If you really want to grow as a person, say goodbye to these 7 habits

You obviously want to grow as a person — the fact that you’re reading this article proves that!

The thing is, a lot of books and courses try to teach strategies while ignoring something extremely important.

You could have some bad habits that are holding you back and sabotaging all of your efforts. 

I myself realized that this was the reason why I wasn’t seeing progress in my goals, and it’s all because I was doing these 7 things.

When I stopped? Everything just fell into place. 

Obviously, you want to avoid making the same mistake I did. So keep on reading to find out about the 7 habits you need to say goodbye to to grow as a person.

1) Comparing yourself to others

Let’s start with one of the most common, and also most dangerous habits: comparing yourself to others.

On one hand, this may seem like something useful to do if you want to grow as a person. For example, if I want to become a good writer, I’ll read what other people have written, analyze what they’re doing well, and compare it against my own writing to see what I can do better.

And it’s true that this kind of comparison can be productive. But most of us fall into the trap of comparing ourselves all the time — and in a way that’s very not helpful.

“That girl is 2 years younger than me, but she already has a successful business.” Or, “That guy transformed his body in 6 months, while I’ve been going to the gym for 8 and I don’t see the same results.”

You absolutely must say goodbye to doing this if you’re truly committed to self-growth. Why? Because each person is on a unique path.

It’s like if I’m traveling from New York to Italy, and someone else is traveling from Bangkok to Beijing, and I start comparing our flight times, layovers, and itineraries. 

That makes absolutely no sense, right? And well, that’s what you’re doing if you start comparing yourself to other people all the time. 

So remember, the only person you should be comparing yourself to is your past self. 

2) Putting yourself down

Recently, a friend of mine shared a photo memory of me from 7 years ago. I looked at it, groaned, and immediately typed out a dozen things I didn’t like about myself.

My friend was completely floored. “What? I just see a happy young person wearing a tank top and enjoying a sangria!” 

And that’s when I realized: I was putting myself down in a way I’d never dare do to another person.

And the sad thing is, so many other people do it without even realizing, just like me.

We become our own worst critic, with impossible expectations of ourselves. We start to have this soundtrack of constant bashing and negative talk running in our minds.

And it’s a horrible habit for anyone who wants to grow as a person.

When I realized this, I immediately started working on my mindset to make a habit of being kinder to myself. And that’s one big part why I’ve been able to make such amazing leaps in my journey over the past few years. 

3) Running from your past

You’ve probably got some things in your past that you’d rather forget: traumas that you haven’t processed, things that went wrong, or maybe even mistakes you’re ashamed of. 

I know I had enough memories like this to fill up several photo albums. 

And I know, it can be extremely painful to even go anywhere near these memories. That’s why a lot of us stuff them away in the back of our minds.

But that’s one of the things that will really hold you back. Each thing from your past that you’re running from is like a heavy suitcase that you’re carrying with you.

How far do you think you’ll get with all this baggage? 

At some point, you need to put it down, and free yourself to move forward

What helped me most with this, personally, was investing in a therapist. If you’ve got some painful memories you haven’t processed yet, you should find a way to deal with them so you can move forward lighter. 

4) Always putting your happiness first

Here’s a habit you might not have considered saying goodbye to. In fact, it may even seem counter-intuitive. 

But let me explain.

Imagine you’re working on your fitness, and have an exercise and food program you’re following to reach your goals. 

So tonight, you should go to the gym, do your 1-hour routine, and then prepare a healthy and balanced dinner including lots of nutritious vegetables. 

But you’ve had a long day at work, and this doesn’t sound particularly appealing. The couch looks so comfortable, and it would be so much easier to order a pizza and watch Netflix. 

Obviously, the second option would bring you more happiness. But which one will help you grow more as a person?

This highlights the difference between short-term happiness and long-term fulfillment and satisfaction

You should, of course, give yourself treat days and allow yourself a break to just enjoy yourself once in a while. But you can’t do it all the time, or you won’t be able to make any progress at all.

5) Not doing things because you’re scared

What’s something you’ve been wanting to do, but haven’t because you’re scared?

If nothing comes up, then think harder, because I can guarantee we’ve all got at least one thing like this.

For me, it was writing and publishing an ebook. I was scared I wouldn’t do a good job, that it wouldn’t be successful or help enough people, and so I put it off for a long time.

And then I realized that I was giving up on a dream without even trying, all because of a feeling. 

Because that’s all that fear is. There is no actual danger or threat in your life. It’s only a feeling.

And so I went ahead and wrote my ebook — and then another one. And you know what? It’s been one of the best and most transformative experiences of my life. 

And now I’ve set my sights on even bigger goals. You too can experience the same breakthroughs if you let go of this bad habit. 

6) Trying to make everything perfect

Here’s to all my fellow perfectionists! If you have proudly been assigning yourself this label, then my friend, I have some news for you.

It’s time to say goodbye to this habit once and for all.

The thing about perfectionism is that it’s great at giving you excuses. “I’ll start posting once I understand the algorithm perfectly”. (By the time you do, it will have changed 146 times).

Or “I’ll submit my art to a contest when I get it perfect.” But what is perfect?? It’s something that’s impossible to reach. 

At least, it’s impossible to reach without putting yourself out there, warts and all. If I wanted to wait until I was perfect before I tried to do anything meaningful, I would never have published my ebooks that I mentioned earlier.

Because are they perfect? Definitely not! But are they extremely valuable and did they still help thousands of people committed to improving their relationships? Hell yes!

And, did I learn a lot from the experience, and will I be able to do an even better job next time? Absolutely.

Being hung up on perfectionism robs you of these opportunities that are so valuable if you really want to grow as a person

7) Blaming other people

Last but not least, this is the habit I probably struggled with the most. And chances are, you may too.

When things go wrong in your life, what do you do? Do you blame the bus driver for not waiting half a second more when you miss the bus?

Do you blame the customer for being rude when you have a difficult interaction at work?

Do you blame your partner for not listening to you when you have a misunderstanding?

Obviously, everyone around us is human — and they do make mistakes. But how will it help you to believe that everything bad that happens is someone else’s fault?

I used to do this out of anger and resentment that was built up in me from my past.

And then I realized, I was giving away all my power. If it’s always someone else’s fault, then that means there’s nothing I can do about it — and what other people do is completely out of my control.

So I learned to look at what I could improve instead. And I realized, it doesn’t matter whose fault it is. What matters is this: ever since I’ve said goodbye to this habit, I’ve skyrocketed my personal growth

It’s time for you to do the same.

Ready to take your personal growth to the next level?

You’ve just learned 7 habits to let go of, if you really want to grow as a person.

Because learning new, good habits it’s a big part of the process — but you’ll never get far if you don’t make room for them by letting go of the bad ones that hold you back.

And if you make sure to cut these 7 out of your life, you’re sure to see some amazing changes in your life follow. 

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Tina Fey

I'm Tina Fey, the founder of the blog Love Connection. I've extremely passionate about sharing relationship advice. I've studied psychology and have my Masters in marital, family, and relationship counseling. I hope with all my heart to help you improve your relationships, and I hope that even if one thing I write helps you, it means more to me than just about anything else in the world. Check out my blog Love Connection, and if you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter

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