging apps

Once you’ve spoken to her for a while and you’ve built some rapport, you can get her number. If you know she likes you, you’ll probably only need to chat with her for 5 minutes before you ask. 

Once you get her on a messaging device, it’s going to be a lot easier. You begin texting later that night or even the next day. 

Remember, because she likes you, there’s no need to do anything fancy. Simply begin the text asking how her day has been and what she is up to this week. 

After you’ve been through a few texts, you can ask her out. Keep it casual and ask to go for a drink or coffee. 

Your main priority is just to get a meeting in so you can build a connection with her. 

Once you’ve gone through the first date and you’ve had a nice, friendly conversation for 30 minutes or an hour, it’s all going to become a lot easier. 

5. When you meet up with her, be yourself 

Jamie Long’s Psy.D. advice in Psychology Today advises to “talk about yourself as who you are today in the present and the values and goals you have for yourself in the future.”

Too many people worry about whether they’re interesting, smart, or attractive enough for a person they’re seeing for the first time.

Out of anxiety, some of us end up fabricating lies about our jobs and our personal lives just to make ourselves look a little bit more interesting.

Not that it helps in the long-run. A relationship founded on lies is never going to work out.

Before going on that first date, remember first and foremost that you’re awesome just the way you are. Even if you think you’re behaving awkwardly, it’s much better to be yourself than someone else. Remember, she likes you anyway! There’s no need to make up stories or use pick up lines. 

Take a shot (or two or three) or call a friend to settle the nerves. Stop worrying so much because, after all, this is just your first date. Your primary goal should be to enjoy the day.

6. Most importantly, just keep the conversation going

A surefire way to not get a second date is to be a boring conversationalist. That’s not just science talking, that’s every person on the planet.

Studies show that if you’re going on a date, with a woman particularly, it’s better to let go of the cheesy pick-up lines and focus on an engaging conversation starter instead.

As we mentioned above, Richard Wiseman ran a study that looked into what topics work best on a first date. He suggested that the best topic to talk about was travel.

But perhaps the most consistent suggestions that comes from research on conversations is to ask for someone’s advice on something.

This is a great way to get someone talking and if they’re giving advice, they’ll feel like they’re being helpful and you might pump up their ego, too.

Also, some people aren’t great at expressing themselves, so if you struggle in the conversation department, have a list of questions that you can ask to keep the conversation going.

If you’re looking for some questions, here is a list of 36 questions from a psychologist to spark a deep connection.

Here are 5 to get you started:

  1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
  2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
  3. Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say? Why?
  4. What would constitute a perfect day for you?
  5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

Thankfully, we live in an age where it would be totally cool to pull out your phone with questions on it and declare, “I thought it would be fun to each answer these questions to get to know each other a bit better!”

7. Don’t be afraid to tease her

Who doesn’t love witty banter?

Don’t be afraid to poke fun at them and joke around with them a little bit.

Studies have shown using humor in conversations makes a person appear as more likable, and telling jokes can bring a sense of calm to the conversation during the flirting process.

Tease them just enough that they laugh but not so much that they think you’re an inconsiderate jerk by the end of the day.

It’s only natural for people to enjoy the company of those who they think can pick their brains. 

So don’t hesitate to throw in a sassy line or two; chances are they’re going to think you’re confident, witty, and undeniably attractive.

So much so that they could already be planning date number two!

8. Organize a second date

The key now is to keep the rapport and connection going. So you’ll want to continue getting meetings with her. The more dates you have with her, the easier it’s going to be for the relationship to grow. 

So continue being a nice guy, building the rapport and having fun with her. After 2 or 3 dates you can try to kiss her and hold her hand. If that works out, then a few days later you can start taking things more seriously.

On the other hand, if you think she doesn’t like you, you may need to work on yourself to improve your attractiveness.

9. Don’t start acting all needy

This can happen a lot to many guys. Because they don’t think that a girl likes them, they act less needy and they don’t try to impress her.

But because they’re not trying, they can also appear aloof and confident, which girls like.

Yet as soon they find out a girl likes them, suddenly they get excited, and give her all of this free attention which they didn’t give before.

Suddenly the guy seems less attractive because he is trying too hard. He looks needy and desperate for her attention.

Make sure you’re not that guy. Just because she says she likes you doesn’t mean you can’t stuff it up.

You need to keep the same relaxed attitude that made her attracted to you in the first place.

10. Don’t get trapped in the friend zone

If you like this girl romantically, then it’s crucial you don’t get trapped in the friendzone.

As we said previously, just because she says she likes you doesn’t automatically she wants you in bed.

If she likes you because you’re a nice guy, then you can still get trapped in the friendzone.

If you want to stop being just a friend, then … stop.

Start flirting with her. Comment on her appearance and let your hand linger on her shoulder for a moment longer.

Go for less friendly hugs that feel a bit more … intimate.

No don’t grab her – OK, don’t be a creep. You know what I’m saying.

Dress well and show off your style. You can still be her friend, but show yourself in a light that a potential boyfriend would.

Make yourself a contender and treat her the way you would treat a girl you want to ask out, not your little sister.

11. Remember: eye contact and touch

Imagine you’re trying to build a house. It’s a beautiful, spacious house with your name and your friend’s name in a big heart right on the front door.

Well, you’re going to need some tools to build this house.

And when it comes to getting out of the friend zone eye contact and touch are your two big power tools.

Look her in the eyes when you talk, and smile at her. Let the romantic tension build. Touch her affectionately from time to time, as long as she responds positively.
Become a man of few texts

Another way to show you want to be more than just friends is to flirt with her in your texts.

Be careful with this one, though.

Being overly available and lavishing your attention can keep you stuck right on Friend Avenue stuck in the foot traffic of a bunch of other hopefuls vying for attention.

 

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Written by Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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