Having a good relationship with your adult child isn’t about being the perfect parent—it’s about creating an environment where they feel comfortable, respected, and valued.
Once they grow up, the dynamic shifts. They’re no longer obligated to spend time with you; they get to decide how much space they want in the relationship.
If they seem distant or uninterested in hanging out, it might not be about a lack of love—it could be certain habits that make them feel unheard, judged, or drained.
The good news? Small changes can make a big difference.
If you want your adult child to genuinely enjoy your company, it’s time to reflect on how you interact with them. Here are seven habits that might be pushing them away—and what to do instead.
1) Stop the constant advice
As parents, it’s our instinct to guide our children and offer advice at every turn.
This habit, however, can become an irritant when dealing with adult children. They’re grown-ups now, trying to navigate their own path and make their own decisions.
While your intentions might be pure, constant unsolicited advice can come across as controlling or undermining their ability to handle life. It can create a sense of dependency and prevent them from growing as individuals.
Let your adult child ask for advice when they need it. Show them you trust their judgment and respect their independence.
It’s not about being passive or uninvolved, but about giving them the space to grow and learn from their own experiences.
2) Letting go of “the comparison game”
I confess, I’ve been guilty of this one. Comparing my child to their peers, siblings, or even to my younger self. It was a habit I picked up from my own parents.
But then I noticed the strain it was putting on our relationship. My child would become defensive and our conversation would turn sour. I realized I was inadvertently sending a message that they weren’t good enough.
I decided to stop the comparison game. Instead, I began to focus on their individual strengths and achievements. The change in our relationship was transformative.
Remember, every person is unique and has their own timeline. Celebrate your adult child for who they are, not how they stack up against others.
3) Overstepping boundaries
Respecting boundaries is crucial in any relationship, and this includes the one with your adult child.
As author Peg Streep wrote in Psychology Today, “It would appear that there can be hidden costs to parents’ involvement in their adult children’s lives.”
Constantly offering unsolicited advice, prying into their personal matters, or expecting them to prioritize family obligations over their own life can feel suffocating.
Even if your intentions come from a place of love, too much involvement can push them away rather than bring them closer.
The key is to offer support without overstepping. Let them come to you when they need guidance instead of inserting yourself into their decisions.
Respect their autonomy, trust their ability to handle their own life, and remember that giving them space doesn’t mean they love you any less—it means they feel secure enough to stand on their own.
You’ll find it brings you closer rather than pushing them away.
4) Dominating conversations
Communication is a two-way street. In conversations with your adult child, remember it’s just as important to listen as it is to speak.
Avoid dominating the conversation or turning every discussion into a monologue about your own experiences. Allow them to share their stories, views, and feelings without interruption or judgment.
Creating a space where they feel heard and valued will not only strengthen your relationship but also provide you with valuable insights into their world.
5) Holding onto old conflicts
I’ll admit, there was a time when I held onto grudges, dwelling on past arguments and disagreements.
But I learned the hard way that this habit was only creating walls between my child and me.
Old conflicts should be left in the past. Continually bringing them up can prevent you from moving forward and establishing a healthy relationship.
It was a difficult journey, but learning to forgive and forget, letting go of past hurts and focusing on the present moment, transformed our relationship. It can do the same for you as well.
6) Ignoring their interests
Just as you want your adult child to respect and acknowledge your passions, they want the same from you.
When you dismiss or ignore what they care about, it can send the message that their interests—and by extension, their identity—don’t really matter to you.
Over time, this can create emotional distance, making conversations feel surface-level rather than meaningful.
Showing interest doesn’t mean you have to love the same things they do—it just means making an effort to engage.
Ask them about their favorite books, music, or hobbies. If they’re passionate about something you don’t understand, let them teach you about it. Even a simple “Tell me more about that” can go a long way in making them feel seen and valued.
A helpful mindset shift is to start seeing your adult child as a person you’d like to know better—just like you would with a new friend. What excites them? What are their thoughts on the world? What makes them light up in conversation?
When you approach them with genuine curiosity instead of parental expectations, your bond naturally becomes stronger.
After all, the best relationships—family or not—are built on mutual respect and the joy of truly knowing each other.
7) Forgetting to express love and appreciation
At the end of the day, your adult child needs to hear that you love them and appreciate them. Never let them doubt this truth.
No matter how independent or grown-up they seem, knowing they are valued by you can make a world of difference in your relationship.
It’s easy to assume they already know how much you care, but unspoken love doesn’t always translate into felt love.
A simple “I’m proud of you” or “I love having you in my life” can go a long way. Even small gestures—checking in, remembering important dates, or acknowledging their hard work—can reinforce that they are seen and appreciated.
As adults, we all want to feel valued in our relationships, and your child is no different. Think about how good it feels when someone tells you they’re grateful for you—why not give your child that same reassurance?
Love doesn’t lose its impact just because they’ve grown up. In fact, it might mean even more now than ever before.
In conclusion: It’s all about respect
The transition from parenting a child to relating with an adult can be challenging.
The dynamics change, the rules shift. But at the heart of this transformation lies one simple truth – respect. Respect for their independence, their choices, their privacy, and their journey.
In letting go of these habits, you’re not just making your company more enjoyable for your adult child. You’re fostering a relationship of mutual respect and understanding. A relationship that can weather any storm, withstand any challenge.
Parenthood doesn’t end when your child becomes an adult. It simply evolves. And so should we.