8 relationship behaviors of men who were raised by controlling mothers

Did you know the way a man treats his partner is linked to the way he was raised by his mother?

Having a controlling mother can shape a man’s relationship behavior in ways that are sometimes subtle, sometimes glaringly obvious.

As your trusty love guru and founder of the Love Connection blog, I’ve spent years observing and analyzing relationship dynamics.

And boy, do I have some insights to share with you.

So buckle up, because we’re about to dive deep into the world of romantic relationships and childhood influences. 

1) Over-compromising

In the realm of romantic relationships, one behavior that often stems from being raised by a controlling mother is over-compromising.

Those with controlling mothers often learn from a young age to put their own needs and desires aside in order to appease others. This pattern can carry over into their adult relationships.

Men who over-compromise can find themselves sacrificing their own happiness to keep the peace. They may constantly give in to their partner’s wishes or suppress their own feelings to avoid conflict.

While compromise is a key part of any relationship, overdoing it can lead to resentment and dissatisfaction. It’s about finding a balance between meeting your own needs and those of your partner.

The good news is that awareness is the first step in breaking this pattern. Recognizing over-compromising as a behavior learned in childhood can help these men start to make changes, fostering healthier, more balanced relationships.

2) Fear of confrontation

Another common characteristic of men raised by controlling mothers is a deep-seated fear of confrontation.

Men with controlling mothers often equate confrontation with danger or instability. Their natural reaction is to avoid it at all costs, which can lead to unspoken grievances and built-up resentment in a relationship.

In the wise words of Winston Churchill, “Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” Overcoming fear of confrontation doesn’t mean turning every disagreement into a battle. It’s about having the courage to express your feelings and listen to your partner’s with respect and understanding.

Keep in mind, open communication is a cornerstone of any healthy relationship, and confronting issues head-on can often prevent them from spiraling out of control.

3) Codependency

A behavior that’s often linked to men raised by controlling mothers is codependency.

As a relationship expert, I’ve seen that men with controlling mothers can sometimes struggle with codependency in their adult relationships.

Codependency is a pattern where one person becomes overly reliant on their partner for emotional or psychological support, often at the cost of their own well-being. This behavior can lead to an unhealthy dynamic in the relationship.

If this sounds familiar, don’t worry. There’s help available. In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve into how to recognize and break free from patterns of codependency.

It’s possible to form a healthier attachment style, one that allows for mutual support without losing oneself in the process.

4) Over-independence

Now, here’s a counterintuitive characteristic – over-independence.

You may think that men raised by controlling mothers would naturally cling to their partners. However, the opposite can also be true.

Some men react to a controlling upbringing by becoming fiercely independent in their adult relationships. They may avoid asking for help, resist opening up emotionally, or insist on doing things their way.

While independence is generally seen as a positive trait, overdoing it can create distance within a relationship. It can prevent the formation of deep emotional bonds and foster a sense of loneliness.

After all, it’s okay to lean on your partner and ask for help when needed. A relationship is a partnership after all, not a solo journey.

5) Difficulty expressing emotions

Next on the list is difficulty in expressing emotions, a common trait I’ve seen in men raised by controlling mothers.

Growing up with a controlling mother can sometimes result in a man learning to suppress his emotions, as expressing them might have led to conflict or negative reactions.

As an adult, this can translate into difficulty communicating feelings to a partner. This lack of emotional communication can lead to misunderstandings and feelings of frustration in a relationship.

The beauty of this issue is that it can be worked through with patience and understanding. Encouraging open conversations about emotions and feelings can lead to deeper connections and a healthier relationship dynamic.

6) Fear of abandonment

Here’s a raw truth – men raised by controlling mothers often grapple with a fear of abandonment in their relationships.

Growing up under the thumb of a controlling mother can trigger a fear that love is conditional and can be withdrawn at any moment. This can lead to an intense fear of being left or rejected in adult relationships.

Facing this fear requires courage and honesty, both with oneself and with one’s partner. Remember, everyone deserves love and security in their relationships. Understanding the root of this fear is the first step towards healing.

7) Perfectionism

Perfectionism is another trait commonly seen in men raised by controlling mothers.

They may have grown up feeling that they had to be perfect to earn their mother’s approval and carried this mindset into their adult relationships.

As the wise Vince Lombardi once said, “Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence.” It’s crucial to remember that being human means being imperfect. And in a relationship, it’s our quirks and flaws that often endear us most to our partners.

Trying to be perfect can put unnecessary strain on both the individual and the relationship. Embracing imperfection can lead to a more relaxed and authentic relationship.

8) Difficulty with trust

Let’s get real for a moment – another behavior frequently seen in men raised by controlling mothers is a struggle with trust.

This may stem from experiences in their childhood where trust was broken or manipulated.

Being able to trust your partner is the bedrock of a strong, healthy relationship. But when that trust is difficult to give, it can create tension and insecurity.

Facing this issue head-on takes bravery and self-awareness. Remember, it’s okay to seek help in addressing these feelings. With time and patience, it’s possible to build trust and cultivate a secure, loving relationship.

Wrapping it up

These are just some of the behaviors that can surface in men who were raised by controlling mothers.

Understanding these behaviors is not about assigning blame, but about fostering awareness and promoting healthier relationship patterns.

If you’ve recognized some of these behaviors in yourself or your partner, don’t despair. Change is possible. In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve into strategies to break free from these patterns and build healthier relationships.

Keep in mind, it’s okay to seek help and take steps to foster better communication, trust and respect in your relationships. Here’s to building stronger, healthier, and happier relationships!