12 rules refined people follow to elevate their life

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Contrary to what most people think, being refined is more than just what you wear and what car you drive; it’s how you present yourself and treat other people.

Refined people are known for their elegance, subtlety, and social tact.

So if you’ve ever wondered you can become a refined person yourself, this article will tell you exactly the kind of traits you need to develop.

Here are a few:

1. They are True to Themselves

Refined people aren’t always the most popular people, and that desire for integrity and independence is precisely what makes them high-quality. 

In a world that forces people to adapt to systems and fit in, they’re not afraid to ascertain who they are, even if it’s not the most popular option.

They’re not afraid to embrace their quirks and be a little different.

They’re refined because they keep their head held high and don’t try to pretend to be anyone else but themselves.

2. They’re Good Listeners

Conversations are great ways to connect with another person.

It’s the chance where both of you get to learn more about each other — at least, in an ideal setting.

It’s more common now to be talking to someone who’s got their phone in their hand, glancing at it every few seconds or so.

That’s a sign that they’re distracted, not engaged in your talk, and, overall, not listening to you.

Refined people take the opportunity for conversation to truly get to know whomever they’re talking to.

You can observe that their phone is nowhere to be found — it’s tucked away in their pocket.

When you’re talking to a refined person, they are there with you; remembering the small details and asking you engaging questions.

They’re always paying attention to the person they’re talking to, and it shows.

3. They’re Observant

Refined people are observant — they pay attention to everything that happens around them.

Watching people work, being engaged in conversations, or just having a friendly conversation with someone, they are always watching every action and all the facial expressions that accompany that action or conversation.

This makes them quite good at figuring people out based on their body language and aura.

They also understand that people are complex and it takes time to get to know someone.

This is why they’re not quick to pass judgment and they don’t get emotional very easily.

They prefer to take an overarching view of everything before giving their advice or opinion.

4. They Respect Everyone

A diverse world means having people who have diverse perspectives on politics; different tastes in movies and music; and a variety of outlooks on life.

People have a tendency to stick with people who share their values and ideals and shun those who don’t.

Historically, the differences in beliefs have made way for division and, unfortunately, hostility among people.

While refined people have their own set of beliefs and values, they welcome those who have a different mindset from theirs.

Beneath the opinions and the colors, they understand that we are all the same; we are all human beings together.

They set aside their differences and seek to connect and understand others.

5. They are Accepting of Change

It’s difficult to accept change. Humans like to think that everything is fixed.

But the truth is, the universe is constantly changing all the time and if you can’t accept that then you’ll probably cause yourself suffering.

A refined person understands that this is the way the world operates.

They know change might be a little frightening, but embrace it is the only way to grow and adapt.

After all, they don’t let the changing nature of life scare them, because why should fear something you can’t stop in the first place?

6. They Take Pride in Their Appearance

Refined people know that first impressions are important.

When it comes to how people perceive you, the image you present to them is a big part of that.

This is why refined people pay attention to their personal appearance and treat every day or occasion as an opportunity to dress up in something nice and look good.

They’re not necessarily doing it for attention or to show off, but they know the importance of making a good first impression.

And on top of that, they know how good they feel on the inside when they make an effort on the outside!

That’s why they:

– Walk tall with your shoulders pulled back
– Wear flattering clothing
– Are well groomed (good hygiene, clean teeth, regular haircuts)
– Eat/drink and sleep well
– Exercise to keep in good shape

Most people make the mistake of thinking refined people only wear designer clothes, but that’s not true.

When you carry yourself well and treat your body like a temple, you don’t have to wear expensive shoes or flashy jewelry. It’s all about your presence and the energy you exude!

7. They Carefully Choose Their Words

Think to yourself, what’s more refined: someone who dominates the conversation, who goes on and on and on without thinking about anyone else, and says whatever sudden thought pops up in her mind?

Or someone who encourages discussion from others, and thinks deeply before sharing their thoughts, just to make sure their words are true to them.

Obviously, refined people are often the latter.

They possess the self-awareness to think before they talk, and don’t feel the need to go on endlessly.

While there’s nothing wrong with being talkative around people you love, it can come across as a bit obnoxious to people you’re less familiar with.

8. They Avoid Petty Arguments

Some people tend to make a big deal out of seemingly trivial things.

Maybe someone texted them with a different tone, or their partner watched a movie without them, or they watched a movie without their partner.

For some, these can be grave mistakes that could very much escalate to an all-out argument.

But refined people have no time for that.

Instead of raising their voice and getting frustrated, they calmly discuss what went wrong and tries to find the solution to it.

They don’t lose their temper because they know it isn’t going to do anyone any good anyway.

9. They Stand By Their Word

One of the top traits of a refined person that separates them from everyone else is that they stand by their word.

If they agree to a business deal with a handshake, they stick to that deal later when the contract is drawn up.

If they tell you they are going to help you move next week, they show up with their work boots and a smile.

Of course, no person is perfect:

Sometimes they cancel, get sick or have something come up.

But if they give you their word, you can be sure they will do their level best to stick to it.

10. They’re Generous

Being generous means that you’re giving without any schemes to receive anything in return, or manipulate or control those you are being generous with.

A refined person knows that life isn’t only about them. Everybody goes through tough times and we all need a helping hand every now and then.

It’s nothing to be ashamed about to seek help from others, and this is why a refined person won’t seek anything in return.

Generally, the most generous people actually tend to be those who don’t have much, because they know what it is like to have nothing.

11. They Don’t Compare Themselves to Others

A refined person understands that some have it better than they do, but many have it much worse.

In the end, a refined person realizes that nothing good can come from comparing themselves to others.

Either, it will make you feel miserable, or it will make you feel superior to others.

Each outcome is undesirable because everybody is equal according to a refined person.

They prefer to focus on themselves and improve what they think they could do better.

12. They Don’t Chase Trends

Others tend to splurge on the latest trendy outfit only to look just like everyone else. But refined people stand out.

When it comes to fashion, a refined person tends to lean more toward timeless pieces rather than whatever is trendy at the moment.

They understand that trends come and go, but vintage tops and elegant clothes are always going to be in.

They’re timeless pieces for a timeless person.

Even their attitudes are based on timeless virtues such as honesty and trust.

Lost Your Sense of Purpose?

In this age of information overload and pressure to meet others’ expectations, many struggle to connect with their core purpose and values. It’s easy to lose your inner compass.

Jeanette Brown created this free values discovery PDF to help clarify your deepest motivations and beliefs. As an experienced life coach and self-improvement teacher, Jeanette guides people through major transitions by realigning them with their principles.

Her uniquely insightful values exercises will illuminate what inspires you, what you stand for, and how you aim to operate. This serves as a refreshing filter to tune out societal noise so you can make choices rooted in what matters most to you.

With your values clearly anchored, you’ll gain direction, motivation and the compass to navigate decisions from your best self – rather than fleeting emotion or outside influences.

Stop drifting without purpose. Rediscover what makes you come alive with Jeanette Brown’s values clarity guide.

 

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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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