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Selfish boyfriends: Here are 25 key signs to watch for

Your boyfriend brings home flowers and chocolate one evening. This sounds amazing. Then, all of a sudden, everything is about him once again.

Does this sound like something you have been through?

You might be asking if you are in a relationship with a selfish boyfriend.

Selfish boyfriends come in different shapes and sizes. How do you know if you are in a relationship with a selfish boyfriend?

What are some of the signs you should look for? You may think you can pick out selfish (or clingy) people. On the other hand, it is easy to be thrown off by love and romance.

Fortunately, we are going to cover these signs for you.

Keep reading if you would like to spot the most important signs of a selfish boyfriend. Then, learn more about what you should do about it before he becomes a selfish husband.

What does it mean to be selfish in a relationship?

First, it is important to cover what it means to be selfish in a relationship.

When people think about someone who is selfish, they think about someone who refuses to share his or her things. You were taught to share as a child, right? Hogging material items can be something that selfish people do.

In a relationship, being selfish means something different.

Yes, it does mean that your boyfriend should share material things with you. On the other hand, there are other ways he can be selfish as well.

Some of the most common examples include:

  • Your boyfriend is unwilling to share his feelings with you.
  • Your boyfriend is unwilling to share his time with you.
  • Your boyfriend is unwilling to share his thoughts with you.

Even though being selfish can include material items, it includes other areas as well.

If you are in a relationship, this should go both ways.

This means that your boyfriend should be willing to share with you. If he is not, he may be a selfish boyfriend and you could be thinking about breaking up with him.

25 signs of a selfish boyfriend

1) He only talks about himself

People like to talk about themselves. For example, if something good happens in your life, you probably want to share it with other people.

Eventually, enough is enough.

You know that in order to get people to like you, you need to ask them questions about themselves.

Your boyfriend should understand this as well. Even simply asking, “how was your day?” can go a long way.

If your boyfriend is unwilling to even go this far, he may be selfish. If your boyfriend never stops talking about himself, that is because he is only thinking about himself.

Your boyfriend should ask you questions about yourself from time to time.

If your boyfriend doesn’t show any interest in getting to know you better, he may be selfish.

2) He expects your support but doesn’t give his support in return

Couples are supposed to support one another. That is why you provide support to your boyfriend. If your boyfriend expects you to support him, that is a sign that he cares about you.

On the other hand, your boyfriend should support you in return. If you need your boyfriend to be there for you, he should be willing to step up. After all, if you cannot count on your significant other to be there for you, what does this mean for your relationship?

If your boyfriend doesn’t support you in return, he may be selfish. You deserve to be in a relationship with someone who supports you.

3) He has a lot of insecurities

Now, if a man is very insecure, there’s a good chance his behavior will come across as selfish.

Therefore, it can be hard to work out whether this is just his personality, or if he’s just got very low self-esteem.

But if you think it could be the latter, there’s a way you can turn things around.

I’m referring to using hero instinct in your relationship. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this revolutionary concept is all about tapping into your man’s three innate drivers.

This is something most women don’t know about.

But once you trigger these drivers, your man will have a new lease on life — not only will his confidence grow, he’ll finally be able to treat you like he should without his insecurities holding him back.

This free video explains more about the hero instinct and how using it will make him determined to step up to the plate and be the man you deserve.

Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”. Do guys really need to feel like superheroes to be satisfied in relationships?

No. It has nothing to do with Marvel Studios. It comes at no cost or sacrifice to you or your independence.

All you need to do is make small changes to how you treat him, awaken his inner hero, and see how quickly he strives to earn your respect, put you first, and be the man he wants to be deep down.

And the best way to do this is by checking out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as the exact text messages to send him to trigger this very natural male instinct.

You see, that’s the beauty of the concept – you can put it into motion straight away.

It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to your partner to make him change his life around and commit to being the best partner for you — starting with leaving his insecurities and selfishness behind.

Here’s a link to the free video again.

4) When you don’t meet his expectations, he is unforgiving

You probably have certain standards in your relationship.

There is nothing wrong with having expectations. You probably work hard to meet the expectations of your boyfriend.

On the other hand, your boyfriend should at least make an effort to meet your expectations. If your boyfriend expects you to meet his expectations but doesn’t make an effort to meet yours, this is a one-way relationship.

A one-way relationship is a sign of a selfish boyfriend.

Your boyfriend should at least make an effort to be there for you and meet your expectations.

5) He is unwilling to change his schedule when you need him

Schedules provide structure and comfort.

If you have a schedule, you would probably like to keep it. Your boyfriend probably has a schedule as well. He tries to stick to it.

On the other hand, emergencies happen. Some of the most common examples of emergencies include:

  • You can end up at the hospital.
  • You are rushing to meet your plane flight.
  • You have a loved one who requires your assistance.
  • An emergency pops up at work.

Some things are simply more important than others. If there is an emergency and you need him to change his schedule, is he willing to do so?

If your boyfriend is unwilling to change his schedule in the event of an emergency, this is a sign that he may be selfish.

6) He is nice to you, but only when he gets something back

Couples are supposed to be nice to one another. Sure, nobody can be nice all of the time!

On the other hand, take note of when your boyfriend is being nice to you, which is not how a relationship should work.

Your boyfriend should be nice to you because he likes you.

On the other hand, some boyfriends are only nice to their significant others when they can get something in return.

If your boyfriend views his emotions as transactional, that is a problem.

If you notice that your boyfriend is only being nice to you when he wants something in return, he could be a selfish boyfriend and you may want to break up with him.

7) He tracks all of the nice things that he does for you

If you find that your boyfriend is tracking all of the nice things he does for you, ask yourself why he is keeping score. Your boyfriend should do nice things for you because he likes you.

If your boyfriend is keeping score of all the nice things he does for you, he may be adding up favors. Then, he may ask for something major in return.

That is not how relationships are supposed to work. If your boyfriend is keeping score, he could be selfish. Don’t be afraid to lose someone like this.

8) He appears to provide his love conditionally

One of the cornerstones of a strong relationship should be unconditional love. Just as you provide your love to your boyfriend unconditionally, you expect that in return.

If your gut is telling you that your boyfriend is only providing his love conditionally, that is a problem.

Why is your boyfriend providing his love with strings attached? What does he want in return? Does he even love you?

This is just another sign that he only cares about himself. If your boyfriend provides love conditionally, he could be selfish.

9) He is using you as an ATM

If your boyfriend comes to you and asks for money, there may be an emergency. This is another opportunity for you to do something nice for your boyfriend.

On the other hand, if he consistently comes to you for money whenever he needs it, even for small things, he could be selfish. Particularly if your boyfriend has money, why is he asking you for money?

If your boyfriend treats you like an ATM, he is selfish. Do not let him treat you like this.

10) He never asks any questions about you

If your boyfriend cares about you, he should ask questions about you. If you find that he is not asking any questions about you, he could be selfish.

For example, your boyfriend should be curious about what is happening in your life. Who do you hang out with? What do you like to do? Where do you want to go for dinner tonight?

If your boyfriend does not show any interest in you, he could be selfish. Your boyfriend should ask you questions about yourself from time to time.

This is a part of getting to know you better.

11) He doesn’t seem to remember what you talked about the day before

Your boyfriend should remember what you talked about the prior day. Sure, everyone forgets things from time to time.

On the other hand, if you notice that your boyfriend never seems to remember anything about your conversations, this is a problem.

It is a sign that he does not care about what you talked about.

A boyfriend who cares should remember your conversations. If not, he could be a selfish boyfriend.

12) He doesn’t remember who your friends are

Your boyfriend is probably not going to remember the names of all of your friends. On the other hand, he should remember the names of friends you hang out with all the time.

You are probably going to talk about your best friend.

Your boyfriend will probably even join you when you hang out with them occasionally. Therefore, he should remember their names.

If you find that your boyfriend is not able to remember the names of your closest friends, that is a problem. It is a sign that he doesn’t really care about getting to know you as a person.

It could be a sign that he is selfish.

13) He appears to be very defensive

Someone who is selfish is going to be unwilling to accept criticism.

If your boyfriend is selfish, he cares only about himself. Therefore, he is going to get defensive when you criticize him.

If your boyfriend is defensive, you should ask yourself why.

He may do everything he can to protect his flaws even while pointing out your own. He may believe that he’s perfect because that’s who he cares about most.

Your boyfriend should be willing to accept blame and fault for things that are his responsibility. If not, he is a selfish boyfriend.

14) He is unwilling to compromise with you about anything

Relationships are supposed to be about compromise. You aren’t going to get it your way every time. On the other hand, your boyfriend shouldn’t get it his way every time either.

If your boyfriend is not willing to compromise, that is because he believes that he is right. Furthermore, he thinks he is right all the time.

If your boyfriend has to compromise, he may feel like he is losing control. He won’t be able to tolerate this. This is just another sign of a selfish boyfriend.

15) He doesn’t provide you with any breathing room

You are supposed to be close to your boyfriend in a relationship. On the other hand, you two are not the same people. You should have some breathing room from time to time.

If your boyfriend is unwilling to provide you with any breathing room at all, it is because he is controlling. He only cares about himself and he wants to control you as well.

If you feel like you are being suffocated, it could be because your boyfriend is selfish. You should have some freedom to make your own decisions as well.

16) He has selfish habits in bed

If you are in a relationship with someone, you should care about satisfying that person in bed.

Of course, your boyfriend has needs as well. On the other hand, a relationship should go both ways, particularly in the bedroom.

If he is selfish in bed, it is because he only cares about his needs. He doesn’t actually care about your needs.

If he doesn’t make any effort to satisfy you, then he is a selfish lover.

A selfish lover is a selfish boyfriend.

17) He doesn’t seem to have a lot of friends

If you think your boyfriend is selfish, you may be wondering if other people are thinking the same thing.

Does he have a lot of friends? Does he invite you to hang out with his friends?

If he doesn’t have a lot of friends, it is probably because he’s selfish around his friends as well.

Take note of how many friends he has. If he has a lot of friends, it is a sign that he does nice things for his friends.

If he doesn’t have a lot of friends, he’s probably a selfish person. That could make him a selfish boyfriend as well.

18) He doesn’t seem to be living in the real world

If your boyfriend seems to be living in his own world, he may be too busy to think about you. That’s because his interests, thoughts, and emotions are more important to him.

He may be more interested in the sporting event on TV. He may be more interested in his video game. He may be more interested in his friends. The common theme is that he is not interested in you.

You should be a part of his world.

If you do sign that he is preoccupied with his own fantasies, he doesn’t care about you. If he doesn’t care about you, he’s a selfish boyfriend.

19) He always uses the word “ME” instead of “WE”

When you are in a relationship with someone else, you two should do things together. Therefore, your boyfriend should be using the word “we” instead of “me.”

If he uses the word “me” a lot of the time, it’s a sign that he’s still thinking about himself.

He should look at your relationship as a couple. He should use the word “we.” If not, he’s a selfish boyfriend.

20) He doesn’t seem to surprise you about anything

You are probably a nice girlfriend.

You plan fun evenings with him and surprise him with the occasional gift. You also are willing to try everything that he wants to do in bed.

So, what does he do for you? Does he surprise you from time to time? Does he go out of his way to plan something exciting for you?

If not, it is because he’s never thinking about you. If he doesn’t think about you, he’s selfish.

21) You don’t seem to be living your own life anymore

Before you entered a relationship, you had your own life. You had your own friends. You had your own job. You even had your own place.

Now, it doesn’t feel like you are living your own life at all.

Your boyfriend appears to control everything. You don’t even get to decide what to do with your own money.

If that is the case, you are no longer living your own life. Your boyfriend controls everything because he is selfish. If you don’t live your own life, it could be because your boyfriend is selfish.

22) His family members have similar experiences to your own

Finally, you have gotten the opportunity to meet his family.

That is great, right? Then, it appears that his family members always have a “but” when they talk about him.

Ask his family members about their experiences. If his family members appear to have similar experiences, it may be that your boyfriend is selfish.

23) You suspect he has ulterior motives

If your gut tells you that your boyfriend always has ulterior motives, you should ask yourself why.

If you find that your boyfriend does something nice that is out of character, that may be a good thing. Or, it may be a sign that your boyfriend has ulterior motives.

Does everything always come with strings attached? If so, your boyfriend may be selfish.

24) He always asks you to change but never changes himself

If you are changing to better meet the needs of your boyfriend, that is a good sign because you care about him. On the other hand, your boyfriend should change to meet your needs from time to time as well.

If your boyfriend appears to be unwilling to change for you, it is a sign that he could be selfish.

25) He is never there for you when you need him the most

Finally, is your boyfriend there for you when you need him the most?

When your best friend is going through a tough time, is your boyfriend there for you? When you have a sick family member, is your boyfriend there for you?

Your boyfriend should be there for you when you need him the most.

If he is not there for you, it is a sign that he cares only about himself. That is the sign of a selfish boyfriend.

Why are boyfriends so selfish?

Your boyfriend likes you. Therefore, he should care about you, right?

There are several reasons why boyfriends might be selfish. These include:

  • He has gotten his way throughout his entire life
  • He has never had to compromise on anything
  • He has never been taught that the emotions, desires, and needs of other people matter
  • He is afraid that your relationship is going to ruin his personal life
  • He is unable to do things for himself
  • He is worried that you are going to be superior to him in the relationship

Ultimately, a selfish boyfriend does not understand the meaning of the word partnership. If you are nervous about your relationship, learn about relationship anxiety.

Spot the signs of a selfish boyfriend

In the end, your boyfriend should care about you.

Your relationship needs to go both ways. Sure, you are going to have to compromise and change to meet the needs of your boyfriend.

On the other hand, your boyfriend should also be willing to make adjustments for you. Your boyfriend should care about your life, ask about you, and remember what you like the most.

If you aren’t noticing signs that your boyfriend cares about you, you could be in a relationship with a selfish boyfriend. Don’t you deserve better?

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Written by Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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