12 secrets to being a charismatic and approachable person

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Are you looking to be more approachable and charismatic in social situations? Do you want to make new friends or expand your professional network? 

Today, I’ll reveal 12 secrets to being a charismatic and approachable person. Applying them will improve your social skills and build meaningful connections with others in no time. 

So, what are we waiting for? Let’s dive in!

1) Be confident and comfortable in your own skin

I can’t stress this enough, but if you aren’t comfortable in your own skin, people will notice it, which could make them uncomfortable around you too.

People love confident individuals and look up to them. Charismatic people are relaxed in their own skin, and it shows. They know who they are and what they stand for. 

You must develop your unique personality and style and be confident in your abilities. However, confidence and arrogance are two completely different things. 

Be confident but not arrogant. 

2) Be authentic 

One way of being more comfortable in your skin is to be genuine. If you’re simply being you, and aren’t doing an act, that should make it easier, right?

For me, it has always been easier to be true to myself and not try to be someone I’m not. People can usually sniff out when someone is being fake and insincere. 

Just remember what happened to Elizabeth Holmes, who founded the blood-testing startup Theranos. 

She was on top of the world for many years, even being featured on the covers of Forbes, Fortune, Glamour, and The New York Times magazines until one person basically called her out, and (almost) everyone started seeing her for what she really was – a fraud.  

Yes, it took a single person to make enough fuss and end her charade. 

My point is not to fake it until you make it, even if you’re a Silicon Valley founder. Instead, do the following.

3) Embrace your uniqueness

We all have something unique about us. It could be our upbringing or how we look, dress, or act. 

Even if you think there’s nothing remarkable about you, I’m pretty sure other people see something in and about you that stands out.  

Why not ask some of your friends, colleagues, or family members what’s the thing that differentiates you from others? Ask your boss what they saw in you when they hired you. 

You’ll soon realize what’s your unique personality trait that you can play into to make you more charismatic and approachable.  

4) Be genuinely interested in other people

People are naturally attracted to those who show genuine interest in them. Ask people about their interests, hobbies, and experiences. 

Don’t ask the usual and boring questions that most people ask. Such as “What do you do for a living,” or Are you married?”

Here are some questions I use when I want to know more about a certain person. These are also the perfect icebreakers, as people typically don’t get asked these kinds of things:

  • If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you choose?
  • What is your favorite thing to do on the weekends?
  • Do you have any pets? If so, tell me about them!
  • What was the last adventure or new experience you had?
  • What are you most looking forward to in the next year?
  • If you could switch lives with anyone for a day, who would it be and why?
  • If you could go back and relive any year of your life, which year would you choose?

5) Be a good listener 

One thing is to ask questions; another is to listen actively and respond thoughtfully. 

Avoid interrupting and show that you’re engaged in the conversation by nodding and asking questions.

Repeat what people said to you so they know that you were, in fact, listening to them and weren’t just nodding along during the conversation. 

6) Use people’s names 

Using people’s names when you speak to them can help create a connection and make them feel valued. Try to remember people’s names and use them in conversations.

I’ve long struggled to remember people’s names, but have since learned it’s a common occurrence that most people struggle with. 

Meeting a lot of new people at once makes this even worse. So here are some tips on how to overcome this common and annoying issue: 

  • Repeat their name
  • Associate their name with something
  • Ask them to spell their name
  • Use their name in conversation
  • Visualize their name
  • Make a connection
  • Create a mnemonic device, such as an acronym or a rhyme

7) Use humor 

Humor is an important social mechanism when meeting new people because it helps break the ice and creates a positive and enjoyable atmosphere.

When we laugh with other people, it creates a sense of belonging and can quickly connect us to others. 

If we’re laid back and funny when meeting and talking to others, it makes us more approachable and magnetic. It can also be a great way to showcase your personality and sense of fun. 

Just be careful not to make fun of someone or put them (too much) on the spot. This could really derail your efforts. 

8) Show gratitude 

Everyone likes to be appreciated and shown gratitude. By doing exactly that, in a genuine way, you’re building stronger relationships and creating positive feelings. 

An easy way of doing something like that very easily is to raise your glass and thank the hosts for a perfect evening and an opportunity for everyone to gather at this event. 

However, you need to watch out for this next thing. 

9) Be mindful of your tone 

The tone of your voice conveys plenty of information about your mood and your intentions. As I already said, people can sniff out fakes. 

Try to use a friendly and warm tone that conveys your positive attitude. Show that you really mean what you just said and that you genuinely care about them, their problems, and their circumstances – happy or sad. 

10) Follow through on commitments 

A great way of doing that is to follow through on any commitments you made. This will show others how reliable and trustworthy you are, making you even more approachable. 

Listen, I’ve made appointments and commitments that I soon regretted. However, there’s no need to weasel your way out of them. Simply follow through. 

You never know, but you could just have a good time if you relax and take it at face value.  

11) Share your own struggles and challenges

Another powerful tool for building connections with others is showing vulnerability. When you share your struggles and challenges with others, it can help create a sense of empathy and understanding. 

It can also help others feel more comfortable sharing their own vulnerabilities, which can deepen the level of trust and camaraderie in the relationship.

They will see you as a sincere person that they can share their deepest thoughts with. I mean, what’s more welcoming than that, right?  

If you don’t know where to start, here are some quick tips:

  • Start with someone you trust
  • Try to be as specific as possible, but
  • Set boundaries
  • Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements
  • Be honest about how you feel

12) Be inclusive

And finally, to be charismatic and approachable, you need to be (more) inclusive. Try to make an effort to include everyone in conversations and activities. Avoid cliques and exclusive groups. We’re not in high school anymore. 

Instead, be welcoming to newcomers, and let them share their thoughts if they want to. After all, it’s what you’d like someone did for you.

Final thoughts

If you’ve made it to the end of this article, congratulations! You’re on your way to being a charismatic and approachable individual. 

Someone people will look up to and ask for their opinions. But be careful not to display these 10 behaviors that make you appear less confident in social situations. 

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Tina Fey

I'm Tina Fey, the founder of the blog Love Connection. I've extremely passionate about sharing relationship advice. I've studied psychology and have my Masters in marital, family, and relationship counseling. I hope with all my heart to help you improve your relationships, and I hope that even if one thing I write helps you, it means more to me than just about anything else in the world. Check out my blog Love Connection, and if you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter

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