Men are simple creatures.
When they’re in love, they’re truly in love and when they want to break up, well that’s that!
No amount of begging or chasing will make them change their minds.
Except, of course, if the woman knows how to play her cards right (and yes, she still has cards because it ain’t over ‘til it’s truly over).
In his best-selling book, The Relationship Rewrite Method, relationship expert James Bauer gives specific steps and psychology-backed techniques on how women can win their ex back.
As a relationship and psychology writer, I’ve devoured numerous articles and videos on this topic.
I always get curious why women keep the door open when they initiate the break up (the guy can still beg and they’ll be together again) but if it’s the man that initiates the break up, it’s the end of the relationship.
Men are really different from women, especially in how they view break-ups and I’m glad to have read this book because it reminded me once again how stark the difference is.
In my The Relationship Rewrite Method review, I’ll give you my honest take on James Bauer’s program on how to get an ex back and if the book is truly worth your money.
Read on to find out.
What is the Relationship Rewrite Method (RRM)?
The Relationship Rewrite Method is a 6-step program by best-selling author James Bauer that aims to help women get their exes back.
Well, it’s not just for exes, really. The same method can be applied to any man who pulls away whether you’re still dating or you’re in a relationship.
The main idea of the program is that women have the power to win their man back by rewriting the story in their ex’s head about them and the whole relationship, thus the title “Relationship Rewrite Method.”
According to Bauer, each of us create and store stories/memories in our heads based on the feelings we have of that experience.
When a relationship has gone south, chances are the memories that go to the surface are the negative ones—the fights, the annoying quirks, the incompatibilities.
We all know that’s not accurate. We also have so many good memories with our ex but a man breaks up with a woman if the memories that he associates with her are only the bad ones.
Bauer is very firm that the only way a man would consider going back to an ex is when the BAD memories are replaced with GOOD.
That’s basically what the program is all about.
At first, I thought it was impossible. I know men. They don’t change their minds when it comes to breakups. But then this book got me nodding all the way to the last page.
It got me thinking of my exes and if only they did these techniques that Bauer lays down instead of smothering me, I just might give our relationship another shot.
The Relationship Rewrite Method is a smart guide for women who want to get their exes back without being (and seeming) desperate.
Who is this book for?
The Relationship Rewrite Method is a program specifically designed for WOMEN who want their men back. To reiterate: This ISN’T for you if you’re a man or you’re in a same-sex relationship.
The author bases the program on the psychology of male exes and how women can rewire their brains to win them back.
This book is for you if:
- You’re a woman who wants a classy (aka “smooth”) approach to win an ex back.
- You had been together with your ex for quite a while.
- Your ex initiated the breakup and is now firm about his decision.
- You are okay with a slow but sure approach
This book is for you if you’re willing to pursue your ex using smart, psych-backed techniques without him suspecting that you’re actually doing it.
What do you get?
The Relationship Rewrite Method comes with an ebook and audiobook that you can easily finish in just one sitting.
I enjoyed flipping through the pages so much that it only took me two hours to finish the whole thing!
However, the book isn’t just a regular book—it’s a program. That means that it focuses on actionable steps and outcomes so even when you’re done reading it, you’ll want to go back to the chapters as you apply the steps in real life.
If you’re not happy with the ebook, Bauer offers a 60-day money back guarantee so there really isn’t any risk.
What’s in the program?
The Relationship Rewrite Method is comprised of six steps that women can do to get their men back:
Step One: The Power of Reciprocity
Step Two: Using Compliments to Shape His Behavior
Step Three: The Power of Story to touch his emotions (My favorite part!)
Step Four: Asking him for a favor
Step Five: Standing at the Crossroads
Step Six: Energy Transfer
Each step is based on the male psychology and how women can have the power to change their man’s heart using emotional triggers.
The book is packed with techniques like using the “movie trailer” method, reconnecting using humor and shared enemies, methods for creating scarcity, and more.
The author is very generous in giving specific examples on how to approach an ex—from the kind of texts to send to the kind of subtle compliments to give an ex so that it won’t be awkward.
There’s also a special chapter in the end, which isn’t a step per se but more of an advice for women on choosing the right mindset when it comes to getting an ex back.
Who is James Bauer?
James Bauer is a bestselling author and popular relationship coach.
He got his start as a trained psychologist and later became a professional relationship coach. For the past 12 years, he’s worked with thousands of men and women to help strengthen their relationships.
By carefully studying their cases, James Bauer discovered what he believes is the secret to deep, passionate and long-lasting relationships: the hero instinct.
His approach is based on his own personal experience as a therapist and his research into human psychology.
James distilled all of this knowledge into his most recent book, His Secret Obsession.
What I like most about him is that doesn’t pretend to be a dating “guru”.
James Bauer simply outlines simple truths based on male psychology and his own experience working with women and men over the last 12 years.
What I liked about RRM
The program makes sense
Overall, I really like the approach of this program.
When I read self-help books, the #1 question I ask myself is this: Is this really helpful?
I don’t care so much that it’s literary or has cute illustrations. If it isn’t helpful, I won’t recommend it.
I like how compact and easy-to-do each step is but most of all—and this comes as no surprise—I like it that it’s anchored in psychology. It’s not just sugar-coated garbage that’s meant to soothe a broken heart, it’s actually a program and it’s one of the smartest ones I’ve encountered.
The author is like a caring elder brother
While reading the book, I can feel the author’s care towards his readers as if it’s his life mission to help them.
This kind of gentle, guiding hand is a godsend when we’re going through a rough time.
The stories he shared in the book are all entertaining to read but they serve a bigger purpose: to educate the reader. The author is talented in using stories to illustrate a point, making the lessons easier to digest.
One example is his camping story in the beginning which he perfectly tied up to a step in the program. It was a fun read but it’s more than that.
The stories kept me hooked. I didn’t check my phone while reading this book, which doesn’t happen a lot.
The tips are not desperate or cheesy
No hint of desperation with this one!
In fact, I think the author purposely avoids it because nothing turns off a man faster than a cheesy, clingy ex.
There are so many books about this topic that make me cringe on every page and I’m happy to share that this is one of the few exemptions.
Each advice is well thought out, practical, and written for an intelligent audience.
It’s not a get-him-back-fast scheme
I like it that the program doesn’t give false promises of instant gratification because for me, this is how it should be done.
It’s not the magic wand that can change a man’s heart in a month or a week!
It is like a guide on the one final attempt to get an ex back without losing one’s dignity.
What I didn’t like about RRM
The writing style
I guess it’s only natural for me to be a little too picky on this because I’m a writer. I find the paragraphs are too short that it gets a little bothersome after a while.
I prefer the classic format where one paragraph could take up half a page.
The structure and the format could also be improved. Maybe some illustrations here and there would not be so bad, too.
I find some “moves” to be a little too sneaky
One example I can think of is giving a compliment to your ex.
Although the author gives tips on how to make it really genuine, I get uncomfortable just thinking about it. Why can’t we just be ourselves?
If I’ve been with someone for longer than a year, they’d know if I’m faking it.
Maybe this is more like a rant in general, of how relationships now become more like a game with “moves” and all that. Why can’t we just be ourselves and say “Hey, I want you back. Want to give it another shot?”
But then again, maybe that’s the reason why I never got an ex back.
For $47, I find this quite pricey but I guess that’s a good investment if you really have a goal to win your ex back.
How much is it?
The guide costs $47 and comes in an ebook and audiobook format.
Indeed, it’s quite pricey. However, take note that this guide is written by a relationship expert and you can get great advice on every page.
That price is a fraction of the cost if you book a consultation with him.
This isn’t just an article that’s turned into a 10,000-word fluff, that’s for sure. Buy this book if you’re really determined to get your ex back and willing to do the work.
Bauer also offers a 60-day money-back guarantee if you’re not happy with the guide so it’s a pretty safe purchase.
What are the alternatives to The Relationship Rewrite Method?
If you want to take a look at other alternatives before purchasing The Relationship Rewrite Method, here are a few good ones you may want to consider:
The Ex Factor VS The Relationship Rewrite Method
The Ex Factor is not just for women, it’s also made for men wanting their women back.
The Ex Factor has a “tough love” approach to getting your ex back while the Relationship Rewrite Method has a more tender approach.
Their major difference is that a big chunk of The Ex Factor is about what you did wrong in the relationship (you’re too controlling, you nag, etc) and how you can improve yourself so your ex will see the brand new you. It’s centered on how you can please your man so you can be indispensable.
With RRM, this isn’t the case at all. It’s more about how relationships eventually become a little sour (without putting the blame on anyone) and that women have the power to change things to let the man see what he’ll be missing.
Which one is better?
It depends on what works best for you. If you’re into tough love and making drastic changes, then the Ex Factor should be a better choice. If you prefer a more gentle and holistic approach that doesn’t promise instant results, RRM is for you.
His Secret Obsession VS The Relationship Rewrite Method
His Secret Obsession was also written by James Bauer and also costs $47.
It isn’t really about winning your ex back but it’s about what women in relationships can do to make their men want to stay with them for good.
The tips in The Relationship Rewrite Method are peppered with the basic premise of His Secret Obsession — that all men have what we call the Hero Instinct and by triggering these feelings, they’ll want you more.
If you’re more interested in what makes men tick in general instead of focusing on getting your ex back, then His Secret Obsession is for you.
You should purchase this if you prefer to learn more about the male psyche in relationships instead of having a goal to win an ex back.
Text Chemistry VS The Relationship Rewrite Method
If the only way to reach your ex right now is through text/ Whatsapp/ Email, then you might want to purchase Amy North’s Text Chemistry instead. This way, you’ll be a texting pro not just to your ex but to other men as well.
While it costs $2 more than The Relationship Rewrite Method, you’ll get more. RRM only comes with an ebook (87 pages) and audiobook but with Text Chemistry, you’ll get: The main eBook, a 13-video series, as well as 3 bonus eBooks.
The book has sections that you will find useful to get your ex back. It teaches you how to text your boyfriend (or husband) who seems to be pulling away and losing interest. It also has tips and texting samples on how to rekindle things with an ex and get him chasing you again.
Unlike The Relationship Rewrite Method, I find Text Chemistry a little too sneaky though and I personally don’t like it when love becomes a game. If you don’t like that, stick with RRM.
What about free alternatives?
While nothing beats programs made by experts, maybe you don’t want to spend a dime. Here are the articles we published related to exes:
My Relationship Rewrite Method Verdict: Is it worth it?
Allow me to lay down my criteria for judging if a self-help book is worth it.
It’s a little something like this:
50% – usefulness
25% – “meatiness” (new insights, studies, etc)
25% – entertainment value (fun to read)
I would never recommend anything that I think is just pure fluff. We don’t need to pay for stuff that we can just easily get for free!
So what is it?
I definitely recommend The Relationship Rewrite Method because although it can be formatted better or written longer, I believe in the program.
It’s one of the smartest (and probably most effective) programs of this kind that I’ve encountered.
Reading it as a man, I know I wouldn’t be turned off by the methods suggested in this book. Each step would actually make me consider going back to an ex.
So yeah, if you’re looking for a book that could help you win your ex back while still keeping your dignity intact, this is it. A little pricey but hey, you get expert guidance.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
Did you like my article? Like me on Facebook to see more articles like this in your feed.