8 relationship behaviors that your partner is secretly judging you for

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Your relationship is going well. You and your boo are trusting, compatible, loving, the whole shebang.

Yet, you have a sneaky feeling that your partner occasionally harbors less-than-positive feelings about how you interact. 

I hate to break it to you, but you’re probably right.

No relationship is 100% perfect, and there are likely times when your significant other isn’t happy with you, even if they decide not to communicate their displeasure out loud.

While your slights may be minor, failing to address them can cause issues in the long run. There’s only so much one can tolerate.

Here are 8 relationship behaviors that your partner is secretly judging you for.

How many of these are you guilty of?

1) Phubbing

Phubbing means snubbing someone while you’re staring at your phone. It’s a habit that can damage any type of relationship.

I experience dangerous levels of irritation whenever I’m out with a friend and telling a story, but they scroll social media instead of listening.

No one wants to feel like they don’t matter, yet that’s exactly what you insinuate if you ignore them in favor of your tiny screen.

And if you do this when you hang out with your partner, you miss out on opportunities to connect.

I’m not saying that you should completely ignore your phone. Nowadays, that’s basically impossible.

However, it’s one thing to scroll when you’re both lying in bed and your partner is doing the same thing.

It’s another to do it while you’re having dinner and they’re opening up about their day.

Your partner might act like you being glued to your phone isn’t a red flag, but they’re secretly judging you for it.

2) Not spending enough quality time with your boo

Intimacy doesn’t magically appear one day. You build it together.

It’s all about creating a sense of trust and vulnerability between you and your boo. You can’t do that if you don’t spend time together.

Granted, sometimes life gets in the way.

Your job becomes too demanding, your family goes through a thing, your friends need you.

You don’t have to spend every minute of every day with your significant other to feel close to them.

That said, never making time to enjoy their company will bother them, and they’ll judge you for having other priorities.

Do this for long enough, and they might even start to question whether the relationship matters to you.

Don’t let it get that far.

3) Dodging fights

Conflict is a natural part of relationships, and it’s important for couples to be able to fight, preferably in a healthy way.

If you refuse to engage in fights, your partner will judge you for taking the easy road – even if you do to “maintain the peace.”

Resolving conflict equals relationship growth.

Besides, if you ignore problems for too long, minor disagreements can escalate into full-blown scream matches.

Fights enable you to express anger and other negative emotions in a safe and respectful manner.

In contrast, ignoring them leads to resentment, which puts a strain on the connection you share with your boo. 

Next time your partner brings up an issue, don’t dismiss it out of the bat.

You can’t build resilience if you don’t occasionally bicker.

4) Withdrawing affection

Let’s say you have no trouble getting into fights. What do you do if the fight isn’t resolved in your desired manner?

If your default answer is to withdraw affection from your partner, you’re driving them up the wall.

Giving your significant other the silent treatment, refusing to see them, or failing to provide support because you’ve had a disagreement isn’t healthy.

In fact, it’s a manipulation tactic – and you’re using it to get your way. 

Even when your partner is in the wrong, giving them the cold shoulder doesn’t move the relationship forward.

Honest and open communication, on the other hand, might.

5) Forgetfulness

You forget about your anniversary, but your partner insists it’s not a big deal.

Guess what? Deep down, they’re judging you for it.

A good relationship isn’t just about the big things. The little things make a world of difference.

Remembering anniversaries, knowing how your partner likes their coffee, making a fuss on their birthday, sending them a supportive text before their work presentation.

These are the gestures that add up to make up a life together.

If you constantly forget milestones in your partner’s life, you make them think you don’t care. There are ways to rectify this:

  • Update your digital calendar with important dates and set reminders for each one
  • Keep a note on your phone where you jot down milestones, cute memories, basically anything worth celebrating later on
  • Keep a note on your phone about your partner, and update it whenever they tell you about an event they have coming up
  • If you’re not an organized person, ask a friend or family member to remind you about upcoming dates
  • Consider sharing a digital calendar so you and your significant other can track each other’s schedules and see if there are big events on the horizon 

6) Failing to listen actively

Active listening is a pillar of effective communication.

When you fail to understand what your partner is trying to say, you suggest you don’t cherish them enough to pay attention.

Trust me, they notice. Especially if you act distracted, only respond to parts of what they’re saying, and fail to ask any pertinent questions.

Here’s a small thing that annoyed me in a previous relationship.

When I used to recommend my boyfriend a movie I loved, I would explain why it might be up their alley and share the reasons I find it incredible.

In short, I would talk about it for at least 10 minutes.

Fast-forward to a couple of weeks later, and he would tell me he just saw a great movie a friend of theirs recommended. Am I familiar with it?

It was the same movie I told him about.

Cue the frustration. 

7) Doing the bare minimum around the house

If you live together and you don’t do your fair share of chores, your boo secretly wrinkles their nose at your behavior.

Splitting chores helps maintain a fair and balanced partnership – and you’re falling short.

There will be times when one of you is busier than the other, so the person with more free time has to pick up the slack. That’s what teamwork is all about.

But if you have absolutely nothing going on and still do the bare minimum? 

There’s no wonder your partner is rolling their eyes behind your back.

8) Not putting effort into your appearance

The initial infatuation develops into a deeper emotional connection when the relationship evolves.

However, as both partners become more comfortable with one another, it’s possible for them to also become less concerned with their physical appearance.

If you’re both okay with that, awesome! But if your partner continues to look put together while you slack off, they secretly judge you for it.

Remember that physical attraction is vital to lasting relationships, and taking care of your appearance keeps the attraction alive.

While no one expects you to look flawless every day, putting effort into your appearance when you go out for a fancy date or special event adds a sense of romance and excitement to the proceedings.

Plus, your self-confidence will get a boost.

Bottom line

Everyone has different expectations in a relationship, and your significant other may be more tolerant than most.

Even so, it’s preferable to address any concerns head-on. 

If you think your partner is secretly judging you, initiate a conversation about what’s bugging them.

As long as you’re open to constructive feedback, you can find solutions together.

Your relationship will be that much stronger for it. 

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