Kiran Athar
Finding true love isn’t as easy as the movies portray.
In reality, it’s lots of dates with the wrong people, a rollercoaster of emotions, and of course, plenty of heartbreak!
But with that in mind, there are certain things you can avoid doing to improve your chances and allow love into your life.
Here are 10 things to stop doing if you’re serious about finding love:
1) Obsessing over your “type”
We’ve all got a type, it’s natural and human nature to find certain features or traits more attractive than others.
But the truth is, if you limit yourself to your “type”, you may miss out on finding true love!
For example, I always gravitated toward guys who are more introverted and quiet. Until I met my current partner of five years (a complete social butterfly, extroverted to the extreme).
It turns out, we complement and balance each other out perfectly – but I never would have discovered this if I’d stuck to my type!
2) Overthinking and overanalyzing
Another thing to stop doing if you’re serious about finding love is overthinking and overanalyzing every situation…
But I get it.
It’s almost become part of pop culture to do this – we see it in films for example.
One look from a handsome guy and the protagonist spends hours discussing what it meant with her friends.
Here’s the thing – we can actually cause ourselves way more anxiety by doing this.
Rather than just keeping an open mind and seeing where things go, we build up an image in our minds that can lead to disappointment in reality.
Not to mention, it can be off putting to the other person!
3) Ignoring red flags
But one thing you should think long and hard about is a prospective partner’s behavior.
Specifically, any red flags they display.
You see, when you’re caught up in the meeting stage and emotions are flying high, it’s easy to brush off any warning signs.
But if you’re serious about finding love, you need to keep your eyes open and your wits about you.
Don’t think that that person will change for you. If they’re toxic at the start, you can bet they’ll be toxic once you fall in love.
4) Being overly picky
Earlier, I mentioned how sticking to your type isn’t the best way to find love, and the same applies to being overly picky.
Look, having standards isn’t a bad thing – one of my requirements was that whoever I date should have a job and be independent. That’s because I was ready to start building a life with someone.
But if you start nitpicking at things like what type of specific career or hairstyle they need to have, you’re seriously narrowing your chance of finding love!
Remember, no one is perfect and you’re never going to get the full package. But that’s okay. When true love comes along, you’ll learn to accept and even love the flaws of your partner!
5) Relying only on dating apps
Dating apps can be incredibly helpful, especially when looking for something casual. And yes, many people have found love on dating apps (myself included).
But it shouldn’t be your only go-to.
Another avenue to explore is meeting people who share similar interests with you.
If you love cooking, why not join a cooking class and see if you meet someone there?
If you’re into fitness, take a class and get to know people.
The truth is, the “old school” way of dating worked perfectly well before technology took over.
Dating apps give us a lot of variety, but it can also be time-consuming and overwhelming having to sift through hundreds of people.
6) Neglecting yourself
Now, if you’re serious about finding love, stop neglecting yourself.
And by that, I mean stop ignoring your inner relationship.
You need to find love for yourself and be honest about who you are as a person.
When it comes to finding love, you’ll be more confident, less willing to settle for less, and you’ll be sure of what you want!
Here are a few self-care tips to try out:
- Look after your body by eating well, exercising, and getting enough sleep
- Look after your mind by ensuring you have ways to destress, relax, and do things you enjoy
- Look after your emotions by releasing them appropriately (walking, getting creative, speaking to loved ones, etc)
The bottom line is, when you love yourself, your self-respect increases. And when you have that, you’re not going to waste your time on the wrong people!
7) Being afraid to communicate your needs
Another thing to stop doing if you’re serious about finding love is avoiding communicating your needs.
I get it, you don’t want to come across too strong or put people off.
But here’s the thing – they’re gonna find out eventually! So you might as well be upfront from the start and save everyone from wasting their time.
If you need a partner who’s going to support you in your career, say it.
If you want a partner who has a low libido to match yours, be honest about it.
Not only will this help you find love, but you’ll enter into relationships with honest and clear communication – super essential for love and commitment to flourish!
8) Comparing your love life to others
Remember that saying, the grass is always greener on the other side?
Well, it’s true!
I can’t tell you how many couples I idolized growing up, who are now divorced, bitter, or arch enemies.
So, focus on your lane and forget about everyone else. What you see on TV or Instagram is not real life.
In fact, I’ve seen couples stop mid-argument to take a picture with big smiles and their arms wrapped around each other and then continue their argument the moment the camera is put away.
Their followers won’t know that though.
So, keep in mind that comparison will stop you from seeing the good right in front of you. And this could lead to missed opportunities in the love department!
9) Idolizing your ex
And just as comparing your love life to others can damage your chances of finding love, so can idolizing your ex!
Look, I’ve been there. Most people tend to romanticize a relationship once it’s ended, maybe because they didn’t get closure, or because it’s a little bit addictive.
Remember – they are your ex for a reason.
If they were truly the best person for you, you’d still be together. And the more you fantasize about them, the less energy you have to focus on new people and finding love!
So, the moral of the story?
Leave your ex in the past and focus firmly on the future.
10) Giving up too easily
And finally, stop giving up too easily!
Don’t play the victim card and start ranting to friends about how “you’re a lone wolf who’ll never find love”…It’s simply not true.
Just because you’ve had a bad date (or three of them) doesn’t mean that date number four won’t be awesome.
The truth is, love tends to come along when we least expect it.
So, keep your hopes up high – if there’s one thing worth fighting for, it’s true love!
