This may sound ironic but it’s true.
Selfish people don’t know they’re being selfish.
They just assume they’re nice people who care about their own happiness more than anything else.
But on their journey towards finding their happiness, they carelessly and intentionally walk over people.
In every relationship, be it platonic or romantic, partners give and take from each other in equal measures without keeping count.
But a relationship with a selfish person means that they extract your love and affections, without giving back in return. They think that they are needed more than they need you.
Unfortunately, the traits of selfish people are not easy to notice. Most of the time, they are people pleasers and hide their dark side very well.
Not until you let them in and drop your guard down that they start showing their true colors.
So watch out for these early signs before you fall into their selfish trap:
1. Selfish people are very good manipulators
A manipulative person refers to someone who seeks to control people and circumstances just to achieve what they want. Selfish people are skilled manipulators by instinct and control freak at heart.
Manipulation is a scary thing because it is not something that we are born with. It is developed over time and is practiced.
A child can be selfish when it comes to their toys but if selfishness is carried on into adulthood, it is one of the worst habits one can actually have.
2. Selfish people are uncaring towards others
Selfish people are uncaring and neglectful to other people’s needs.
For example, if you open up your emotions to them, they will take advantage of you instead of helping you. Or they will not even listen to a word you say.
If you are in this situation, you should not rely on them. Rather, to put your self first when you are with them.
3. Selfish people plot and scheme against you
This happens when the selfish person feels out of control and fails to manipulate you. Their egos are huge that they cannot accept that their supposed manipulation is ruined.
To exact revenge, they will plot and scheme in order to get their own way. They will stop at nothing to gain control of everything.
What you can do in this situation is to counteract with kindness. But if the selfish person cannot deal with this, you have no choice but to let them go.
4. Selfish people are conceited and self-centered
The way selfish people think is that they want to be put first. However, they are not satisfied with being the priority. They also want to put you down.
Ever met someone who insists that everything they say is of relevance and everything that you say is not? That is a classic example of a selfish person.
The way in which to deal with this is to simply ignore them. Let them be how they are and do not let it affect you personally.
5. Selfish people find sharing and giving difficult
Maybe you know of a selfish person but you have some doubts because that someone shows a caring side.
Let me tell you this, it’s all fake. Caring, sharing, and giving are not an easy thing for them to do and those actions will show through in this situation.
For one, they will want something in exchange. Maybe they want everyone to know about it so that they are praised for it.
If you are in this situation, just let their gesture of good will go unnoticed and not to praise them for it.
6. Selfish people expect others to do things for them
A selfish person has a high expectation of himself. He thinks he is above others and they want to be appreciated and put on a pedestal.
Because of their way of thinking, they expect other people to do things for them. When you see that this is happening, do not let them have what they want.
It’s all about control, so do not give it to them.
7. Selfish people do not show weakness or vulnerability
Selfish people do not do anything for free. They have the fear of trying something and feeling that the action doesn’t actually help or serve much of a purpose.
It’s always “What’s in it for me?”
Selfish people are scared to show weakness. They think that by helping other people, he or she is demonstrating weakness or internal insecurity.
They do not realize that everyone has weaknesses, even them. These weaknesses are what make us human but for them, they are above all else so they are close to being perfect.
8. Selfish people don’t accept constructive criticism
People who are selfish cannot and will not accept constructive criticism. Their huge egos just can’t process that constructive criticism is for their own good.
They only think that you are attempting to devalue their work and their potential. This situation will always end up with the selfish person defending themselves.
Indeed, it is very difficult for them to realize that they are wrong.
9. Selfish people believe they deserve everything
Being selfish is not only characterized with self-centeredness but also with false sense of entitlement.
For example, they expect to be continuously rewarded even without doing anything. The reason? They just deserve everything!
They demand that other people value and recognize them as if they had a long history of pursuing that goal.
They believe that they will always be successful because they are who they are.
10. Selfish people do not listen to those who do not agree with them
When you say something to a selfish person, even if it’s constructive, will be taken against you. They will think that you are their enemy and you do not deserve their respect or attention.
Criticism is good because it lets you learn from the opinions of others. But a selfish person has no time to broaden one’s horizons and grow.
11. Selfish people criticize others behind their backs
Selfish people prefer easy judgment and nothing is easier than judging behind a person’s back.
Deep down, they fear that they are not right and will pass this judgement to others, from a distance.
12. Selfish people exaggerate their achievements
One of the most notorious deficiencies of selfish people is their lack of humility.
Humility, considered as a precious human virtue, is needed for us to grow as people and as social beings in our environment.
But selfish people, having huge egos, will always look for ways to stand out and exaggerate their achievements.
They reward themselves too much when something is successful, but make a run for the emergency exit when the project does not turn out well. They can even pass the blame to others.
13. Selfish people are scared of taking risks
Selfish people cannot bring themselves to think of their failure. When they fail, either they run from the situation or blame others.
However, when other people fail is another story. They don’t think twice about giving out severe criticism when others fail.
Most of the time, they are the first ones to tell you that you “should’ve seen that coming.”
14. Selfish people dominate others
Do you know someone who calls you up whenever he or she feels like it? Or asks you to meet them at their whims and fancies?
This is one characteristic of a selfish person – they wrap you around their fingers and it’s pretty hard to break loose. Victims of selfish people end up losing confidence.
If you are in this situation, turn the table around and do not lose your personality. If they can’t take your assertiveness, they will walk out of your life. And that’s a good thing for you.
If you’re wondering how to deal with a selfish person, check out the below 10 tips.
How to deal with selfish people: 10 no-nonsense tips
1) Accept that they have no regards for others
As annoying as it is that you’re dealing with a selfish person, you need to accept the way they are.
Otherwise you’ll get frustrated and annoyed with their behaviour.
Here are some things that you need to accept about them, rather than get frustrated by:
– They won’t put your needs first.
– They won’t be thoughtful and considerate.
– They’ll purely look out for their own interests.
Once you’ve accepted these things about them, you won’t negatively react when they act selfish. Because they will act selfish.
And now you can focus on the below more important ways to deal with them.
2) Give yourself the attention you know you deserve
Selfish people only want attention for themselves. But they don’t want to give it.
So it’s time to turn the tide and focus on yourself.
Forget about their problems that they can’t stop babbling about and focus on you.
If you’re feeling a bit down, ask yourself why. If you feel a little shabby, go and get a haircut and a massage.
You don’t have to ignore your own needs to give attention to a self-absorbed energy sucker.
It will only make you emotionally drained and you won’t be able to help out people who actually do need the help.
3) Whatever you do, don’t fall to their level
Selfish people are frustrating. They only care about themselves and they’ll manipulate you to get what they want.
So it’s crucial that you keep your wits about it and don’t play their game. If you feel like they’re manipulating you so you can help them out, put a stop to it.
In the same vain, don’t emotionally react to their selflish behavior.
If they cause you to be angry or frustrated, then you’re falling to their level of toxic energy, which won’t do anyone any good.
Know yourself and the loving person that you are.
4) Let them know that there’s more to the world than themselves
Selfish people think the whole world revolves around them. When you’re telling a story, they won’t be interested unless it involves them.
So if they’re unwilling to engage in anything that doesn’t involve themselves, it might be time to let them know that they’re not the center of the universe.
Don’t say it in an angry or aggressive manner. Calmly and logically let them know that they might not be as important as they think they are. It might be good for them.
5) Don’t give them attention
Selfish people crave people’s attention. They constantly look for sympathy. This is why they love to play the victim.
So if they’re telling you a story where they’re crying about the world being against them, don’t fall for their ridiculous story and simply tell them that that’s life.
They might be shocked, but it could be the tough love that they need to hear.
What’s more, if you don’t give them the attention they crave, their behavior may slowly change.
6) Don’t just talk about what they’re interested in – talk about what interests you
Self-absorbed people can sabotage your conversations so that they only talk about themselves and what they’re interested in.
Be mindful of this and don’t let it happen.
You’re not there to simply be a listener, especially when the topic of conversation is boring and it’s all about them.
Bring up random and interesting stories that you love to talk about. If they can’t handle it and want to get away from you, even better!
7) Stop doing everything that they demand you to do
There’s no getting around it: Selfish people want people to do things for them.
They won’t do anything for anyone else.
While it’s important to help out someone when they need help, there’s a line you don’t cross.
If they’re constantly asking you to do things for them and they’re doing nothing in return, then you need to put a stop to this one sided agreement.
It’s time to be assertive and stand up for yourself.
In a sensible manner, let them know that they never do anything for you and expect the world for themselves. You’re just as important as they are.
8) Don’t spend too much time with them
This is an obvious one, but many people make the same mistake over and over.
If you’re getting frustrated with how toxic and self-absorbed they are, limit your time with them.
Sometimes you have to respect yourself and your time. They might complain that you don’t have much time for them anymore, but stand firm.
Only see them every now and then. In this way, you can keep the friendship going but you won’t be as affected by their toxic energy.
9) Hang out with people better
The people you hang out with have a huge influence on your life.
According to life hacking expert Tim Ferriss, we’re the average of the 5 people we hang out with most.
If you continually hang out with selfish people, you might become selfish yourself. Now I know and you know that you don’t want that.
So what can you do? Hang out with people who are positive and uplifting. Life is too short to spend time with toxic and selfish people!
10) End the relationship
This is a drastic step. But if this selfish person is really getting to you and they’re seriously hindering your life, then you might want to consider what life might look without them.
If this selfish person is a narcissist, it’s not out of the question that they’ll damage you emotionally.
Narcissists are all about themselves and they’ll do anything to get what they want.
Sometimes you need to look out for yourself and your own emotional health. If you feel that they have the potential to damage you, then it might be time to bite the bullet and get rid of them.
Selfish people cause pain to the people around them.
They shatter hearts and cause problems for anyone.
Selfishness comes with immaturity. The most you can do is to let them stop controlling you to teach them that they’re wrong.
Let them know that they cannot control you. Hopefully, they will get the hint and go away.
Or they will realize it’s time to change.
Just keep your fingers crossed.
A quick message from Lachlan Brown, the founder of Hack Spirit
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