8 red flags your partner isn’t ready for kids (even if they say they are)

Bringing a child into this world–perhaps one of the most important decisions one can make. 

Unfortunately, many seem to take this responsibility for granted, flippantly reproducing, not fully aware of the gravity of that decision. 

This often results in emotionally stunted, even problematic children–and eventually, adults. 

That’s simply not fair to them. 

The thing is, many people think they’re up to the task of having kids, even though that’s the furthest thing from the truth. 

Denial and irresponsibility are a powerful combination–and not ideal traits in a parent. 

So if you’re thinking about having a kid with your partner, consider the child first. 

In this article, I’ll take you through the clear signs your partner isn’t ready for kids, even if they might say they are. 

Let’s get to it!

1) They lack responsibility in their personal or professional life 

As we established in the intro, responsibility is an absolutely critical quality for any self-respecting parent. 

So if your partner says they’re up to the task, but the results in their personal and professional life don’t line up with this sentiment, something’s off. 

As the saying goes, actions speak louder than words. 

If your partner shies away from household or work responsibilities, struggling to manage tasks and fulfill commitments, they might not have that “grown-up” mentality just yet. 

Contrary to what many think, you need maturity to efficiently raise a child. 

Anything less, you’re just asking for trouble.  

2) They’re financially unstable 

In case you haven’t heard, having children costs money

So if your partner is barely making enough to pay the bills, or has trouble budgeting and planning for the future, it’s probably not the wisest decision to start reproducing. 

In an ideal world, you want to be able to provide for your offspring and give them a good life while simultaneously living well, and not struggling. 

So if having a kid is in the cards, it may be wise to first assess your partner’s financial situation.

If they’re spending more than earn, for instance, this could indicate a lack of readiness for the monetary aspects of parenting.

3) They’re impatient and easily stressed 

Effectively parenting a kid is no walk in the park. 

You need to be emotionally up to the task if you want to raise healthy, well-rounded kids. 

If your partner melts down at the slightest semblance of stress or anxiety, this probably isn’t the greatest of signs. 

Parenting will be filled with stressful moments. 

Thus, it’s a role that requires you to have endless patience

When a potential parent easily loses their cool or gets overwhelmed by the minor, mundane setbacks of life, they will also struggle with the inevitable rigors of parenting. 

When my parents had me, they were very young, fresh out of college–and still pretty immature frankly. 

Needless to say, I didn’t grow up in the most ideal of circumstances. 

Though I knew that in the greater scheme of things my parents did indeed love me, they didn’t always act like it, particularly during my formative years. 

They were high-strung, raising their voice and scolding me, an innocent kid, for the slightest of infractions. 

So I grew up with low self-worth, afraid to make mistakes, afraid of rejection, and taking risks–a sentiment that I couldn’t shake off well into my adulthood. 

4) They’re reluctant to talk about the future 

You don’t just wing it when you have a kid. 

Parenting involves carefully and methodically planning for the future. 

Thus, a partner refusing to talk about plans, regularly brushing them off, particularly those related to the future of your unborn children, is almost always a red flag. 

They may like the idea of having kids, but not dealing with the nitty-gritty details that will invariably come with the role. 

In this case, they haven’t completely thought things through–and may not be prepared to consider the less glamorous realities of parenting. 

5) They’re inflexible and resistant to change 

Parenting requires adaptability and compromise. 

You need to be there for your kid through life’s trials and tribulations, which sometimes means making inconvenient sacrifices. 

So if your partner has displayed stubbornness to change, clinging tightly to their lifestyle and routines, they may not be ready to be an effective parent. 

Parenting requires you to be present; it’s in the job description. 

If they refuse to exchange getting blackout drunk multiple times a week for more productive pursuits, they may not be ready to have kids yet. 

6) They’re not very supportive

Being a parent means being part of a team, it means being collaborative. 

If your partner tends to perpetuate a one-sided dynamic in your relationship, this isn’t the best of signs. 

Maybe they make you do all the household chores like walking the dog or doing the dishes, as they sit back and indulge in their favorite Netflix series. 

A lack of balance and equality in a relationship is always a red flag. 

Wait for them to prove themselves that they are worthy of being a parent before you make any big decisions. 

7) They’re overdependent on you or other people

When your partner acts like a dependent kid, relying on you to fulfill their basic needs or make day-to-day decisions for them, they aren’t ready to be a parent. 

Think of it this way: you don’t want to be a single parent to two kids. 

That isn’t fair to you, nor your newborn who will need both parents’ constant love and care. 

Hence, adding a child to a dynamic that is already marked by dependence is just bad news, plain and simple. 

You want a co-pilot, a co-parent to help you raise your child. 

So unless they start becoming more independent and self-sufficient soon, they are most likely not ready to look after a child responsibly. 

If they can’t take care of themselves, they probably can’t take care of others quite yet.  

8) They have unresolved personal issues 

If your partner has unresolved mental health issues, unaddressed emotional wounds, or unresolved personal conflicts, these things can inhibit their ability to raise healthy children. 

They won’t be genuinely present for the challenges and joys that come with raising a child as they’ll still be dealing with their own set of issues. 

This can lead to things like neglect, generational trauma, and perpetual angst–feelings and emotions your child doesn’t deserve to inherit. 

Speaking from experience, having childhood trauma is a handicap that can persist for decades, if you don’t actively take steps to rectify it. 

Bottom line: The gravity of bringing another human being into this world is enormous, and should always be treated as such by anyone who is considering parenthood.

Anything less is flat-out irresponsible

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