If you really want to be resilient in life, say goodbye to these 7 behaviors

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Resilience is defined as the ability to withstand difficult situations and bounce back quickly from challenging life events.

It doesn’t mean you don’t get stressed or feel down about things, as we all do when bad things happen.

But it means we can cope with trauma, adversity, and hardship, and enjoy more life satisfaction for it.

Having resilience is a skill. And while it’s a skill many of us seem to simply have, it’s also one that can be learned and strengthened over time.

Being more aware of your behaviors and attempting to change the way you respond can improve your overall resilience in life.

And, as studies have shown, the more resilient you are, the happier you’ll be with your life.

Let’s take a look at the 7 behaviors you should say goodbye to if you really want to be resilient in life!

1) Letting small things or people ruin your day

Surely we’ve all done it where we’ve written a day off as a “bad day” very early on because of something small that’s happened to us.

Like if a customer shouted at us for getting their order wrong. Or we missed our train. Or even a pigeon made a mess of our blazer on the way to work.

But resilient people don’t get beaten down so easily. They don’t dwell on the bad and let it take over their entire day.

Instead, they pick themselves back up when things go wrong, focus on the positives of the day, and keep going with a smile.

2) Isolating yourself when you feel low

Everyone recharges in different ways, especially if you’re an introvert.

But if you’re going through a rough patch at work, in your relationship, or just in life, isolating yourself can be one of the worst things for your mental well-being.

According to studies, social isolation can make you more likely to experience depression, anxiety, and physical health issues (like poor cardiovascular health).

Signs you’re isolating yourself include avoiding social interactions that were once enjoyable, canceling plans, and spending more time away from people than with them.

But continuing to exercise, see friends, and enjoy hobbies you previously enjoyed during rough times are signs you’re highly resilient.

3) Seeking validation from everyone but yourself

We all want to feel validated.

Psychologists tell us that we feel seen, heard, accepted, and understood when we’re validated by others.

Overall, getting validation from our friends, partner, boss, teachers, and family is good for our self-esteem and self-worth.

However, studies have also shown that relying on external validation can make us anxious and depressed.

It can be a sign of low self-confidence and it can make external disapproval or criticism so much worse.

But resilient people don’t rely on how many likes they get on social media or what their family thinks of their career choices to feel validated in themselves.

Instead, they know how to find validation in themselves when they need it.

Whether that’s by saying nice things to yourself, treating yourself, prioritizing your needs, or acknowledging (and congratulating yourself) on your achievements.

4) Complaining excessively about annoyances

We all complain sometimes, and complaining isn’t always a bad thing.

Venting about our issues can have a beneficial effect on our overall well-being and make us feel better about the issue at hand (according to research).

But excessive complaining has the opposite effect.

It has an impact on us both physically and mentally.

A fascinating study found that complaining can physically damage our brains.

It can reduce the size of our hippocampus, which is responsible for memory and problem-solving.

Resilient people can problem-solve and get themselves out of issues. And complaining excessively can impact how well we’re able to do this.

So, quit complaining and see how it impacts your overall resilience in life.

5) Dwelling on problems

Dwelling on the bad things that happen to you and criticizing yourself for things you did or didn’t do can make you feel worse in the long run.

Signs you’re dwelling on your problems could be that you overthink everything that happened in a day or things that happened in the past.

Or going over and over an argument in your head and beating yourself up over things you should have said.

A great way to stop dwelling on your problems is to set yourself a limit for how long you’re going to think about something.

Like giving yourself 15 minutes to feel down about an issue and give in to self-pity about the bad things that have happened in your life.

Use this time to journal it out, meditate on the matter, talk to a loved one, or simply think it all through.

But then, once the time is over, let the issue go and move on.

6) Giving up easily

Giving up on a new hobby, exercise, or thing we’re trying because of something someone said to us is, unfortunately, not something a resilient person does.

I had a friend who stopped going to the gym because someone told them they were doing an exercise wrong.

Unless you’re a certain type of person, most of us dislike being told we’re doing things wrong at the gym (or anywhere, in fact).

Especially if we’re trying a new exercise or still learning how to perfect our form. We already know it’s not perfect!

But, while it’s uncomfortable to be told these things, giving up easily is a behavior you need to stop if you want to be more resilient.

So, keep going despite what other people say, and don’t let them stop you from doing what you want to.

7) Changing plans because of other people’s opinions

Similar to the above point, don’t change your plans because of someone else’s opinion if you want to be more resilient.

I think we’ve all experienced the sinking feeling in our stomachs when someone scorns at something we want to do or plans we share.

Like if you’re at a family dinner and tell people you want to be a weather reporter, and your uncle tells you it’s not a “real job”.

Or if you’ve decided to audition for the school drama club and your friends make fun of you for it.

But changing your plans and not pursuing what you want to pursue will only impact you in the end.

Because at the end of the day, other people’s opinions are just that: opinions.

They aren’t facts and they aren’t things we have to take on board or listen to if we don’t want to.

So don’t let them stop you from reaching your goals.

Final thoughts

Being a more resilient person can serve us well in all aspects of our lives.

It can improve our career prospects, relationships, physical health, and overall sense of life satisfaction.

It’s easy to forget how the little things we do can impact how quickly we’re able to bounce back from bad things that happen to us.

But, by noticing your behaviors and taking steps to respond differently, you can gradually build your resilience and confidently take on whatever life throws your way in the future! 

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Tina Fey

I'm Tina Fey, the founder of the blog Love Connection. I've extremely passionate about sharing relationship advice. I've studied psychology and have my Masters in marital, family, and relationship counseling. I hope with all my heart to help you improve your relationships, and I hope that even if one thing I write helps you, it means more to me than just about anything else in the world. Check out my blog Love Connection, and if you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter

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