11 relationship mistakes men make when they lack self-confidence

Most people struggle with self-confidence at times. But today, we’re focusing on men and the relationship mistakes they make when they lack self-confidence.

Overcoming these relationship mistakes requires self-awareness, communication, and a willingness to work on personal growth and self-improvement.

But let’s first find out what they are. 

1) Constant need for validation

One of the most common things men do when they lack self-confidence is seek constant reassurance from their partners, questioning whether they love and appreciate them, among other things. 

This constant need for validation can be emotionally draining for the partner, as they feel that their efforts to show love and support aren’t enough.

Saying “I love you” is nice to say and hear, and small gestures like that make for a stronger bond.

But, on the other side, it can also be annoying when you have to proclaim your love every five minutes. 

It doesn’t stop there, though. 

2) Seeking approval from others

Some men with low self-confidence prioritize the opinions and approval of others over that of their partner. This obviously erodes trust, as the partner starts feeling neglected or undervalued.

I’ve seen or heard of many instances where the husband struggles to set healthy boundaries with his family. 

This led to situations where their constant influence and oversight negatively impacted the wife and the relationship, creating unnecessary conflicts and tensions.

For example, when the husband looks for financial advice from his family, even for minor expenses, instead of discussing budgeting with his wife. 

This naturally leads to financial conflicts, and the wife feels like her opinions on money matters don’t matter at all.

3) Jealousy

I could never understand how some people get jealous of the most trivial and minor actions. 

But it’s pretty clear to me now that insecurity leads to unfounded jealousy and possessiveness in a relationship. 

A man lacking confidence constantly worries that his partner will leave or find someone better, leading to controlling behaviors and a lack of trust.

The truth is all men regularly compare themselves to other men physically, financially, and socially. 

This constant comparison often leads to jealousy and envy, especially when they perceive others as more successful or attractive.

4) Putting their partner on a pedestal

Some men with low self-confidence also put their partners on a pedestal, idealizing them and neglecting their own needs in the process. 

But this creates an unhealthy power dynamic where their partner feels they can never live up to the unrealistic expectations.

In reality, this means the man is overly agreeable and eager to please all his partner’s desires, even when it conflicts with his own. 

Over time they lose their individuality and even develop a sense of resentment.

Ultimately, putting their partner on a pedestal means men overlook or ignore potential red flags in the relationship because they’re convinced that their partner is flawless and can do no wrong.

5) Avoiding conflicts

Fear of conflict and confrontation is also fairly common in men lacking self-confidence. They avoid addressing critical issues to keep the peace, which results in unresolved problems simmering under the surface and ultimately damaging the relationship.

They might worry that confronting their partner about an issue could result in the partner leaving them, intensifying their anxiety about addressing any problems.

Or they try to maintain a sense of safety and prefer to keep issues buried instead of risking destabilizing the status quo.

Avoiding conflict is also heavily connected to the following mistake. 

6) Over-apologizing

Men with low self-confidence often experience a constant feeling of guilt and self-blame – even for minor things that aren’t their fault. 

They apologize for every little thing, like expressing their opinions or needing personal space, because they fear their partner’s negative judgment.

Or believe they’re always to blame for any problems.

But over-apologizing also results in stunting effective communication in the relationship. When a man constantly apologizes for everything, it’s challenging for the partner to understand their genuine feelings and concerns.

In the end, how can the partner improve if they’re left to believe they’re right on all occasions? 

7) Fear of vulnerability

Fear of vulnerability is another significant relationship mistake that men make when they lack self-confidence. 

As you know, vulnerability involves opening up and sharing your emotions, fears, and insecurities with your partner. You’re basically left naked in front of them. 

That’s why when one side is afraid to show vulnerability and share their feelings, it interferes with emotional intimacy and connection with their partner. 

A lack of vulnerability basically prevents the relationship from deepening, evolving, and going to the next level.

8) Avoiding intimacy

Low self-confidence is also why men avoid physical and emotional intimacy. They fear rejection or feel unworthy of their partner’s love and affection, leading to feelings of neglect in the relationship.

For example, when a man who struggles with self-confidence avoids physical intimacy with his partner. 

He refrains from holding hands, hugging, or kissing her, fearing he might not be good enough for her or that she might reject his affection.

Or when a man finds it challenging to open up emotionally to his partner. He keeps his feelings bottled up, rarely sharing his thoughts or emotions, creating a sense of emotional distance between them.

9) Neglecting self-care

Some men with low self-confidence go as far as neglecting self-care and personal growth. 

They simply stop investing in themselves, which leads to stagnation. This, in turn, makes it challenging for them to contribute fully to the relationship’s growth and happiness.

But the worst part is that continuously ignoring self-care reinforces their feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. It impacts their confidence and how they perceive themselves in the relationship.

It’s a vicious circle that’s hard to escape. 

I’ve seen this happen in many relationships. Men used to be passionate about playing the guitar, hiking, or whatever else. But since they started a relationship, they stopped engaging in these activities. 

Now they spend all their free time with their new partner, neglecting hobbies and interests, which were once a significant part of their identity.

This results in feelings of unfulfillment over time as the honeymoon period wanes and starts affecting the relationship dynamics.

10) Overanalyzing and overthinking

Men with low self-confidence also constantly overanalyze situations and conversations, trying to find hidden meanings or reasons to doubt their partner’s affection. 

Needless to say, this leads to unnecessary stress and anxiety in the relationship.

You see, overthinkers often jump to the worst possible conclusions about their partner’s feelings or intentions. 

For instance, if their partner is late coming home, they immediately assume they’re cheating or losing interest in the relationship. 

This negative thought pattern sometimes creates a self-fulfilling prophecy where insecurity and mistrust push their partner away.

11) Being overly defensive

When their confidence is fragile, men also sometimes become too defensive when their partners give them feedback or criticism. This defensiveness obviously isn’t good for healthy communication in the relationship.

I’ve seen men interpret neutral or innocent comments as personal attacks on their character. Others deflect blame onto other people or deny any wrongdoing to protect their self-image.

But the worst is when they’re unable to handle criticism or emotional discussions and completely shut down emotionally. 

They withdraw and become distant, making it challenging for their partner to communicate and resolve issues.

How to help a man with low self-confidence

As his partner, you can play a significant role in helping him build self-confidence and improve his overall well-being.

But doing that requires patience, understanding, and empathy.

Here are some ways you can support your partner:

• Offer genuine compliments and praise. Recognize and acknowledge his strengths and accomplishments. Sincere compliments can go a long way in boosting his self-esteem and confidence.
• Encourage open communication. Create a safe and non-judgmental space for him to express his feelings and concerns. Encourage him to share his thoughts and fears without fear of criticism or rejection.
• Participate in activities together. Engage in activities that he enjoys and excels in. This can boost his confidence as he feels supported and appreciated by you.
• Promote self-care. Encourage healthy habits like exercise, good nutrition, and rest. Taking care of his physical and mental well-being can positively impact his confidence.

But if his low self-confidence significantly impacts his life and your relationship, encourage him to speak to a therapist or counselor. 

Professional guidance can aid him in addressing deeper issues and developing coping strategies.